Lately, I've been thinking about dropping out of school for the last time, at least, for a few years. I can't take the loneliness, the pressure, the constant deadlines, the the feelings of low self-esteem. I'm getting very little out the university.
Over the last few months, I've been weighing my options, and I think that my life's cause isn't to go to school or get tied down to a city job. I want to do something that matters and get out of this American, consumerist society. It's not for me, and I don't fit in-- I'd like to join a non-profit organization that sends its members overseas to help poor communities, to educate and build infrastructure and improve farming techniques.
But sometimes I wonder, if I'd regret not finishing my school. Sometimes I think that some of your greatest achievements in life are obtained when you keep going, even though you've had so many chances to turn back. And I am struggling with whether to continue the student loans and the increasing debt, or just cut my schooling altogether and do this non-profit thing.
I'm grossly depressed and lonely. Some people are born taller, have more money, better looks, and a natural sense of humor. But the people who really matter are the ones who use their resources and do the best that they can.
I can't let myself down anymore. I just can't take it.