Dealing with the opinions of the people around you

Diesel guy

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Hey Allantint

In my experience hair systems have to be carefully 'sold' to girls, and other non-wearers. Unfortunately they carry negative associations - the famous "stigma". Most of it is outdated, from a time when the only hair replacement available to the average guy was an unconvincing rug, the last refuge of the insecure. None of those old stereotypes apply to the systems we wear, but they mean you can't just say "I'm wearing a hairpiece" or "I'm thinking of getting a hairpiece" and expect instant acceptance (if you say "hair system" only other bald guys will know what you are talking about).


So it is primarily not the concept of using a hair system which is problematic; but the description and the associations it carries. We need to find a way of communicating what we are doing to women in a way they will find palatable. Others may have different suggestions, but my idea is to associate our solution with things that girls know about and find acceptable. I would say "I have decided to have a hair extension process done", or "I am going to a specialist salon where they do a procedure to artificially thicken your hair". Note that I am talking about language here, not about concealing the factual reality. That is a separate topic. It's up to you whether you show the girl or let her feel the system or keep it off limits. I am acutely aware that it is easy to mock the advertising-speak that I am suggesting here, but language is important. Even if the girl knows at some level that you are wearing a hairpiece, it is important for her to have the vocabulary to express to herself why that is an acceptable thing for you to do.

Noah

You will be pleased to know Noah, here in the states, the gay guys are taking a lead on this topic. I am in a gay mens chorus - 250 of us. This past summer we have had a new level of openness and honesty. This kind of took me by surprise because as open about my wearing as I am, this is the one group where I have intentionally kept the topic to myself. Being on the receiving end of gay-judgement and scorn is not fun. Anyway, we have had a virtual revolution among us - and guys are stepping up about hair transplants, and two members in our organization has spoken up about wearing hair systems. Now, they just started so everyone know they looked like before and after - where as I have had a system since I joined. The support was overwhelming. Aside from the 'you look great' - the mantra was. You do You!

Ask any girl from the 80's, and they will say the gay guys brought in the whole body sculpting, fashion, and skin management that is mainstream today. The message is getting out. What we have to get out is the livability of hair systems.
 

Diesel guy

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What do you think it is about your system that you think most people seem to "know something's going on" ?

Let me answer this one! To be clear almost no one recognized anything - but occasionally I'll see someone do a double take and it is always a bald guy. I found out a few weeks ago that one of the guys in my tennis group suspected something. I asked him how and why he suspected - and he said it looked like every once in a while my hair was suddenly thicker than the week before - or grew faster than he would have expected. Which falls right in line with what I have said about getting the consistency right in a hair system. But other than that no one has said anything to me outright.
 

Smartone84

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My Routine: I still use a salon, and I am on a 3 week maintenance schedule. We remove, clean, color, do any haircut needed, and reapply. (I color my hair almost every time just to keep the browns dark and the contrast from 40% gray visible and sharp. If we don't tone the brown down - it starts to look ashy. This is just my preference.

I live in Texas - Hot, dry summers.

Play Tennis several times per week, and in the summer swim in a chlorinated (not salt water) pool. I've never swam in the ocean with a system - no comment there).

I use a hybrid base - - lace on the front and top of my head, and around the perimeter of the base from temple to temple I use poly. About the width of a strip of tape. This is a very popular configuration.

Sweat in and of itself isn't an issue - but it is a combination of sweat, sun and heat that has an impact only bond. I use to wear a 100% base unit, using adhesive (not tape) bond. What I discovered was between the sweat, sun and heat of the day, the bond would break down and seep thru the lace base, and onto my hair. This is a mess to clean up. We moved from the 100% lace base to the hybrid. We began using tape on the poly portion of the system, and using adhesive only on the front of my system. This left the top of my head free from any tape or adhesive - giving me the ability to better breath up top. Overall the tape holds well, and the adhesive - I can maintain that myself so about every 4-5 day's I clean that up. This pretty much corrected my issues. I did discover that the bonds that go on white and dry clear do not work for me. I use Devlyn (green label).

My first system was a total poly base (my salon said the ordered it incorrectly - but I have determined that this is code for they gave me what they had onhand. I did not like it. My scalp could not breath - and it felt and sounded like a plastic bag was on my head. But most annoying, when I took a shower, I could not feel the water hit my scalp.

Just recently tried a UTS system. It is not my preference. the V-looping gave me a bit more rise in my hairstyle - and couldn't feel the water from the shower. This is surprisingly a big deal for me. One advantage of UTS - cleanup is simple. I mean SIMPLE.


Reactions from others! I really planned my 'reveal' out in detail. Prior to getting my system, I let what little hair I had grow out a bit, grew my beard out a bit and got new glasses. We cut my system short and really thinned it out. Came to work on Friday not knowing what to expect. I work in the Diesel engine industry - so its not hard to imagine some of my apprehension. Anyway - I received nothing but compliments. My direct reports recognized it instantly and they all loved it. Others who didn't work with me closely noticed I looked different and either chalked it up to a shortened beard or new glasses. The natural default for a change in a mans appearance is not the addition of hair. The guys with hair said they could see themselves doing this if it looked this real on them, and the ones who could wear a system couldn't stomach the effort it takes to wear one. Even my father likes it - and notices when I get a new system/hairstyle.

I have never hid this, I talk about it, and want people to ask questions. I have a process I go thru now that almost makes it look like my hair is actually growing. I'll get a new system and cut it in a bit longer, cut my bio hair shorter - and over the course of time, let my bio hair grow out a bit, and slowly cut my system hair. I can change my style up a bit - and keep a bit of variety. People are fascinated at the realism of it all - and want to know how it works.

Here is a before system and after system.

Great info and great story.

Just to ask 2 things... when out in the hot sun now and sweating, the Devlyn Green adhesive doesn't ever break down and seep through the lace?

With regards to the poly sounding like plastic was on your head, i'm assuming this was because it wasn't a full bond and a portion of it was still "loose" and unglued to your head? Yeah I can see that being very bothersome.
 

Diesel guy

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Great info and great story.

Just to ask 2 things... when out in the hot sun now and sweating, the Devlyn Green adhesive doesn't ever break down and seep through the lace?

With regards to the poly sounding like plastic was on your head, i'm assuming this was because it wasn't a full bond and a portion of it was still "loose" and unglued to your head? Yeah I can see that being very bothersome.

Over time all bonds will break down - some just take longer than others. Yes Devlyn did/does break down, just not as quickly. When I used the bonds that went on white and dried clear - between my chemical composition, sweat and other factors, I would experience breaking down in 2-3 day's when I was most active. When I moved to Devlyn all over I still had the breakdown issues, just delayed a day or two. It was when I moved to the hybrid and just using adhesive on the front - my seeping problem went away because I could easily do the maintenance before I had issues. Only once did I have issue with the tape breaking down - and I attribute that to inadvertently sticking my head under a HOT shower. When I press my finger right at the junction where my base and my hairline meet if I start to notice that it is slightly tacky- that is my indication I need to do my maintenance today. That is where I notice it first. In the winter months I typically have to do maintenance because of the hairline just getting dirty, etc. I wear an exposed hairline btw.

As for the plastic bag sound. Others have spoken about this and have more experience than I do - I've had only the one unit - my first. I did have a full bond, but I think that happens is that between what little hair I have still growing under the system, and just normal wear and tear, the unit is not as snug against my head as on day one or two. Others can probably speak more to this than I can.
 

Fanjeera

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One time someone asked why my hair felt so hard - I think she meant the scalp (lace). I blamed it on product I was using at the time and said I overdid it a bit. The answer was a bit odd but it closed the convo and she didn’t ask again.

Another time a girl kept pressing asking why I was so sensitive about my hair being touched. I just kept answering the same thing saying I just dislike it and I can’t pinpoint why - it’s just the way I am and I also have product I don’t want to be messed up. She probably knew from then on but it never came up again.

last thing I can remember is, I was on a date and we saw a woman who was blatantly wearing a wig. The girl with me said “Is that why you never let me touch your hair - because it’s a wig?” I laughed it off and sarcastically said yeah sure, that’s why. Again, it never came up in convo after that.

You have to prepare yourself for these conversations. My approach is the laugh it off or make an excuse unless it’s blatantly obvious. Luckily that’s never been the case though.

I’ve always said that if I had a choice between wearing and everyone knowing or not wearing ever again I’d chose everyone knowing without hesitation. I do it for me and I love the difference it makes to my life.
Saying it's product isn't too far from the truth either. Glue is product, glue can be thought of as a very strong gel as well :).
 

jimlad

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I just think doing something about balding is such an enlightened approach (no matter what method you go for). I know a couple of balding/bald guys my age (early 30s). One guy started when he was 16 and genuinely seems to have accepted the look. However, when I first introduced them to me with a hair system (I got one early and still had a lot of natural hair, so they couldn't see a huge difference) I noticed two of my bald mates suddenly looked really depressed. One was even checking himself in a mirror, and ended up putting a cap on in a restaurant. My new look had made them feel insecure, which seemed odd considering I was the one wearing a wig in public for the first time.

My point is that if this feels like something you want to do, then you should go for it. Sure, when you first wear hair, you'll feel HORRIBLY self-conscious and ridiculous - that's just part of the journey. But in my eyes, you will be doing what most guys in your situation are too scared to do, and in the long run you'll be better off.

I wish I'd done this sooner...
 

BaldBearded

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@George Hen @BaldBearded
Sounds like you guys have some great hair systems. Would love to see some pics sometime. No need to show your faces. Just the hair would do. I'm sure it would help others too to see how realistic it can look.
I don't have an issue showing my face, or my bald head, even...

And below, three different systems, three cuts, three stylists... I also shave my entire head... my bio hair is too wispy on the sides, and for some reason, dark brown in the back... meh...

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BaldBearded

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You will be pleased to know Noah, here in the states, the gay guys are taking a lead on this topic. I am in a gay mens chorus - 250 of us. This past summer we have had a new level of openness and honesty. This kind of took me by surprise because as open about my wearing as I am, this is the one group where I have intentionally kept the topic to myself. Being on the receiving end of gay-judgement and scorn is not fun. Anyway, we have had a virtual revolution among us - and guys are stepping up about hair transplants, and two members in our organization has spoken up about wearing hair systems. Now, they just started so everyone know they looked like before and after - where as I have had a system since I joined. The support was overwhelming. Aside from the 'you look great' - the mantra was. You do You!

Ask any girl from the 80's, and they will say the gay guys brought in the whole body sculpting, fashion, and skin management that is mainstream today. The message is getting out. What we have to get out is the livability of hair systems.

Ha!

So, both myself, the CEO of my company... and the majority of our clients who are under 40 (except myself) are gay.
 
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