Feel depressed after going to a bar last night..

[Feelsbadman]

I'm wondering if there's anyone else on here who is in a similar situation? Sorry for sob story but i feel really depressed and need to talk

My social skills are poor, they always have been. I had SEVERE social anxiety growing up. I couldn't even talk to people without having a nervous break down. My father is similar and so was his father. Guess it runs in the family. But i've come a long way and i'm proud of myself i can talk to people and make friends but the reality is i'll never be great socially.

My looks aren't great i'm short, (5'6) balding, genetic dark circles and super pale skin that doesn't tan well. I "looksmax" by working out, eating well etc but I'll never be really good looking and desirable to women from a physical perspective.

I'm self aware and this is what hurts me a bit. Every guy I know who is ugly or not that great looking who seems happy and has girlfriends usually has outstanding social skills, extroverted heaps of friends etc. Every other guy i know is usually good looking, tall etc.

So what happens to the man who has social anxiety and poor looks? It's really depressing. I really noticed this/had this feelings at the bar last night when women seemed repelled by me.

I know people say you should focus on other things hobbies, goals, career and so on.. but relationships and intimacy is a human need is it not?

I find myself feeling nostalgic and thinking back a couple of years ago to when I had a girlfriend. We only went out for 7 months but she was somewhat attractive and i was really happy with her. Didn't have to worry about going out, dating or trying to 'meet women'.

The funny part was she was actually a complete sl*t and had a host of severe issues (had slept with over 60 maybe even 100 guys before me) but due to my physical limitations and social skills i was just happy having a girlfriend and looked passed the bad parts (Stupidly).

Just feel really depressed about it. Wondering if any other guys on here are in a similar boat? poor social skills + ugly + short?

 

[justinbieberscombover]

Not you talking about that ex again

 

[Feelsbadman]

Not you talking about that ex again

i feel so sad today.

 

[justinbieberscombover]

i feel so sad today.

Feels bad man.

 

[mminh]

Cheer up bro.

Yeah, I'm ugly, short, and bald too, but that doesn't stop me from trying to live the life I want. Keep trying to improve yourself, depress moments will come along the way but the reward is for ones who never give up.

 

[iCloud]

You should see a therapist for your problems, and work on your social anxiety.

A least you can go to a bar. We don’t have that option over here.

 

[doubleindemnity]

I went to a bar once. I dressed up well and looked like I was in good shape that day, since my friends told me so. I've been told that I have a good head shape. I didn't get into a single interaction lasting more than one minute. Going to a bar like that is challenging for a regular looking guy. For a bald guy, he has no chance no matter what other good stuff he has about him, unless perhaps he's really tall. Don't go to bars. Play video games, listen to music, read books. You say that intimacy is a human need but not all humans are equal, and many others things are human needs too. E.g. people starve or don't have adequate shelter. Just make the best of your situation. I can recommend some video games and books if you want.

 

[yurguardianangel]

Go on meds or similar.
I used to be on Pregabalin(Lyrica) for severe GAD. It also helped my depression too,lifting my mood.
Downside long term was increased appetite and weight gain. I was fat on it.
Although I cared less about my appearance and everything on it, and it really worked for my mental health issues where meds like Zoloft failed.
I could not loose the weight even through diet and exercise. I guess it slowed my metabolism down.
Was even thick skinned to insults and abuse on it too!

I have tried CBD oil but it only somewhat helped my anxiety and depression.


I'm thinking of going back in it on a lower dose as a trade off,I rather be a bit overweight than a mess mentally.
Higher doses is what caused the weight gain and increased appetite last time.
Maybe I can get away with a slightly lower dose.

Anxiety is so severe now I cannot even leave the house on my own or I get massive paranoia and massive full blown panic attacks. Pandemic risk doesn't help things either.
And I got severe health anxiety/somatic disorder. So will get tinnitus, dizziness, off balance, dissociation(surreal type dream like vision) and other disabling physical things.

 

[justinbieberscombover]

I went to a bar once. I dressed up well and looked like I was in good shape that day, since my friends told me so. I've been told that I have a good head shape. I didn't get into a single interaction lasting more than one minute. Going to a bar like that is challenging for a regular looking guy. For a bald guy, he has no chance no matter what other good stuff he has about him, unless perhaps he's really tall. Don't go to bars. Play video games, listen to music, read books. You say that intimacy is a human need but not all humans are equal, and many others things are human needs too. E.g. people starve or don't have adequate shelter. Just make the best of your situation. I can recommend some video games and books if you want.

Recommend me books please

 

[DoctorHouse]

Recommend me books please

The Suptle Art of Not Giving a f*** is a great book. However, the best classic is Feeling Good. Best to listen on audio books.

 

[Feelsbadman]

The Suptle Art of Not Giving a f*** is a great book. However, the best classic is Feeling Good. Best to listen on audio books.

The subtle art of not giving f*** is the dumbest book i've ever read.. such a low IQ book. People who think it's good are legit dumb.

 

[Feelsbadman]

I went to a bar once. I dressed up well and looked like I was in good shape that day, since my friends told me so. I've been told that I have a good head shape. I didn't get into a single interaction lasting more than one minute. Going to a bar like that is challenging for a regular looking guy. For a bald guy, he has no chance no matter what other good stuff he has about him, unless perhaps he's really tall. Don't go to bars. Play video games, listen to music, read books. You say that intimacy is a human need but not all humans are equal, and many others things are human needs too. E.g. people starve or don't have adequate shelter. Just make the best of your situation. I can recommend some video games and books if you want.

Yea good point

I think it's just the day and age we live in. Especially with social media, tv, internet, p**rn and so on.. it's shoved down your face women, girls relationships love etc.. and when you have nothing of that it gets a bit sad sometiems.. esspecially now that ive experienced it once i want it again.. if that makes sense.

 

[justinbieberscombover]

The subtle art of not giving f*** is the dumbest book i've ever read.. such a low IQ book. People who think it's good are legit dumb.

Yea good point

I think it's just the day and age we live in. Especially with social media, tv, internet, p**rn and so on.. it's shoved down your face women, girls relationships love etc.. and when you have nothing of that it gets a bit sad sometiems.. esspecially now that ive experienced it once i want it again.. if that makes sense.

Funnily I just read the first chapter of that book and he says something similar to what you said in this post lol

 

[HLV]

The subtle art of not giving f*** is the dumbest book i've ever read.. such a low IQ book. People who think it's good are legit dumb.

Probably best not to insult people who are trying to help you here. You are in absolutey no position to judge others and their opinions.

 

[justinbieberscombover]

Probably best not to insult people who are trying to help you here. You are in absolutey no position to judge others and their opinions.

It's okay, if he has critique to the book I'm open to hear it but in a more constructive manner than "low iq", which I can't take seriously.

 

[DoctorHouse]

The subtle art of not giving f*** is the dumbest book i've ever read.. such a low IQ book. People who think it's good are legit dumb.

I don't give a f*** what you think. It was rather entertaining.

 

[frontal]

Probably best not to insult people who are trying to help you here. You are in absolutey no position to judge others and their opinions.

I am not trying defend him etc.

But he did say...

I had SEVERE social anxiety growing up. I couldn't even talk to people without having a nervous break down.

So when he said this...

The subtle art of not giving f*** is the dumbest book i've ever read.. such a low IQ book. People who think it's good are legit dumb.

It's the 'SEVERE social anxiety' made him say that(?)

 

[Feelsbadman]

nearly 2 years since i had a gf.

 

[DoctorHouse]

nearly 2 years since i had a gf.

It could be worse, it could be 3 years. Just remember the cure for hair loss will be here in 5 years so you only have to wait 3 more years without a girlfriend.

 

[doubleindemnity]

nearly 2 years since i had a gf.

It's all a matter of perspective. Most bald losers on here would give all they own to have a gf who they like for a single week. You lasted a few months with her. You're bald so that number is only going to increase; in 10 years it will be 12 years etc. My advice still applies; a bald guy has no business going to bars and thinking of picking up.

As for that subtle art book, I read the 'Models' book by the same author and I'm sorry to say that the material is completely ineffective. I'm sure that the stuff works for guys with hair. After feeling ripped off, I decided that I didn't want to buy another book by that author again. I have stopped reading these 'how to live' or self help style books now; the modern ones all seem very similar. I will read pure philosophy though.

Recent books that I enjoyed: The Day of the Jackal, Fahrenheit 451, Thinking fast and slow, Influence, Wiseguy/Goodfellas. I also read a book of Nietzsche; it was very tough but really worth it in the end. I'm also reading Darwin's original book on natural selection; maybe it's outdated nowadays but I want to get through it. I'll also pick up a Stephen Hawking book after that then maybe some more technical science books if I'm still interested.

One other book that I recently started is "If this is a man" by Primo Levi. I really like the way that it is written almost like an adventure novel, but it's all true and horrific. Jordan Peterson is a fan of books like these, that explain a person's experience in the most hellish situation. Being bald in today's society really is the worst life to live, but this reminds us that there were/are times and places where people went through and survived even worse. Books like this won't make you feel any less pain about baldness but it will give you some perspective.

TLDR. As a bald guy, I recommend try to read more books that teach you something new or make you think/question things rather than these 'how to live' style books. You might spend 20 minutes on dating apps per day and all for nothing because you're bald. Put those 20 minutes into reading a good book and you'll have new perspectives in a few weeks.