Has Anyone Had Success With Online Dating And If So How Did It Work?

[IdealForehead]

After just spending the past two days again reading profiles and sending dozens of messages for hours on POF/match, I again have nothing to show for it.

Has anyone had any success with this stuff and if so how did it work?

Ie. How many hours are you supposed to be logging before you can get a date? Ie. What is a worthwhile expenditure of time and energy per date?

I've gotten only two replies for my efforts neither of which replied further. Seems like an enormous waste of time. At this rate it might be hundreds of hours of labor before I get a date.

I'm starting to think I'd honestly rather go to a club with my cousin or even alone and try to spam cold approach. At least I would actually get to talk to a girl face to face.

Thoughts? Experiences?

 

[JohnsonDDG]

So people will say I'm humble bragging but here is how tinder works for me.

I add 4 photos - one full body photo and maybe one selfie, and then I will add two more pictures of me in social situations.

On my profile I will write:

looking for a relationship with someone intelligent and quirky.

likes: travel, reading, film, sports, eating carbs, and seeing friends.

Results:

Short term....

I probably get around 20 - 30 matches out of 100 (I swipe realistically; if someone is a super model I don't even try).

I chat to maybe one in ten of them.

If we meet for a date then there is an above 80% chance we will f*** within 2 weeks if I'm into them (I rarely f*** on first dates because its too awkward for me).

(interestingly my friend who is maybe a 5.5 or a 6 gets laid from tinder at least once a week - but he has zero standards in terms of looks)

Over the years....

Slept with around 25 women from who I met on tinder and pof (maybe 10 from real life situations) and this is from the last four years of active dating (and had one long term relationship in between). Probably had around 60 or so tinder first dates. And maybe around a 100 dates (give or take) or the last 10 years.

Main factors:

Looks; I'm decent looking (maybe 6.5 in the face), 5'10, athletic, and dress well (could rate anywhere between a 6 and a 7).

Social skills; average. Can hold a decent one on one conversation with intelligent people. I'm awful in group situations and struggle to talk to people who aren't into books, art, politics and so on. (side note: I'm a natural introvert but can function like a normal person for the most part)


Final comment

Not sure if any of this information is helpful, but I noticed nobody responded and I figured it may be interesting to know how it is for someone who is successful with tinder.

 

[IdealForehead]

So people will say I'm humble bragging but here is how tinder works for me.

I add 4 photos - one full body photo and maybe one selfie, and then I will add two more pictures of me in social situations.

On my profile I will write:

looking for a relationship with someone intelligent and quirky.

likes: travel, reading, film, sports, eating carbs, and seeing friends.

Results:

Short term....

I probably get around 20 - 30 matches out of 100 (I swipe realistically; if someone is a super model I don't even try).

I chat to maybe one in ten of them.

If we meet for a date then there is an above 80% chance we will f*** within 2 weeks if I'm into them (I rarely f*** on first dates because its too awkward for me).

Over the years....

Slept with around 25 women from who I met on tinder and pof (maybe 10 from real life situations) and this is from the last four years of active dating (and had one long term relationship in between). Probably had around 60 or so tinder first dates. And maybe around a 100 dates (give or take) or the last 10 years.

Main factors:

Looks; I'm decent looking (maybe 6.5 in the face), 5'10, athletic, and dress well (could rate anywhere between a 6 and a 7).

Social skills; average. Can hold a decent one on one conversation with intelligent people. I'm awful in group situations and struggle to talk to people who aren't into books, art, politics and so on. (side note: I'm a natural introvert but can function like a normal person for the most part)


Final comment

Not sure if any of this information is helpful, but I noticed nobody responded and I figured it may be interesting to know how it is for someone who is successful with tinder.

This may piss people off but I will say that I think I have 'dating fatigue'. I've gotten to the point where I've met a ton of women (attractive, ugly, clever, dumb, fat, skinny, and so on) and I've had all the conversations and all the sex I wanted. Now I'm at a point where the sex and the dating hold little appeal to me now (still hope to fall in love and meet one person to settle down with - I'm just done with random sex).

And again, apologies if this pisses people off but I just want to give an honest answer to the question.

Thanks for the feedback. It's my thread and I've told you before I don't care if you talk about your success, so you don't have to worry about triggering me. People are too sensitive. Just because I'm a miserable failure in this field doesn't mean everyone else should be as well. I like to know how other people live.

I can't even begin to imagine what that would be like. You're so f*****g lucky. I get less than 1/100 matches using Boosts, with my best pictures. It's completely impossible to make this work.

It really just highlights that there is nothing wrong with online dating sites or services. There is just something wrong with being short/ugly/nonwhite on online dating services. Sometimes I wonder if anyone can succeed in dating at all because it seems so impossible. But obviously you just need to be the "right person" first.

What about if you do POF/Match? If you send simple messages like, "Hey I see you like traveling. What's your favorite place you've been? For me it was ____ the beaches were beautiful!" or something relatively generic but slightly tailored like that, how many messages might you have to send to get a reply? Or with whatever you might send, how many to get a reply?

Thanks.

 

[Stanx22]

Why even try online dating ? It's a waste of time if you're average or below average. Just forget about women and spend your money and time on something enjoyable like travelling or food.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Thanks for the feedback. It's my thread and I've told you before I don't care if you talk about your success, so you don't have to worry about triggering me. People are too sensitive. Just because I'm a miserable failure in this field doesn't mean everyone else should be as well. I like to know how other people live.

I can't even begin to imagine what that would be like. You're so f*****g lucky. I get less than 1/100 matches using Boosts, with my best pictures. It's completely impossible to make this work.

It really just highlights that there is nothing wrong with online dating sites or services. There is just something wrong with being short/ugly/nonwhite on online dating services. Sometimes I wonder if anyone can succeed in dating at all because it seems so impossible. But obviously you just need to be the "right person" first.

What about if you do POF/Match? If you send simple messages like, "Hey I see you like traveling. What's your favorite place you've been? For me it was ____ the beaches were beautiful!" or something relatively generic but slightly tailored like that, how many messages might you have to send to get a reply? Or with whatever you might send, how many to get a reply?

Thanks.

On pof my first post would be based on something on their profile?

If they like sports or music I will ask them a fun question based on that.

If the profile was empty then I would just ask something random like: are you just a small town girl, living in some lonely world?

 

[IdealForehead]

On pof my first post would be based on something on their profile?

If they like sports or music I will ask them a fun question based on that.

If the profile was empty then I would just ask something random like: are you just a small town girl, living in some lonely world?

The Journey quote is a good one. I might use that though the young girls probably wouldn't even recognize it.

But I wasn't asking what your first message would be. I was asking how many simple personalized messages like that would you have to send to get a reply or a date. (Typically.)

 

[Stanx22]

You may think that works since you're young. I know you hate when people minimize your opinions because you're young. But in this case I have no choice, because I felt similarly to you when I was young as well.

The problem is travelling gets boring after a while when you are doing it alone or with your family. Food gets boring once you've eaten at enough fancy restaurants (unless you're trying to make yourself fat).

And that male sex drive will never leave you. It will gnaw at you the whole time. And the most traveling or food will provide is a brief distraction from it chewing away at you.

The real solution is to take cyproterone and kill your sex drive completely. But I'm not quite there. Rather get more surgeries first and/or try hookers or sugar babies.

I know all of that, but you have no choice. Facing reality is better than running after fake hope. And i'm not saying that travelling or food will fill the hole in your heart of being alone, but they'll help you to cope with your shitty life.

 

[IdealForehead]

I know all of that, but you have no choice. Facing reality is better than running after fake hope. And i'm not saying that travelling or food will fill the hole in your heart of being alone, but they'll help you to cope with your shitty life.

Yeah sort of. Until it stops working. I went away two months ago. I'm going away again this week. Do I sound happy to you? lol.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

The Journey quote is a good one. I might use that though the young girls probably wouldn't even recognize it.

But I wasn't asking what your first message would be. I was asking how many simple personalized messages like that would you have to send to get a reply or a date. (Typically.)

In truth, if they like you a lot you can just write something very generic, such as: 'hey, hows your day going?' and you will get a response.

But I probably get a higher response if it is tailored - so if they say they love travel (nearly all women do) then you can just ask them their dream destination or something.

 

[Stanx22]

Yeah sort of. Until it stops working. I went away two months ago. I'm going away again this week. Do I sound happy to you? lol.

No. And you probably won't be happy, but what can be done ? You tried your best and you failed due to circumstances out of your control.

 

[Exodus2011]

You may think that works since you're young. I know you hate when people minimize your opinions because you're young. But in this case I have no choice, because I felt similarly to you when I was young as well.

The problem is travelling gets boring after a while when you are doing it alone or with your family. Food gets boring once you've eaten at enough fancy restaurants (unless you're trying to make yourself fat).

And that male sex drive will never leave you. It will gnaw at you the whole time. And the most traveling or food will provide is a brief distraction from it chewing away at you.

The real solution is to take cyproterone and kill your sex drive completely. But I'm not quite there. Rather get more surgeries first and/or try hookers or sugar babies.

wait male sex drive does usually decrease though. i myself have had a decreased sex drive just from 18 to now (24), i have to "charge" up in the morning, i used to bate every morning, now i have to wait until the middle of the day or night. i miss the days of breakfast bates

 

[IdealForehead]

In truth, if they like you a lot you can just write something very generic, such as: 'hey, hows your day going?' and you will get a response.

But I probably get a higher response if it is tailored - so if they say they love travel (nearly all women do) then you can just ask them their dream destination or something.

Holy sh*t Johnson. For the third time, what I'm asking is HOW MANY SIMPLE TAILORED MESSAGES LIKE THAT DO YOU HAVE TO SEND TO GET A REPLY?

Are you saying you get 100% reply rate? If not, what percent roughly?

Sorry I'm not trying to be snippy because I really value your input here, but that's what I keep trying to ask. Thanks. I do appreciate it.

 

[IdealForehead]

wait male sex drive does usually decrease though. i myself have had a decreased sex drive just from 18 to now (24), i have to "charge" up in the morning, i used to bate every morning, now i have to wait until the middle of the day or night. i miss the days of breakfast bates

My sex drive hasn't changed noticeably since I was a teenager. I live a pretty healthy lifestyle and I never had a super high sex drive. It's just a constant burn all the time driving me progressively insane.

I hear if you eat poorly or don't take care of yourself it tanks faster but I can't do that.

 

[Exodus2011]

My sex drive hasn't changed noticeably since I was a teenager. I live a pretty healthy lifestyle and I never had a super high sex drive. It's just a constant burn all the time driving me progressively insane.

I hear if you eat poorly or don't take care of yourself it tanks faster but I can't do that.

idk i live the same way as i did then, about average diet, i still exercise an hour a day.

 

[IdealForehead]

No. And you probably won't be happy, but what can be done ? You tried your best and you failed due to circumstances out of your control.

Thanks Stan. Believe it or not, I appreciate you saying that. I really feel like I have. I mean tried my best. I've tried harder than most. Some battles can't be won. That's why I'm gonna just start going with pros in 2018. It's time to let it go.

If my surgery goes well and by 2019/2020 I can do better, then so be it then. Until then, this is life, and you're right.

People give you too much sh*t on here. You don't deserve it. The only mistake I think you're making with your life is not working a part time job to pay for your hair pills. But that's just my opinion.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Holy sh*t Johnson. For the third time, what I'm asking is HOW MANY SIMPLE TAILORED MESSAGES LIKE THAT DO YOU HAVE TO SEND TO GET A REPLY?

Are you saying you get 100% reply rate? If not, what percent roughly?

Sorry I'm not trying to be snippy because I really value your input here, but that's what I keep trying to ask. Thanks. I do appreciate it.

Well on tinder I get a 90% response because we already 'liked' each other.

On pof I think I had a 50 or 60% response rate.

 

[Chromedome1990]

You may think that works since you're young. I know you hate when people minimize your opinions because you're young. But in this case I have no choice, because I felt similarly to you when I was young as well.

The problem is travelling gets boring after a while when you are doing it alone or with your family. Food gets boring once you've eaten at enough fancy restaurants (unless you're trying to make yourself fat).

And that male sex drive will never leave you. It will gnaw at you the whole time. And the most traveling or food will provide is a brief distraction from it chewing away at you.

The real solution is to take cyproterone and kill your sex drive completely. But I'm not quite there. Rather get more surgeries first and/or try hookers or sugar babies.

I don't think he's wrong at all to be honest. It's a waste of time unless you fulfill at least a few bullet points from a woman's "ideal man" list. Some of us literally don't have even one redeeming quality aesthetically (like myself). Regarding the "male sex drive," you can most definitely suppress it if you're disciplined enough. Learn how to focus on other things, meditate often. You'll find that eventually you'll overcome any sexual perversions that come across your mind. This can however take years to accomplish, as it is essentially rewiring your brain, so to speak.

I used to fap several times a day in my late teens and early 20s. In hindsight, this probably exacerbated by ongoing male pattern hair loss as it's well established that masturbation causes hair loss in those whose hair is sensitive to DHT. However through months and eventually years of meditation and reading the writings of ascetics, I effectively reduced my sexual thoughts to 1% of what they once were and rid myself of my compulsion. All without the use of any man-made or even natural "supplements." Now, don't take this as some sort of nofap preaching or white knighting to stop objectifying women, it's absolutely neither of those. For me, even though I was kind of disgusted with how much I pleasured myself and watched pr0n, it was more about mentally disciplining myself to stop thinking about women, at least sexually. I realized how repulsive I look/looked and that there was no practical way I was ever going to have a girlfriend and/or get married. Even one night stands at a bar or nightclub, LOL I just laugh at the mere thought! I had gone through both high school and college without so much as having held a girl's hand, and on graduation day it dawned on me that I had lost essentially the only opportunity where I'd be around 18-22 year old women on a regular basis (though to be fair, it wasn't entirely my choice as I'm genetically cursed and look like a hideous, balding gargoyle). It was a tough pill to swallow, but one that had to be swallowed. After fooling around with escorts a few times, I decided to make the change.

I've lived a fairly normal life in the years since college and I'll be 28 in a week. I don't regret mentally disciplining myself to stop having sexual thoughts. I guess the tl;dr for my mini wall of text would be that for guys like me who realistically have zero chances with women though no fault of our own, rather than make asses of ourselves or stay sexually frustrated forever, there are ways around this. One of them being the way I chose, strong mental discipline and frequent meditation. The other of course could be to just stay at home and watch pr0n all day, which is perfectly fine too. Whatever it takes to get the wacky idea that you'll ever be with a woman out of your head.

If you don't mind me asking, what's with your infatuation with traveling with some broad anyway? The best trips are those with your friends, or better still by yourself as you get to experience your travels without any hindrances or distractions. The idea of going on a leisure trip with someone not a friend you've known for years or family is completely foreign to me. I don't see the appeal.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

It is not established that masturbation causes hair loss.

 

[IdealForehead]

Well on tinder I get a 90% response because we already 'liked' each other.

On pof I think I had a 50 or 60% response rate.

Holy f*****g sh*t. That's insane.

 

[Chromedome1990]

Well on tinder I get a 90% response because we already 'liked' each other.

On pof I think I had a 50 or 60% response rate.

Freaking normies REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE