Losing You Hair In Your 30's And Self Image

[Joan]

Dealing with acne is bad, but dealing with severe baldness is worse. One is curable, the other not so much. Over the past 4 years I've locked myself in my room, and I've only recently started going out more and even dating (after I got my extensions of course). It angers me when I think about those 4 years of my prime and youth going to waste, because that's precious time I'll never get back...

You've got a lot more "prime" years ahead of you, EvilLocks.

 

[kj6723]

I really hope you're satisfied with your hair transplant and that afterwards, those others things on which you're fixated will not seem so bad anymore.

Thanks!

 

[cocohot]

From having had sad drunk conversations with a lot of people, I can tell you, most people are just like us, they're just keeping it to themselves.

People who truly don't give a f*** are the exception. But "normal" people don't feel the need to showcase their misery on an internet forum.

That doesn't mean they're not hurting, sometimes even more than us. I still think posting here is a great therapy, so in the end, we might be more sane than them.

At least we publicly admit that there's something wrong. Most people bury their problems deep down like they don't exist and pretend to be fine in their everyday lives.

But don't be fooled, they all have their their fears, their insecurities, their dirty dark secrets. But they tend to sweep it under the rug and be like "Nope, everything's fine, I'm happy, I'm normal! See?!"

Terrible strategy. Take my ex and her abortion for example. She was hurting like hell, yet she made tremendous efforts to pretend everything was fine to her family, her friends, her coworkers. In her mind now, this never happened, she's a normal, happy person, just like everyone else. We all are, right?!

I think you idealize people cocohot. I've said before that people have this habit of telling me their dark secrets, and I've heard pretty surprising things from people who seemed completely happy and normal. Like a female friend who spent a whole year locked up in her room because of her acne. You would never guess she had that experience, even if you knew her very well. On the outside, she pretends to be this strong, career-minded woman. On the inside, she's a mess.

I think it's the halo effect. The halo effect is when you see one positive attribute and as a result you think everything else about a person is good or bad. So for example a woman has big tits and you think her face, body etc is perfect.

I think the opposite is true as well though, if you see one negative thing about a person it can make you write them off completely. And not just other people, but ourselves too when we see ourselves in the mirror. And I think it applies to more than just how we think about people, but to life itself. Put simply, if something negative happens it can put you on a negative train of thought.

I think this is what is happening with us. If I see my baldness in certain lighting, due to the halo effect it makes me think that firstly every other part of me is hideous and terrible, and secondly that every single aspect of life is terrible, like that time I said everything is pointless because we all have to get old. I've been put on a really negative train of thought by baldness.

But the opposite happens too, due to the halo effect, if I either have had a good'/successful day or something else happens that raises my self esteem, then the halo effect makes me think I think I look great overall, that baldness is only a very minor problem and that the journey of life makes it worth living. Both opinions are subjective, both might be true and might be false, I won't know until I'm an old man on my deathbed, and it's actually pointless to speculate.

I related so much to your last post, the one I replied to when you quoted me where you said one small flaw in your appearance throws you into depression, that's exactly how I think and what I'm like. I'm a huge perfectionist and have crazy mood swings when small things go well or bad. I think you and evillocks are the same as me like that, you're both definitely happier with yourselves and with life now things are going better for you out in the real world.

I think acne is the only thing as bad as baldness. I had severe acne very briefly for a short while as a teen and while no one ever said anything about it that was the first time I felt severe depression in my life. Then it went away quite quickly and I was happy again. Until baldness started.

 

[resu]

It goes like this: Height> Teeth> Hair> Acne

If you're tall and have nice teeth, then hair might not impact you much if you don't look like a dork and can grow a beard stubble.

Teeth is very import and makes your face believe it or not, look at Madona and her space between the teeth, you can't ignore it.

 

[buckthorn]

when things are bad, you never think they will get better... and for certain people, when things are good, it never seems they will get worst. Then, they take their situation for granted. I will tell you ONE good thing about Androgenetic Alopecia - When things are good again, i will never, ever take them for granted.

 

[Rudiger]

I think it's the halo effect. The halo effect is when you see one positive attribute and as a result you think everything else about a person is good or bad.

Someone get's the halo effect right on here, wow.

 

[Exodus2011]

lol thats not the halo effect. its when someone is hot and you assume other good things just cuz theyre hot. the "positive attribute" cant just be anything

 

[cocohot]

lol thats not the halo effect. its when someone is hot and you assume other good things just cuz theyre hot. the "positive attribute" cant just be anything

I checked wikipedia. Check yourself.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

It goes like this: Height> Teeth> Hair> Acne

If you're tall and have nice teeth, then hair might not impact you much if you don't look like a dork and can grow a beard stubble.

Teeth is very import and makes your face believe it or not, look at Madona and her space between the teeth, you can't ignore it.

I normally am skeptical about cultural points, but I think Americans are a lot more concerned about teeth than the rest of the world. It's very rare to see "perfect" teeth in other countries, in the USA it's common.

I was discussing this with a friend yesterday, she said the worst teeth in her experience are to be found in the United Kingdom.

Thanks for reminding me, I'll be applying whitening strips a few times in the next couple weeks. I definitely need to see an orthodontist within a few weeks of moving to the USA.

 

[blackg]

I
I'll be applying whitening strips a few times in the next couple weeks. I definitely need to see an orthodontist within a few weeks of moving to the USA.

David, I have to ask.. and you of course don't have to be too specific, but.. what part of the States are you moving to?
Cali? The East Coast? The South?, or The North West?

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

David, I have to ask.. and you of course don't have to be too specific, but.. what part of the States are you moving to?
Cali? The East Coast? The South?, or The North West?

Baltimore, about 2 hours drive from Washington DC, so northeast.

 

[resu]

I normally am skeptical about cultural points, but I think Americans are a lot more concerned about teeth than the rest of the world. It's very rare to see "perfect" teeth in other countries, in the USA it's common.

I was discussing this with a friend yesterday, she said the worst teeth in her experience are to be found in the United Kingdom.

Thanks for reminding me, I'll be applying whitening strips a few times in the next couple weeks. I definitely need to see an orthodontist within a few weeks of moving to the USA.

I use those syringes and trays you can find on ebay and amazon, the 22% carbamide peroxide which is the same stuff dentists give you for maintenance. It's a slow process but it works, only use it for 30 min a day until I got the level I was happy with and now once a week. Get tooth mousse as well for the remineralization.

 

[BaldingBeast666]

The reason why no one talks about baldness... is because there's really nothing to say about it.

It happens randomly (genetics), it's unstoppable and no one knows why it happens (DHT is the fuel not the cause).

So yeah, balding/bald people just try to not think about it, that's why hair loss communities like this one tend to only have 10-20 regulars at most.

I also try to not think about baldness as much as possible.
It's simply useless to think about things that are out of your control, thinking about baldness 24/7 would drive anyone mad.

That's why "just shave it bro" was born.

 

[Dench57]

Baltimore, about 2 hours drive from Washington DC, so northeast.

 

[Exodus2011]

I checked wikipedia. Check yourself.

you are right. strange i've only ever heard it used for the attractiveness bias. i see it originally wasn't used in that sense though

 

[Sonicblu650]

As someone who started losing hair at 32, ill tell you its no picnic either. I could care less 95% Of the time what others might think or say about me like I would say in high school or early 20's. But my hair loss makes ME feel less than about MYSELF. I am lucky i still have good hair, but its not as good as it was and it causes me anxiety and worry which can lead to depression. Would it be hard to lose hair at 18 most definitely! But just because you make it to 30, trust me alot of the ways you see or think about yourself dont change all that much. Looking good means feeling good about ones self no matter what age

 

[Rudiger]

lol thats not the halo effect. its when someone is hot and you assume other good things just cuz theyre hot. the "positive attribute" cant just be anything

So he had to specify on the positive attribute?

Someone finally get's it right on here and then gets needlessly questioned on it. You're wrong regardless.

And 4 people liked the post!

EDIT: OK I didn't see the next page before replying.

 

[BaldingBeast666]

You can do something about it to some extent.

And you will think about it whether you want it or not.

You can't decide not to think about something that's as obvious and damaging as baldness.

Except you really can't do anything about it.

The average person doesn't want to risk sexual sides for something that doesn't even work.
If Fina/Min stopped hairloss completely FOREVER, then most people would bear with the sexual sides and use it.

But since all it does is delaying the inevitable, it's simply not worth it.
The average person cares more about the dick than hair.

Baldness is kinda like death. It's random, unstoppable and happens to almost all males at some point.
And just like Death, people prefer to not talk about it.

 

[Rudiger]

The average person doesn't want to risk sexual sides for something that doesn't even work.

I'm really getting f*****g sick of people saying this.

You're on a hair loss forum, of course you'll be surrounded by people who say the treatments don't work. They didn't work FOR YOU, that's all, stop putting others off.

 

[GoldenMane]

As someone who started losing hair at 32, ill tell you its no picnic either. I could care less 95% Of the time what others might think or say about me like I would say in high school or early 20's. But my hair loss makes ME feel less than about MYSELF. I am lucky i still have good hair, but its not as good as it was and it causes me anxiety and worry which can lead to depression. Would it be hard to lose hair at 18 most definitely! But just because you make it to 30, trust me alot of the ways you see or think about yourself dont change all that much. Looking good means feeling good about ones self no matter what age

At 30, you've survived your teens, college years, your first and second job, probably started your career. years of dating, partying, traveling, and done it all without worrying about male pattern baldness. As somebody who started balding in his early to mid 20s and is only now 30, I have no sympathy. What you're experiencing is nowhere near as bad as what those of us who were balding in our 20s were experiencing.