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Don't worry. This is not unusual. You were brought up in a repressed culture, just like I was. In toxic male culture, there is only one thing that is unforgivable and that is for another male to be a "sissy". Remember when Homer and Flanders had to wear dresses? That's because that is considered the most humiliating thing in the world for a male to do or have to do. That's why the Americans dressed up male prisoners in panties. The prisoners were from cultures that don't accept gay or sissy males and some times under penalty of death.Normal for a gay male and there is nothing at all wrong with that.