I am with you, JayB. I am 34 and have never been through sh*t like this before. My inciting event devastated my entire life on Sept 2, 2004 at 8pm. I'll never forget that date and time and where I was. It was the single worst night of my entire life, hopefully never to be outdone. The stress was so debilitating that I have barely been able to work since. I am self employed so nobody really cares if I don't work, so I find myself unable to focus. When I am at the office and I know I need to be working and I am not, I get even more depressed, making it even harder to get out of the depression. It is the vicious cycle. My depression is several fold. First and foremost is the inciting event, Sept. 2, 2004, which continues now. I also lost a very close friend to pancreatic cancer on Dec 2, 2004 and watched him die for all of 2004. On Dec. 10, 2004 I also quit my job with intentions of opening my own office, normally hugely stressful, but with everything that had happened, really not that big of a deal. Then there was also some marital stress, but again, in light of everything not a huge deal. Unfortunately, about Dec. 15, 2004 I noticed my shedding and completely freaked about that. You might find this strange, but of all of this I felt I could get through it in time, except the hairloss. I felt and feel that if I lose my hair, I lose my identity, and I'll never be attractive to women again. I know this is small minded, but it is difficult to help. I am so regrettful about letting my stress continue so much so long, but I can't seem to do much about it. Relieving this level of stress is very difficult for me and a slow process, but I know I can put it behind me in time. It would just be a LOT easier with my hair.
I know I am not that much older than you, but I must tell you that I am very regrettful about the past 10 years of my life. Don't get me wrong, I have always been a relatively happy person and very social and outgoing and I have had a good life so far, but I didn't work hard enough at obtaining the life I wanted for myself and now, for some of it, it is too late. The past 6+ months of my life have made me realize that I should have been living in the moment and not always looking into the future and planning everything out. I heard a quote the other day that really made me think. "Announcing your plans is a good way to hear God laugh." 6 months ago I wouldn't have paid attention to that, but that's what I did. I time-framed my entire life, practically and in the process failed to enjoy life as I could have. Only now do I realize that I just should have been working harder at school and work and living in the moment, because you never know what the future holds. The goal in life, I believe, is to minimize regret. I only hope that I am able to get out of my depression so that I can apply what I have learned to the rest of my life.
Don't mean to be so wordy, but I figured I'd tell you more of my story in hopes that it could have a positive impact on you. People have disorders of all types and most have the common thread that they can be overcome, and you'll overcome yours too. I know that lost feeling you describe all too well, but it can be overcome. We both need to hang on and get this sh*t under control so that we can enjoy the brighter days ahead. By the way, I live in St. Louis, thanks for your remarks, JayB.