What is it about balding that scares us so much?

[ladysmanfelpz]

I'll try to keep this short as I'm sure I as well of many of us have a lot to say about this.

It's not the fact of having bad hair, or thinning hair, but slick bald is unbearable to me. I always admired the lead actors of hollywood. I loved the look of the Ace pilot with a 5 o'clock shadow, aviators, and a thick head of messy hair. I couldn't stand even looking at my dad's wedding photos where he had his wispy NW5 combed back in his late 20's surrounded by his Italian siblings with full heads of black, brown and blonde hair. Despite all the negative portrayals of thin hair in the media, such as the villian, the zombie character (come on we all must have realized that with the zombie craze lately), or just the inferior man to the handsome lead. We can have all this negative talk, but hair is just hair, but when you are completely stripped of a characteristic it really hurts. When I started balding at 17 I did all that I could to prevent it from happening and people from noticing. But when minoxidil stopped working at 21 reality hit me swift and hard and I think it took a tremendous toll on how I handled the situation. Hair was never my main attribute, but I have a handsome face and good body, but when you have no hair its a different story.
Even male models with the best bodies like Freddie Ljungberg have to at least have some hair on their heads.

I'm passed the vain talk and all that BS and even don't care as much as you guys about having thick locks or all my hair back, but slick bald is scary as **** to me. It could be that if I didn't start treatment that I would have been slick bald at 22. Attractive young man to slick bald in that short of time just doesn't seem right. It makes you feel like something is wrong with you where even family members are like what the hell happened. Buzzing my head sucked dick, cuz everyone says, "Hey its okay cuz it'll grow back" but for me it was only going to grow in weaker. Now I can buzz without worries since it is completely halted and have gotten a little back, but if I had to full bic my head I don't know what I would do...

Discuss

 

[ladysmanfelpz]

Yes Fred! I was hoping you would respond. I always see you in this section and I think our stories are similar.

But that is another thing I don't get about people always bitching about on these forums. The "I would be fine with just some hair" argument. Well of course a full head would be great, but that is what everyone admires. Let's face it, the George Clooney's and Brad Pitt's are lucky sons of b****s. Hairloss is a normal part of aging, but when dramatic and excessive it should be treated and now we have a treatment for it; finasteride.

Like I said I started treatment young because I saw it as hygiene. If your hair is falling then do something to maintain or thicken it. But being young I was so scared of getting on a drug and why should a healthy young man need any medication. Not that the horror stories really kept me from finasteride, but I just thought it was another bogus hairloss treatment that claimed results but more than likely were false. I thought it was like minoxidil where it might work, but most likely won't do too much plus you have to handle the worry of penis side effects. But no it actually hits the fundamental process of balding and does work.

But can't agree more Fred. Everyone looks so much better with just some hair. PPl point at Statham and are like he is bald, cuz obviously he doesn't have much hair, but the fact that he has SOME hair there doesn't give him the slick bald appearance. Same when Vin Diesel hit the scene. Everyone was like oh hes a bald macho man where I'm saying, "he has a full hairline but can just keep it short and keep his normal appearance." Not like for us hairloss sufferers where temples show and our looks have been degraded from such dramatic loss of hair.

So like others have said, the drug really helped me out with the self consciousness. Being hit by balding young is tough, but can't be happy enough there is treatment that keeps my hair. I had it long for the last 6 months since regrowth came in, but it still doesn't look 'normal' and I just shaved it down to 2 on the sides and 4 on top and can't be happy enough. A short NW3 gives me way more confidence than a balding kid. I have vellus all the way up to a NW2 and hope treatments continue to work. In the meantime I'll work on the body, but take the results I get. I'm much happier as a masculine looking buzz cut than a thinning 20 yr old trying to hang on to his looks.

 

[heisenberg]

It's other people's reactions as well that scares me.. other than the fact that I never expected myself to be balding at such a young age.

Maybe when you're older, it's a little easier when your friends and old classmates start going through the same thing.. but when you're only a couple if years out of high school .. all your old classmates (especially the girls) are like "wtf happened".. that's what hurts the most.

 

[hellouser]

It's other people's reactions as well that scares me.. other than the fact that I never expected myself to be balding at such a young age.

Maybe when you're older, it's a little easier when your friends and old classmates start going through the same thing.. but when you're only a couple if years out of high school .. all your old classmates (especially the girls) are like "wtf happened".. that's what hurts the most.

That never stops, a few years after high school or a few decades... they'll always go 'wtf happened' and peg you at the bottom of the totem pole.

 

[kingdomforhair]

That never stops, a few years after high school or a few decades... they'll always go 'wtf happened' and peg you at the bottom of the totem pole.

I was watching this movie with a high school reunion in it. Very stereotypical affair, middle aged people dancing around, drinking etc.
Then the female protagonist, who was fat in HS, returns looking awesome. She sees the her old high school crush bald. Then she struts passed him with a feeling of superiority.

Actually I've seen that scene played out with some variation in many movies. Balding is seen as an equalizer, something that can bring even the best of us down to mere 'trash' status.

Fair or not that's how people see it, despite in many cases the victim having no say in their hair loss, unlike fat people who are heaped in the same basket.

 

[hellouser]

I was watching this movie with a high school reunion in it. Very stereotypical affair, middle aged people dancing around, drinking etc.
Then the female protagonist, who was fat in HS, returns looking awesome. She sees the her old high school crush bald. Then she struts passed him with a feeling of superiority.

Actually I've seen that scene played out with some variation in many movies. Balding is seen as an equalizer, something that can bring even the best of us down to mere 'trash' status.

Fair or not that's how people see it, despite in many cases the victim having no say in their hair loss, unlike fat people who are heaped in the same basket.

People privileged with hair have no idea what its like... even if they were to read comments like the ones here, they'd deny everything, say balding is no big deal, but then go back to completely humiliating anyone with baldness the next day.

I hate being at the bottom of the totem pole, I'm effing tired of it... worse yet, I live and work in the most superficial city in Canada; Toronto. Everything is stacked against me.

 

[ladysmanfelpz]

Jesus guys. Come on I made a pretty specific topic, not just another forum for you guys to bloat about and express your internalized sorrows from hairloss.

I felt the same way balding early. I didn't want to come back and see old friends looking like I had aged 20 years. Balding just didn't seem age appropriate and I think we can all relate on how it feels to be that guy that stands out in the crowd. Be it a black guy in a small farm town, or slick bald biker at a feminist rally, you just don't fit in every situation and people look at you different. Try being a NW4 college student in a hippy town where everyone grows out there hair and at least 1/10 white guys has dreads. Try going to a party looking like me and try to fit in. And I thought the same about high school reunions and just seeing old friends/family in general. I thought if I went bald I would look COMPLETELY different.

Now I'm coming to the realization that it is not so. I will still have my same face and body and mannerisms as I did before and any girl that isn't superficial or shallow will look past a little hair. Yes I would like to have my hair, but like the topic of the thread, I just could not stand going completely bald. That would just shatter my confidence to keep my head up high and display my features and personality, but as long as I can have some hair I think I will be alright. Maybe one day I will be able to cope with letting it go, but 22 was not the time and finasteride has saved me a LOT of time.

And do your research on this **** guys. Don't just think you were handed the ugly stick and are inferior to everyone. I see life as a game of trade offs, and ya we were handed balding which unfortunately is nearly disdained by society now, but there are positives to it too. DHT is the molecule that gives us our secondary sexual characteristics. And ya I got the "Whoa, your only 20? You look like such a, uh... man" comments too Fred. But premature hairloss is why I think I developed such masculine characteristics. I have prominent cheek bones, a sharp jaw line, broad shoulders, a strong brow, and a good looking c***. Lol 5AR deficiency leads to a micropenis. Thats the clinical term. Look it up and thats why I think most of us premature balders are pretty well off in the trunk trouser department. Now those are features NO ONE can ever take from me that many man would admire. Now hair can be fixed, although not completely, but science may bring us a full head one day, but like I said at least I don't look like a low testosterone softy back up bass guitarist hippy.

So I am very grateful that we have a drug that can keep our hair around, because I noticed all the same negative reactions by people as soon as my hair started falling and I held the "ooo he's going bald" appearance. Well now after treatment most of my hairs seem to be in the growth or at least stabilized phase and I don't have the "bald" appearance much anymore, just thin hair with a high hairline. I started treatment in college and got results over the summer and the girls that once despised me and turned me down would do anything to get with me. But you know what, **** 'em. I'm doing my own thing and working my *** off to get into med school. Hey I turned to the books when social life took a dive in the toilet, but I realized life isn't a party and I have a long ways to go so I may as well live it happily, so now I've retained my looks but going to continue to strive towards my goal and not let hair or girls or other BS get in my way.

So don't be so superficial and worry about that Brad Pitt head of hair to show up to your 15 year high school reunion. I bet you would get more negative reactions cuz of that from ppl saying, "ohh I heard he took drugs for his hair." Instead show up as the man with a good career, many stories, and a brain full of knowledge. That will impress more girls than "the dude" who came from his bowling tournament and takes life as it goes with ZERO ambitions. If a girl wants the man then she'll take the man, if she wants a feminine dude that looks like justin bieber and has nice hair, a soft nose, pouty lips, and a weak c***, then let her.

 

[VeprSuper]

On a side note, Freddie L looks like a stick to me. Wouldn't call that a "best body". Just skinny:woot:

 

[GoldenMane]

Going bald is a huge change in your personal appearance, and one that happens regardless of health or lifestyle, and apart from being a good drug responder, it's not something you can control. Anyone who's appearance is drastically changing for the worse would take it badly, it would be weird if you didn't. Many women and non balding guys think it's okay to poke a bit of fun, or tease the guy about going bald, said people are just extraordinarily insensitive. You wouldn't tease a woman at the office about being fat, and that's totally her own doing, but it's perfectly fine for her to have a jab at you for losing your hair.

 

[ladysmanfelpz]

I know I know and thats why it sucks. It is completely out of our control. But when I started losing, I just thought it was the inevitable and I was going to have to cope and find other ways to make myself attractive and successful and appear confident even without hair. That is what upsets me because an overweight person it is all their fault. But now with modern medicine at least their is something we can do. That is our problem faced coping, propecia, and next comes emotion faced coping which can prove to be very difficult, but I am working on that now. I was so afraid of being labeled 'bald' that it did change my personality. I was not as vocal or expressive and instead hid in the shadows at work, class, parties, etc. Well after treatment I'm able to be more of myself. Yes I still run into the bathroom before entering class or work to check my hair and make sure it looks presentable. I wish I could be normal like everybody else and walk in with a beanie on and take it off and have no worries about how my hair is falling or how much scalp is showing, but being a hairloss sufferer I can't.

It is a huge change in appearance and we get **** about it all the time. I think I put off a persona or looked so uncomfortable about my hairloss that whenever people, especially people I didn't know too well and good friends alike, would not bug me about balding or changed the subject whenever hair came up. Now I can talk about it a little more openly and if people say "oooo you're going bald" I can shrug it off and be like look at me in 5 years cuz with finasteride I know its not going anywhere. I think it is the fact that we get so scared of bald it causes great distress that is internalized and it shows through our posture and body mannerisms. Just as if a girl was self conscious about her feet and you made some comment toward them she would get shy and try to change the subject.

Unfortunately balding is a big joke to society and we take the brunt of it. And it happens to be on our ****ing head so takes a big direct impact on our appearance. Changes in appearance are what take the biggest toll on happiness over money and success and so it is very difficult for us hairloss sufferers especially when the loss happens quickly. But I feel that buying time with finasteride has given me new life. I felt like nothing being bald while all my peers didn't and probably will not have to worry about it. I am no longer as anxious and don't put off that self conscious persona that says, "please don't make any comments on my appearance. I'm very sensitive." We need to hold our heads up high and adopt the jason statham and vin diesel approach. They don't get teased about being bald not because they are big and strong, but because they don't let it define them. You can tell when something is bugging someone, even if it is out of their control or even far in the past, such as a sexual assault, and balding affects our day to day and I think people can tell the impact it has on someone. But if you don't let it define you like Vin and Statham then it shouldn't be a problem.

Easier said than done I know, but I think its something we should all strive for.

 

[I.D WALKER]

Glad to hear you proclaim that finasteride. has successfully helped you retain your own sense of identity and given you a new lease on life. Be thankful friend because your rosy outlook ain't the norm round here.

 

[ladysmanfelpz]

It still stripped me of my normal look. I used to have hair about 2-3 inches long on top with it a little shorter on the sides. Now it only looks normal with a buzz and good up to about 1 inch length, but so far I can handle that. It's just the fact of being full bald that is terrifying. Having to shave your head completely in order to keep a clean cut look would be miserable and demeaning. Looks would be terrible and I feel I wouldn't even fit in at family functions being slick bald. When your older its okay, but in your 20's you just look like something is wrong with you. **** I still want hair even when I'm older and would be fine with a close crop with thin on top, but when you have a horseshoe, no matter what facial features, facial hair, and how good of hair you have left, you still look odd.

 

[GoldenMane]

Finasteride and minoxidil gave me great confidence too. I know some people do get sides, and I can be dismissive of some of them, but what's it done for me... I just want my brothers to experience that too!

 

[DannyBoyy]

When ever i shave i look and feel...clean...thats the feeling i get when i shave maybe the fact i never really cared for my hair meaning i didnt keep a certain look just let it grow and cut and repeat etc is how i coped with it better...i mean sure it was nice to have hair kept my head warm lol but still it was annoying if anything...no more going to the barbers either which is a plus.

 

[swingline747]

And do your research on this **** guys. Don't just think you were handed the ugly stick and are inferior to everyone. I see life as a game of trade offs, and ya we were handed balding which unfortunately is nearly disdained by society now, but there are positives to it too. DHT is the molecule that gives us our secondary sexual characteristics. And ya I got the "Whoa, your only 20? You look like such a, uh... man" comments too Fred. But premature hairloss is why I think I developed such masculine characteristics. I have prominent cheek bones, a sharp jaw line, broad shoulders, a strong brow, and a good looking c***. Lol 5AR deficiency leads to a micropenis. Thats the clinical term. Look it up and thats why I think most of us premature balders are pretty well off in the trunk trouser department. Now those are features NO ONE can ever take from me that many man would admire. Now hair can be fixed, although not completely, but science may bring us a full head one day, but like I said at least I don't look like a low testosterone softy back up bass guitarist hippy.

Okay you do KNOW all those things you mention are not true. Bald mex are no more hung or sexually better than non balding men, that has been proven already.
Also I play bass.....
Yeah Im just an all around loser I guess. God, losing my hair and playing bass.
I always say losing your hair is like playing bass in a band.
The guitarist will always say, "cmon its not that bad, bass is cool" but unless you go through the "you play bass?" ridicule from audience people you really dont get it (unless you're in a funk band I guess). Wish I played Guitar or could sing.

 

[ladysmanfelpz]

Okay you do KNOW all those things you mention are not true. Bald mex are no more hung or sexually better than non balding men, that has been proven already.
Also I play bass.....
Yeah Im just an all around loser I guess. God, losing my hair and playing bass.
I always say losing your hair is like playing bass in a band.
The guitarist will always say, "cmon its not that bad, bass is cool" but unless you go through the "you play bass?" ridicule from audience people you really dont get it (unless you're in a funk band I guess). Wish I played Guitar or could sing.

Lol

 

[swingline747]

HAHAHAHHA dude are you serious ???!!!

need a pics of you playing bass
:worthless:

I have not been in a band in about 7 years lol. I had some youtube vids of me playing but those are taken down.
Maybe Ill put some up.

Ive been trying to start an online based band with a second bass player and a drummer but its been tough. Any other losers here who play bass???????? or drums.

 

[I.D WALKER]

I've been in a couple bands myself and bass players were hard to find and even harder to find a good one. I think this special rarity makes them especially valuable.

Okay you do KNOW all those things you mention are not true. Bald mex are no more hung or sexually better than non balding men, that has been proven already.
Also I play bass.....
Yeah Im just an all around loser I guess. God, losing my hair and playing bass.
I always say losing your hair is like playing bass in a band.
The guitarist will always say, "cmon its not that bad, bass is cool" but unless you go through the "you play bass?" ridicule from audience people you really dont get it (unless you're in a funk band I guess). Wish I played Guitar or could sing.

- - - Updated - - -

I've been in a couple bands myself and bass players were hard to find and even harder to find a good one. I think this special rarity makes them especially valuable.

Never stop making music!

 

[I.D WALKER]

Yes it may be true the "girl phenomenon" typically happens exclusively to the band front man and/or lead guitarist. Don't forget that real mature women don't seem to mind settling for the second chair players that the narrow minded and hysterical, cliché "girl groupies" have overlooked. Hair or no hair I find mature women overwhelmingly and comprehensively much more fulfilling. I'll let you know when that changes. ROCK ON!:band:

 

[swingline747]

I've been in a couple bands myself and bass players were hard to find and even harder to find a good one. I think this special rarity makes them especially valuable.

- - - Updated - - -

Never stop making music!

Yes they are always sought after by a band because NO ONE wants to play bass lol. This isnt the forum for this though.
I dont want to stop making music, I actually try to get to one of my instruments as mucha s possible. I have 3 basses, electric drums, and 2 guitars.

I dont actually even LIKE playing guitar. As much as I want to say Im a guitar player I honestly cant stand it. Im not great but I used to be able to play well enough. I picked up my acoustic the other week and got bored after like 10 minutes. I find it a bit more challenging to write to bass lines then stumming a guitar.

I said I was trying to find some musicians to play with but with my schedule it so impossible to jam. Ive put ads up looking for people willing to casual jam or do online jamming but no bites yet.

I know a bass player and I asked him if he got all girls in the public, he told me no, it's the guitarist who got all girls :gay2:

Guitarists or singers get the girls, then drummers get the left overs, ANYONE else including rodies gets THOSE left overs and the bass player usually gets whatever fatty passed out drunk in his gig case!

Yes it may be true the "girl phenomenon" typically happens exclusively to the band front man and/or lead guitarist. Don't forget that real mature women don't seem to mind settling for the second chair players that the narrow minded and hysterical, cliché "girl groupies" have overlooked. Hair or no hair I find mature women overwhelmingly and comprehensively much more fulfilling. I'll let you know when that changes. ROCK ON!:band:

Mature women are second chair women so thats why they dont mind second chair players, they will always be fantasizing though that guitar solo is for them.