OKCupid Chat: Girl Considers Dumping Balding Boyfriend

[Oknow]

Most definately. Couldn't agree more. It's unortunate and it sucks, but it is a fact that good looks go far in this world, no doubt about it. Better looking people usually get way more opportunities in everything they attempt. Eventually, they catch their "big break." Less attractive folks (this includes most bald guys) usually don't get nearly the same magnitude of exposure to opportunities.

I still doubt the validity of this.

I see pictures on the Forbes List and I am definitely not looking the most beautiful men in the world (and in fact, the world's richest man is bald).

If someone thinks that good looks are a necessity to be successful in the world today, then I continue to say that they are spoiled white men.

This is why this problem is a lot more deep rooted with many here.

Not only they are blaming baldness on their lack of success with women, but also using it to blame their lack of success with their career.

Bar acting, you can be successuful in your career bald/balding. Today on the tube I saw a lot of guys balding with expensive suits on.

The real problem lies, is people not taking responsibility for their actions in life. That's it.

If you are good at what you do, people will hire you over a NW1, who knows f*** all.

 

[bigentries]

And most of those guys probably built their fortunes many decades ago when society was so "appearance oriented." On top of that, they probably looked good when they were younger - whether they were balding or not at that time when they became successful.

Oh please. Bill Gates is your damn age. When you were rocking the glam look while getting women, the guy spent his damn days coding stuff on BASIC.
He looked like a nerd caricature from the 80's and he still managed to become the richest man on the planet, he also hired a pretty damn bald guy in the 80's, made him a billionaire and even when they apparently hate each other he left him his company.

Wozniak, Jobs, and all the other freaks from the dot-com bubble look line any woman's blind date nightmare and they still managed to become successful.

I admit that hair loss can really affect your chances with woman (specially if you are young and don't suit the bald look), but I still have a hard time to believe hair loss can be a problem in the business world when I'm the youngest of a room full of middle aged men with various degrees of baldness.

I'm more surprised this is coming from you, as you have admitted to have a successful career

 

[mpbsux20]

This is why this problem is a lot more deep rooted with many here.

Not only they are blaming baldness on their lack of success with women, but also using it to blame their lack of success with their career.

Bar acting, you can be successuful in your career bald/balding. Today on the tube I saw a lot of guys balding with expensive suits on.

The real problem lies, is people not taking responsibility for their actions in life. That's it.

If you are good at what you do, people will hire you over a NW1, who knows f*ck all.

:stupid:

 

[Oknow]

Aren't you are a NW1, who has hardly any signs of being bald? So you really don't know what guys who are NW4+ face as far a women and their careers.

Another thing, I can tell you right now that looking good is very important in the professional business world - not just for actors, models, musicians, politicians, etc...

I'm not just talking about sales jobs either. For example, as an accounting major with a 4 year degree in accounting, I can honestly say that all accounting firms want to hire only young, attractive good looking people (girls and guys).

Why - for accounting you might ask. Well, it's because the first job assignments that you will receive as an accounting intern at almost any firm is going to be an auditing engagement at the client's place of business. They want to send only young, attractive interns (that also need to be intelligent and very professional, btw) to represent the accounting firm they are working for in order to make a "good impression" on their clients.

So, if you are seeking a position as an intern, you better be at least somewhat good looking, as well as look pretty sharp - or accounting firms will pass you by when it comes to hiring - even if you got straight A's in all your accounting classes. They care more about your appearance than your grades because most employers expect recent college grads to know very little, if nothing at all, about the job they are applying for - even if they majored in that subject area.

This is only ONE example. But I'm sure there are oodles of examples just like this for just about ANY type of work.

Do you think age is more of a factor? As opposed to hairloss?

 

[Oknow]

Oh please. Bill Gates is your damn age. When you were rocking the glam look while getting women, the guy spent his damn days coding stuff on BASIC.

Hmm, let's see. Bill Gates is 55 years old, and I am 41.

55 != 41 :mrgreen:

(in case you don't know C++ it means they don't equal; I also majored in CIS, BTW) I also took BASIC back in the day, but I spend most of my days nowadays coding in Java or C++ as a hobby ... how ironic... :mrgreen:

Anyways, another thing: I never once "rocked the glam look" in my whole life. You must be confusing me with someone else.

I'm more surprised this is coming from you, as you have admitted to have a successful career

I have not had that much success in any career. I just finished getting my degrees and I have yet to be offered an internship. (Probably because no accounting firm wants to hire me because of my hair) I finished with an overall 3.9 out of 4.0 GPA in all my college coursework, and I was ranked like 3rd in my class at my uni.

But if you don't look good, no employer is going to hire you. Plain a simple.

I will admit that it is my fault for getting hair transplants. They were not a good idea for me. But honestly, I had a classmate that is older than me and he got even better grades than I did (he even won several scholarships) and not even he has had any job offers for internships. He has applied to over 50+ companies (including a dozen or so accounting firms) and not ONE job offer!

Why? Because he is 50+ years old and a NW7. His GPA? He finished with a perfect 4.0, and he was involved in all the extra-carricular activities. But not one job offer!

Now out of most of my younger classmates who are mostly in their 20's, about 1/2 of them got hired. Most of them I would say are "better looking than average." However, most of them were B and C students, and a lot of them had to repeat classes because they failed them the first time.

So I have seen first hand how looks and appearance make a huge impact on employers' hiring decisions in the business world. I am probably going to go back to work as an auto mechanic despite doing as well as I did in my accounting and CIS courses.

Why? My appearance and my looks - most of which I cannot do anything about without extensive cosmetic surgery.

No they probably dont want to hire you because of your AGE to be brutally honest.

They would rather hire someone fresh and young because they will be working for them longer, whereas you have what - 20 years left? Financially it is a better investment for them, as they will work for longer even if academically you are better. Secondly, you have been hit with the double whammy of not having industrial experience, when a lot of guys your age in that industry have a sh*t load of experience.

Lastly, even though you have done well, there are others who are doing just as well, you just dont know about them.

That's ultimately the problem. It is not fair, but what you may have to do, is start off working for a small accounting firm and work your way up.

If you have a degree in CIS (What does it stand for, my major was comp sci), why didn't you pursue a career in computing. I am currently a software engineer and it is a well paid job. You can also go self employed if you are good enough.

Generally by 30, most employers expect you to be established in your profession. And then they look at your work experience rather then your actual degree, this is true for my older collegues. A degree is just a foot in the door.

Your classmate is another example of the above theory.

 

[BornIn89]

Does reading this forum make anyone else feel worse? Jesus Christ....

 

[giggle]

Does reading this forum make anyone else feel worse? Jesus Christ....

Boondock would probably have answered "yes" to this, but he's not here anymore. i think i don't take much risk if i bet there is still some people who feel worse reading it though

as far as i'm concerned, i would say "no" :innocent:

 

[Obsidian]

I would say in the beginning yes because miserable people's moods are very infectious. Yet now I just listen to some of them and their odd, out of this world, explanations and just go...

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[FSHGLD]

Ha, love the way Mr. Facepalm is an NW7.

I think dudemon has a point to a certain extent about how important appearance is for getting a job in so many sectors. Walk around the City of London and yeah you do see Norwooded guys, but the majority are suave looking guys who you could imagine being in suit or watch ads. Everyone is also ridiculously tall. I know it's a bit of a chicken and egg situation (because people from privileged backgrounds tend to be tall and good looking), but still...the fact is the vast majority of people would be more likely to give a positive first impression at an interview with hair than without...Maybe a 55+ Patrick Stewart lookalike would look more 'refined', but if you're pale and have a shaved head, you look a bit weird and have to prove them wrong..which of course, is entirely possible...

 

[Oknow]

Ha, love the way Mr. Facepalm is an NW7.

I think dudemon has a point to a certain extent about how important appearance is for getting a job in so many sectors. Walk around the City of London and yeah you do see Norwooded guys, but the majority are suave looking guys who you could imagine being in suit or watch ads. Everyone is also ridiculously tall. I know it's a bit of a chicken and egg situation (because people from privileged backgrounds tend to be tall and good looking), but still...the fact is the vast majority of people would be more likely to give a positive first impression at an interview with hair than without...Maybe a 55+ Patrick Stewart lookalike would look more 'refined', but if you're pale and have a shaved head, you look a bit weird and have to prove them wrong..which of course, is entirely possible...

Im from London, you ever been on tube during rush hour, and looked at the mid-twenties, 30s + guys?...Most may not be NW7, but they have some degree of hairloss at the very least (recession).

Also it may appear that way because some of these people are probably in their early twenties fresh out of uni, so still NW1s on grad schemes etc.

 

[Oknow]

No they probably dont want to hire you because of your AGE to be brutally honest.

They would rather hire someone fresh and young because they will be working for them longer, whereas you have what - 20 years left? Financially it is a better investment for them, as they will work for longer even if academically you are better. Secondly, you have been hit with the double whammy of not having industrial experience, when a lot of guys your age in that industry have a sh*t load of experience.

Lastly, even though you have done well, there are others who are doing just as well, you just dont know about them.

That's ultimately the problem. It is not fair, but what you may have to do, is start off working for a small accounting firm and work your way up.

If you have a degree in CIS (What does it stand for, my major was comp sci), why didn't you pursue a career in computing. I am currently a software engineer and it is a well paid job. You can also go self employed if you are good enough.

Generally by 30, most employers expect you to be established in your profession. And then they look at your work experience rather then your actual degree, this is true for my older collegues. A degree is just a foot in the door.

Your classmate is another example of the above theory.

Yeah I know - you are right about the age thing. But I also need to do something about my hair transplant's. I have to go for FUE into my strip scar so I can buzz my hair down without my scar sticking out like a sore thumb and advertising to the whole world that "hey everyone, I've had a hair transplant." Even after 3 hair transplants and close to 7,000 grafts my density in my NW5 region is only about 35% - which is almost totally "see-through" in my whole NW5 region. This is also a HUGE reason why all these firms pass me by.

"CIS" stands for Computer Informaton Systems. I have a Business degree with a concentration in Accounting and a concentration in CIS. (dual major). In my CIS program I took mostly programming classes in Java, C++, C#, SQL, .NET, and VB. I also had to take several database analysis and design classes as well as DB admin classes + a couple Comp Sci classes dealing with hardware/software structures and design.

For my Accounting concentration, I took the whole program so I qualify to take the CPA exam. But here in the States, you can't get licensed until you complete 2 years as an intern. I can take the test and pass it, but I won't get a CPA license until I work 2 years at an Accountiung firm.

Why didn't you pursue a career in computing?

 

[cuebald]

aye - I work in computing and baldness hasn't impacted my work in any way what-so-ever. "Computer guys" aren't meant to be pretty - infact, I think I read an article on Slashdot once saying that "Pretty people" working in IT have it harder than the plain folk - by the virtue that nobody takes them seriously?

Is computing one of the few fields where baldies have an advantage rather than a disadvantage?

 

[Asmodeus]

This thread is hilarious. It starts with a carefully picked responses from a few women and then we have a few pages of paranoid comments, posted only by few people.

I personally know a few women that are actually attracted to hairless men, men shaved to zero, without any hair, and are far from afraid of showing it.

It also comes to my mind that men tend to blame their hair when they fail to approach a woman, while they actually failed on other aspects.

Generally it's all up to you. If you go around feeling insecure women will feel it and then it doesn't mater what your hair is like. Granted, sporting an obvious baldness is not really a plus, but you can always shave the sh** and at least make it look like it was your choice.

 

[Primo]

Agreed people here need to stop being so damn insecure about their hairloss and blaming if for lack of success with girls... no man regardless of where they are on the Norwood scale is ever satisfied with the amount of girl action they recieve and so they always try to blame their own insecurities on some reason.

I'm only 5,8 and when I was a teenager I would always blame my height for lack of success with women, knowing full well that most women's ideal man in the 5,11-6,3 catergory.

Being a 24yr old Norwood and short *** is not very attractive to most women, but despite this I still manage to get plenty of action by being confident, secure, well dressed, physically in shape and well groomed.

When I was 16 and 17 I used to search the internet for miracle height cures, I was sooo insecure about it, but I really couldn't give a sh*t anymore and if anything I'd say I'm more attractive to women now than I was when I was 19-20 (NW1.5-2), since I've stepped up my game majorly and take much more care with my appearance (a good/sh*t haircut makes a hell of a difference when you're a NW3+!)

Doesn't matter if you are a 20y/o NW7, if you carefully cultivate your appearance and have the right attitude you will always attract attention.

Also with regards to London city workers, many of them I have noticed are tall, yes, however I see NW3-7s all over the place! Sure the fresh interns straight out of university may be NW1s, but anyone who actually works fulltime 14hrs/day minimum, while drinking. smoking, eating sh*t food and getting very little sleep as most city workers do, would be very lucky to be a NW1.

Even city workers with little or no male pattern baldness in their family complain of hairloss after a few years in those jobs because of the hectic lifestyle of living, working and socialising in London.

Just go onto the websites of a bunch of FTSE 100 companies and you'll see on the board room member photo pics that half these guys are 50y/o NW6/7.

 

[Hope4hairRedux]

I tried to read all this thread, but it got boring and quite sad, in a depressing way.

Its sad, that a few comments on the net will make people feel so put in their place.

The world is really not reflective of this.

We all know hairloss is deterimental to looks, to some degree.

However, proper happiness in life is based on deeper elements other than how we look.

If you love someone, or vice versa, then it is deeper then how we look.

For me personally - since Ive stopped caring so much about how I look, Ive become more open minded about women I go for. If I really like a girl and shes slightly overwieght, or even if she only has one leg, it doesnt matter. I am attracted to her overall. Attraction isnt only for hollywood 9's, its for everyone.

I repeat - love yourself for what you are, and the world around you will change. You need to be more open minded. Im not saying being bald means we have to go for fat girls only or ugly girls, not at all. But I find, the naturally, the less you care about your own faults, the less you care about others. Its kind of cool in a way.

Im not saying you shouldnt chase the 9's etc. But once you care less about your external features, then you will care less about other peoples external features. And in my opinion, you are more enlightened.

 

[superfrankie]

However, proper happiness in life is based on deeper elements other than how we look.

I totally agree.

I repeat - love yourself for what you are, and the world around you will change.

Its true. When I really love myself and have that inner sense of self-satisfaction, the whole world around me changes. People start to be more receptive towards me. Regardless of my NW5-6 hairloss. I cannot deny that.

 

[TheGrayMan2001]

No one thinks people who are bald are horrible human beings. The amount of people who think this probably think similar things about other people--and their amount is so insignificant it isn't even funny.

I kind of feel bad for guys who are WAY farther advanced than me, I hide my hairloss good enough that probably most of you on this forum wouldn't be able to tell I'm losing anything. I often catch myself looking at their hairlines--not to judge them, of course, but because I know that if I was not taking finasteride I'd be heading in their direction really fast. Kind of makes me wonder if they think I'm "looking down" on them in some way, when I have sympathy for them since we share that damn balding gene.

But yeah, stop with the self pity. Going bald is not the reason you can't get women. Buzz the hair down to almost nothing and move on if you're that far advanced and treatments aren't working for you. It sucks, but until something is discovered to help us out, there's no more use in worrying about it at that point.

 

[mpbsux20]

I tried to read all this thread, but it got boring and quite sad, in a depressing way.

Its sad, that a few comments on the net will make people feel so put in their place.

The world is really not reflective of this.

We all know hairloss is deterimental to looks, to some degree.

However, proper happiness in life is based on deeper elements other than how we look.

If you love someone, or vice versa, then it is deeper then how we look.

For me personally - since Ive stopped caring so much about how I look, Ive become more open minded about women I go for. If I really like a girl and shes slightly overwieght, or even if she only has one leg, it doesnt matter. I am attracted to her overall. Attraction isnt only for hollywood 9's, its for everyone.

I repeat - love yourself for what you are, and the world around you will change. You need to be more open minded. Im not saying being bald means we have to go for fat girls only or ugly girls, not at all. But I find, the naturally, the less you care about your own faults, the less you care about others. Its kind of cool in a way.

Im not saying you shouldnt chase the 9's etc. But once you care less about your external features, then you will care less about other peoples external features. And in my opinion, you are more enlightened.

I totally agree with everything you just said but unfortunately the world isn't like that especially if you are short of cash,average in terms of looks and losing "it",you are bound to come across more people who judge you for what you are and not who you are.

Anyway it is important to stay positive and be comfortable in your own skin which will take time to get used to for many of us.

I am not saying that there aren't genuine people out there but the superficial ones outnumber them a 1000 to 1.

 

[Hope4hairRedux]

I tried to read all this thread, but it got boring and quite sad, in a depressing way.

Its sad, that a few comments on the net will make people feel so put in their place.

The world is really not reflective of this.

We all know hairloss is deterimental to looks, to some degree.

However, proper happiness in life is based on deeper elements other than how we look.

If you love someone, or vice versa, then it is deeper then how we look.

For me personally - since Ive stopped caring so much about how I look, Ive become more open minded about women I go for. If I really like a girl and shes slightly overwieght, or even if she only has one leg, it doesnt matter. I am attracted to her overall. Attraction isnt only for hollywood 9's, its for everyone.

I repeat - love yourself for what you are, and the world around you will change. You need to be more open minded. Im not saying being bald means we have to go for fat girls only or ugly girls, not at all. But I find, the naturally, the less you care about your own faults, the less you care about others. Its kind of cool in a way.

Im not saying you shouldnt chase the 9's etc. But once you care less about your external features, then you will care less about other peoples external features. And in my opinion, you are more enlightened.

I totally agree with everything you just said but unfortunately the world isn't like that especially if you are short of cash,average in terms of looks and losing "it",you are bound to come across more people who judge you for what you are and not who you are.

Anyway it is important to stay positive and be comfortable in your own skin which will take time to get used to for many of us.

I am not saying that there aren't genuine people out there but the superficial ones outnumber them a 1000 to 1.

Well I think whatever type of person you are - confident, shy, beautiful, ugly; thats going to attract similar type people. If you can accept yourself completely - faults and all - then when you meet women, your going to be more open minded.

Yes, there are always going to be judgemental people out there, but I truly beleive that people who are more accepting of 'faults' and less judgemental are in a better position. It may not make your lif better in the sense that you will have more women, more sex, etc etc,but it will make yourlife better in that you are less attached to particular outcomes, and therefore less dependant on these particular outcomes for happiness.

I guess it might be similar to 'lowering standards'. Im not sure. Its not something you force on yourself though. But once you see the way it works its really quite interesting. If you want people to be attracted to you, then the number one thing is you have to feel attractive to yourself.

 

[uncomfortable man]

I tried to read all this thread, but it got boring and quite sad, in a depressing way.

Its sad, that a few comments on the net will make people feel so put in their place.

The world is really not reflective of this.

We all know hairloss is deterimental to looks, to some degree.

However, proper happiness in life is based on deeper elements other than how we look.

If you love someone, or vice versa, then it is deeper then how we look.

For me personally - since Ive stopped caring so much about how I look, Ive become more open minded about women I go for. If I really like a girl and shes slightly overwieght, or even if she only has one leg, it doesnt matter. I am attracted to her overall. Attraction isnt only for hollywood 9's, its for everyone.

I repeat - love yourself for what you are, and the world around you will change. You need to be more open minded. Im not saying being bald means we have to go for fat girls only or ugly girls, not at all. But I find, the naturally, the less you care about your own faults, the less you care about others. Its kind of cool in a way.

Im not saying you shouldnt chase the 9's etc. But once you care less about your external features, then you will care less about other peoples external features. And in my opinion, you are more enlightened.

I totally agree with everything you just said but unfortunately the world isn't like that especially if you are short of cash,average in terms of looks and losing "it",you are bound to come across more people who judge you for what you are and not who you are.

Anyway it is important to stay positive and be comfortable in your own skin which will take time to get used to for many of us.

I am not saying that there aren't genuine people out there but the superficial ones outnumber them a 1000 to 1.

Agree with MPBSUX. While going bald has humbled me and has made me more accepting of others visual flaws, it doesn't help the fact that most other people are shallow and don't view me with the same forgiving nature.