How many of us on these forums deal with anxiety?

[DoctorHouse]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder

If you read this, you will find this defines the majority of people posting on this forum. Notice how it mentions hair as one of the three most common things people tend to obsess about. For me it was first my skin since I had acne, and when I got that under control, my hair become the second obsession but luckily that started alot later in life. Many people say they won't care about things like this as they age or get older. Trust me, it you have mild BDD, you will always care no matter how old you become. Its what defines you as a person. I just learned never to let it control my life enough to ruin it. Most people with BDD tend to be perfectionist too. I wish I could turn off my BDD permanently but I can't but I know how to suppress it enough to be able to function in society and do well financially.

 

[Thom]

That definitely resonates with me. I remember being young and one day hating my nose, the next hating my eyebrows etc. As I got older girls thought I was attractive but I could never be quite content. You're right though, once I feel fine with my hair Im off to the gym to fix love handles or something lol. Never quite content. That article pointed to earlier events causing this, such as parents that cut you down. My dad is notorious for teasing physical appearance and never knows when to stop. When I first started thinning he would do things like on outings put the video camera up the balding spot and make jokes. You're always under the microscope with him. Has it got better for you at all?

- - - Updated - - -

Oh and I have been accused of being conceited since I was a teenager because I constantly check myself in the mirror and am a notorious primper. It sucks but I've never been able to help it. I also have minor ocd too.

 

[DoctorHouse]

Thom, my father along with my brother teased me constantly about my appearance and made fun of my obsession with my skin. My mom always wanted me to look perfect when I was to meet her friends. I had to always dress a certain way that would be considered preppy in today's standards. The good thing about that is I learned how to dress myself well that the ladies would always remark how well dressed I was in their presence. I always felt like I was under a microscope too. I have been always told I was attractive or handsome and sometimes gorgeous but I never once was quite content with my looks. I am still not. I never will be but I learned to appreciate all the blessings I do have and focus on them instead. All my life, I would say my hair was my biggest asset because I got the most complements. So you can understand when that started going, I feel like I am physically becoming "bankrupt". Luckily, so far the world sees my hair as perfectly normal including my brother who is slowing losing his hair.

 

[DonaldAnderson]

I have social anxiety disorder. My baldness has contributed but its not all of it.

 

[Exodus2011]

Dam this is a bragging thread now lol

"i used to be a model before hair loss" yayyyyyy

 

[antman]

i never considered myself to have BDD but since reading that post... i think i might reconsider.
the phrase 'reluctance to interact socially because of poor body image' is basically my life story.

has anyone done cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) before? does it work?

 

[zeroes]

I think I am going through that right now with a psychologist. I think it's helping a bit but so are the drugs. I have only had 4 session and only the last 2 are getting to that stage.

 

[DoctorHouse]

Zeroes, I have listened to the audiobook CBT for Dummies and read books on CBT. Basically, I change my perspective or frame of mind back and force. Some days, my perspective helps and some days I revert back. I would think in CBT, they would recommend to shave your head. Eliminate the thing you are most obsessed about physically. I try to avoid mirrors too but unfortunately the room I work in has a lot of mirrors. Zeroes, I am just curious if you could let us know the methods or exercises he is suggesting. You do not have to go into detail about your problems just the way he wants you to deal with them. The problem with psychology is its just alternate thinking or changes your frame of mind sometimes assisted with drugs. And if you ask NW1 Tom Cruise, he would tell you its one big hoax. Ironically, so is Scientology. Some principals in scientology mimic psychology ironically.

I think this forum has showed me how many people share the same perspective I do on body image and how their obsession affects their life. Alot of people in here are under the care of a psychologist or have been. It would be nice to see if anyone has had any success with overcoming anxiety or BDD or OCD, if they could share how they were able to overcome it. I have looked into trying to find a local support group for BDD in my area and we have none. On meetup.com there is request for one but so far there is no one forming one. The only place that has one is of no surprise. Los Angeles, California( where all the model and celebrities live)has a very large one. I have found this forum seems the closest I have found that is very active on a regular basis. This forum definitely has helped me both mentally and physically concerning my hair. Knowing that so many other men suffer with the same issues including Spencer Kobren, makes me feel more at ease.

 

[Thom]

That sounds exactly like your case. I guess in addition to my Dad's jokes (they are turning my four sisters into paranoid people as well) my mom wasn't the nicest to me growing up. I sound bitter and I'm really not, I dearly love them both, I can just trace back the insecurities to them. I got the gorgeous comments from girls as well and still do, but like you said I will never see it myself. In some ways I think it's good as it will keep me grounded. And no Exodus this isn't about bragging about when we "used to look like models." It's just demonstrating the thought process of someone who deals with this despite contrary opinions.

I've tried to re-train my mind, and divert my attention elsewhere when those thoughts pop up and it works for awhile but it just takes one bad day to make it all return again. I'm not a miserable guy, just have really bad days occasionally when I can only think about my perceived flaws. Today my professor of "Teaching Individuals With Disabilities" said something that was profound for me though. He said that no one person is normal, meaning that we all have our disabilities and that we are not less than someone else for having supposed "flaws." It's good to understand what I've dealt with though and I thank you for mentioning BDD because it fits me in almost every way. Now that I understand that it is an issue as opposed to just me being a "primper" I can put things into perspective when those days hit. God knows my family and every girlfriend I've ever had has been driven to exhaustion by it haha.

 

[Exodus2011]

That sounds exactly like your case. I guess in addition to my Dad's jokes (they are turning my four sisters into paranoid people as well) my mom wasn't the nicest to me growing up. I sound bitter and I'm really not, I dearly love them both, I can just trace back the insecurities to them. I got the gorgeous comments from girls as well and still do, but like you said I will never see it myself. In some ways I think it's good as it will keep me grounded. And no Exodus this isn't about bragging about when we "used to look like models." It's just demonstrating the thought process of someone who deals with this despite contrary opinions.

I've tried to re-train my mind, and divert my attention elsewhere when those thoughts pop up and it works for awhile but it just takes one bad day to make it all return again. I'm not a miserable guy, just have really bad days occasionally when I can only think about my perceived flaws. Today my professor of "Teaching Individuals With Disabilities" said something that was profound for me though. He said that no one person is normal, meaning that we all have our disabilities and that we are not less than someone else for having supposed "flaws." It's good to understand what I've dealt with though and I thank you for mentioning BDD because it fits me in almost every way. Now that I understand that it is an issue as opposed to just me being a "primper" I can put things into perspective when those days hit. God knows my family and every girlfriend I've ever had has been driven to exhaustion by it haha.

well it is nice you have had a girlfriend before

and im curious are you willing to put your picture up here?

im curious wat girls consider "gorgeous"

 

[zeroes]

DH, most of my issues are not to do with hair, i would say its 0%-5% on a good day. I have never mentioned my hair to him and don't plan to.

My issues are: no confidence, trying to find a girlfriend, bdd (never mentioned it to him), it's not as bad as it was since I dropped significant weight, speaking too fast, depression/suicide thoughts.

My number 1 issue is finding a girlfriend. This is the final piece to compete my life. This is what causes me 99% of my depression and 100% of my suicide thoughts. This is the reason I am on the drugs for the 3rd time. This was my worst lapse ever and I am still not 100% back to normal. I am shy and no drugs will ever fix that. Add to that I am a closed person due to anxiety, although the drugs have helped a bit. I dont know how to hit on girls, my anxiety gets the better of me. He is aware this is my number 1 problem when i broke down in session 3, i didnt mention it in session 1 as a goal i wish to achieve.

He will give me homework to do. Eg when do i have anxiety, who with and rating 1-10 over 5 periods of the day.

He has suggested to find a new activity that I enjoy, I failed that so far.

He has given me breathing technique instructions and to download body scan reworked audio: http://www.malhuxter.com/index.php?...e-mindfulness-and-related-practices&Itemid=72

I've listened to it once so far.

Right now I am trying to work on slowing down my speech. Insession i had to read a kids book out loud. At home i need to read a book out loud. Im trying this nightly with a kids book to keep the words simple. I am also recording it to see how fast my pattern is.

I only see him every 4-6 weeks.

I hope that helps but I am not 100% sure if that is cbt or not.

 

[Thom]

well it is nice you have had a girlfriend before

and im curious are you willing to put your picture up here?

im curious wat girls consider "gorgeous"

Im on my phone right now and don't know how to copy and paste but under my thread Thom's Story there's some recent pics towards the end. You have to take the girls into account that say that. They are usually into long haired guys like myself. I think Im average, not ugly nor a model. Im content with that though.

- - - Updated - - -

I've had a few girlfriends but it's usually girls that made it clear they were flirting and made the game easy for me. Otherwise I usually won't make a move and end up making a lot of friends haha.

 

[Exodus2011]

girls who are into long haired guys require hair . . . . . . girls into shaved heads and short ""more traditionally masculine" haircuts need the physical dominance of being tall/muscular

either way i'm utterly ****ed

ok . . . . . . . . . strong no homo . . . . . . . but you do look good haha

like one of the 90s metalheads haha

 

[slipy]

i never considered myself to have BDD but since reading that post... i think i might reconsider.
the phrase 'reluctance to interact socially because of poor body image' is basically my life story.

i hate to be the one bringing the bad vibes (or love to).

but

how baseless is this bdd or reclutance in case if the person really does have visible defects in his appearence? such as being bald, which is a very conspicious feature.
there a lot of folk out there willing to hate on you for the smallest reasons, so maybe this fear of interaction is a valid one, not just delusion of one's mind?

you might say one must learn to disregard them , but someone who suffers from anxiety won't be able to just ignore the reactions.

 

[antman]

I wouldn’t say I have a BD disorder, just a tendency.
when I was 14 I got a very small rash on my neck and i was soo horrified of it, i begged my parents not to go to school. Unfortunately they forced me to go and i felt extremely distressed the entire day.
when I got acne I completely went through my mum's vanity looking for any sort of make-up to hide it; I really couldn't stand the thought of being around anyone.
and in general throughout my entire teenage years i constantly refused to go out anywhere because there was always something physically wrong with me. Too fat, skin liked bad and any other excuse i could think of not to interact with anyone.

 

[DoctorHouse]

i hate to be the one bringing the bad vibes (or love to).

but

how baseless is this bdd or reclutance in case if the person really does have visible defects in his appearence? such as being bald, which is a very conspicious feature.
there a lot of folk out there willing to hate on you for the smallest reasons, so maybe this fear of interaction is a valid one, not just delusion of one's mind?

you might say one must learn to disregard them , but someone who suffers from anxiety won't be able to just ignore the reactions.

I guess the fact that if someone feels baldness makes them ugly and they obsess about it, that might be considered a form of BDD since its becomes an image problem for them. Whereas the one who just shaves his head and can care less that he lost his hair, would not have an image problem, hence no BDD. Basically, most people considered to have BBD obsess about minor defects as if they are major ones. Some people feel baldness is a major defect and others accept it as a part of life. Its not about how other people accept you, its about how you accept yourself.

 

[Exodus2011]

I wouldn’t say I have a BD disorder, just a tendency.
when I was 14 I got a very small rash on my neck and i was soo horrified of it, i begged my parents not to go to school. Unfortunately they forced me to go and i felt extremely distressed the entire day.
when I got acne I completely went through my mum's vanity looking for any sort of make-up to hide it; I really couldn't stand the thought of being around anyone.
and in general throughout my entire teenage years i constantly refused to go out anywhere because there was always something physically wrong with me. Too fat, skin liked bad and any other excuse i could think of not to interact with anyone.

are you serious?

i had a weird quite obvious rash on my neck for like 4 months when i was15 ... . . . everyone thot it was a hickey tho lol .. . ... it looked messed up

 

[antman]

unfortunately so, but after that i just started talking to more people and accepting invites to whatever was going on. it took awhile to get over any social anxiety and to not give into 'social reluctance'; u just gotta 'keep at it' and not 'give in' like i initially did. but i still periodically get down from hair loss + Body Dysmorphic tendencies.

 

[Thom]

girls who are into long haired guys require hair . . . . . . girls into shaved heads and short ""more traditionally masculine" haircuts need the physical dominance of being tall/muscular

either way i'm utterly ****ed

ok . . . . . . . . . strong no homo . . . . . . . but you do look good haha

like one of the 90s metalheads haha

Haha thanks man, that's the thing. If i lose it, i have a baby face so i don't think it will look as good. When i had it short though people said i had a Chris Martin thing going on but the girls weren't as receptive. I still have a terrible time asking girls out. Haven't done it since April.

- - - Updated - - -

Antman, Im sort of healing that way too. I used to avoid parties when people asked me to go because i thought i would be boring and have nothing in common with the people there. Lately I've just decided to go with it and every time I've made great friends and ended up being the guy they asked to come back. It's all in our head and we become recluses if we don't watch ourselves. Hopefully i can re-train my brain. Im still checking the mirror every 30 minutes and convulsively looking for hairs in my brush haha.

 

[LawOfThelema]

I have generalized social anxiety disorder and / or avoidant personality disorder.

Even doing basic things is difficult for me. Like I started lifting weights with my buddies at the begining of the week and the AvPD component of my mind is already looking for excuses to get out of doing it again worrying that my performance won't be good, i will be too weak to do as well at lifting as my friends and that they will think ill thoughts of me, make fun of me, etc. The worst part is being intelligent enough to know how false these beliefs are yet still letting those beliefs dictate how I live my life.