Dealing with the opinions of the people around you

[Allantint]

So Im 21 years old and I've been receding for quite a while now, in the past year the recession has progressed to thinning all over the top part of my head making my hair pretty thin. I still have some hair but I can't have any other hairstyle than kinda shortish hair. Thats why Ive been considering to get a hair system for the past 2 years.

The problem is that all the people around me seem to be against it or very hesitant. I was pretty open about it and told my current girlfriend about it, she had never heard about it before so when I first told her she was shocked and said "omg no". But then when I showed her some videos she kind of liked it. The problem is that now that she knows that I want my hair to be better she's mentioning that I could get a hair transplant. I can't for many reasons, im not a responder to finasteride and my hair is diffuse thinning. The thing that hurts is that she's so optimistic for the transplant but not so much for the system, she thinks "I would be happier with a transplant". Honestly it just makes me think she doesn't want me to get it done. I also told my parents I wanted to get it done but they weren't too positive about it either, and unfortunately I still live with them.

Does anybody have any experiences dealing with peoples opinions , parents or girlfriends?

 

[BaldBearded]

It's no one else's business but your own. You don't do this for others, you do it for yourself.

 

[Allantint]

It's no one else's business but your own. You don't do this for others, you do it for yourself.

Definitely I agree with you. But it can be somewhat daunting to do something if you have a long term partner be unsure about it. Just as it can be nerve racking to do something in a household where the people around you are somewhat against it. I want to get it done because I really think id look much better, I just can't seem to get my mentality in a place where id be comfortable to do it with the people that surround me..

 

[BaldBearded]

Definitely I agree with you. But it can be somewhat daunting to do something if you have a long term partner be unsure about it. Just as it can be nerve racking to do something in a household where the people around you are somewhat against it. I want to get it done because I really think id look much better, I just can't seem to get my mentality in a place where id be comfortable to do it with the people that surround me..

It's called... growing up... not trying to be harsh... but it's true... the older you get, the less you give any f&^ks about what anyone around you thinks. At 21, still living at home with your parents... it's natural.

Good luck...

 

[Smartone84]

Just sad, but then again if you're only 21 I'm going to assume your gf is your age or even younger than you. So, she has a bit of growing up to do if she can't understand how much this has affected you and that you want to do something to better yourself for it. Not much else to say but to repeat what BaldBearded said. This is for YOU. Somehow, someway, you have to understand that, and not give two f-cks what anyone else, EVEN your girlfriend, thinks.

 

[Diesel guy]

I understand why the opinion of others matters - and at 21! I also understand wanting to change your look - and nothing does it better than a new hair style. And I also understand the fear of looking ridiculous. I had that really thin hair from about 30 onwards. I would comb it, blow it dry, dye it - pretty much anything to try to get a new look - but between the actual hair getting thinner, and the quantity of hair going away - I was stuck with short hair, that I eventually couldn't even part any longer. So I get it. When I went on a hair system a few years back, I remember how aware I was about the entire process. People are going to know - but how are they going to react. I walked myself through the entire process.

I would say do a trial run. Find a salon and have them put a system on. They can do what we call a Cut In - making sure the system fits your head properly, color is matched. (and they can dye it if it needs to be - that is pretty normal for them), and the system is bonded securely and gives you the most realistic look. You can see for yourself how you look and like it, and others can too. You can make a decision from there.

Things to watch out for:

Everyone is going to be amazed at how real it looks
In a matter of HOURS, people aren't even going to remember what you looked like before.
People who haven't seen you in a while will notice that something looks different - you look good, but they can't put their finger on it.

If you don't like it - you can remove it, and in a few weeks your hair will grow out and you're back where you started.

 

[Allantint]

Just sad, but then again if you're only 21 I'm going to assume your gf is your age or even younger than you. So, she has a bit of growing up to do if she can't understand how much this has affected you and that you want to do something to better yourself for it. Not much else to say but to repeat what BaldBearded said. This is for YOU. Somehow, someway, you have to understand that, and not give two f-cks what anyone else, EVEN your girlfriend, thinks.

Why sad? I wasn't saying it in a bad or sad way, was just some thoughts I had lurking in the back of my head. "What if they don't like it" "Can they still touch my hair properly" "How are they going to react, laugh, like it, hate it?" "Why does she think id be happier with a hair transplant" That type of stuff

 

[Allantint]

I understand why the opinion of others matters - and at 21! I also understand wanting to change your look - and nothing does it better than a new hair style. And I also understand the fear of looking ridiculous. I had that really thin hair from about 30 onwards. I would comb it, blow it dry, dye it - pretty much anything to try to get a new look - but between the actual hair getting thinner, and the quantity of hair going away - I was stuck with short hair, that I eventually couldn't even part any longer. So I get it. When I went on a hair system a few years back, I remember how aware I was about the entire process. People are going to know - but how are they going to react. I walked myself through the entire process.

I would say do a trial run. Find a salon and have them put a system on. They can do what we call a Cut In - making sure the system fits your head properly, color is matched. (and they can dye it if it needs to be - that is pretty normal for them), and the system is bonded securely and gives you the most realistic look. You can see for yourself how you look and like it, and others can too. You can make a decision from there.

Things to watch out for:

Everyone is going to be amazed at how real it looks
In a matter of HOURS, people aren't even going to remember what you looked like before.
People who haven't seen you in a while will notice that something looks different - you look good, but they can't put their finger on it.

If you don't like it - you can remove it, and in a few weeks your hair will grow out and you're back where you started.

Hey thanks for the positive and encouraging reply.

I have been doing a lot of research about hair system lately and If you wouldn't mind id like to ask you a few questions.

Firstly my main concern is sweating and bond time, I want to continue to have an active lifestyle and I tend to sweat a lot when I get hot, (I know it depends on body chemistry) but in general does a hair system not lift too much when sweating?
Secondly, how did the closest people around you react? fx your partner or your closer acquaintances

 

[hair4meTomorrow]

I strongly believe that decent hair helps you in life. What other people may think is really determined by how good it is. People still have the view of the old school rugs.

If you plan on being active I strongly recommend learning how to be self sufficient. Go to salons sure, but make sure you can fix issues.

Sweating will reduce bond time, but it'll still be decent.

 

[Smartone84]

Why sad? I wasn't saying it in a bad or sad way, was just some thoughts I had lurking in the back of my head. "What if they don't like it" "Can they still touch my hair properly" "How are they going to react, laugh, like it, hate it?" "Why does she think id be happier with a hair transplant" That type of stuff

By sad I was referring to your girlfriend, because this is the society we live in where even someone's own significant other would be against something like this. Had nothing to do with you.

 

[Noah]

Hey Allantint

In my experience hair systems have to be carefully 'sold' to girls, and other non-wearers. Unfortunately they carry negative associations - the famous "stigma". Most of it is outdated, from a time when the only hair replacement available to the average guy was an unconvincing rug, the last refuge of the insecure. None of those old stereotypes apply to the systems we wear, but they mean you can't just say "I'm wearing a hairpiece" or "I'm thinking of getting a hairpiece" and expect instant acceptance (if you say "hair system" only other bald guys will know what you are talking about).

But there is good news too. It has never been so acceptable (at least in the last 100 years) for men to look after their appearance, and to do things to enhance their appearance. Self-care that in men would have been looked down upon as vanity only a few decade ago is now seen as self-respect. I am thinking of moisturising, body-building, Botox, cosmetic surgery like nosejobs and chin implants, hair colouring, hair transplants, dental veneers etc. Hell, the 74-year-old president of the US has a hair transplant and a dye job, and is never seen in public without heavy makeup.

So it is primarily not the concept of using a hair system which is problematic; but the description and the associations it carries. We need to find a way of communicating what we are doing to women in a way they will find palatable. Others may have different suggestions, but my idea is to associate our solution with things that girls know about and find acceptable. I would say "I have decided to have a hair extension process done", or "I am going to a specialist salon where they do a procedure to artificially thicken your hair". Note that I am talking about language here, not about concealing the factual reality. That is a separate topic. It's up to you whether you show the girl or let her feel the system or keep it off limits. I am acutely aware that it is easy to mock the advertising-speak that I am suggesting here, but language is important. Even if the girl knows at some level that you are wearing a hairpiece, it is important for her to have the vocabulary to express to herself why that is an acceptable thing for you to do.

Noah

 

[Jake1979]

So Im 21 years old and I've been receding for quite a while now, in the past year the recession has progressed to thinning all over the top part of my head making my hair pretty thin. I still have some hair but I can't have any other hairstyle than kinda shortish hair. Thats why Ive been considering to get a hair system for the past 2 years.

The problem is that all the people around me seem to be against it or very hesitant. I was pretty open about it and told my current girlfriend about it, she had never heard about it before so when I first told her she was shocked and said "omg no". But then when I showed her some videos she kind of liked it. The problem is that now that she knows that I want my hair to be better she's mentioning that I could get a hair transplant. I can't for many reasons, im not a responder to finasteride and my hair is diffuse thinning. The thing that hurts is that she's so optimistic for the transplant but not so much for the system, she thinks "I would be happier with a transplant". Honestly it just makes me think she doesn't want me to get it done. I also told my parents I wanted to get it done but they weren't too positive about it either, and unfortunately I still live with them.

Does anybody have any experiences dealing with peoples opinions , parents or girlfriends?

Hey man, thanks for sharing your story! I am new to this like you and also in a similar position in that I'm looking into getting a hair system and doing research.
Losing your hair at 21 is no fun, I can relate. That is the age I began thinning quite significantly, and by age 24-25 I had severe hairloss (not sure what Norwood # I was). It's rough bc so many of your peers at that age are not dealing with hair loss and that can be a lonely feeling, i totally get it and experienced it. But at least you are doing something about it and being proactive, and I think that shows alot of courage and will ultimately pay off for you. I feel like if hair loss bothers you now, it'll bother you 5 and 10 years from now, so better to find something in the way of a solution now and dont waste your young years being unhappy. Just my opinion.
Since I'm a newbie to all this and in the learning phase, I cant offer helpful advice, but I would encourage you to have a sit down heart to heart with your parents and girlfriend (if you haven't already) and just be honest about how you feel. I was also feeling unsupported by my girlfriend and close family members and a couple of close friends. When I mentioned hair systems to them it was like they just didnt get it and could not understand why I'd want to do that.
I basically had to sit down with each of them and explain to them how bad my hair loss makes me feel about myself, how it has negatively impacted my life, and how I just want to give this a try for myself to improve my confidence and quality of life. I told them I need their moral support in order to get through this, bc I cant do it alone. They all seemed to get it and are now on board, especially my gf and family.
I just think this process is stressful and difficult enough, and any kind of emotional support you can get from your loved ones is a crucial part of the journey.

Whether you choose hair systems or hair transplants I wish you the best of luck brother. You seem like a smart and motivated guy, I'm confident you're gonna navigate your way through this thing. I've found lots of good support, help and knowledge on this forum. I find it Way more helpful than any other place online I've searched. I hope you find the same kind of help here as well. Best wishes man!
Jake

 

[George Hen]

I’ve been wearing for a few years. My strategy was to tell one person I trusted (one of my siblings) so I could get an honest objective opinion. Apart from that I haven’t ever brought it up to anyone.

Fortunately this has worked out well - my sibling tells me they usually forget/don’t really think about it when they see me which puts my mind at rest and I know I’ve got someone I can call if I’m ever unsure about how things look.

As for everyone else, I’ve never had anyone bring it up except for in intimate settings (which I’ll get to in a minute). Most people seem to not know, know something’s going on but not exactly what or they do know and they just don’t mention it.

I’m sure if I did bring it up then I’d find out that most people know and don’t really care. Hopefully that’s because it suits me!

Intimate settings are obviously more difficult to navigate. I’ve had a couple of questions as to why my hair feels odd or why I insist I don’t want it to be touched. Luckily for me my excuses seem to have worked and I’ve never had to openly discuss my hair system even though I’m sure my partners were well aware!

Don’t do it for anyone else, do it for you. If you’re unhappy with the look/density/hairline/base/anything you can change it to make it work or look better for you.

A lot of people go just with looks - if you have a hair system which really works for you they don’t see a guy wearing a wig, they see a young guy with a nice head of hair who looks well put together.

 

[Smartone84]

Most people seem to not know, know something’s going on but not exactly what or they do know and they just don’t mention it.

What do you think it is about your system that you think most people seem to "know something's going on" ?

 

[Fanjeera]

I’ve been wearing for a few years. My strategy was to tell one person I trusted (one of my siblings) so I could get an honest objective opinion. Apart from that I haven’t ever brought it up to anyone.

Fortunately this has worked out well - my sibling tells me they usually forget/don’t really think about it when they see me which puts my mind at rest and I know I’ve got someone I can call if I’m ever unsure about how things look.

As for everyone else, I’ve never had anyone bring it up except for in intimate settings (which I’ll get to in a minute). Most people seem to not know, know something’s going on but not exactly what or they do know and they just don’t mention it.

I’m sure if I did bring it up then I’d find out that most people know and don’t really care. Hopefully that’s because it suits me!

Intimate settings are obviously more difficult to navigate. I’ve had a couple of questions as to why my hair feels odd or why I insist I don’t want it to be touched. Luckily for me my excuses seem to have worked and I’ve never had to openly discuss my hair system even though I’m sure my partners were well aware!

Don’t do it for anyone else, do it for you. If you’re unhappy with the look/density/hairline/base/anything you can change it to make it work or look better for you.

A lot of people go just with looks - if you have a hair system which really works for you they don’t see a guy wearing a wig, they see a young guy with a nice head of hair who looks well put together.

What are your excuses?

Thanks!

 

[Smartone84]

What are your excuses?

Thanks!

Just to chime in before George may answer, for me personally I feel like if you are going to wear a hair system, you need to do it with confidence in the sense that IF you are ever questioned or even outed, you have to own it. You can't be caught and then panic in front of the person with weak excuses followed by a fall into a deep depression over it. You have to know that you look like sh-t bald and the hair system was your best possible solution and you should also tell the person that as well. And tell them with confidence in your voice. I know that is my plan at least.

 

[BaldBearded]

People get used to seeing you, as you are... and after a while, they forget. I have had a number of instances where friends have popped by, over the weekend, on a day I am not wearing, and they say, "wow, yeah... haha, you are bald". And that's it.

My systems look natural enough, that people don't think twice. And remember, only wearers LOOK FOR IT... the average person will only notice something very off... like a visible base or hairline that is really bad.

 

[George Hen]

What are your excuses?

Thanks!

One time someone asked why my hair felt so hard - I think she meant the scalp (lace). I blamed it on product I was using at the time and said I overdid it a bit. The answer was a bit odd but it closed the convo and she didn’t ask again.

Another time a girl kept pressing asking why I was so sensitive about my hair being touched. I just kept answering the same thing saying I just dislike it and I can’t pinpoint why - it’s just the way I am and I also have product I don’t want to be messed up. She probably knew from then on but it never came up again.

last thing I can remember is, I was on a date and we saw a woman who was blatantly wearing a wig. The girl with me said “Is that why you never let me touch your hair - because it’s a wig?” I laughed it off and sarcastically said yeah sure, that’s why. Again, it never came up in convo after that.

You have to prepare yourself for these conversations. My approach is the laugh it off or make an excuse unless it’s blatantly obvious. Luckily that’s never been the case though.

I’ve always said that if I had a choice between wearing and everyone knowing or not wearing ever again I’d chose everyone knowing without hesitation. I do it for me and I love the difference it makes to my life.

 

[Smartone84]

@George Hen @BaldBearded
Sounds like you guys have some great hair systems. Would love to see some pics sometime. No need to show your faces. Just the hair would do. I'm sure it would help others too to see how realistic it can look.

 

[Diesel guy]

Hey thanks for the positive and encouraging reply.

I have been doing a lot of research about hair system lately and If you wouldn't mind id like to ask you a few questions.

Firstly my main concern is sweating and bond time, I want to continue to have an active lifestyle and I tend to sweat a lot when I get hot, (I know it depends on body chemistry) but in general does a hair system not lift too much when sweating?


Secondly, how did the closest people around you react? fx your partner or your closer acquaintances

My Routine: I still use a salon, and I am on a 3 week maintenance schedule. We remove, clean, color, do any haircut needed, and reapply. (I color my hair almost every time just to keep the browns dark and the contrast from 40% gray visible and sharp. If we don't tone the brown down - it starts to look ashy. This is just my preference.

I live in Texas - Hot, dry summers.

Play Tennis several times per week, and in the summer swim in a chlorinated (not salt water) pool. I've never swam in the ocean with a system - no comment there).

I use a hybrid base - - lace on the front and top of my head, and around the perimeter of the base from temple to temple I use poly. About the width of a strip of tape. This is a very popular configuration.

Sweat in and of itself isn't an issue - but it is a combination of sweat, sun and heat that has an impact only bond. I use to wear a 100% base unit, using adhesive (not tape) bond. What I discovered was between the sweat, sun and heat of the day, the bond would break down and seep thru the lace base, and onto my hair. This is a mess to clean up. We moved from the 100% lace base to the hybrid. We began using tape on the poly portion of the system, and using adhesive only on the front of my system. This left the top of my head free from any tape or adhesive - giving me the ability to better breath up top. Overall the tape holds well, and the adhesive - I can maintain that myself so about every 4-5 day's I clean that up. This pretty much corrected my issues. I did discover that the bonds that go on white and dry clear do not work for me. I use Devlyn (green label).

My first system was a total poly base (my salon said the ordered it incorrectly - but I have determined that this is code for they gave me what they had onhand. I did not like it. My scalp could not breath - and it felt and sounded like a plastic bag was on my head. But most annoying, when I took a shower, I could not feel the water hit my scalp.

Just recently tried a UTS system. It is not my preference. the V-looping gave me a bit more rise in my hairstyle - and couldn't feel the water from the shower. This is surprisingly a big deal for me. One advantage of UTS - cleanup is simple. I mean SIMPLE.


Reactions from others! I really planned my 'reveal' out in detail. Prior to getting my system, I let what little hair I had grow out a bit, grew my beard out a bit and got new glasses. We cut my system short and really thinned it out. Came to work on Friday not knowing what to expect. I work in the Diesel engine industry - so its not hard to imagine some of my apprehension. Anyway - I received nothing but compliments. My direct reports recognized it instantly and they all loved it. Others who didn't work with me closely noticed I looked different and either chalked it up to a shortened beard or new glasses. The natural default for a change in a mans appearance is not the addition of hair. The guys with hair said they could see themselves doing this if it looked this real on them, and the ones who could wear a system couldn't stomach the effort it takes to wear one. Even my father likes it - and notices when I get a new system/hairstyle.

I have never hid this, I talk about it, and want people to ask questions. I have a process I go thru now that almost makes it look like my hair is actually growing. I'll get a new system and cut it in a bit longer, cut my bio hair shorter - and over the course of time, let my bio hair grow out a bit, and slowly cut my system hair. I can change my style up a bit - and keep a bit of variety. People are fascinated at the realism of it all - and want to know how it works.

Here is a before system and after system.