Life in transition. Marriage is going down the tubes.

[Evian]

My wife and I are going through a rough time right now. She has started avoiding me without realizing it in our own home. She watches tv in another room, she eats in another room and goes to sleep late (after I am out). I have told her a couple of times that she needs to change but she keeps falling into the same routine. My problem is that I am scared to leave now because my hair is falling out. I figure no women will find me sexy enough to go out with. I haven't been alone in over 21 years. I am 44 years old. My career is a joke. I am a special education teacher who worries every March if he still has a job in September. Being a teacher in Chicago is having a job with no job security. In March the teachers with no tenure are told if they will be kept. Can you believe it guys I purchased 6 months ago a Mustang GT convertible (when my hair was in excellent condition). If my hair continues to fall out at the pace it is I won't be driving that car with the top down without a hat. I will start to hate the wind and sun again. When I was 13 I had that wandering small bald spot. It took 7 years for it to go away. It would wander a round my head every year. I had to keep my hair long to cover it up. Every time the wind blew my heart would stop. I hated walking by windows where the sunshine was blazing through. I was driven half insane. Here we go again. At least I have you guys to talk to.

 

[Cassin]

Thats one of the most down to earth and heartfelt posts I have read on here.

Best of luck to you.

 

[dietcola]

don't take marriage for granted. make it work if you can, even if it means throwing in more effort than you're used to.

a gym teacher is not a bad job, yeah as you say it lacks security but it's kind of a neat care-free job. some women love that. a gym teacher husband should have more time to spend making his wife feel special than a lawyer husband.

at 44 years old, you need to accept your hair loss. you aren't in your 20s anymore, and if you do end up single again, the women you aim to date probably won't be in their 20s either.

 

[Guest]

at 44 years old, you need to accept your hair loss.

no he doesn't. evian talk to your doctor about propecia. if you're just starting to have your hair fall out now, you can probably keep it for decades with propecia.

and i second cassin thanking you for a heartfelt post. it's also a very depressing post for those of us who will be married in the next few years.

any kids?

 

[dietcola]

i never said he shouldn't treat his hair loss, i just think he should accept that hair loss is a part of him. i wish i got to wait until 44 before i had to accept it, i didn't even get half that far.

 

[Guest]

i never said he shouldn't treat his hair loss, i just think he should accept that hair loss is a part of him. i wish i got to wait until 44 before i had to accept it, i didn't even get half that far.

i'm your age too man, and i'm not worrying about ever getting worse than NW3 because I'm on avodart. look into it if you don't want to get worse.

 

[s.a.f]

Back to the main point : You need to sit down and talk with your wife, find out whats bugging her. Maybe you did something wrong without even realising (like blowing the savings on a mustang) :lol:
Seriously theres no point in letting this continue you will only be driven further apart by it.
While you still have a marriage your hair should be way down on your list of priorities.

 

[Guest]

saf,

what if his wife leaves him and he has to get back on the dating scene again? having hair will help. there's no reason he can't pop a pill once a day while trying to fix his marriage. but if it fails, at least he has hair to fall back on.

 

[s.a.f]

I agree about taking a pill to help his hair, but what bothered me was that so much of his post was about his hair rather than trying to save his marriage. He said that 6months ago his hair was great so how bad could things be?
If it were me I would'nt be thinking about dating in the future, not until my marriage (of 20+ yrs!) was officially over. Until that point I'd be doing everything I could to work things out with the wife.

 

[ginald]

evian,

from the the tone of your post sounds like you'd be willing to accept the failure of your marriage if your hair was still in place.

you're thinking if women are going to accept your receding hairline.

i would echo what saf and others have said...you're not in 20's any more and the age of woman you'd be looking to date is not going to be as particular as a 20 year old dolly bird stuffed with candy floss for brains.

take it from me, keep your hair neat and short...plenty of attractive women out there who have realistic expectations of a man in his 40's.

but you have invested a lot of yourself in your marriage....are you sure you want to split?

after the honeymoon's over on any new relationship, it's still going to need lot of working on....just like your marriage.

and what about the huge financial cost of divorce?

 

[So]

Yes, the real question remains with why your wife is doing these things...?

 

[WorldofWarcraft]

Yes, the real question remains with why your wife is doing these things...?

Maybe she doesn't like bald people.

 

[hairwegoagain]

I echo Cassin's statement. Friend, I am sorry you're going through this. Do your best to keep things together but do not let hair loss be a factor. At 44, a significant proportion of males have some degree of hair loss. Again, please do not let this be a factor - you are highly marketable.

 

[Guest]

still, it wouldn't hurt to get on propecia to keep yourself ahead of the pack.

 

[hairwegoagain]

I agree, but it would be foolish to allow hair loss to command major life decisions. Get on some treatments for YOU if you want....don't do it because of fear of life.

 

[Guest]

I agree, but it would be foolish to allow hair loss to command major life decisions. Get on some treatments for YOU if you want....don't do it because of fear of life.

is there really much difference?

i'm not on treatments because i care about my hair. i'm on treatments because other people in the world do. if everyone else in the world was bald i wouldn't give a sh*t.

it never hurts to keep yourself marketable and thats why he should do it, especially considering his marriage may fail. stay strong evian.

 

[hairwegoagain]

There is a difference. Much of what some guys think re: hairloss is nothing but warped perceived reality which alone doesn't limit them from getting a girl, job, fill in the blank. It's the self-defeating, introverted worry that makes Johnny no fun to be around, alienating prospective mates and other life opportunity.

I'm not saying let yourself go to pot. Keep yourself well-groomed, don't show depression, and if you want to make improvements by all means go ahead....but don't think for a minute that no hair = no life. Good grief, look around you.

 

[Guest]

There is a difference. Much of what some guys think re: hairloss is nothing but warped perceived reality which alone doesn't limit them from getting a girl, job, fill in the blank. It's the self-defeating, introverted worry that makes Johnny no fun to be around, alienating prospective mates and other life opportunity.

I'm not saying let yourself go to pot. Keep yourself well-groomed, don't show depression, and if you want to make improvements by all means go ahead....but don't think for a minute that no hair = no life. Good grief, look around you.

This is true, but there is no doubt that most girls don't like bald guys and prefer guys with hair.

 

[Evian]

Why does my wife do what she does? It is a pattern that took years to develop. She doesn't realize that she is falling into a groove (a pattern of doing things). She is on auto pilot. I have talked to her about this at least 7 times. The last time was the worst. I told her I was leaving. She started to cry (my weakness). It got me so screwed up in the head that I started to mess up at work. Then I had my case manager on my *** every day. Now I don't care any more. I am not going to let her behavior destroy or drag me down. I felt like my head was bouncing off of every wall. I felt so lost. Lossing my hair didn't make things better. Now I feel more centered. I am not the type of guy that can live alone. I need something soft and cuddily next to me (no I don't want to use a Teddy Bear). I have tried to meet younger women with no luck. I am in great shape but woman my age are overweight and extremely ugly. The good looking ones are taken. I just seem to not get a break. My heart fell for someone at work that was 29 years old. She is from Pakistan. She is beautiful guys! I would do almost anything for her but she doesn't like me. We were friend for over a year and the moment I told her the truth ( I like you alot) I was shot down. I am still trying to get over it. The burn marks run deep. I can't believe God would design me to fall for someone like this and she isn't even interested in me. What is a guy suppose to do? As to what I intend to do with my hair loss well I took your advice and ordered Propecia (180 pills).

 

[dietcola]

so you're into other women, and pursuing that...no wonder your marriage isn't working.