That was June. I’m losing well over 500 hairs a day and I’ve thinner everywhere. Yes that looked good. This is today.
I am going to make one more attempt to help you. I hope you will consider my words as I believe they may help you with your state of mind.
In case it hasn’t been mentioned already, you really need to stop with these sink pictures/ritual. Beyond the fact that we have seen an identical shot a dozen times or so and that it’s kind of gross, is the fact that it is making your situation exponentially worse.
Every time you repeatedly brush an area you loosen/damage more hair. One time here and there wouldn’t matter, but daily it adds up and overtime will cause more hair to be removed than is at all necessary. It’s not that this hair wouldn’t have come out anyway, it’s that you’re causing it to do so prematurely. When a hair comes out prematurely it’s not on schedule with it’s an anagen phase, meaning it’s not going to regrow immediately, as it would under normal conditions. This is going to leave you with patches that will remain until said point is actually reached.
Additionally, this puts you at risk for traction alopecia related loss. Each and every time a hair is pulled out you run the risk of damaging your follicle. Eventually follicles subjected to this process will stop growing entirely. Normally brushing wouldn’t do this, but when your hair is already of lower quality and prone to coming out easily, (as it is in your case if your posts aren’t embellished), it can most definitely do this; gentle or not, tension is tension, and your tolerance to it has clearly bombed.
Beyond the risks above, there’s also the matter of the cosmetic effect caused by said hairs being removed before their time. Hair doesn’t grow back immediately and consequently, your thinning will appear to be worse than it actually is. This causes additional stress, which can also, in its own right, make matters worse. If you have Telogen Effluvium, as your doctor suggested, then this is the absolute worst thing you can do as it will only amplify the effects of the condition.
I know first hand that this compulsion is a hard one to shake, but I promise you can do it and that it will help not only your state of mind, but the health of your scalp and the follicles therein. If you find it too difficult to stop outright, I strongly suggest that when you feel the need you set a timer for 5 minutes and commit to immediately stopping once it goes off. As you get more accustomed to it, you will be able to reduce the allotted time until you reach the point where you will stop and will no longer need it.
Honestly, you should also stop with the shower counting. All that is doing is making your situation worse. When you wash or condition, close your eyes any time your hands will be in sight and rinse them before you allow yourself to see them.
Try your hardest to let your hair be and to avoid checking it at all. Then, in a month or two, take some pictures and see the impact or lack thereof so you can get a better perspective of how much your shed is actually affecting your appearance and whether or not the hair in thin spots is growing or not.
Right now, you’re in a horrible spot wherein your life is defined through the prism of your hair. That’s no way to live and you deserve better.