How To Live A Happy Life As An Unattractive Man?

razzmatazz91

Senior Member
My Regimen
I "know how it feels"

Sadly though, I can't answer the question. I myself WANT to believe that there's a way and it's possible.
But being 26, nope. I can't believe that it is. You see, since you have this disorder (and it is a disorder) of hair loss, or anything else (think cherubism. Thank God I don't have that), you are, as a matter of fact, genetically inferior. And when members of the opposite sex, or whoever it is you want to f***, are less attracted to you, or if you're constantly getting cucked by attractive men, living "happily" I think is an impossibility.

All the blue pill crap about "true love" and such, all the rubbish about "attitude is everything" and every Tony Robbins/Robin Sharma talk ever is just plain BS. If it can help make you feel better, by all means use it. But if your IQ is greater than 80, you will have a lot of trouble with it.

What one can do is limit his misery, and not make it worse than it actually is. something I struggle with but haven't succeeded at.
 

Baldingat188

Senior Member
I saw an interesting take on this once about the life of a chad vs the life of an incel

Basically the idea was that sure , chad bangs a few more girls but the life of your average chad isn't that great. They go to college , party , bang a few stacies , get a job , marry, have kids and settle down.

Now the "cope" was that since you are incel you need to actively pursue ways to make your life more interesting . Sure you are ugly - but that doesn't stop you from having some awesome experiences ( let's say traveling) and writing a book on it.

Now this is a reasonable cope, and personally I do not plan to live a main stream life style . I don't plan on getting married or having kids and with the extra free time I hope to do some cool stuff. However I don't think unique experiences can be used instead of personal relations. Even if an incel lives a much more exciting life on paper is he really happier then that chad who does the traditional 9-5 family life?

I envy people who can just live a straight up regular life and be happy. I know that life isn't for me , I would never fit in. I never had a friend circle or any of that stuff that "normal" people do. Because of this I have realized I need to just not even try to live a normal life and try to embrace uniqueness .

Ultimately we won't be as happy as the average joe chad. But basically do something to separate yourself from the stereotypical incel, imo . Trust me it's hard though. Every time I start doing something productive I start thinking about my hair and lose motivation.
 

Baldingat188

Senior Member
The standard answer would be "just focus on other things (friends, hobbies, traveling etc.)" but I genuinely think that you can't just ignore your bad looks if they truly bother you. In my opinion you're either born as a guy who cares or doesn't care too much about his appearance. There are for example many computer science students at my university, who are ugly but it seems like many of them don't care about it at all and appear to be pretty happy. I just don't know how they do it.

Seriously I am pretty jealous of these guys who are just looks clueless. They can often live a decent life. Where as me I think about looks in every aspect of my life. Constantly checking mirrors and pictures.
 

Roberto_72

Moderator
Moderator
My Regimen
Is it actually possible?

It is going to be difficult but you can do.
My suggestion to you is: make no mistake. Literally. You will be so lucky as to find someone who likes you and who you will like back. Don't make mistakes. Differently from good looking people, ugly guys have no second chance.
 

CaptainForehead

Senior Member
Anyone figure it out?

Is it actually possible?

Please no replies from good looking guys who had a pimple once or got a NW2 and now think they "know how it feels".
What IS a happy life?

I believe that uglies can have enjoyable moments. TFW you're listening to one of your favorite songs on a good pair of headphones. Losing yourself in a TV series/book. Enjoying tasty meals
 

CaptainForehead

Senior Member
Very good perspective. A happy life is just a collection of happy moments.
I think what you mean by a happy life is whether you feel happy reflecting on your day(s). Moments are over, you usually don't dwell on them. You do dwell over relationships and family. The feels you get reflecting over your child who is growing up into a fine human being. Or the feels of knowing you're loved. These aren't ephemeral moments
 

IdealForehead

Senior Member
My Regimen
I think what you mean by a happy life is whether you feel happy reflecting on your day(s). Moments are over, you usually don't dwell on them. You do dwell over relationships and family. The feels you get reflecting over your child who is growing up into a fine human being. Or the feels of knowing you're loved. These aren't ephemeral moments

Too deep for me man. I like my interpretation of your previous post better.

- Life is a collection of moments that come together to make the whole.
- Focus on what little things you can do to make your moments as happy as they can be.

I can manage that as a goal. I dwell too much over bigger picture and if I'm winning or losing. I need to focus on "what can I do in the next 30 minutes that will be kind of fun". And just let that ride out until death takes it all away.
 

fixthis

Established Member
My Regimen
I think at least half of us need to go into therapy or something I did counselling nearly 2 years back but it didn't benefit me much because I didn't open up as much and probably didn't vibe too well with the counsellor. I've been wanting to seek therapy for a few months from this place that my Dr told me, rung up a few months ago and they didn't pick up. Need to ring again but when I'm like this I can't even bring myself to seek help properly. I mean it shouldn't have taken me this long to try and get therapy. And now I've got exams in just over a month and currently need to to this science report.

I think posting about this here helps me get this sh*t off my back. I know a lot of incels want some hbb but I think it's not even about that I mean sure I'd like that but my problems go deeper than that and that's what I think is truly depressing and I think it's like that for a lot of incels whether they're on here or that incel board that got banned on reddit. I mean f*** me but I get depressed seeing my own reflection in the bus window and its been like this for 3 years and just got progressively worse. I've not properly looked at myself in the mirror for a few months now, maybe I'll catch glimpses in mirrors at uni by mistake, which just make me feel depressed. I don't feel like I can connect with a lot of normal people, when I do I feel depressed. I have like 1 good friend and a few friends that I was introduced to from my brother that I've known for a few years. So I'm not completely isolated but I rarely socialise, I have a few uni friends but thy're more like acquaintances that I hang out with during timetabled sessions or who I'll ask for help with work. My Dr suggested getting on SSRI's.

I know this is a long post but I have to vent
 

IdealForehead

Senior Member
My Regimen
I think at least half of us need to go into therapy or something I did counselling nearly 2 years back but it didn't benefit me much because I didn't open up as much and probably didn't vibe too well with the counsellor. I've been wanting to seek therapy for a few months from this place that my Dr told me, rung up a few months ago and they didn't pick up. Need to ring again but when I'm like this I can't even bring myself to seek help properly. I mean it shouldn't have taken me this long to try and get therapy. And now I've got exams in just over a month and currently need to to this science report.

I think posting about this here helps me get this sh*t off my back. I know a lot of incels want some hbb but I think it's not even about that I mean sure I'd like that but my problems go deeper than that and that's what I think is truly depressing and I think it's like that for a lot of incels whether they're on here or that incel board that got banned on reddit. I mean f*** me but I get depressed seeing my own reflection in the bus window and its been like this for 3 years and just got progressively worse. I've not properly looked at myself in the mirror for a few months now, maybe I'll catch glimpses in mirrors at uni by mistake, which just make me feel depressed. I don't feel like I can connect with a lot of normal people, when I do I feel depressed. I have like 1 good friend and a few friends that I was introduced to from my brother that I've known for a few years. So I'm not completely isolated but I rarely socialise, I have a few uni friends but thy're more like acquaintances that I hang out with during timetabled sessions or who I'll ask for help with work. My Dr suggested getting on SSRI's.

I know this is a long post but I have to vent

Vent away man. So much of what we're all going through all feels the same. Human suffering is a pretty universal experience. I've hated mirrors since my jaws first grew wrong as a teenager. I've avoided them like the plague. I hate even just seeing my reflection in my tinted car windows as I get into my car in the morning.

Many days I try shaving (electric) without looking in the mirror but that never goes well :) and I always have to face my reality. SSRIs aren't bad if you tolerate them. Escitalopram is comfortable. I like St. John's Wort better though and that's over the counter. So that's an option as long as you're not on finasteride/dutasteride or other meds since they interact.

If the therapy works, let us know how it goes. I think that at the end of the day if you're ugly, and you can't be less ugly, then you must accept quality sex or female companionship will never be an option to you, and then do what Cap was saying and focus on having the happy moments you can have (listening to a song you love, whatever you can think of in the moment).

I suppose in that respect, if that's what therapy can help to accomplish, then it's worthwhile. Plus dealing with whatever other issues you might have.
 

CaptainForehead

Senior Member
Vent away man. So much of what we're all going through all feels the same. Human suffering is a pretty universal experience. I've hated mirrors since my jaws first grew wrong as a teenager. I've avoided them like the plague. I hate even just seeing my reflection in my tinted car windows as I get into my car in the morning.

Many days I try shaving (electric) without looking in the mirror but that never goes well :) and I always have to face my reality. SSRIs aren't bad if you tolerate them. Escitalopram is comfortable. I like St. John's Wort better though and that's over the counter. So that's an option as long as you're not on finasteride/dutasteride or other meds since they interact.

If the therapy works, let us know how it goes. I think that at the end of the day if you're ugly, and you can't be less ugly, then you must accept quality sex or female companionship will never be an option to you, and then do what Cap was saying and focus on having the happy moments you can have (listening to a song you love, whatever you can think of in the moment).

I suppose in that respect, if that's what therapy can help to accomplish, then it's worthwhile. Plus dealing with whatever other issues you might have.

Have you tried therapy IdealForehead? I couldn't open up to a non-broken person. Especially since I'm not white
 

IdealForehead

Senior Member
My Regimen
Have you tried therapy IdealForehead? I couldn't open up to a non-broken person. Especially since I'm not white

No. I can't imagine telling someone IRL all this sh*t and actually expecting them to take me seriously. I should probably buy some CBT workbooks on Amazon and work through them though. I've thought about it a lot. f*** it you just talked me into it. Ordered Mind Over Mood - that's supposed to be popular from the ones I had looked at previously. Let's see if I can mind trick myself into stopping caring about the things that drive me crazy.
 

CaptainForehead

Senior Member
You don't. When you're ugly, you've gotta know your role (ironically said by The Rock when he still had hair).

When you don't want to play the role assigned to you.


(This scene touched me deeply when I saw the movie)
 

Afro_Vacancy

Senior Member
My Regimen
No. I can't imagine telling someone IRL all this sh*t and actually expecting them to take me seriously. I should probably buy some CBT workbooks on Amazon and work through them though. I've thought about it a lot. f*** it you just talked me into it. Ordered Mind Over Mood - that's supposed to be popular from the ones I had looked at previously. Let's see if I can mind trick myself into stopping caring about the things that drive me crazy.

Go find a real life therapist if you have money.
 

IdealForehead

Senior Member
My Regimen
Go find a real life therapist if you have money.

Yeah thanks, I think I will if (1) My hair/jaw surgeries fail to improve my circumstances. Short guys on limb lengthening forums talk often about how they went to therapy but the only thing that actually solved the problem was becoming taller.
and/or (2) I am unable to self-delude myself back to a good level of function. I haven't really been trying. eg. I haven't played an instrument in months. I need to push myself more to get over it.
 

Afro_Vacancy

Senior Member
My Regimen
Yeah thanks, I think I will if (1) My hair/jaw surgeries fail to improve my circumstances. Short guys on limb lengthening forums talk often about how they went to therapy but the only thing that actually solved the problem was becoming taller.
and/or (2) I am unable to self-delude myself back to a good level of function. I haven't really been trying. eg. I haven't played an instrument in months. I need to push myself more to get over it.

It's not a dichotomy man. You can get both physical help and mental help.

But I'm curious about the short guys, tell me more.
 

IdealForehead

Senior Member
My Regimen
It's not a dichotomy man. You can get both physical help and mental help.

But I'm curious about the short guys, tell me more.

It's just it's something that's talked about a lot on leg lengthening forums and even among cosmetic leg lengthening surgeons. They call it "height dysmorphia" - the discomfort with your height. It's never been a big deal for me. I don't really care about how I look except as far as it limits my dating/relationship options. But many of those guys obsess singularly over their height 24/7. Some of them are very short. Some are closer to even 5'10".

Surgeons have different opinions on it. Many will set a cutoff, saying they won't operate on anyone taller than a certain threshold. Others say that irrespective of height, from their clinical experience, people's height dysmorphia disappears once they are a few inches taller, so why restrict it?

If a person has to choose between a lifetime of therapy to accept something they hate about themselves, or a surgery to resolve that thing completely, then sometimes it makes sense just to fix the problem itself, rather than try to cope. Of course, that only applies though if the problem is safely fixable. It doesn't take into account in this particular example how many people get crippled by LL surgery.

But here's Dr. Paley, the most famous American cosmetic LL surgeon, and his perspective, which is generally that if people "feel short", then irrespective of their actual height, he will offer it after psychological evaluation:

http://www.paleyinstitute.org/cente...engthening-center/what-is-stature-lengthening

In my opinion it's crazy to get that kind of surgery at 5'10", but whatever. To each his own.

Point is, as far as surgery vs. psychology, for me, if I was good looking enough to be getting dates on Tinder or POF or in clubs with the kinds of girls I want, I don't think I would need psychology. I would just be doing that and be happy about it. I'd be at a bar right now chatting some up girls up instead as we speak. Sometimes fixing the problem is the simpler and more concrete approach. If it can be done. And if not, or it doesn't work, then that's when you need to get your head fixed.
 
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