recboi
Experienced Member
- Reaction score
- 16
okay, this is just a hypothetical, as my problem has detroyed my confidence and I don't even bother trying to date. Beginning when I was 20-21 I got hair transplants by some guy who used the plug method. I knew it looked unnatural, so I kept on going back and telling him there are all these gaps, so he'd keep on doing it. I just figured hair would grow in between the gaps. After being seriously made fun of by some people, I went to MHR, and had two procedures done there, and apparently little if any of the transplants took. Several years go by, I constantly wear a hat because I'm so embarrassed by this, fortunately I was a student the entire time.. However it got really bothersome to me during my 3rd year of law school, so I went to Dr. Bernstein. He did 3 graft excisions, and so now it's kinda thin, there are gaps, but it doesn't look as pluggy. I was hoping he could do a procedure to fill in the gaps and hide any remaining plugginess. He said I have run out of donor hair, and no more procedures can be done. This was a tiny part of my head, maybe one inch deep, but the entire hairline area. So basically everthing beginning at the hairline to one inch behind it is transplanted.. I don't like the way it looks now, but I'm stuck.. Not only can I not get a decent hairline, but any future hairloss I can't do anything about, no more transplants...
This entire thing is very shameful for me. I have really bad scars on the back, I can't keep my hair short, and my hair looks really bad if it gets more than a few centimeteres. I'm so ashamed I can't go to get a haircut, I trim my hair myself. I think the last time I went was 1996. There's no way I'd ever tell anyone, and I'm guessing some or most people can't tell I had transplants, but if I told them I did, then they would know what to look for and say "oh yeah". This has totally killed my confidence. Some girls would go out with me, but unfortunately they weren't exactly the kindest females, and it would end, but it had nothing to do with my hair. But I'm thinking... For the rest of my life, this is the best it's going to look, and it's only going to get worse.
Just say in theory if I ever had a serious relationship again, or get married. I would have to tell. She'd see my propecia and minoxidil. And if we took a shower together my hair looks pretty damn bad. or if she ran her fingers through the back, she could see the punchgraft holes and the line scar. I'm so ashamed of having had transplants, and I honestly would avoid any relationships for this reason alone. I also though. What would happen if I got cancer and got chemo? I know, I should be worried about dying, but the only thing I can think of what I'll look like with know hair. They'll see the cobblestoning in the front, and the huge amount of scars on the back. I'd be too ashamed to leave home, so I wouldn't be able to work, wouldn't be able to function.
It got horrific today. I went to the bathroom at work today, and I could tell it still looks pluggy. I was seeing the individual plugs. I immediately started having a panic attack, and I swear if I were at home, and not at work, I would have killed myself. My problem is that bad. The only people who know are my parents, brother, and my shrink.
I'm going to bring this up to my shrink on Friday, but all she does is prescribe meds that don't work.. There's nothing that anyone would be able to say in psychotherapy that can make me feel better knowing my hair looks bad, and is only going to get worse. So it gets so bad that I become suicidal over it.
Sorry this is so long, but I really convinced myself that I have to die. The girlfriend/wife thing. I'd be humiliated if she realized or if she found out. She'd probably leave me anyways. I hate having my pic taken, so I wouldn't want to get married because of the pictures that would be taken. And it's going to get worse. I'm 30 now, what will I look like at 40, 50? I forget the rest of what I was thinking, but one hour at work today, I was very suicidal. I'm even ashamed to talk about it to my shrink, and she knows I've had them done..
Does anyone have experience with this issues?
------------ EDIT: This image hosting sucks... but oh well. Look at my shame. Note the massive forehead. I was screwed from birth on. God hates me.
This entire thing is very shameful for me. I have really bad scars on the back, I can't keep my hair short, and my hair looks really bad if it gets more than a few centimeteres. I'm so ashamed I can't go to get a haircut, I trim my hair myself. I think the last time I went was 1996. There's no way I'd ever tell anyone, and I'm guessing some or most people can't tell I had transplants, but if I told them I did, then they would know what to look for and say "oh yeah". This has totally killed my confidence. Some girls would go out with me, but unfortunately they weren't exactly the kindest females, and it would end, but it had nothing to do with my hair. But I'm thinking... For the rest of my life, this is the best it's going to look, and it's only going to get worse.
Just say in theory if I ever had a serious relationship again, or get married. I would have to tell. She'd see my propecia and minoxidil. And if we took a shower together my hair looks pretty damn bad. or if she ran her fingers through the back, she could see the punchgraft holes and the line scar. I'm so ashamed of having had transplants, and I honestly would avoid any relationships for this reason alone. I also though. What would happen if I got cancer and got chemo? I know, I should be worried about dying, but the only thing I can think of what I'll look like with know hair. They'll see the cobblestoning in the front, and the huge amount of scars on the back. I'd be too ashamed to leave home, so I wouldn't be able to work, wouldn't be able to function.
It got horrific today. I went to the bathroom at work today, and I could tell it still looks pluggy. I was seeing the individual plugs. I immediately started having a panic attack, and I swear if I were at home, and not at work, I would have killed myself. My problem is that bad. The only people who know are my parents, brother, and my shrink.
I'm going to bring this up to my shrink on Friday, but all she does is prescribe meds that don't work.. There's nothing that anyone would be able to say in psychotherapy that can make me feel better knowing my hair looks bad, and is only going to get worse. So it gets so bad that I become suicidal over it.
Sorry this is so long, but I really convinced myself that I have to die. The girlfriend/wife thing. I'd be humiliated if she realized or if she found out. She'd probably leave me anyways. I hate having my pic taken, so I wouldn't want to get married because of the pictures that would be taken. And it's going to get worse. I'm 30 now, what will I look like at 40, 50? I forget the rest of what I was thinking, but one hour at work today, I was very suicidal. I'm even ashamed to talk about it to my shrink, and she knows I've had them done..
Does anyone have experience with this issues?
------------ EDIT: This image hosting sucks... but oh well. Look at my shame. Note the massive forehead. I was screwed from birth on. God hates me.