What to tell to people who want to discuss your hair system in front of other people?

[Fanjeera]

Like questions "are you still wearing a toupee?" or "hair still in place?" or smth. Can't imagine going to them all one on one and asking politely not to do it. This would at first work, but maybe in the end make them think about it even more and if relations go bad, make them even bring it out even more. I just ignore or answer with a very short yes-no answer, so the discussion ends, but still there might be people who don't know and maybe shouldn't get to know. Usually its in a company of people who already know anyway, but still not very good to remind the fact repeatedly. One day there might be someone who doesnt know in the company. What would you do? More often they are bald guys who seem bitter who want to bring up the topic. Maybe wear a hat in the company of angry bald men? Luckily this more often happens when they are drunk.

 

[Hair2019]

Why did you feel the need to tell your co-workers you wear a hair system in the first place? That defeats the object to me.

 

[Fanjeera]

Why did you feel the need to tell your co-workers you wear a hair system in the first place? That defeats the object to me.

Haven't told to coworkers. But one of my colleagues likes to touch others and their hair all the time, so once she commented when she was inside my hair with her fingers and trying to massage my head.

This might not be the situation for many here, but my first system was so bad that some people figured out and then sometimes I figured it was easier to tell some friends myself. Also I was so euphoric and positive about it at first that I didn't care.
Also as I use hair building fiber and am not making a secret of that, I try to leave the impression that that's what's going on with my hair.

 

[TooBad]

This has been my position, the whole time, regarding telling people you wear.

You "disclose" that you're "hiding" an insecurity, then become irritated when the information you chose to share is used as a topic of discussion with or without your knowledge.... Most likely significantly more often behind your back.

What do people expect?

The sole purpose of attaching hair to our head is to hide balding, not draw attention to it.

If you want to draw attention to the fact that you're bald, the best way is to walk around without hair!

I will never understand the desire to share that you're wearing a wig.

I can assure you no one thinks it's cool to wear a wig, and no one is envious that they don't get to glue someone else's hair to their head.

We do this tedious work to make ourselves look better to others, which ultimately makes us feel better about ourselves. There's nothing wrong with that, If you don't like something, fix it!

But...there is absolutely 0 positive that can come from people knowing, yet countless negatives.....and you just shared one example.....

 

[Fanjeera]

Yeah, I was young and stupid, didn't care too much for some reason and too happy that I just had hair.

 

[Fanjeera]

Also hair building fiber amounts had got so huge that I already felt quite okay with looking a bit silly anyway. That helped with accepting a too thick system with a nongraduated hairline. But that was 6 years ago and now thinking has changed a bit.

 

[Noah]

Unfortunately you can't put the genie back in the bottle. All you can do is stop them talking about it to your face. Next time someone references your hairpiece, say "Sorry, my hairloss situation is a very private thing for me, and I am not comfortable with it being discussed". That will shut them up, unless they are extremely uncivilised. You can't stop them talking about it behind your back if they want, and in fact your reaction will likely generate a bit of gossip out of earshot.

A better approach would probably be just to smile weakly any time anyone brings the subject up, say nothing whatsoever in response, and if possible politely walk away from the conversation. People raise this subject to get a reaction from you. If you never give them one, they will eventually get fed up.

 

[Fanjeera]

A better approach would probably be just to smile weakly any time anyone brings the subject up, say nothing whatsoever in response, and if possible politely walk away from the conversation. People raise this subject to get a reaction from you. If you never give them one, they will eventually get fed up.

This is exactly what I do. Can't think of anything better yet.

Only good side of this could be that maybe someone will also tell my girlfriend so I don't have to myself.

 

[deg_dilemma]

I thought about moving jobs, leaving the country, getting new friends and never seeing family again ....

 

[George Hen]

I’d never bring it up voluntarily for the reasons others have listed. I’m not proud of the fact I have to do this, it was something I had to do due to my hair loss - something I hated and couldn’t control.

If baldness, hair loss or wigs ever come up in conversations (which they occasionally do but luckily never about me), I usually try to let the conversation go on naturally, maybe gently steer it in another direction but I would never admit to anything myself. I would actually deny it if someone asked me, even if they were sure I was wearing, because hopefully that would clarify my position of not wanting to discuss it.

I hated people making comments about my balding, I would hate comments about my hair system all the same and, like Noah said, once the genie’s out the bottle it’s pretty much impossible to get it back in.

 

[Fanjeera]

I even felt proud actually that I had won this unbeatable problem finally that I had whined about my whole life. And also the stress of doing so much work with it made me break as well. Felt I needed to share.

If baldness, hair loss or wigs ever come up in conversations (which they occasionally do but luckily never about me), I usually try to let the conversation go on naturally, maybe gently steer it in another direction but I would never admit to anything myself. I would actually deny it if someone asked me, even if they were sure I was wearing, because hopefully that would clarify my position of not wanting to discuss it.

Me too. I usually just try not to participate on that topic. Very often people speak about hair, especially at work as I work in such field in medicine where we actually diagnose and treat androgenetic alopecia.

 

[Jake1979]

Like questions "are you still wearing a toupee?" or "hair still in place?" or smth. Can't imagine going to them all one on one and asking politely not to do it. This would at first work, but maybe in the end make them think about it even more and if relations go bad, make them even bring it out even more. I just ignore or answer with a very short yes-no answer, so the discussion ends, but still there might be people who don't know and maybe shouldn't get to know. Usually its in a company of people who already know anyway, but still not very good to remind the fact repeatedly. One day there might be someone who doesnt know in the company. What would you do? More often they are bald guys who seem bitter who want to bring up the topic. Maybe wear a hat in the company of angry bald men? Luckily this more often happens when they are drunk.

Man I know that can be rough! Experience has taught me not to give people any "ammunition", especially in any area involving a physical insecurity of mine.
This is more about work/job relationships and not actual real friends.
Even if you trust them or consider them a work friend/colleague, the minute u offend them or do something they feel has betrayed their trust, they will go for the "jugular" and your Achilles heel. Also most people have a need to speak negatively about others, sometimes just to make conversation, so things like hair pieces are Gold to people like that.

I have learned that as a guy we are "fair game" when it involves picking on a physical flaw like weight or hair loss, bc society says we are supposed to be thick-skinned and tough and able to take it on the chin and just keep it moving. This can be a difficult task some days.
I totally get that u were so happy about successfully combatting hairloss that u didnt care at the time.
Hindsight is 20/20 I suppose. Sounds like u are handling it with class and dignity, giving them a reaction is worst thing u can do!
I imagine it will die down over time and no one will even care.....people love the latest juiciest gossip, not old news

 

[someone_solitary]

Happened to me when I overheard two associates of mines discussing about my 'wig' (this is what they called a system) behind my back. I went straight to them and said to one of them that I can see his thining hair and receding hairline and if at any point of time he wishes to wear a system he can contact me for expert advise. I still remember the change of expressions on his face. I made him believe that hairloss can happen to him as well and I will be happy to help him whenever he gets bald. Lol!

 

[Mystery411]

I’ve told a few women and they couldn’t care less. I remember being so nervous, at first, too. They had 0 issues and we continued hooking up (one was a gf). I also told a balding friend and he was blown away. But I joked about it when I mentioned it. I said, “you could always get a man-weave like mine.” He asked me every single question about it and I had no problems answering. He was in awe and I was flattered lol. I’m sure some co-workers probably know, or think I got a transplant. If someone were to ask, I would say, “I hated my thinning hair, so I got a weave. I’m rolling with the sistas now. Can I get a heyyy?” lol. Eventually, my loved ones and friends will all know….and f it. Life is too short to worry about what others think of me. While I won’t go out of my way to say, “hey look! I’m wearing hair,” I won’t deny it either. It is what it is. If I was in a situation where co-workers were talking about it…let them. Shiiii…we talk about all of the bad plastic surgery here. It’s only fair lol.

 

[TEG]

only 1 person did that to me, but he wanted to know what Dr I went to. He was balding as well. I guess that is a compliment on my piece. His wife kept telling him to shut up

 

[Fanjeera]

I imagine it will die down over time and no one will even care.....people love the latest juiciest gossip, not old news

I think it is becoming less and less with time yes and as the look becomes more realistic. I hoped it would be quicker though. Someone on a different forum wrote that his friend had even forgot with years. That's what I was hoping for. Maybe it just takes a few more years. Actually many coworkers have forgot, if they even noticed in the first place, because they sometimes comment on my hair like it was real and have even said that it is.
At the moment my hairpiece has become quite thin and after swimming in the sea and wearing a hat the whole day (makes hair look really flat, thin, weak) and then taking it off a friend asked why I stopped wearing lol. Maybe it's a trick worth pulling to sometimes let the hairpiece go as bad as your hair used to be, if you didn't ever let it go past Norwood 2 or 3. And then ofcourse not doing the mistake again of putting on a totally different hair system.

 

[jimlad]

I think this is why I always recommend that newbies get this done before they've fully lost the hairloss battle. I went fairly under the radar with mine, but people did notice that SOMETHING was up. One guy asked if I had 'plugs' in front of a whole load of my friends, which I just about styled out. But people are strange. On that day, clearly everyone was asking a lot of questions internally. But I think that people assume if you're wearing a 'wig' it means that you are fully bald, and if you've never been fully bald in their eyes, then they simply can't compute that you'd be wearing a wig. After a while, folks just take it as it is. I've been complimented on my locks, and even my poor mum (who I WAS going to tell, but turns out I just don't need to) still tells me how lucky I am that I inherited her hair and not my dad's!

Bottom line: folks get used to it. It's a matter of time.

 

[TEG]

I think this is why I always recommend that newbies get this done before they've fully lost the hairloss battle. I went fairly under the radar with mine, but people did notice that SOMETHING was up. One guy asked if I had 'plugs' in front of a whole load of my friends, which I just about styled out. But people are strange. On that day, clearly everyone was asking a lot of questions internally. But I think that people assume if you're wearing a 'wig' it means that you are fully bald, and if you've never been fully bald in their eyes, then they simply can't compute that you'd be wearing a wig. After a while, folks just take it as it is. I've been complimented on my locks, and even my poor mum (who I WAS going to tell, but turns out I just don't need to) still tells me how lucky I am that I inherited her hair and not my dad's!

Bottom line: folks get used to it. It's a matter of time.

the first day I went to work with it on a girl approached me at the end of the day and told me the rumour around the office was that I got plugs. Funny...they obviously dont know what they are talking about.

 

[Hair2019]

I've always wondered what exactly are 'hair plugs'? Isn't that an old fashioned sort of hair transplant?

 

[Mystery411]

I've always wondered what exactly are 'hair plugs'? Isn't that an old fashioned sort of hair transplant?

Yup! They were common in the 90’s. The hair had awful, doll hair-like roots. I’ve seen some terrible plugs, back in the day. I legit felt bad for these dudes, and this was before I even started losing hair myself.