great thread post. OP is very eloquent. i have felt everything the same way.
you reminded me of a very sad stage in my hairloss that i went through in the very early months. the part where i was confronted with the bleak reality that every perception i ever had of myself was not meant to be. i never dreamed that i would have a buzz cut my entire adult life. even after being bald for years now, i still catch myself assuming that i have hair when i imagine the future. i mean, my self image was and still is shattered.
and that is just one aspect of many psychological devastations! cmon, and people want to tell us about confidence. try hardly recogizing yourself in the mirror and being socially ostrisized year after year and then tell me i dont have a bit of confidence in me. its a wonder i have any success with people at all.
i dont know how else to say it: im ****ing devastated. from the pit of my stomach the pain and confusion runs me over like a freight train at a moments notice and i find myself spirialing into irrational bouts of depression. i cant even pretend i have this stupid hairloss thing under any sembelence of control. talk about a wild ride.
the only method of coping i seem to have is this general understanding of whats happening with me, although i am terrified where i may end up. all i know for sure is i would really rather have a full head of hair.