Confessions thread

[Cassin]

Here is the first one

Years ago I was in the 6th grade I kind of knew was jerking off was but I'd never done it before. Normally when I got home from school
my parents were still at work and my brother was still at school for another hour or two so I knew that would be the perfect time to try it. For jerk off material, I called upon my 8th grade neighbor. I called him and I set it up so that walking home from the bus one day, he'll give me the goods. So finally the day come and he gives me this video. I can't wait to watch it.

I take the video across the street into my house. It's so close now. I get a shitload of my mother's hand lotion and an entire roll of toilet paper. I walk into my living room, since this is the only room with a VCR at the time. I put the tape in, I get all the remotes next to me (just in case someone comes home), I drop my drawers and I spread out on the love seat. Finally, I get to hit play.

The tracking is perfect, the video comes into focus. I get to see what I'm about to jerk off for the first time to. It's an HBO Real Sex show, I had no idea what that was but I was into it of course. I watch the intro and I start lathering myself up, to the point that my dick can barely be seen there is so much lotion.. Regardless of what is on the TV I know I'm gonna jerk off. However, back to the action on the screen, since I don't have any experience with a girl I have to rely on the video. What am I watching? I realize that I'm watching some type of documentary on a traveling midget sex theatre. f*** it, it's good enough.

Now I start really going at it, generously squirting my mom's hand lotion all over myself. I'm starting to feel a little funny, a new feeling. This is it, now all I have to do is release. Let go, whoosh. A huge cumshot...........NO, I'm pissing straight in the air all over myself and the loveseat. f***!! I mistook a megaload for just having a hard on and having to piss. Now I'm stuck cleaning a disgusting mixture of piss and cucumber melon off myself and the loveseat with some type of midget softcore p**rn playing in the background. I failed at f*****g myself.

However I've successfully jerked off a lot since then.

 

[Cassin]

haha funny. I thought he was gonna get caught. That

Me too!

Remember folks...

hltforums@yahoo.com if you want to send anything. I promise I will delete emails right away after I post them.

 

[Ori83]

Ok, i dont need to go anonymously about this;
I cry during movies, here's a partial list:

Forrest Gump
The Green Mile
The Shawshank Redemption
and...ahem ahem.. :

Juno and Titanic... (i was 14 !! GIVE me A BREAK!! jeez...)

 

[virtuality]

Ok, i dont need to go anonymously about this;
I cry during movies, here's a partial list:

Forrest Gump
The Green Mile
The Shawshank Redemption
and...ahem ahem.. :

Juno and Titanic... (i was 14 !! GIVE me A BREAK!! jeez...)

Dude, that's not a confession... I get emotional when I watch movies as well...

I have seen my 70yo dad shed a tear during movies as well..

 

[optimus prime]

What do you do for a living optimus prime?

I'm a project manager. I basically organise the web development team. Sounds cool, but its boring. I am looking to move into finance. Yay.

What about you?

 

[Ori83]

a student by day (accounting) and a delivery guy at night, i make twice the salary the Israeli IRS offers me, how f'ed up is that lol

 

[JimmyL]

How about the rest of the confessions, Cassin?

 

[virtuality]

I used to live with a gay guy, and once he sort of implied that if ever get too desperate he could help me out.. I declined :gay:

He basically asked me if I would consider sleeping with a gay guy if I was sexually desperate... My answer was NO... He then made another remark, I can't remember what exactly he said, I think he said something like "If you can't get a pussy, you can always get an ***"...

I honestly believe he was trying his luck... We were pretty close, but not in a Brokeback Mountain style close.

I basically told him that I don't fancy men, just like gay men don't fancy women.

 

[barcafan]

Why do I get the feeling that all rsponses to this thread will be bragging about sexual conquests. :whistle:

Probably because that's all this forum really talks about.

 

[EasyEd]

I happen to know a really dirty secret about my wife's parents (my in-laws, if you will). First, let me begin by saying that they're divorced and hate each other today - they've been divorced for about 10 years. Anyway, one of them cheated on the other repeatedly, and I know this and my wife doesn't. The one that got cheated on told me one time after a few drinks, and I never was able to tell my wife. In fact, the one that told me was ok with me telling her, which I thought was a pretty bad situation to put me in. I don't think I've ever told her because there's really no reason for her to know. I really don't think any good would come out of it - only bad. It would probably make her resent her parent that cheated for obvious reasons...and resent her other parent for telling me and just for the fact that they said anything at all about it. This is a dirty little secret that I think about every single day and will likely take with me to the grave.

 

[optimus prime]

I happen to know a really dirty secret about my wife's parents (my in-laws, if you will). First, let me begin by saying that they're divorced and hate each other today - they've been divorced for about 10 years. Anyway, one of them cheated on the other repeatedly, and I know this and my wife doesn't. The one that got cheated on told me one time after a few drinks, and I never was able to tell my wife. In fact, the one that told me was ok with me telling her, which I thought was a pretty bad situation to put me in. I don't think I've ever told her because there's really no reason for her to know. I really don't think any good would come out of it - only bad. It would probably make her resent her parent that cheated for obvious reasons...and resent her other parent for telling me and just for the fact that they said anything at all about it. This is a dirty little secret that I think about every single day and will likely take with me to the grave.

Yea, definitely don't tell her. It will be something she will obsess about and then you will got shot. The messenger always gets shot.

 

[EasyEd]

I understand your point that time could make this worse, but I just don't see the benefit of saying anything. There have been a couple of times where I ALMOST said something, but could never go through with it. Maybe at some point I'll end up telling her.

And probably not a fair comparison with Paterno. There isn't too much harm in me holding this information, whereas Paterno and his cronies that knew about the incidents should die and rot in hell.

 

[Cassin]

I sh*t my pants one morning trying to fart in a Denny's. I was wearing tan work pants, I tried pulling my shirt down to cover it up but the shirt wasn't long enough. I slowly waddled to the bathroom and tried cleaning it but that didn't work either. Waddled back to my seat and finished eating my pancakes then walked out acting like nothing was wrong.

 

[Cassin]

I have been sleeping with my best friends wife off and on for the past five years and I may be the father of one of his kids. I am not sure but its likely. I fell terrible about the whole thing but she gives the best rimmer/bj of all times, I cant give that up. She loves licking *** but he wont let her because its gross

 

[Cassin]

Me and my friend growing up once jerked each other off when we were 15 years old. It was my one and only gay experience.

 

[Cassin]

I was doing this fat girl once and i pretended i cummed because i knew i couldn't stay hard f*****g her much longer.

 

[Cassin]

lol

thats it for now...sorry I got backed up on these

 

[optimus prime]

I sh*t my pants one morning trying to fart in a Denny's. I was wearing tan work pants, I tried pulling my shirt down to cover it up but the shirt wasn't long enough. I slowly waddled to the bathroom and tried cleaning it but that didn't work either. Waddled back to my seat and finished eating my pancakes then walked out acting like nothing was wrong.

Nightmare. Total nightmare.

I have been sleeping with my best friends wife off and on for the past five years and I may be the father of one of his kids. I am not sure but its likely. I fell terrible about the whole thing but she gives the best rimmer/bj of all times, I cant give that up. She loves licking *** but he wont let her because its gross

Karma will catch up with you. No excuses for this.

Me and my friend growing up once jerked each other off when we were 15 years old. It was my one and only gay experience.

lol

I was doing this fat girl once and i pretended i cummed because i knew i couldn't stay hard f****ing her much longer.

lol even harder.

 

[HughJass]

I have been sleeping with my best friends wife off and on for the past five years and I may be the father of one of his kids. I am not sure but its likely. I fell terrible about the whole thing but she gives the best rimmer/bj of all times, I cant give that up. She loves licking *** but he wont let her because its gross

True or not, I LOL'ed

 

[finfighter]

he he.

Where are you from dontwantobe? Presumably the states!?

I know ''takes the biscuit'' thats hilarious, here we say ''takes the cake''.