The standard answer would be "just focus on other things (friends, hobbies, traveling etc.)" but I genuinely think that you can't just ignore your bad looks if they truly bother you. In my opinion you're either born as a guy who cares or doesn't care too much about his appearance. There are for example many computer science students at my university, who are ugly but it seems like many of them don't care about it at all and appear to be pretty happy. I just don't know how they do it.
Is it actually possible?
What IS a happy life?Anyone figure it out?
Is it actually possible?
Please no replies from good looking guys who had a pimple once or got a NW2 and now think they "know how it feels".
What IS a happy life?
I believe that uglies can have enjoyable moments. TFW you're listening to one of your favorite songs on a good pair of headphones. Losing yourself in a TV series/book. Enjoying tasty meals
I think what you mean by a happy life is whether you feel happy reflecting on your day(s). Moments are over, you usually don't dwell on them. You do dwell over relationships and family. The feels you get reflecting over your child who is growing up into a fine human being. Or the feels of knowing you're loved. These aren't ephemeral momentsVery good perspective. A happy life is just a collection of happy moments.
I think what you mean by a happy life is whether you feel happy reflecting on your day(s). Moments are over, you usually don't dwell on them. You do dwell over relationships and family. The feels you get reflecting over your child who is growing up into a fine human being. Or the feels of knowing you're loved. These aren't ephemeral moments
I think at least half of us need to go into therapy or something I did counselling nearly 2 years back but it didn't benefit me much because I didn't open up as much and probably didn't vibe too well with the counsellor. I've been wanting to seek therapy for a few months from this place that my Dr told me, rung up a few months ago and they didn't pick up. Need to ring again but when I'm like this I can't even bring myself to seek help properly. I mean it shouldn't have taken me this long to try and get therapy. And now I've got exams in just over a month and currently need to to this science report.
I think posting about this here helps me get this sh*t off my back. I know a lot of incels want some hbb but I think it's not even about that I mean sure I'd like that but my problems go deeper than that and that's what I think is truly depressing and I think it's like that for a lot of incels whether they're on here or that incel board that got banned on reddit. I mean f*** me but I get depressed seeing my own reflection in the bus window and its been like this for 3 years and just got progressively worse. I've not properly looked at myself in the mirror for a few months now, maybe I'll catch glimpses in mirrors at uni by mistake, which just make me feel depressed. I don't feel like I can connect with a lot of normal people, when I do I feel depressed. I have like 1 good friend and a few friends that I was introduced to from my brother that I've known for a few years. So I'm not completely isolated but I rarely socialise, I have a few uni friends but thy're more like acquaintances that I hang out with during timetabled sessions or who I'll ask for help with work. My Dr suggested getting on SSRI's.
I know this is a long post but I have to vent
Vent away man. So much of what we're all going through all feels the same. Human suffering is a pretty universal experience. I've hated mirrors since my jaws first grew wrong as a teenager. I've avoided them like the plague. I hate even just seeing my reflection in my tinted car windows as I get into my car in the morning.
Many days I try shaving (electric) without looking in the mirror but that never goes well and I always have to face my reality. SSRIs aren't bad if you tolerate them. Escitalopram is comfortable. I like St. John's Wort better though and that's over the counter. So that's an option as long as you're not on finasteride/dutasteride or other meds since they interact.
If the therapy works, let us know how it goes. I think that at the end of the day if you're ugly, and you can't be less ugly, then you must accept quality sex or female companionship will never be an option to you, and then do what Cap was saying and focus on having the happy moments you can have (listening to a song you love, whatever you can think of in the moment).
I suppose in that respect, if that's what therapy can help to accomplish, then it's worthwhile. Plus dealing with whatever other issues you might have.
Have you tried therapy IdealForehead? I couldn't open up to a non-broken person. Especially since I'm not white
No. I can't imagine telling someone IRL all this sh*t and actually expecting them to take me seriously. I should probably buy some CBT workbooks on Amazon and work through them though. I've thought about it a lot. f*** it you just talked me into it. Ordered Mind Over Mood - that's supposed to be popular from the ones I had looked at previously. Let's see if I can mind trick myself into stopping caring about the things that drive me crazy.
Go find a real life therapist if you have money.
Yeah thanks, I think I will if (1) My hair/jaw surgeries fail to improve my circumstances. Short guys on limb lengthening forums talk often about how they went to therapy but the only thing that actually solved the problem was becoming taller.
and/or (2) I am unable to self-delude myself back to a good level of function. I haven't really been trying. eg. I haven't played an instrument in months. I need to push myself more to get over it.
It's not a dichotomy man. You can get both physical help and mental help.
But I'm curious about the short guys, tell me more.