Is complementing someone's hair in front of a bald man an indirect insult?

[uncomfortable man]

I worked closely with one of the most attractive managers at work the other day. We were folding laundry together with another young guy. We talk about a bunch of topics when all of the sudden she just randomly compliments this guys hair, describing it as luscious. It made me feel uncomfortable. I suppose I could have intentionally made an *** out of myself with a self-deprecating joke but it would have only made me look like I was desperately vying for her attention, so I just unloaded the washing machine instead. What is it about hair that people take so much pride in and put so much stock into and responsibility for? It's like hair is a representation of the larger person and complimenting someone on their hair is like saying they are a good person. Maybe that is why I felt offended because it felt like she was insinuating that I wasn't a good person because I am bald. I'm sure some of you think I'm reading too far into this but hair has a deeper social meaning and this was just one of those occurances where it stood out.

 

[DannyBoyy]

You are just looking to far into things maybe she really just liked his hair i remember one time when i had long hair and a girl said it was nice etc next to a guy WITH hair does that mean shes saying the guys hair next to me is horrible? no shes was just giving me a compliment.

 

[Quantum Cat]

saying that right next to a bald man seems like a deliberate slight. Either that or she doesn't think before she speaks

 

[DannyBoyy]

To much assuming in my opinion...not like she went up to the guy with hair and started laughing at UCMan with him...

 

[Benjamin36]

It sometimes feels as though women think a guy is at fault for losing his hair- much like a person gaining weight. I asked a friend of mine (female) what color her ex-husbands hair was and she replied "He doesn't have hair anymore- he shaved his head because he was losing it". The way that she said it was like she was implying it was his fault that he lost his hair, like as if he let himself go.

 

[CaptainForehead]

UCMan, you are reading too much into it - with your reasoning, one should not complement anyone in a group for anything, lest the others feel its an indirect insult to them.

 

[ladysmanfelpz]

I don't think you are looking too much into it and described it perfectly. I agree with everyone else's comments as well. I like the fact how you said you could have made a self-depreciating comment, but didn't and had to sit in silence. I've had that on many occasions. My funny friend who started balding in his teens but maintained ever since tries to make a joke of it because he has always gotten **** about it. Me on the other hand value my looks and am slowly losing them with every hair that falls out and can't bring myself to laugh about it. You really don't know what to do in a situation like that, but I do the same thing and try to avoid bringing up anything about my hair.

And like everyone else said, the thing I hate about hairloss is people act like it reflects your personality or lifestyle choices. I am a fit guy and honestly do look down on people who are overweight. I completely understand the human body and being severely overweight to obese is not genetic. People have different body types sure, but you can tell when someone has let themselves go. Willingly or not, they have the attributes, characteristics, and lifestyle that lead them to the body shape they have. Yes people judge hard on looks, but I hate how bald is looked upon society as a trait that reflects us as perverts, thugs, or angry individuals when we have ZERO control over it.

 

[uncomfortable man]

Perhaps it's because hair is just the easiest part of the body to mold and ergo express yourself. As such, people look to it as litterally and figuratively an extension of yourself, much like people judge you based on what you wear.

I think it is common knowledge for the most part that male pattern baldness is genetic. It's just that some people would rather ignore that fact and intentionally stay in the dark because they feel more comfortable having someone to hate. An excuse if you will. Just another example of the quiet injustice that persists for our kind.

I think she just wasn't considering me when she said that.

 

[seb]

Unfortunately, in a roundabout way she was saying that he is more a man(in all aspects) than you. As a UK advert for mens grooming states "you only feel a real man with a full set of hair".

 

[Benjamin36]

I'd love see some sort of a bachelor reality show where you have a good looking bald guy wearing an amazing looking hair system/wig and at the end he reveals that he is bald.

 

[Thom]

What Fred said about people blaming balding guys for their hair loss reminded me of Bieber's comments about Prince William earlier this year. Anyone see that? That little douche said something along the lines of "there's no reason William should look like that" and even said "propecia would grow all of his hair back."

Man I hate that kid.

 

[slipy]

give Tha Biebs a break. just a little bit of ignorance on his part. there are worse things being said about baldies all the time.

 

[Quantum Cat]

Unfortunately, in a roundabout way she was saying that he is more a man(in all aspects) than you. As a UK advert for mens grooming states "you only feel a real man with a full set of hair".

what advert is that? I've seen the current Regaine adverts doing the rounds in the UK - 'if you start losing your hair like your Dad....' and then they show a beaming guy with a thick full head of hair, as though minoxidil is guaranteed to give you a head like that....

 

[seb]

what advert is that? I've seen the current Regaine adverts doing the rounds in the UK - 'if you start losing your hair like your Dad....' and then they show a beaming guy with a thick full head of hair, as though minoxidil is guaranteed to give you a head like that....

I think(or although dont quote me) thats its nivea for men? Sean Pertwee is the voiceover.

 

[Quantum Cat]

no you're thinking of this one - the regaine ad:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlR2vw77MFg


there's also this one I've seen on TV:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBvFS1C4L88


'if you're losing your hair you want facts, not sympathy'....

no! I want sympathy!!! :woot:

 

[SDK]

I'm an advocate for hairpieces. Will probably get a nice one if it gets bad enough.

No difference between a hairpiece and women wearing makeup everywhere they go.

 

[DannyBoyy]

Ah if Saf were still here, he would tell that there is a big difference SDK. It's socially acceptable for women to wear make-up, but it's not acceptable for men to wear hair pieces. Men who are known to wear pieces get ridiculed. It's because we are men, and we are not supposed to care about our appearance, we are supposed to man up and accept our hair loss. You can argue against it but it won't change other society's perception.

I hope you're ready to spend no less than 2000€ a year for good quality hair pieces. You have to change it every six months and the maintenance is quite a hassle. Source: my own father.

Dont know much about hair pieces but when i see people with wigs even though i understand their pain it really is sad to see them with it...wigs are really horrible.

 

[DannyBoyy]

There are wigs and wigs Danny. My father's hair piece is undetectable. But he pays the price for it.

I look at them differently when i think wig i think of the type you see in a comedy and it falls of sort of thing but hair piece i think surgery etc...but yeah.

 

[Baldie101]

uncomfortableman, chicks a bimbo. She didn't think before speaking. Women can be like that. It's like when you are out with a female friend who a redhead with short hair and you see a chick with long raven hair. You go: "Omg her hair is sooo damn pretty." Did you try to indirectly insult the redhead? No, you just saw something and complimented it. You didn't even think about the redhead when you spoke. Well to add realism...men probably would say that but this was used as an example.
That's how it is. Nothing to worry about.

'if you're losing your hair you want facts, not sympathy'....

no! I want sympathy!!! :woot:

No, we want our hair back!

 

[uncomfortable man]

uncomfortableman, chicks a bimbo. She didn't think before speaking. Women can be like that. It's like when you are out with a female friend who a redhead with short hair and you see a chick with long raven hair. You go: "Omg her hair is sooo damn pretty." Did you try to indirectly insult the redhead? No, you just saw something and complimented it. You didn't even think about the redhead when you spoke. Well to add realism...men probably would say that but this was used as an example.
That's how it is. Nothing to worry about.

I too think that is the case. She is young and I'm sure her tastes don't include bald guys but I don't think she harbors any outright hatred of baldness. At least if she does, she hides it well



No, we want our hair back!

EXACTLY!