OKCupid Chat: Girl Considers Dumping Balding Boyfriend

[Boondock]

Some interesting notes from this discussion. This is really the front line in the reality of baldness.

my boyfriend and I are both in our twenties and he is going bald. i am having a difficult time adjusting to it as I am just not attracted to bald men. We have been together for 5 years, and while I do love him, it's making me see him in a completely different light. I just can't imagine myself married to a bald man. I know how shallow it seems, but no matter how hard I try I can't get used to it, and it's affecting my sexual and physical attraction to him. I have explained how I feel to him, but neither he nor I know what to do to fix this. I am just so frustrated at myself and this situation, and I really want to change how I feel but I can't seem to. Should I end our relationship over this, or is there something I can do to fix this?

Respones include:

I'm in a similar situation except I'm actually married to the balding guy. We knew each other for eight years before we married and he actually showed signs of balding the year he popped the question. It was not much hair loss and I thought to myself that it should not matter if I really love him. Truth be told, his hair loss progressed steadily since then. I'm not against ball men, actually I find some bald guys very sexy. I just do not think the baling suits my husband. His head and face are very big and his head is very flat at the back, plus his ears stick out. So even if he shaves off all of his hear all you see is a big head and big ears. He also has scars from his acne on his face so his face is very pitty. What really gets me though is that I asked him to see a professional about his hair loss a few years before we married but he refused. He said that I was shallow and he did nothing and it just got worse. Like you I want to feel different, I want to be attracted to him. But I am not. I do still love him but I hardly ever want to kiss him or even make love. I just find him that unattractive. Now I am even seeing phsical flaws in him I never saw before. I keep trying to see pass it and I wonder if I am shallow. I've asked hom to try to get dermabrasion or get a wig or even build a little muscle to see if that would stimulate some attration but he is not intersted. He has more important things to do right now in his life he says. Honestly, if I knew I would feel this way now, I probably would not have gotten married. It is so bad that I am not taking my health seiously and am starting to pack on the pounds. I figure if he does not want to look his best for me, why should I look good for him. I know this is wrong and is dangerous for my health but I feel so depressed about the situation. At least you can try and see if you get over it and you are free to leave the relationship if you don't, but I am basically stuck. Who ever heard of a divorce on the grounds of their husband balding? I wish there was a way out.

I know how you are feeling. My boyfriend went through the same problem 3 years ago.It was very hard on him, I just kept telling him that it didn't matter, because what I felt for him didn't change. He just couldn't bring himself to accept it and one day I was watching a documentary on TV about evolutionary theories and they considered various views on human characteristics and behavior.

On that show they exposed the problem on the male mind when suffering from baldness. They tend to go through a lot of insecurity, some of them can never get over it. They said that when a man loses his hair, it is to distinguish him from other males, who haven't lost their hair and so they are more fertile and desirable to ensure an healthy offspring.

I just realized that they were correct but though I still loved my boyfriend very much, he eventually went completely bald over time and it was quiet fast. I never felt quiet the same towards his image and lost all my interest in him, I never even considered dating a bald man.

His insecurity didn't fade and I broke up with him, I just couldn't be around him anymore.

If you love your boyfriend, stick with him and support him if he feels insecure.

 

[Boondock]

These are true facts. People have no reason to lie online.

This, if anyone is interested, is precisely the reason why I am completely against caving in to this sh*t. Unless you're in the minority of men who look good bald, your fate is a terrible one. You will repulse most of the opposite sex. I refuse to let that happen to myself.

How do people who say 'baldness doesn't matter, bro' deal with the fact that women actually say things like "I would never even consider dating a bald man"?

It completely flies in the face of the sly bald mantra, and vindicates the theories users like UCMan have been saying all along.

 

[Boondock]

Another discussion I found here: http://jjb.yuku.com/topic/628299/t/My-b ... tml?page=1

My boyfriend is going bald.And I'm finding him less attractive because of it. It's really bad and he's only in his early 20s

we've been together two years. he does NOT look good bald. he's like this tall skinny guy and now he has a receding hairline. it just does not go. he said he tried rogaine. lol.

My friends husband is going bald, he's 29 and it looks so bad. Prince William looks like sh*t with his receding hair line, so I can understand.

This situation sucks and I totally understand. I've been dating this guy for the past few weeks who is pretty much perfect in every way- working on a phd at Harvard, really awesome personality that clicks with mine, well traveled, etc...but he seems to have the beginnings of a receding hairline. He is only 27 so I'm kind of trying to decide if I should go any further because I'm really not attracted to that at all. It sucks, I've seen pictures of him a few years ago, he was really hot with a full head of hair!

I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting to date someone who is balding. Guys refuse to date women for just as shallow of reasons.

 

[Boondock]

f*** this sh*t. This is why I'm wigging it up in a few months!

 

[Oknow]

These are true facts. People have no reason to lie online.

This, if anyone is interested, is precisely the reason why I am completely against caving in to this sh*t. Unless you're in the minority of men who look good bald, your fate is a terrible one. You will repulse most of the opposite sex. I refuse to let that happen to myself.

How do people who say 'baldness doesn't matter, bro' deal with the fact that women actually say things like "I would never even consider dating a bald man"?

It completely flies in the face of the sly bald mantra, and vindicates the theories users like UCMan have been saying all along.

So depessing, like seriously.

Going bald is like a sexual death sentence. Goes to also show how SHALLOW some women are.

 

[Oknow]

And to add, I bet half these b****s are not even models themselves.

 

[Ori83]

Nothing new under the sun, females say one thing to come out politically correct, but basically they lie, to themselves and us.

im no Einstein but it didnt took me much to """figure""" out why i get rejected today and when i had a full head of hair females would approach or look at me. people are perfectly aware of the hair loss thing, even nw1s, i know a guy who takes propecia just to prevent going bald accidentally,and at work the shift manager always teas that girl that work with me saying he has much more hair then her boyfriend when i sand beside and watch, i find that persoanly offensive but ill never say anything to that jerk, he has the iq of a shoe.

 

[Boondock]

I should also give some props to Dudemon in this thread.

People called Dudemon crazy for suggesting his wife left him over hair. Well guess what, we have here documented evidence of a woman contemplating leaving her husband just because he's losing his hair. We have several other examples of women contemplating leaving long-term partners over hair loss.

This is a serious business, and anyone who says "it's all in your head" needs to take a serious reality check.

There are things we can do to fight this, but the first step is acknowledging how big a deal it is. For me, I basically face the option of fighting this or living a life as a hermit like Dudemon does - forever. I'm not prepared to do that and neither should you be.

 

[Ori83]

f*ck this sh*t. This is why I'm wigging it up in a few months!

all is fair in love and war, if they can wear make-up and get breasts implants we can use wigs, and take them off after having sex lol just kidding

 

[Boondock]

f*ck this sh*t. This is why I'm wigging it up in a few months!

all is fair in love and war, if they can wear make-up and get breasts implants we can use wigs, and take them off after having sex lol just kidding

I lol'd.

I completely agree, by the way. Women have upgraded their expectations in looks, and men should have the right to upgrade their ability to look better accordingly.

 

[Boondock]

More female responses...

I actually feel bad about this, but I would have a hard time dating a bald man. If the guy was smart, sweet, funny and I got to know him otherwise (think Charlotte’s Harry in Sex and the City), I would probably be able to become attracted to him, but unless I was thrown together with him on a daily basis, I would probably not date him based on just meeting him. Could well be my loss.

I totally agree with the posts above that men who shave their heads and carry themselves with panache could be exceptions. (Although when I see a handsome man with a shaved head, I imagine how much better he would look with hair.)

Personally, I would not date a bald man

I’ve never looked at a bald man and thought, gee, he’s handsome. Not even Yul Brenner! OK, well, I just found him scary. I prefer a man with hair on his head. Not saying I’d never, ever, ever do something, because no one knows what will happen given a particular situation, but thus far I’ve not been with a man who didn’t have a head full of thick hair.

C,mon The shaved head thing is all about hiding fact that the hairline is receding just like the goatee and stubble disguise the softening jowls and the ladies with the tousled short cut or the look that the wind is blowing the hair into the face is to cover up post menopausal thinning and post op hairline scars.

Nobody is fooling anybody.

I went on a date with a bald man. I couldn’t do it. I’m really into hair. I think I could date someone with hair who then started to lose his hair, but I couldn’t date someone who started out bald.

Receding hairlines are sort of disturbing, especially given that the guys I’m referring to are in their early 20s,

I see baldness like obiesity: Just because you see it everywhere doesn’t mean it’s acceptable.

 

[Oknow]

More female responses...

I actually feel bad about this, but I would have a hard time dating a bald man. If the guy was smart, sweet, funny and I got to know him otherwise (think Charlotte’s Harry in Sex and the City), I would probably be able to become attracted to him, but unless I was thrown together with him on a daily basis, I would probably not date him based on just meeting him. Could well be my loss.

I totally agree with the posts above that men who shave their heads and carry themselves with panache could be exceptions. (Although when I see a handsome man with a shaved head, I imagine how much better he would look with hair.)

[quote:12sasnkf]Personally, I would not date a bald man

I’ve never looked at a bald man and thought, gee, he’s handsome. Not even Yul Brenner! OK, well, I just found him scary. I prefer a man with hair on his head. Not saying I’d never, ever, ever do something, because no one knows what will happen given a particular situation, but thus far I’ve not been with a man who didn’t have a head full of thick hair.

C,mon The shaved head thing is all about hiding fact that the hairline is receding just like the goatee and stubble disguise the softening jowls and the ladies with the tousled short cut or the look that the wind is blowing the hair into the face is to cover up post menopausal thinning and post op hairline scars.

Nobody is fooling anybody.

I went on a date with a bald man. I couldn’t do it. I’m really into hair. I think I could date someone with hair who then started to lose his hair, but I couldn’t date someone who started out bald.

Receding hairlines are sort of disturbing, especially given that the guys I’m referring to are in their early 20s,

I see baldness like obiesity: Just because you see it everywhere doesn’t mean it’s acceptable.

[/quote:12sasnkf]

lol I hope these b****s suffer from female pattern hairloss. Will serve them right for being so superficial.

 

[Boondock]

My take on it: it's OK for them to be superficial.

They can no more help being superficial than we can help losing our hair. If you can't be sexually attracted to a partner, you can't make yourself attracted. And if your bald partner is a turn off, you have to either choose to stay despite the attraction going, or be honest with yourself about how you don't like it.

They're stuck in the same game as us. The best you can do is try and maximize your results within the rules we're given.

 

[Hoppi]

Yeah it is harsh. I think the whole problem is very unfair, and that's why I'm putting in so much effort in case I can develop or expand upon any new treatments.

It seems like a trivial problem, but I think that if we rid the world of male hair loss people would have a lot more free time and confidence to pursue other things in life, you know? I think curing male pattern baldness would actually change the world in a weird way!! lol

Thankfully though I mean, these days even if it's too late to go the treatment route, there are companies like Hair Direct to see people through until stuff like Histogen (and possibly Follica, I don't fully understand what that is) are available

It's my view that we need to show male pattern baldness the door as soon as possible through the progress of medical science ^^

 

[Petchsky]

Seek and you will find.

You've certainly cherry picked the worst responses, there is also women talking about how their partner went bald and they like it, people calling her shallow etc.. it's not a one sided discussion....

I also get the impression that most of the posters are also in their early 20s, making hairloss on men more of an issue for some.

Nevertheless, it's not nice to read as a balding guy...It's made me wonder if any women have rejected me because of my NW3V...mmmm....my reaction would be f*** 'em...

As you get older though, i'm finding women start to see hair on a man as an additional extra, far from being a deal breaker. Out of my whole female circle of friends, only one has never been out with a bald guy, and would refuse on that basis alone...

 

[s.a.f]

f*ck this sh*t. This is why I'm wigging it up in a few months!

all is fair in love and war, if they can wear make-up and get breasts implants we can use wigs, and take them off after having sex lol just kidding

Unfortunatley to women a man going to these lengths is just as unnatractive as a bald guy anyway.

I guess the only way to be sure is to wait until you're bald before you get into a serious relationship.

But for those in the early stages, its worth noting that women wont neccesarily see you as a bald guy.
Many women who are hot in their 20's will rapidly lose their looks in their 30's/40's but you can never tell. So it works both ways :dunno:

 

[Hoppi]

lol I hope these b****s suffer from female pattern hairloss. Will serve them right for being so superficial.

It's a horrible situation I think, like that guys have to go through this and girls then think it's ok to make out there's something wrong with them.

Ugh *goes and researches more*

lol

 

[Boondock]

@Petsch For sure, there are mixed opinions on the topic. I'm not saying that all women hate all bald men.

I just think it shows that there is real truth in the stuff that UCMan and Dudemon talk about. Some women really do see balding as a dealbreaker, and some really do want to leave their husbands - men they dated and chose to spend their lives with - just because of it.

I'm not really a glass half full kinda guy, obviously. I see the glass half empty, but think we should do our best to try and fill it back up again - by any means necessary.

 

[Obsidian]

f*ck this sh*t. This is why I'm wigging it up in a few months!

[/quote]

I doubt it will make you feel any better.

 

[Boondock]

f*ck this sh*t. This is why I'm wigging it up in a few months!

I doubt it will make you feel any better.

It probably won't. If it doesn't I just have to deal with it. I've never said that it's a definite solution; it's just an option which I think is worth investigating, since for some men it's clearly improved their lives.