how to not have a self defeatist self loathing mindset as an ugly bald short guy?

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Feelsbadman

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how can you have a confident positive mind set knowing women dont like you despite working out eating well taking care of yourslef etc

you lose a game that you have no control over
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how do yo7 not hate yourself? and not feel defeted? even thougj you are.
 
DyingOfTheLight

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in theory you need to disconnect your sense of self-esteem, your identity, from the validation/torture you get from romantic success/failure. therapy might help there. age might too; when everyone around you is decaying. even though they lived a more fulfilling
past than you, seeing everyone enter their inevitable decline might give you a feeling of satisfaction or comfort
 
DoctorHouse

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Feelsbadman said:
how can you have a confident positive mind set knowing women dont like you despite working out eating well taking care of yourslef etc

you lose a game that you have no control over
?
how do yo7 not hate yourself? and not feel defeted? even thougj you are.
Click to expand...
Easy. Stop focusing on yourself. You do it way too much. Keep yourself busy. If you have so much free time to focus on yourself then get a second job helping people. And stop wasting your time posting here.
 
doubleindemnity

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I hate to disagree with the others but I don't think that it is very easy or straightforward at all.
-Tried affirmations, meditation and stuff like that and it didn't work. It felt like every morning when I was doing it I was fighting against the real sad stuff happening every day regarding hair loss. Roughly I would say positive things and call myself a winner every morning all while life would deem me a loser the rest of the day. Life won. Maybe if you do this positive thinking stuff literally every hour you'd have a chance but if not, you'll eventually lose ground with it.
-I've ended up in therapy and I'm getting the feeling that the number of sessions I have on my account will not be enough to help me and I think that the therapist even suggested that to me .
-Overall I don't only feel sad and negative things nowadays but I feel like these things are not strange or extreme but completely normal and correct in light of my situation.
-Being busy works until you're not.
 
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Feelsbadman

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doubleindemnity said:
I hate to disagree with the others but I don't think that it is very easy or straightforward at all.
-Tried affirmations, meditation and stuff like that and it didn't work. It felt like every morning when I was doing it I was fighting against the real sad stuff happening every day regarding hair loss. Roughly I would say positive things and call myself a winner every morning all while life would deem me a loser the rest of the day. Life won. Maybe if you do this positive thinking stuff literally every hour you'd have a chance but if not, you'll eventually lose ground with it.
-I've ended up in therapy and I'm getting the feeling that the number of sessions I have on my account will not be enough to help me and I think that the therapist even suggested that to me .
-Overall I don't only feel sad and negative things nowadays but I feel like these things are not strange or extreme but completely normal and correct in light of my situation.
-Being busy works until you're not.
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yea this is my experience
 
doubleindemnity

doubleindemnity

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Feelsbadman said:
just feel silly to keep saying in my head im a wimner when my results are always loss
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Yes that's exactly my experience. I was every morning reassuring myself and saying positive things. But no positive things happened. Went on for many weeks and then I stopped. For now I just do meditation, not these affirmations or imagination exercises.
 
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Feelsbadman

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doubleindemnity said:
Yes that's exactly my experience. I was every morning reassuring myself and saying positive things. But no positive things happened. Went on for many weeks and then I stopped. For now I just do meditation, not these affirmations or imagination exercises.
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does meditation help a lot? i need to get back into it i used to do it years ago
 
doubleindemnity

doubleindemnity

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Feelsbadman said:
does meditation help a lot? i need to get back into it i used to do it years ago
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It won't make you happier, but just feeling more balanced and calm. When the meditation session ends, the time in the real world begins and that is always going to be full of pain. I used to read books that claimed that meditation was a different state. But now I am reading a book that suggested that meditation could be the same as stage 1 sleep. It's an interesting thing but so far I don't find meditation to be life changing or anything.

Edit: I also think that the defeatist mentality arises for a reason and has a purpose. For a bald loser, it serves to stop him trying hard in life and getting disappointed more. Well then, why not stay with this mindset? It's the same way that you have pain at an injured area with certain movements to stop you from messing it up more.
 
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