I Don’t Think I’ll Be Able To Move On

drakl

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Hello everyone, sorry for the long post. I’m feeling low tonight.

For the past 5 years (Now 22) I’ve been focusing quite a lot on my career and I feel good about it. And now the results are starting to come.

The problem is, my life has gone steadily worse in a lot of areas over the years. By age 13 I had a girlfriend, life was looking good, started partying (typical chad style, I was kinda stupid back then), etc.

From age 14 to 19 my hair started to fall slowly, my body hair started to increase and my confidence got worse. By age 20 I couldn’t believe how “cool” my 14 years old self was compared to now.

Right now I’m heading to NW4, not in shape, doing laser hair removal on the back and shoulders hoping it works and playing more Videogames / Spending time at home.

Luckily, my true friends stayed and nothing has changed. We still play WoW like we did when I was 14, but the problem is still there. Feels like that part of my life has frozen.

And well, the future treatments don’t look that promising. I’m pretty sure I’ll have save quite some money in a few years, but I feel like I’ll never recover my hair (already tried big 3 without results, and I’m considering trying micro needling).

Well, thank you a lot for reading this long post and I hope you guys are doing well.

TL;DR: Chad by age 14, complete mess by age 22 except for friends and career. Not sure I can get back my hair and some of my confidence from back then.
 

justinbieberscombover

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You have friends and a career going on for you. That's much more than a lot of people have. You won't have the hair you used to have in your teens anytime soon unless you get on a hair system.. that's something you should actually consider if it means that much to you.

As for the hair removal thing, it's good that you're working on yourself but it definitely shouldn't be something that you anticipate heavily or that your life revolves around. If that's the case you might be dealing with a deeper psychological issue.
 

drakl

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You have friends and a career going on for you. That's much more than a lot of people have. You won't have the hair you used to have in your teens anytime soon unless you get on a hair system.. that's something you should actually consider if it means that much to you.

As for the hair removal thing, it's good that you're working on yourself but it definitely shouldn't be something that you anticipate heavily or that your life revolves around. If that's the case you might be dealing with a deeper psychological issue.

Yes, I’m considering going to therapy to treat the underlying issues, like giving too much importance to my appearance. I think that next year or so I’ll be able to afford it without having a huge impact in my income.

As for hair, I’m slowly realizing that I’ll never look as good as I did back then, but recovering a bit of ground (I’m a diffuse thinner) so that for the untrained eye it seems like I’m not balding would make a huge difference in my confidence
 

Haironnu

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You have friends and a career going on for you. That's much more than a lot of people have. You won't have the hair you used to have in your teens anytime soon unless you get on a hair system.. that's something you should actually consider if it means that much to you.

As for the hair removal thing, it's good that you're working on yourself but it definitely shouldn't be something that you anticipate heavily or that your life revolves around. If that's the case you might be dealing with a deeper psychological issue.

I mean is BDD really a sickness or is it just people being hyper aware and thus get depressed over it?

looks has a huge impact in this world and among people and there is no denying it. being good looking makes people treat you better, opens doors for you in all aspects of life, not only dating, people are nicer to you, have more patient towards you, respect you more, all just from your looks. and anyone who claim otherwise is just blind af to his surroundings or lying to themselves.

sure looks is not everything but it's a BIG thing.
so those who have bdd are "overly" affected mentally by their physical flaws, but that's only because they know how important looks are.
that's why treatments will never work on someone like me (with bdd), because what's the point of going to a clueless shrink that will tell me looks are not important and that I should work on my confidence, or that women will want me if I'm "kind and caring" just lmao. it's like trying to make yourself blue pilled again.

going to a therapist for dating issues or bdd issues is the most useless thing you could do, it's just talking to a blue pilled person that will try to make you think differently, but even if you manage to do that it will not change the fact that you're right about how you think.
 

justinbieberscombover

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I mean is BDD really a sickness or is it just people being hyper aware and thus get depressed over it?

looks has a huge impact in this world and among people and there is no denying it. being good looking makes people treat you better, opens doors for you in all aspects of life, not only dating, people are nicer to you, have more patient towards you, respect you more, all just from your looks. and anyone who claim otherwise is just blind af to his surroundings or lying to themselves.

sure looks is not everything but it's a BIG thing.
so those who have bdd are "overly" affected mentally by their physical flaws, but that's only because they know how important looks are.
that's why treatments will never work on someone like me (with bdd), because what's the point of going to a clueless shrink that will tell me looks are not important and that I should work on my confidence, or that women will want me if I'm "kind and caring" just lmao. it's like trying to make yourself blue pilled again.

going to a therapist for dating issues or bdd issues is the most useless thing you could do, it's just talking to a blue pilled person that will try to make you think differently, but even if you manage to do that it will not change the fact that you're right about how you think.
I understand the difference between reasonable pain of being objectively unattractive and actual BDD.

Getting truly obsessed over some back and shoulder hair is more of the latter, in my opinion. Dude misses the 14 year old version of himself in terms of appearance - if it goes further than just male pattern baldness and he can't stand looking like a grown, masculine man then there's a deeper psychological issue.

I also think that minimizing everyone to how they look and completely disregarding the importance of factors like confidence, intelligence, charisma, kindness and so on in life is wrong.
 

Wolf Pack

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I mean is BDD really a sickness or is it just people being hyper aware and thus get depressed over it?

looks has a huge impact in this world and among people and there is no denying it. being good looking makes people treat you better, opens doors for you in all aspects of life, not only dating, people are nicer to you, have more patient towards you, respect you more, all just from your looks. and anyone who claim otherwise is just blind af to his surroundings or lying to themselves.

sure looks is not everything but it's a BIG thing.
so those who have bdd are "overly" affected mentally by their physical flaws, but that's only because they know how important looks are.
that's why treatments will never work on someone like me (with bdd), because what's the point of going to a clueless shrink that will tell me looks are not important and that I should work on my confidence, or that women will want me if I'm "kind and caring" just lmao. it's like trying to make yourself blue pilled again.

going to a therapist for dating issues or bdd issues is the most useless thing you could do, it's just talking to a blue pilled person that will try to make you think differently, but even if you manage to do that it will not change the fact that you're right about how you think.

It's a mental illness. You think other people who don't have BDD are not "hyper aware" of their limitations? They are, they just don't fixate it on 24/7 - which is normal. Looks are important in many ways so I'm not going to debate that. But your understanding of therapy is poor mate. You think it's "useless" yet in the right hands it allows a person to live his life positively and productively, pursue other goals and dreams AND not drink/drug himself to death or jump off a building? Making someone a useful human being, I would say is a big deal. Also if you think a therapist is going to give you blue pill responses, it's probably a bad therapist or rage posts by failed patients. Few guys on here who spend time literally just on p**rn/incel forums and video games would benefit from broadening their youthful memories.

A therapist's aim is to improve you overall in any way they can. If someone comes in with only a nose insecurity (and objectively their nose is bad, they are obsessed with it, it can be fixed), the therapist will support them for rhinoplasty and provide counselling pre and post op. If they detect you have 20 unreasonable obsessions (which aren't a flaw) they will deal with you in another way. If they believe you have obsessions but they can't be solved, they will help you move on with your life. Imagine someone ugly comes in and wants to have hollywood star looks. They'll support basic physical improvements but also shift your focus to other areas so that it becomes a habit. You're right though, maybe some people don't want to have their focus shift. That is fine too. Suffering and also suicide is the right of any person who has retained cognitive function.
 

Haironnu

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It's a mental illness. You think other people who don't have BDD are not "hyper aware" of their limitations? They are, they just don't fixate it on 24/7 - which is normal. Looks are important in many ways so I'm not going to debate that. But your understanding of therapy is poor mate. You think it's "useless" yet in the right hands it allows a person to live his life positively and productively, pursue other goals and dreams AND not drink/drug himself to death or jump off a building? Making someone a useful human being, I would say is a big deal. Also if you think a therapist is going to give you blue pill responses, it's probably a bad therapist or rage posts by failed patients. Few guys on here who spend time literally just on p**rn/incel forums and video games would benefit from broadening their youthful memories.

A therapist's aim is to improve you overall in any way they can. If someone comes in with only a nose insecurity (and objectively their nose is bad, they are obsessed with it, it can be fixed), the therapist will support them for rhinoplasty and provide counselling pre and post op. If they detect you have 20 unreasonable obsessions (which aren't a flaw) they will deal with you in another way. If they believe you have obsessions but they can't be solved, they will help you move on with your life. Imagine someone ugly comes in and wants to have hollywood star looks. They'll support basic physical improvements but also shift your focus to other areas so that it becomes a habit. You're right though, maybe some people don't want to have their focus shift. That is fine too. Suffering and also suicide is the right of any person who has retained cognitive function.

I don't understand how could someone be happy with having their focus shift on other things while they know how important looks are. it's still gonna impact your life whether you focus on it or not.
and bdd is when you're overly affected by usually more than one flaw, and most of the times they are probably real physical flaws. it's not imaginary.

I personally do not believe in therapists, I don't think you can win against depressions and bdd and other mental issues, especially if they are chronic and part of your personality tendencies, it's just gonna be a never ending battle where you can't really win it, just fight it.

you see and hear about so many celebrities that "out of the blue" kill themselves at one point and then their families come out and say they were battling depression for a very long time, they also probably had the best mental care and top professionals helping them with all their money and statue but they still end up giving up eventually, just shows it never really goes away.

it's just a never ending fight where you could perhaps get good period of times with medication/ therapist work, but it doesn't last.
 

Wolf Pack

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I don't understand how could someone be happy with having their focus shift on other things while they know how important looks are. it's still gonna impact your life whether you focus on it or not.

You're in pretty deep with looks related pain if you think that people can't be happy without looks. Lots of people don't give a crap, especially post 25 when they are settled. I've heard it all before on here at times from some members. Ah he's just a low IQ non aware guy or his life sucks and he tolerates it. Honestly it's too funny when it's heard on here. Sure there are some people like that who don't care for looks because they are unaware or low IQ but not all. You say could they be happy, well maybe they think of their hobbies, their family, what they will cook tonight, places to visit, their job, who they will see etc. Not everyone's life revolves with the mirror. Classic case is a lot of docs doing plastics may have flaws yet why don't they correct it. Why? They are happy to take the money from others based on their insecurity while they spend the cash on enjoying life with their close friends and family. Why do you think looks = happiness? What opportunities do you think you'll magically get which will sustain happiness indefinitely? It is important but almost everyone in the west who takes care of themselves and is mentally fine can get a gf, travel, trips with the boys etc. I'd say the only benefit of looks is possible slight career bias in terms of progression and even assessments, easier to make friends and girls give you the time of day. But even without good looks you can still get a good career, have your circle of friends and date...okay if one is really ugly or mentally gone they may end up being an odd ball but this is so rare it shouldn't even be brought up.

and bdd is when you're overly affected by usually more than one flaw, and most of the times they are probably real physical flaws. it's not imaginary.

It's a bit of both bro. Sometimes wholly imaginary, other times the flaw is real but always there's an irrational distressing obsession.

I personally do not believe in therapists, I don't think you can win against depressions and bdd and other mental issues, especially if they are chronic and part of your personality tendencies, it's just gonna be a never ending battle where you can't really win it, just fight it.

you see and hear about so many celebrities that "out of the blue" kill themselves at one point and then their families come out and say they were battling depression for a very long time, they also probably had the best mental care and top professionals helping them with all their money and statue but they still end up giving up eventually, just shows it never really goes away.

it's just a never ending fight where you could perhaps get good period of times with medication/ therapist work, but it doesn't last.

You say you don't believe in therapy. I would say don't knock it before you try it. Why not improve your life (physically and mentally) and therapy? Why does it have to be one or another. If it doesn't work out, try another therapist. If it's still bad, maybe it's just not for you and that's okay too. A therapist should never treat you like a child, your life, your choices. Celebs lead a very different life and the pressures they face, the drugs they take, boredom even, all comes into play. I agree about personality traits being hard to change due to our own inheritance. I just have to think of some that were on here who lost their young life due to rigid traits and thought disorders. You may say his pain of being ugly is justified since you seem to believe it is all that matters, however personality traits have ramifications beyond looks and that's what's scary. However, with the correct approach and wanting to change, they can really benefit and avoid making huge mistakes in their own lives. In your case, you do have an unhealthy obsession with your looks imo but no serious pathology at all. You have some solutions which we discussed for hair, you have a good face when you're in shape, thick beard, tall too - I wouldn't be so fixated in your shoes and I think many wouldn't. IMO you need to take some time out from all this and learn to enjoy life again. Are you dating or trying? When did you last visit some place new? Hobbies? Close mates? If all this is in order, then I would say you literally need to learn to ignore reacting to looks related thoughts - meds and therapy. Stress can be very harmful.
 

spring15

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The state of your hair can correlate directly to the outcome of the women/men you spend your life (majority) with , or you go full incel

Worst thing about hair loss is the feeling apart of you being taken away gradually. Also most of us on here are too vain

Anyone tried semen retention? I've heard after a few weeks of no nut you stop caring about women so much .. lol
 

Wolf Pack

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The state of your hair can correlate directly to the outcome of the women/men you spend your life (majority) with , or you go full incel

Worst thing about hair loss is the feeling apart of you being taken away gradually. Also most of us on here are too vain

Anyone tried semen retention? I've heard after a few weeks of no nut you stop caring about women so much .. lol

Don't agree about the state of hair comment. But the vain and/or insecure of ageing is true for the members! The semen retention thing, lol sounds rather strange. Wouldn't it just make more frustrated and horny? Might even send someone on a downward spiral. Better this lad resolves his hair as best as he can and back up the ladder to enjoy the earthly human pleasures he once had. My girl is all over me daily, can't fault the sexual chemistry either. It's a good way to stop a man from salivating over other women, well sort of. I say "sort off" because she'll see this comment and think but it doesn't work lol.
 

DoctorHouse

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I don't understand how could someone be happy with having their focus shift on other things while they know how important looks are. it's still gonna impact your life whether you focus on it or not.
and bdd is when you're overly affected by usually more than one flaw, and most of the times they are probably real physical flaws. it's not imaginary.

I personally do not believe in therapists, I don't think you can win against depressions and bdd and other mental issues, especially if they are chronic and part of your personality tendencies, it's just gonna be a never ending battle where you can't really win it, just fight it.

you see and hear about so many celebrities that "out of the blue" kill themselves at one point and then their families come out and say they were battling depression for a very long time, they also probably had the best mental care and top professionals helping them with all their money and statue but they still end up giving up eventually, just shows it never really goes away.

it's just a never ending fight where you could perhaps get good period of times with medication/ therapist work, but it doesn't last.
Hypothetically speaking, if I told you I had the cure for depression, anxiety, BDD, and OCD, would you listen to me?
 

drakl

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I understand the difference between reasonable pain of being objectively unattractive and actual BDD.

Getting truly obsessed over some back and shoulder hair is more of the latter, in my opinion. Dude misses the 14 year old version of himself in terms of appearance - if it goes further than just male pattern baldness and he can't stand looking like a grown, masculine man then there's a deeper psychological issue.

I also think that minimizing everyone to how they look and completely disregarding the importance of factors like confidence, intelligence, charisma, kindness and so on in life is wrong.
I don't understand how could someone be happy with having their focus shift on other things while they know how important looks are. it's still gonna impact your life whether you focus on it or not.
and bdd is when you're overly affected by usually more than one flaw, and most of the times they are probably real physical flaws. it's not imaginary.

I personally do not believe in therapists, I don't think you can win against depressions and bdd and other mental issues, especially if they are chronic and part of your personality tendencies, it's just gonna be a never ending battle where you can't really win it, just fight it.

you see and hear about so many celebrities that "out of the blue" kill themselves at one point and then their families come out and say they were battling depression for a very long time, they also probably had the best mental care and top professionals helping them with all their money and statue but they still end up giving up eventually, just shows it never really goes away.

it's just a never ending fight where you could perhaps get good period of times with medication/ therapist work, but it doesn't last.

In my case specifically I would say it has affected my life moderately. I mean, I’ve been able to keep my true friends, my career, hobbies, etc but I lost my ability to (easily) be with girls on the way.

Sure, I’m still able to date normally, but back then everything was on easy mode. I think it‘s not that I want to be my 14 year-old self forever, but rather, take from it the hair and remove some of my body hair now. Perfect combination I would say.


So yeah, the therapist would be quite useful to make me not stress too much about unrealistic hair and body expectations, but I think that even if I’m able to move on after therapy, one part of me would still be wishing that some effective treatment comes out so that I can recover my hair to an extent.
 

Haironnu

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@Wolf Pack Not to cancel or deny what you say, but you're still a good looking guy, you don't have the point of view of someone unattractive, you cannot really understand how it is or how it makes you feel.

sure not all people care about their looks, but that doesn't mean their looks don't affect them whether they are aware of it or not, BDD simply makes you be hyper aware of your looks and make you care about them more than the average person, but end of day that average person that is ok with their looks, is still ugly, and society will still perceive him and treat him as such. he will just be delusional or don't care about it, but he will still be affected by it.

like just for example, you mentioned how your gf is all over you every day, you're probably with her for few years right? the fact that she's still over you everyday is only because you're physically attractive, if you weren't that "heat" would have gone down a tad after few years of a relationship, that's how it is for most average couples.

and then you have the average/ugly guys who keep complaining that their gfs/wives keep having "headaches" when they want sex, or that they are not as horny as they are and keep looking for ways to get more sex from them, flash news- it's only because their gfs/wives aren't that physically attracted to them, simply average/ugly looking men.

these type of people think they can't get it with girls because they lack confidence. it's simply being blue pilled. no one that is aware they are ugly will simply not care about it, they either just unaware of it or shut it away from their thoughts and avoid things they would otherwise do, like I avoid trying to hit on girls, simply because I know I'll get rejected, but if I was good looking and aware of it you could bet I'd be out there hitting on girls every single day, go to parties and be extremely social and content showing myself out there knowing I look damn good, but when you know you're not good looking you just lose the motivation to do all that. no point.

I don't think being attractive is 100% guarantee you happiness but it sure as hell increases your chances for it by a whole lot, just like money.
I cannot possibly believe ugly people (that are aware they are ugly) are happy, for most of their lives at least, happiness is not a static line anyway it comes and goes, no one is happy forever. but I can guarantee you good looking people are happier or happy more often in life than ugly people.

I've tried therapy before, it just doesn't work on me, I refuse to take drugs because it will just create a cycle because of my bdd, if I have bdd and then I take drugs that would affect my physical appearance (such as increase my weight or worsen my gyno or whatever) it will just feed my bdd more.

I also tried CBT and couldn't go on with it because it's ridiculous to me.

Your opinion on how I look from what you have seen don't really matter because end of day I am not an attractive person because if I was I would have gotten the attention throughout my life from girls, which I've never gotten, even when I had a full head of hair.

Also what spring15 says about absence from ejaculation is true, if you stop you will go through a period of being extremely horny (it's more of a withdrawal process), but if you keep on the absence after awhile your libido will take a massive drop and basically shut down almost completely.
 

Wolf Pack

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This is a pretty good response actually, you're a smart guy but also stubborn... this will not be good in the long run in terms of embracing what life throws at you I can already tell.

The problem is your fixated on being handsome and it's literally going to destroy your life. You didn't answer me about career, hobbies and girls? Like actual info and experiences?

@Wolf Pack Not to cancel or deny what you say, but you're still a good looking guy, you don't have the point of view of someone unattractive, you cannot really understand how it is or how it makes you feel.

sure not all people care about their looks, but that doesn't mean their looks don't affect them whether they are aware of it or not, BDD simply makes you be hyper aware of your looks and make you care about them more than the average person, but end of day that average person that is ok with their looks, is still ugly, and society will still perceive him and treat him as such. he will just be delusional or don't care about it, but he will still be affected by it.

You're right that I can't understand how it is for someone who is unattractive to the opposite sex but based on observation, it seems a lot are coping well and have other ways of enjoyment. They all still manage to find a family in the end and are also enjoying other areas of life. It's not good to retain this type of thinking post 25. Average guys can date average girls and sleep around no probs. And I still think you're getting too caught up in the power of looks. You're overplaying it essentially. Society doesn't treat average people badly, just normally. Most people on the street, get treated the same. It's actually mentally ill people that are treated unfairly, not ugly. As far as career goes, in most careers it makes little difference except for minor bias. In some careers, looks don't matter at all. What next, you will say male models get preferential treatment? This is just life. The wealthy also get it, the powerful, the celebs, status careers etc. If you spend your time thinking like this, you'll end up hating humanity. It's just how people are without meaning to be rude, they gravitate towards something of value. But that value can be earned in many ways too or not. You need to learn to love and accept yourself.

like just for example, you mentioned how your gf is all over you every day, you're probably with her for few years right? the fact that she's still over you everyday is only because you're physically attractive, if you weren't that "heat" would have gone down a tad after few years of a relationship, that's how it is for most average couples.

and then you have the average/ugly guys who keep complaining that their gfs/wives keep having "headaches" when they want sex, or that they are not as horny as they are and keep looking for ways to get more sex from them, flash news- it's only because their gfs/wives aren't that physically attracted to them, simply average/ugly looking men.

these type of people think they can't get it with girls because they lack confidence. it's simply being blue pilled. no one that is aware they are ugly will simply not care about it, they either just unaware of it or shut it away from their thoughts and avoid things they would otherwise do, like I avoid trying to hit on girls, simply because I know I'll get rejected, but if I was good looking and aware of it you could bet I'd be out there hitting on girls every single day, go to parties and be extremely social and content showing myself out there knowing I look damn good, but when you know you're not good looking you just lose the motivation to do all that. no point.

I can't refute this. Sexual chemistry is really linked with looks but also perhaps emotional bond, history, keeping yourself groomed? I've known her ages, I'm her one and likewise. The girls I've dated have always done it just how I like it with a lot of love, fantasy and energy. I would say those guys that complain their gf is not attracted to them, probably have more of a platonic friendship than anything else. Nothing wrong in that, not all relationships are the same. But a happy healthy woman craves sex just as much a man, they just control their urges a little better. The difference is also they usually crave sex with the same man over and over whereas guys have more of a wandering eye. Of course it goes both ways though.

I don't think being attractive is 100% guarantee you happiness but it sure as hell increases your chances for it by a whole lot, just like money.
I cannot possibly believe ugly people (that are aware they are ugly) are happy, for most of their lives at least, happiness is not a static line anyway it comes and goes, no one is happy forever. but I can guarantee you good looking people are happier or happy more often in life than ugly people.

I think happiness is to do more with the country you're born in if we overlook the big genetic component. It's not out right related to looks and money. I saw a study ages ago and it seemed it's more to do with the way you think which is tied into upbringing cultural expectations and lifestyle in said country. In America and UK, people are regularly topping themselves of all colour, looks and wealth.

I've tried therapy before, it just doesn't work on me, I refuse to take drugs because it will just create a cycle because of my bdd, if I have bdd and then I take drugs that would affect my physical appearance (such as increase my weight or worsen my gyno or whatever) it will just feed my bdd more.

I also tried CBT and couldn't go on with it because it's ridiculous to me.

Your opinion on how I look from what you have seen don't really matter because end of day I am not an attractive person because if I was I would have gotten the attention throughout my life from girls, which I've never gotten, even when I had a full head of hair.

Also what spring15 says about absence from ejaculation is true, if you stop you will go through a period of being extremely horny (it's more of a withdrawal process), but if you keep on the absence after awhile your libido will take a massive drop and basically shut down almost completely.

It's a shame it didn't work out for you but you should still take the meds. They help you get through the day better and you can find some on a lower dose or with limited sides. Have you thought about keeping a diary of your thoughts or having therapy without CBT? Just like a counsellor to regularly update? My opinion does matter because I can generally spot a guy who can get girls and you can. Why didn't it work out? I'm not calling you a liar or having serious pathology (you don't) and I believe it didn't work out but it's quite simple why. In many pictures you sent me (like i said), you were significantly overweight, neckbeard, unkempt hair. Also how do you generally dress? That and possibly being intense/analytical with girls in person will not go down well. Taking care of yourself and non verbal/verbal cues are important. In one picture you sent me where you lost weight and were cleaned up, you were more than fine to date around.

What spring advocates is not healthy at all, you're essentially shutting down your hormonal and reward system. A quick way to depression, ageing imo. Unless you're one of those super monks whose reward is nirvana.

I'd rather take your cure for hair loss, that would improve all of the above for me.

Improve but not cure. You would still find some new flaws and so the cycle will continue until the natural end. Hope you don't think I'm being harsh on you, rather I want you not to throw the remainder of your 20s and upwards away. If it was just hair that was bothering you, we wouldn't be having this convo but as you say this BDD you have can consume you unless you try to fight it.
 

Haironnu

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@Wolf Pack
I may be ffixated being handsome, but what's the point of focusing on other things or girls in general? knowing very well no girl would be physically attracted to me? only solution here is to simply go monk and never bother with girls. which is how I cope nowadays.

again those average/ugly men you talk about that go on with their lives perfectly fine and have relationships are absolutely blue pilled af and are clueless to any of this, do you really think those guys believe their spouse is not physically attracted to them or have any idea about the "red pill world"? they have no clue, if they believed their spouses were not really into them (physically) most of them would fall to depression as well.
the guys you talk about are the same guys that still believe confidence is the key man. just blind people.

I've had a girlfriend years ago that were way out of my league, back when I was blue pilled too, and guess how it ended? I'm not proud of what I'm about to say but I met her online in a game and catfished her for awhile, eventually the guilt crept up on me and I just told her the truth one day and we stopped talking for a little over half a year, but then she contacted me and we got back to talking and eventually became a couple (no lies or catfishing this time), she gave me a chance because she had feelings for me, that lasted for about 2-3 years. guess how it ended? she ended up dumping me eventually because she "grew out of love", and without any physical attraction there was nothing to hold on to.

at the beginning of out relationship there was a lot of sex and passion, and then it died out, on her side, @pegasus2 said she was simply horny and loyal (during the period where she showed me lots of affection and put out a lot), not that she was ever physically attracted to me.

I remember that we had a conversation once where I asked her if I had shown her myself right at the beginning would she had given me a chance? and she straight up said no, which means hat chance only came because I catfished her to develop feelings for me.

what I'm trying to say is, being emotionally attracted and physically attracted is 2 different things, so knowing that the vast majority of women out there will not be physically attracted to me, why even bother?
most men are simply unaware of this, that's why they cope in life. they think their girls are really into them. but no, they are "into" them because of emotions/money/statues, you name it.
but once that is gone their women will be gone too because there is no physical attraction.


yes women crave sex just as much as men, but with a physically attractive guy, not an average/ugly one. the only difference is that males are biologically designed to spread their semen as much as possible and as with many females are possible while females are designed to crave the most alpha male out there for the maximum possibility of healthy offsprings (that's why prominent jawlines, sculpted faces and other masculine treats are more attractive to women because it indicates healthier levels of testosterone among other male hormones), it's all nature.
so end of day men can go with lower standards if horny while women keep their standards high more often and almost all the time. they settle down for other reasons (money and so on) with men they are not/less attracted to, and that's why these men get less sex, that's all. they just don't know it because they are blue pilled, if they knew it they too would be down af and less motivated to bother with women.


CBT didn't work for me because it's simply ridiculous to me, I'm out there going with a notebook trying to change my thoughts, but why? I know I'm not wrong about that, why try to think differently? why lie to myself? everytime I came up to my therapist with a situation that made me feel bad, yes I'm supposed to write what happened, how it made me feel, then add few more columns of "what other reasons could have triggered that situation" instead of the reason I think about, and how those other reasons make me feel, basically trying to alter my negative thinking with a more positive one by writing these stuff over and over again, but there is no point for this because I KNOW that the "negative" reason is the REAL reason. and writing lies did not make me feel better, I just knew it's bullshit.
I'm way too far gone for CBT to work on me, perhaps if I drug the crap out of myself with anti-depressants and all that, but again I'm not gonna risk making my looks worse and worse, it will just feed on my bdd.


that pic you saw of me that you think I was more than fine to date, was an old pic where I had way more hair, now I have way less, you said in my pics my hair was unkempt, it was only to show you my hair loss, I do brush my hair and all that but it always looks like sh*t anyway, I no longer have a way to style it, just to brush it forward to hide all the hair loss.
even in that pic of me you thought was "fine", I was still unattractive to girls. so it doesn't matter. my looks only go worse as I age, there isn't gonna be a way up from where I'm at, only down.


and yes bdd will consume me but I'm already consumed tho, I'm pretty sure I'm at the bottom or close to it, there is no solution to it. and I believe my bdd is only natural, it didn't come out of nowhere, it came out because of all the physical flaws I have, and I have so many. most people have 1-3, I have over 10. real flaws. not imaginable, I'm not delusional for good or bad.
 
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