Reactivated My Dating Profiles, Trying To Be Enthusiastic Without Being Obsessed

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meetjoeblack

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Afro_Vacancy said:
Within popular culture, we use the word "chemistry" to refer to any kind of compatibility. It's an idea of people "clicking", they may not be perfect for everybody, but they're perfect for each other.

I have some trivial insight on this.

It concerns the clinical psychology / professor that I went out with 2 weeks ago. She's attractive (to me), but I would not consider her the hottest person that I've been out with or kissed. Our ~90 minute date was ok, the conversation was ok, it might have only been 60 minutes which is a bad sign. We did talk, there were no awkward silences, she was engaged but ... but it felt like she was a mile away rather than 1 foot away. There was no conversational chemistry, perhaps there would be with time but it didn't seem like it. That's fine, whatever. I didn't have any antagonism to her, just indifference, unfortunately. If I had seen her again at that point, it would have been out of curiosity, just in case I had been wrong which of course can happen.

I kissed her at the end of the date and ... wow. Holy f***. Simply electric. I had never felt such tingle from lips in my life, I don't think, maybe from my ex-girlfriend ten years ago, but I was in love with her. I had a hard boner in like five seconds, literally. She was engaged as well. I opened my eyes a little bit, and she had a deep and profound smile, a naughty smile, her kisses were kind of like pulses, she'd lay back, then get on her toes and kiss again with enthusiasm.

tldr; physical and romantic chemistry are separate things and should be described by separate words.
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I had this with a girl I met off match. She was pretty. Definitely not the hottest girl ever but, she was sweet, nice accent, worked out but was feminine. Touch of baby fat in the right place. Mitten full of noobs, phat ***, and was a delight.

We talked over coffee (I wouldn't have minded dinner). We were together for hours. I remember she was 'nervous about meeting' in case I didn't like her. She was young but not too young. I remember she tried to dismiss my teasing that I must of been nervous too. Of course I was not.

It was electric. For reasons I cannot fathom, it fizzled out. I wouldn't mind running into her again. Knowing my luck, she would be likely in a LTR, married or worse, a single mom which I avoid like a plague.

Keep it going bro. You are a wizard.
 
shookwun

shookwun

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Afro_Vacancy said:
Within popular culture, we use the word "chemistry" to refer to any kind of compatibility. It's an idea of people "clicking", they may not be perfect for everybody, but they're perfect for each other.

I have some trivial insight on this.

It concerns the clinical psychology / professor that I went out with 2 weeks ago. She's attractive (to me), but I would not consider her the hottest person that I've been out with or kissed. Our ~90 minute date was ok, the conversation was ok, it might have only been 60 minutes which is a bad sign. We did talk, there were no awkward silences, she was engaged but ... but it felt like she was a mile away rather than 1 foot away. There was no conversational chemistry, perhaps there would be with time but it didn't seem like it. That's fine, whatever. I didn't have any antagonism to her, just indifference, unfortunately. If I had seen her again at that point, it would have been out of curiosity, just in case I had been wrong which of course can happen.

I kissed her at the end of the date and ... wow. Holy f***. Simply electric. I had never felt such tingle from lips in my life, I don't think, maybe from my ex-girlfriend ten years ago, but I was in love with her. I had a hard boner in like five seconds, literally. She was engaged as well. I opened my eyes a little bit, and she had a deep and profound smile, a naughty smile, her kisses were kind of like pulses, she'd lay back, then get on her toes and kiss again with enthusiasm.

tldr; physical and romantic chemistry are separate things and should be described by separate words.
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I literally nicholas cage.gif laughed in real life.

I remember those electric feels specifically on my first get together / romantic encounter and make out with a girl when I was around fourteen years old. It feels like electric pulses were flowing in me, to the point where I started getting shakes.

Runnign some serious Benjamin button game on us lately

Keep up the field reports, mate!
 
Afro_Vacancy

Afro_Vacancy

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So I'm seeing a woman now and am having trouble doing the deed, I'm not sure if it's due to continued ED (I don't think so), nerves, or a lack of attraction to her.

Second time was last night, erection did not hold. Now again, I have been a lot better lately, I've had more hard, spontaneous erections than in the past few months or years for that matter since going on a better treatment. I don't feel as much of an electric touch with her as I did with some other women that I saw recently. For example French kissing feels less nice (not enjoying it actually), she has a different method though. I enjoy getting affection on my neck, ears, and back from her.

I did get hard from a blow job but it didn't hold. She told me that I was big, I told her that maybe it just seems that way to her because she hangs out with history students. She laughed. But then I shrank so joke's on me. I did do better than on previous blow jobs actually.

I went down on her for like twenty minutes. I had not done that before. For the first couple minutes it was gross, and then it was ok. Not bad, not good, but neutral. I got tired though. How long can you guys keep it up? Can you go 30 minutes? 2 hours? Do you just use your mouth or a combination of mouth and fingers?

I don't feel a lot of excitement for her in general. It's too bad. It was already that way before. I did write a post two posts up separating romantic and sexual excitement, but for whatever it's worth, I did not feel romantic excitement for her prior to the third date when she put out, and I did not feel physical excitement on the first date when we made out. I'm mostly exploring things which might or might not make me a terrible person.

There's a quote common among men on the internet "sex is like pizza, because even when it's bad, it's good." Is that true? I can't speak to whether or not bad sex genuinely exists or doesn't given my numerous problems in that regard, but I believe that there is such a thing as good and bad pizza.

ETA: This year I have had first dates with ~9 women, if I recall correctly. Of those, three got me hard on the first date (is that a normal rate in usual circumstance?), and three that I would have liked to get to know better, two of them in common between the two groups.
 
shookwun

shookwun

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Afro_Vacancy said:
So I'm seeing a woman now and am having trouble doing the deed, I'm not sure if it's due to continued ED (I don't think so), nerves, or a lack of attraction to her.

Second time was last night, erection did not hold. Now again, I have been a lot better lately, I've had more hard, spontaneous erections than in the past few months or years for that matter since going on a better treatment. I don't feel as much of an electric touch with her as I did with some other women that I saw recently. For example French kissing feels less nice (not enjoying it actually), she has a different method though. I enjoy getting affection on my neck, ears, and back from her.

I did get hard from a blow job but it didn't hold. She told me that I was big, I told her that maybe it just seems that way to her because she hangs out with history students. She laughed. But then I shrank so joke's on me. I did do better than on previous blow jobs actually.

I went down on her for like twenty minutes. I had not done that before. For the first couple minutes it was gross, and then it was ok. Not bad, not good, but neutral. I got tired though. How long can you guys keep it up? Can you go 30 minutes? 2 hours? Do you just use your mouth or a combination of mouth and fingers?

I don't feel a lot of excitement for her in general. It's too bad. It was already that way before. I did write a post two posts up separating romantic and sexual excitement, but for whatever it's worth, I did not feel romantic excitement for her prior to the third date when she put out, and I did not feel physical excitement on the first date when we made out. I'm mostly exploring things which might or might not make me a terrible person.

There's a quote common among men on the internet "sex is like pizza, because even when it's bad, it's good." Is that true? I can't speak to whether or not bad sex genuinely exists or doesn't given my numerous problems in that regard, but I believe that there is such a thing as good and bad pizza.

ETA: This year I have had first dates with ~9 women, if I recall correctly. Of those, three got me hard on the first date (is that a normal rate in usual circumstance?), and three that I would have liked to get to know better, two of them in common between the two groups.
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its called you are not attracted to her, but being faithful to your options at the time. In other words, you're looking for reference experience.


Mixture of not being into her (attraction) and performance anxiety.


Sex is as much mental as it is physical. theres nothing wrong with you outside of your anxiety and exempt libido from not being into her.
 
Afro_Vacancy

Afro_Vacancy

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shookwun said:
its called you are not attracted to her, but being faithful to your options at the time.
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Has that happened to you?

If it happens, why do so many men say "sex is like pizza, because even when it's bad, it's good"?
 
shookwun

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Afro_Vacancy said:
Has that happened to you?

If it happens, why do so many men say "sex is like pizza, because even when it's bad, it's good"?
Click to expand...


Umm, sure I guess. This might be the case when you are drunk, but not so much sober and conscious about your surroundings.

Having sex with a chick you're not into while sober is sh*t. The moment you start having negative thoughts about the situation, and you loose focus is when you go limp. my buddies that I routinely slay with, we talk about our encoutners all the time. Even the best of us have random nights while drunk where the erections are sh*t, or we loose our erection for whatever reason. Most of the time, it's a combination of Being to drunk, and not into the interaction that this happens. Alchohol compromises blood supply, and gives you shittier erections then what you would have waking up to eachother the next day sober. often times you will notice your rock hard-morning wood sex is far different then your drunk 3am encounter


I have had times where i had sex with a chick the first time, and it went great. other times we went at it again under different circumstances, and I was having negatives feelings before we even had our clothes off. Your thoughts, shape your feelings and this plays a large role in having sex with eachother. theres been a multitude of times where I was erect from making out, started having sex and noticed something disugsting such as there smell, or them not being shaved and it killed the moment for me. couldn't take my mind off the negative aspect of our interaction and went limp


All I am saying is your incel anxiety is nothing new. You are playing catch-up with minimal experience, over anyalizing situations and not around women you actually want to be with. And you expect anything different to happen in this regard? When you are comfortable, and around a girl you actually are into you will have an erection from just making out. Anything inbetween, and you are not rele in the moment.


I have fucked 9 different women this year and can attest to my theories of where I performed well, where I didn't and why it happened.
 
yetti

yetti

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Afro_Vacancy said:
So I'm seeing a woman now and am having trouble doing the deed, I'm not sure if it's due to continued ED (I don't think so), nerves, or a lack of attraction to her.

Second time was last night, erection did not hold. Now again, I have been a lot better lately, I've had more hard, spontaneous erections than in the past few months or years for that matter since going on a better treatment. I don't feel as much of an electric touch with her as I did with some other women that I saw recently. For example French kissing feels less nice (not enjoying it actually), she has a different method though. I enjoy getting affection on my neck, ears, and back from her.

I did get hard from a blow job but it didn't hold. She told me that I was big, I told her that maybe it just seems that way to her because she hangs out with history students. She laughed. But then I shrank so joke's on me. I did do better than on previous blow jobs actually.

I went down on her for like twenty minutes. I had not done that before. For the first couple minutes it was gross, and then it was ok. Not bad, not good, but neutral. I got tired though. How long can you guys keep it up? Can you go 30 minutes? 2 hours? Do you just use your mouth or a combination of mouth and fingers?

I don't feel a lot of excitement for her in general. It's too bad. It was already that way before. I did write a post two posts up separating romantic and sexual excitement, but for whatever it's worth, I did not feel romantic excitement for her prior to the third date when she put out, and I did not feel physical excitement on the first date when we made out. I'm mostly exploring things which might or might not make me a terrible person.

There's a quote common among men on the internet "sex is like pizza, because even when it's bad, it's good." Is that true? I can't speak to whether or not bad sex genuinely exists or doesn't given my numerous problems in that regard, but I believe that there is such a thing as good and bad pizza.

ETA: This year I have had first dates with ~9 women, if I recall correctly. Of those, three got me hard on the first date (is that a normal rate in usual circumstance?), and three that I would have liked to get to know better, two of them in common between the two groups.
Click to expand...

It's performance anxiety for sure. And that can affect you even when you are into the girl, maybe even more so, and in this regard I disagree with shookwon. If you start analyzing what's going on, caring too much, no matter who you're with, it just ain't sexy. And if you're really into the girl and are thinking about your/her reaction to the sexual contact part of the date, that may not help.

I think it would benefit you to find a way to... care less about how it goes. Perhaps try not to think about every encounter as a milestone, a new thing that may or may not work out right, a thing you'll then report about here. You're seeing a lot of women, try to get into the mindset that it's no big deal how it goes. What happens happens and there will be many other encounters and experiences etc., so it's no biggie. So to speak :D
 
shookwun

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yetti said:
It's performance anxiety for sure. And that can affect you even when you are into the girl, maybe even more so, and in this regard I disagree with shookwon. If you start analyzing what's going on, caring too much, no matter who you're with, it just ain't sexy. And if you're really attracted to and/or like the girl and are thinking about your/her reaction to the sexual contact part of the date, that may not help. It can even make it harder. So to speak.

I think it would benefit you to find a way to... care less about how it goes. Perhaps try not to think about every encounter as a milestone, a new thing that may or may not work out right, a thing you'll then report about here. You're seeing a lot of women, try to get into the mindset that it's no big deal how it goes. What happens happens and there will be many other encounters and experiences etc., so it's no biggie. So to speak :D
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disagree with what? I said it can be a combination of performance anxiety, not being into her or one of the two.

If he's not attracted to the girl, and putting pressure on himself to perform why would you expect any differently. he already said it himself, he wasn't into her, tried to give it a shot and ended up falling short on his expectations. it's a combination of performance anxiety and not being into her.


/next
 
yetti

yetti

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shookwun said:
disagree with what? I said it can be a combination of performance anxiety, not being into her or one of the two.

If he's not attracted to the girl, and putting pressure on himself to perform why would you expect any differently. he already said it himself, he wasn't into her, tried to give it a shot and ended up falling short on his expectations. it's a combination of performance anxiety and not being into her.


/next
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Being more into a girl can actually make it harder for a guy to get it up, not easier, because it can itself increase performance anxiety by increasing pressure to perform, and I think it's worth pointing out. So I'm not sure if your "I have fucked 9 different women this year and can attest to my theories" theories would necessarily apply here, you aren't in the same place. Or maybe they would. In any case my advice is simply to try to care less in general about whether or not the deed happens, with any girl.
 
Afro_Vacancy

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@shookwun I have no idea how you have had time the time to meet, and f***, nine separate women. I'm exhausted just from having met 9 women, and there's some effort usually required to have sex. I'm actually going to take somewhat of a break from women because I have too much going and am having a hard time handling it. You are special that you can do this, and grow your business, build your career, and work out six days a week. Congratulations to you.

@yetti, I think that's possible. I have not been on the drugs that long. I had a stronger reactions to a couple other women but that may be a fluke.
 
yetti

yetti

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Afro_Vacancy said:
@shookwun I have no idea how you have had time the time to meet, and f***, nine separate women. I'm exhausted just from having met 9 women, and there's some effort usually required to have sex. I'm actually going to take somewhat of a break from women because I have too much going and am having a hard time handling it. You are special that you can do this, and grow your business, build your career, and work out six days a week. Congratulations to you.

@yetti, I think that's possible. I have not been on the drugs that long. I had a stronger reactions to a couple other women but that may be a fluke.
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Feel very free to ignore this question, and if you want I'll immediately delete it... but I think? it may be something discussed somewhere else on this board that I didnt read but have seen referred to. Am I right in saying that you did have 1 full sex experience, with a professional? If so Im wondering how attracted to her you were, and if there was the limp issue or if it stayed up. . .. . .
 
shookwun

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Afro_Vacancy said:
@shookwun I have no idea how you have had time the time to meet, and f***, nine separate women. I'm exhausted just from having met 9 women, and there's some effort usually required to have sex. I'm actually going to take somewhat of a break from women because I have too much going and am having a hard time handling it. You are special that you can do this, and grow your business, build your career, and work out six days a week. Congratulations to you.

@yetti, I think that's possible. I have not been on the drugs that long. I had a stronger reactions to a couple other women but that may be a fluke.
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Well to be more precise I met all of these women over the weekend while going out. At the moment, I have no desire to handle and put fourth time into dating, and meeting women during the week. All while I balance work, gym, video games and volunteer work that I do during the week. Others might look at it like a normal every day date, but in my position I simply do not feel like devoting the time and energy into forming a relationship at the moment. hence why all lays were over the course of my nights on my days off.

to be fair, having moved back to a different city and started a new line of work. I simply have to much on my plate right now to have to worry about putting fourth energy into making a relationship work while balancing out work, rent and everything else involved with living in the upper end of the city. Until I settle down within the next six months, I am going to be focusing on me, and only me. Relationships require a lot of work, and energy in which I simply dont care to exert at the moment. I want to go out every weekend with my buddies, meet new girls, go to festivals, go on vacation and repeat the processes of something I havent experienced in a long time. When you enter a relationship, you are entering an agreement to be exclusive to eachother, and only each other. this requires compromises on both parties, and to be frank it's not something i want to commit to at the moment. I am having fun with my social life, and exerting minimal energy in meeting new women as I want.

But as you already mentioned, it's a lot of work to find the right catch. and you are at a point in your life where you should take time to find someone you truly want to be with. Not to be mistaken with your horniess you feel at any given moment, rather someone you have divine interest, and passion with. At the moment I am not parrallel with your goals, but once I settle in and I have a surplus in principle funds, and the time to meet someone, I will invest the time in that said person. Until then, I really just need to focus on building my social status back up, and acquiring my funds and career on track. In life you need to have balance between health, money and attraction. When you can consolidate all these within a balance, then you will find success. To much money, and no affection or anything inbetween and you will not feel satisfied.
 
shookwun

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yetti said:
Feel very free to ignore this question, and if you want I'll immediately delete it... but I think? it may be something discussed somewhere else on this board that I didnt read but have seen referred to. Am I right in saying that you did have 1 full sex experience, with a professional? If so Im wondering how attracted to her you were, and if there was the limp issue or if it stayed up. . .. . .
Click to expand...
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CaptainForehead

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Afro_Vacancy

Afro_Vacancy

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For the next few weeks, I'm taking a vacation from posting. I just have too much going on, and I need to focus.

I'd like to thank everybody for their counsel and interest through to this point.
 
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