Is It Even Worth Saving Your Hair If You're Ugly?

TheDarkHour

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So my success has been due to paying for apps.

Upto you, I know th odds, the game. I've dished out quite a bit. I justify it as sometimes it's the cost of a date so perhaps give that a shot.

Also, be more social, I mean minus covid join groups to volunteer or sports.

And finally, attraction changes. I was with someone who was larger but over time I liked her. Couldn't get enough of her.

It all changes and with her I learned a lot too.

I payed for Tinder twice when I first started using it. Honestly, it really didn't help much. Was still stuck with the same time wasters and landwhales. Also, as someone who takes drugs for hairloss, tries to go to the gym 3x a week, diets, had minor cosmetic surgery (laser for acne) and plan to do more in the future the least I expect from a potential partner is someone who has some sort of self control. To each his own though.

It's pretty expensive. Around $500 per injection if I'm not mistaken. But they can last for a very long time and possibly the effect is permanent at least to a certain extent.


Yeah I feel you. Good luck with all man. Marrying in your mid 30's is completely normal nowadays so you got time either way.

Honestly I'm not even too bothered about getting married. Even just a relationship for a few years would be good enough for me. Also I just like the idea of being considered attractive.

It's always worth doing everything to save what you have, of course.
Grow your hair out. If you really are a NW2, you can cover that sh*t up so easily.
Keep a job, keep saving money, keep taking your finasteride.
Things will look much better in your 30s. Trust the people on here.
In my experience, your 20s can vary a lot. Some people get their life figured out real quick, like marrying or getting that well paying job at 23. Others take longer. I think as long as you are good at 30, you seem to be set on a good path. Observations from friends and social circles prove this in my opinion. Some people keep slacking, thinking they can prolong their 20s - doesn't work. Others really regret not going through some rough patches in their 20s and they have a divorce, which is often worse because kids.
My bottom line: Not having everything worked out in your 20s is fine as long as you get your sh*t in order for your 30s. Things change pretty quickly around that time. If you got a clean slate at the start, you could have a lot of fun. So f*** yes, keep munching your damn finasteride and keep your hair.

Thing is, the hair above my temples doesn't even grow long enough to cover them. Otherwise, I probably could have tried to cover it up with a messy fringe (bangs).

Went back to uni two years ago and currently in my last year. Hoping after I'm done with this I'll have a stable accounting job. Should give me enough money to looksmax and live comfortably through my 30s. Worse comes to worse I'll have a decent amount of money for escorts. Just a shame that my 20s are being wasted away since everyone around me seems to be in a relationship, or into hooking up. Have two cousins who are the same age as me who got married about two years ago and have children. Even my 15 year old cousin has a girlfriend.

finasteride gave me side effects but I may hop on it at much lower dosage (0.5mg EOD). Hoping CB0301 gets approved soon.
 

disfiguredyoungman

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I payed for Tinder twice when I first started using it. Honestly, it really didn't help much. Was still stuck with the same time wasters and landwhales. Also, as someone who takes drugs for hairloss, tries to go to the gym 3x a week, diets, had minor cosmetic surgery (laser for acne) and plan to do more in the future the least I expect from a potential partner is someone who has some sort of self control. To each his own though.
You should have used the international feature to boost your confidence. I got 60 matches in Japan during lockdown, one could only imagine how much I would have got in a second or third world country.
 

Derelict

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You should have used the international feature to boost your confidence. I got 60 matches in Japan during lockdown, one could only imagine how much I would have got in a second or third world country.

Damn, japanese girls are some the most attractive on the planet. What sort of features from your experience do they look for in a guy?
 

TheDarkHour

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You should have used the international feature to boost your confidence. I got 60 matches in Japan during lockdown, one could only imagine how much I would have got in a second or third world country.

I'm not white so I don't think it would have helped much. I guess in a second or third world country it may have been better but it's not like anything anything would come out of it besides the confidence boost you mentioned.
 

disfiguredyoungman

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Damn, japanese girls are some the most attractive on the planet. What sort of features from your experience do they look for in a guy?

White guys.
Pretty much. Being blonde and tall (which I am not) is the ultimate trump card in Japan but being white/caucasian alone is a nice bonus in itself. Then -and I don't want to sound demeaning here- there's the correlative bonus of you probably being taller and stronger than your average East Asian man as well.
 

disfiguredyoungman

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I'm not white so I don't think it would have helped much. I guess in a second or third world country it may have been better but it's not like anything anything would come out of it besides the confidence boost you mentioned.
Well, that's entirely up to you. You can live a pretty good and moreover interesting life in some of these countries. If not being able to conform to the high standards of American dating life inconvenienced you as much as you said you'd simply do that.
 

Wolf Pack

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It's always worth doing everything to save what you have, of course.
Grow your hair out. If you really are a NW2, you can cover that sh*t up so easily.
Keep a job, keep saving money, keep taking your finasteride.
Things will look much better in your 30s. Trust the people on here.
In my experience, your 20s can vary a lot. Some people get their life figured out real quick, like marrying or getting that well paying job at 23. Others take longer. I think as long as you are good at 30, you seem to be set on a good path. Observations from friends and social circles prove this in my opinion. Some people keep slacking, thinking they can prolong their 20s - doesn't work. Others really regret not going through some rough patches in their 20s and they have a divorce, which is often worse because kids.
My bottom line: Not having everything worked out in your 20s is fine as long as you get your sh*t in order for your 30s. Things change pretty quickly around that time. If you got a clean slate at the start, you could have a lot of fun. So f*** yes, keep munching your damn finasteride and keep your hair.
Deep post mate, which struck a cord with me since I've been thinking how people around me (including myself) are leading their 20s and 30s. I think it's important to get stuff sorted asap ideally in your 20s but 30s you can still consolidate like you mentioned. I had stuff already in the pipeline by 23, career and girl wise and the legacy is here right now. Life flies by faster than we realise which makes it all the more important to chase our dreams/make peace in whatever we are doing. I look at some of my mates who got married and great career at 23, they are indeed set in a nice way too. Their kids are already growing up, they are still young themselves, loaded too and doing so much together and with friends. I'm sure they are mostly happy but perhaps the men are a little bored occasionally, especially when they see their single friends dating around and new adventures they have - but that has it's own drawbacks. That said they are still doing everything their friends are and more, except the new women part. Overall it's a small problem to have and more a case of wanting to feel a new rush. Prolonging 20s is always a bad idea I agree, it's just delaying the inevitable shock that may come later. You may miss out on your career or a good girl due to wanting to just indulge in non stop fun. Not to mention being so into dating, naturally you're going to become obsessed with your looks, how will it feel when they fade and you have nothing left and no one looks at you anymore? Or you can't chase the young girls anymore? Sure they may they have the memories and it was worth it but there will also be some emptiness when there is nothing around them. And overall that emptiness/loneliness/lack of legacy will come through for most of these people not some distant memory. There's also a risk of becoming a junkie and unhealthy during this period or after since there's nothing or no one pushing you to remain focused and fit. A directionless life with no goals.

Generally, pure North European people by 30 already look older with the exception of Mediterranean//Latin men who can retain their youthfulness and appeal much longer due to their genetics. That said, everyone eventually gets to a point where they can't chase young pretty girls and what can they do then? They'll have to adjust to avoid depression but by then they may not get the career and nice girls opportunities anymore. Life will become a big struggle with no escape in sight.

One of my mates recently got divorced and he has a kid. His reason was simply that he wants to have fun, believe it or not. He's basically trying to play both roles, stay in the life of his kid but also have his fun. In reality I think what will happen is that he'll not get either in the way he hoped for. Now he's a good looking successful charming Italian (origin) guy and I recently drove him to his sexy casual girl since he was drunk, but now she wants a relationship. This was inevitable, she's fallen for him as any girl would due to his overall value and no doubt eventually would think of a family so he is back to square 1. He'll have to keep changing girls until he's too old to do this. I asked him if this is worth it? His answer was absolutely as he needs that rush and will chase it until he can't. Fair enough, can't argue with that. I mean he's got a family already so I guess he won't feel as empty but that child may be deprived of his love and resent that in future. He said to me I am mad, since I didn't go for a pretty girl who was very interested and cheat, despite having my own life set up and it's happened a few times now. My response? Life would be sooo much fun if we could live multiple lives where each time we are between 16-27, we retain the same look and past memory, but we are born in different countries and families each time. And each time we have hundreds of new romances, stories, adventures in different settings etc. But that's not what life is, it's one life with different phases. Not saying everyone should adapt to their phases, it's their own life and they are free to do whatever but I prefer the tried and tested method with multiple areas of satisfaction and social networks. You feel a better human being for it too and your age rather than just eating cheetos after working some boring dead end job, tinder swiping every night and watching p**rn.

Here's what you can work on..

Get jaw/chin fillers for an instant improvement. Might sound crazy to you but a physical improvement will spark an inner change too. It's not invasive and the result will look natural.

Minoxidil on your beard area every night for 6 months to get a full beard (go for the heavy stubble or short beard look). The nose doesn't matter in men. How are your teeth?

Work out to go from skinny fat to fit and get rid of your gyno with treatment/surgery.

And stay on finasteride so you don't lose your remaining hair because it'd be difficult to bounce back.

New look - new outlook. Every physical change that I made, it gave me a confidence boost (for a little while, until you get used to it).. which definitely opens the door for new and more positive experiences. Never stop working on yourself until you get what you want, otherwise life is meaningless.

You're giving the right advice in general (self improvement) and being healthy, clean and fit is really key. But imo (about looksmax) sometimes we should accept the reality of the cards we're dealt with, when there is no hope of success in that department. It's actually the least path of resistance and a quicker way to focus on other endeavours and to be happy or at least free of pain. Initially I thought that OP had mental health problems that stopped him dating as is often the case on here but his experience with girls points in the direction of lacking looks too considering he was called ugly many times. You haven't seen how this guy looks and those incremental improvements (which work for you as you have an aesthetic base) may be useless for him in terms of being attractive which is what he craves. By all means if he truly feels better and confident he should pursue it, but he should be doing it for himself. Because if it's for the girls or to "feel attractive" as he says, most likely it will just be a financial and emotional rollercoaster and he'll still be sad as he won't make the cut. If he can accept himself as he is, ultimately it would be better.

Btw agree with you on short beard/stubble (generally), we've talked about this before but it's good due as it's trendy! Even if a guy looks good clean shaven, it's not in fashion and you'll lose some points, i say that despite a good jaw. Stubble/short beard allows the lower 1/3 to be seen and to stay trendy. I've had quite a few girls say keep the short beard even if look good clean, they are influenced by the fashion :p Same girl a decade ago would say stay clean shaven :D That's how fashion is, imagine someone doing a curtains type of hairstyle now? Or back in the day men with serious balding (recession/diffuse/crown) were encouraged to keep growing it even in a combover but now it's mocked and buzzed/shaved is aesthetic. The beard is also good when you're post 45 and your skin is more middle aged, can definitely make you look younger as it will shape around the mouth area.
 
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Matt3535

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Lovely post, mate. @Wolf Pack
I think the tragedy is that we all want the best of both worlds. Ideally, you get to f*** your brains out from 15 to 25/30 and you will have those great memories to think of after marriage. So the general attraction of cheating and the need to f*** other women is lowered. Being attractive and getting a positive response, getting to know that person and falling for them, first touches... all that is great. I don't think I have had enough of that. I was always pretty shy and wanted to feel deeper connections before getting physical which probably saved me from some bad drunken sex but also ruined some perhaps great memories. But the older I get, the more hollow it all seems. Sure, it seems and is indeed nice to see how others want you but will that still be true when your 45? How many casanovas do you know who are 60? Neither one of us will be George Clooney when we're 55. There are good-looking men at 55 tho for sure. A girlfriend of mine had this date with an older gentleman last year, who by the way had some NW3 recession but it looker natural and great on him with his goatee. She told me about how he had a porsche, how they went out to a fancy dinner, how it was like an adventure for her, crossing off "old guy date" of her list, while not really wanting to put out or anything but they did end up kissing and he did offer to take her home. She declined and I'm sure it felt nice for the guy to go out with someone 30 years younger than him and feeling how you can still get to do this (you're in like the top 5% of men here). But is that really what satisfcation is like? I'm reminded of this clip from Little Miss Sunshine
I'm not quite sure if the guy is right. I know that for me, personally, a long-lasting relationship that offers more than sex, like emotional support and just basic companionship, is more important than anything else. But while I have dated and had short affairs, I'm not quite sure I have fucked around enough. I'm still young, good-looking, have a full head of hair thanks to finasteride which helps me immensely to look mid to late 20s when I'm a lot older. Sex with my girl is great and I love her. Still there is always that little thought in the back of mind that by I sticking with her, I will never get the "approval" of another woman again in a sexual way which is what is really enticing for me about sex. The sex itself isn't even that interesting to me. It's all psychological. Which is why I think that if you get to f*** around when you're young, you get that sh*t out of your system, the need won't be there. I'm sure lots of guys feel this way and your story about your buddy is my greatest fear. I know my girl is like a match made in heaven for me, so I will never cheat. But will I feel remorse when I'm old?

Sorry for rambling, just some thoughts I needed to get out.
 

Wolf Pack

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Lovely post, mate. @Wolf Pack
I think the tragedy is that we all want the best of both worlds. Ideally, you get to f*** your brains out from 15 to 25/30 and you will have those great memories to think of after marriage. So the general attraction of cheating and the need to f*** other women is lowered. Being attractive and getting a positive response, getting to know that person and falling for them, first touches... all that is great. I don't think I have had enough of that. I was always pretty shy and wanted to feel deeper connections before getting physical which probably saved me from some bad drunken sex but also ruined some perhaps great memories. But the older I get, the more hollow it all seems. Sure, it seems and is indeed nice to see how others want you but will that still be true when your 45? How many casanovas do you know who are 60? Neither one of us will be George Clooney when we're 55. There are good-looking men at 55 tho for sure. A girlfriend of mine had this date with an older gentleman last year, who by the way had some NW3 recession but it looker natural and great on him with his goatee. She told me about how he had a porsche, how they went out to a fancy dinner, how it was like an adventure for her, crossing off "old guy date" of her list, while not really wanting to put out or anything but they did end up kissing and he did offer to take her home. She declined and I'm sure it felt nice for the guy to go out with someone 30 years younger than him and feeling how you can still get to do this (you're in like the top 5% of men here). But is that really what satisfcation is like? I'm reminded of this clip from Little Miss Sunshine
I'm not quite sure if the guy is right. I know that for me, personally, a long-lasting relationship that offers more than sex, like emotional support and just basic companionship, is more important than anything else. But while I have dated and had short affairs, I'm not quite sure I have fucked around enough. I'm still young, good-looking, have a full head of hair thanks to finasteride which helps me immensely to look mid to late 20s when I'm a lot older. Sex with my girl is great and I love her. Still there is always that little thought in the back of mind that by I sticking with her, I will never get the "approval" of another woman again in a sexual way which is what is really enticing for me about sex. The sex itself isn't even that interesting to me. It's all psychological. Which is why I think that if you get to f*** around when you're young, you get that sh*t out of your system, the need won't be there. I'm sure lots of guys feel this way and your story about your buddy is my greatest fear. I know my girl is like a match made in heaven for me, so I will never cheat. But will I feel remorse when I'm old?

Sorry for rambling, just some thoughts I needed to get out.

You're not rambling at all bro, if you were, so was I :D I remember that scene well. I think it's never a good idea to regret not trying something if it was a deep desire, failure is fine but as long as we followed our heart at least we tried huh? Not trying is a recipe for sadness and frustration. So in that sense my friend is doing what he thinks is best even if it's going to screw things up for those around him. In the scene you linked he's basically regretting being too serious when he was young and now he can't undo that. You can be good looking at 55 but you're still the older guy even if you get a young girl, it's not the passionate encounter of both of you being young and anything being possible. The story you describe of the older man seems depressing to me as he's now limited due to age despite having everything going for him including good older looks. That's why it's messy to be like that as a middle aged man imo. If I was single at that age I wouldn't mind banging some younger girls but ultimately I would prefer a wild time with someone closer to my age (say 45) who has retained their looks (as best as possible) and we can talk about our whole lives while having fun.

Sounds like you have something similar to what I did once upon a time. You love a girl and she loves you, match made in heaven but you want to play the field. And not for the sex but for the whole chase/romance/passion journey. You think you wouldn't feel like that if you had more experience but honestly it's probably not true. You will still feel it, maybe even more after that experience you crave. It's a part of your personality which will only decrease when your libido goes down. I know it's not about the sex but the Testosterone drives a male in many ways. Maybe some guys would be satisfied after a while but looking around me and myself, I think it never changes. Some guys are not like this at all but some are and just have to deal with it one way or another. I have EVERYTHING in my relationship (it's not boring at all) and had enough prior experience the way you described you want, but I still sometimes crave variety despite being very happy. One situation with my mate was particularly hard. A gorgeous bartender with piercing eyes and lovely smile was really displaying all the signs of attraction and spending time with us, we know her over the months and sometimes I just pop in for diet coke. She's always teasing me about my slightly modified car and bad boy type appearance despite being educated. One one occasion she asked me to take her back home and she knew nothing would happen (I guess?) but wanted to feel closer. Anyway we ended up on an extended countryside drive on her request, fav tracks on and you can feel the literal sexual tension. At that point, imagine the rush of a passionate deep encounter in the car (quietly off the highway somewhere remote) drink/smoke/talk, hugging and caressing :p But the next day even if I was single, that moment would be over and such a high feeling is not sustainable. Been there, done that, so you have to question the overall value of "keep f*****g" imo.
 

TheDarkHour

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You're giving the right advice in general (self improvement) and being healthy, clean and fit is really key. But imo (about looksmax) sometimes we should accept the reality of the cards we're dealt with, when there is no hope of success in that department. It's actually the least path of resistance and a quicker way to focus on other endeavours and to be happy or at least free of pain. Initially I thought that OP had mental health problems that stopped him dating as is often the case on here but his experience with girls points in the direction of lacking looks too considering he was called ugly many times. You haven't seen how this guy looks and those incremental improvements (which work for you as you have an aesthetic base) may be useless for him in terms of being attractive which is what he craves. By all means if he truly feels better and confident he should pursue it, but he should be doing it for himself. Because if it's for the girls or to "feel attractive" as he says, most likely it will just be a financial and emotional rollercoaster and he'll still be sad as he won't make the cut. If he can accept himself as he is, ultimately it would be better.

Not sure how much this changes things but every person that called me ugly to my face was a guy. Also I can only remember around 8-10 cases of that happening at the moment so I may have exaggerated a bit. Back then I was incredibly shy, especially around girls and avoided them like the plague. The few interactions I did have were okay, though I usually cut the conversation short.

Things did get better in my late teens as I think there was a girl or two that may have been interested if I'm being optimistic. Though I was a bit dense then and didn't think it was a possibility. I did also lose weight around that time and started taking care of my appearance more (styling hair/dressing better).

For the past couple of years I have occasionally received hugs from women and the aforementioned landwhale actually held my hand, kissed me and voluntarily gave me her number. Which makes it all the more weird that she ghosted me after texting her. Also had a date planned with another landwhale but I called it off the last minute just because she seemed adamant about getting into a relationship. Thing is I feel a bit awkward when it comes to physical contact with women; hugs feels awkward when I'm not drunk and one girl probably tried to kiss me in a club (caressed my cheek) but I didn't know how to react. Didn't help that I was high on
MDMA at the time. I guess I'm not hideous to women, just think they see me as a friend/acquittance at best. I know this kind of make my situatuion sound a lot better and that it's just me being socially awkward but the truth is when I try to pursue any sort of relationship with a its always the usual excuse or a flaky number. Majority of women in my age bracket seem apathetic towards me too.

Like I said earlier I'd rate my face as a 3.5/4 so a lot of looksmaxing will probably get me to a 6 at best. Jaw filler alone might get me to a 5 but it is expensive so I'm wondering if it's even worth it. Besides that and rhinoplasty everything else seems way to intrusive and expensive.

Dating in general is getting harder though and even if I was very neurotypical, being a 6 in this day and age probably won't cut it.

I try to forget about this stuff stuff but it always comes back. Especially now with my receding hairline acting as a permanent reminder. Doesn't help that my parents/relatives and people in general ask me when I'm going to get married or if I have a girlfriend.
 
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Will Be an Egg in 5 years

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It's always worth doing everything to save what you have, of course.
Grow your hair out. If you really are a NW2, you can cover that sh*t up so easily.
Keep a job, keep saving money, keep taking your finasteride.
Things will look much better in your 30s. Trust the people on here.
In my experience, your 20s can vary a lot. Some people get their life figured out real quick, like marrying or getting that well paying job at 23. Others take longer. I think as long as you are good at 30, you seem to be set on a good path. Observations from friends and social circles prove this in my opinion. Some people keep slacking, thinking they can prolong their 20s - doesn't work. Others really regret not going through some rough patches in their 20s and they have a divorce, which is often worse because kids.
My bottom line: Not having everything worked out in your 20s is fine as long as you get your sh*t in order for your 30s. Things change pretty quickly around that time. If you got a clean slate at the start, you could have a lot of fun. So f*** yes, keep munching your damn finasteride and keep your hair.

Looking younger in your 30s also will help A LOT. I don't know why people face the 30s like it was your 50s or something. 30 is still young. I always had this ilusion that I'd look young forever due my genetics (Dad at 60 looked 40 and was by no means an overly healthy guy). I always had this boyish face. Even with a receding hairline people think I'm 17-18 while I'm heading to 23. I don't mind not getting married in my 30s, financial stability is enough. I wouldn't mind partying and having a young guy lifestyle at my 30s. Actually I'd love to, I have a little of Peter Syndrome due my shitty teenage years. But without hair that's IMPOSSIBLE. But I know it's my destiny. I have two NW7 cousins in their 20s.
 
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Will Be an Egg in 5 years

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Actually my hair is one of the reasons I felt ugly most of my life. I never had a real haircut until I was 21. I just buzzed it (ironic, isn't it?). Of course it looked awful. I looked like a Neo Nazi teenager. Only had the guts to change when I first notice thinning. I realized I wasn't ugly and then hated myself for sabotaging my appearance for so long. Shaving my head is not an option anymore. I'd rather put a bullet in it, as pathetic as it sounds.
 

TheDarkHour

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Actually my hair is one of the reasons I felt ugly most of my life. I never had a real haircut until I was 21. I just buzzed it (ironic, isn't it?). Of course it looked awful. I looked like a Neo Nazi teenager. Only had the guts to change when I first notice thinning. I realized I wasn't ugly and then hated myself for sabotaging my appearance for so long. Shaving my head is not an option anymore. I'd rather put a bullet in it, as pathetic as it sounds.
I used to have a really basic hairstyle in my younger years, short hair with a basic fringe (bangs). During my late teens I grew it out with a side fringe which looked better. Then in my early 20s I started going for a loose swept back look which is probably the best hairstyle for me, though ironically this was also the time that my hair started receding. Few years ago it looked good but now there is definitely visible recession. Worse comes to worse, I could just rebuild my hairline and combine it with a hairpiece.
 
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