Greetings, Norwoods

[Boondock(2)]

It's been a while since I was on here. I'm not sure how many of you remember me, but I accumulated >1,000 posts a while back before requesting for my account to be deleted. I was in a dark place and needed to sort myself out.

Anyway, I've since been doing quite a bit better. After a brief dalliance with the world of hair systems that did not go well, I began to piece my life back together. I now have a great job, am more optimistic about the future, and in general psychologically doing quite well. I still haven't had a proper girlfriend since I hit Norwood 3, but I no longer think it's an impossible challenge.

Anyway, with the benefit of some hindsight, I thought I'd give people my thoughts on hair loss based on the past several years' experience:

1. Spend as much time on your psychological 'regimen' as you do on your physical hair loss regimen. This is at least as much a mental challenge as it is a biological one - there is no point in stabilizing your hair if you feel like sh*t about yourself. You need to be very, very careful to continue nurting your social relationships, keeping yourself active, pursuing hobbies, getting exercise, treating yourself well. If you aren't careful, this disorder can push you into a nasty state of mind - and it is very hard to get out of it once you're there.

2. In line with the above, do not spend much time on the boards. Research, and vent if needs be, then get out asap. It's very easy to keep reading about this stuff, but it's like pouring salt into a wound. Many of the people online are well-intentioned but will not ultimately help you out of this. Even 'venting' is of dubious worth, in my opinion.

3. Be open about hair loss and how it bothers you (with close allies). When hair loss hits you hard, it's very tempting to think that even mentioning it is a sign of weakness. I discovered that sensitivity and weakness are two very different things. It's actually a sign of strength to talk about this stuff occasionally, and you can often get much better insights than you would through posting a question on a hair loss board. Don't go moping around to everyone, but if a close friend asks you about it - try being honest and see what happens.

4. Don't feel bad for compensating. For some reason I used to see trying to make money or put on muscle as a loser's game for hair loss. It isn't really. You have to control what you have, and there is no shame at all in making the most of what you can change.

5. Learn to let the 'old you' go. This was the hardest one for me. With hair loss, for many of us there really is no going back. You may never be the cheeky chappy with girls going after you like you were at 18, but you have to deal with that. Life can be good, it can even be better than before if you make the right changes - but you have to let the past go first.

6. Accept that life is unfair. Yes, you will now have to work harder than NW1s in life - there is no avoiding that. You can either b**ch about how unfair that is, or spend that time and energy actually putting in that effort to get to where you need to be.

7. Enjoy it while you can. It's now obvious to me that life - and particularly youth - is really, really fleeting. Many of you won't look back in 30 years and curse the way your hair was, but curse the fact that you spent so much time and effort slowing down the decline while you missed out on having fun.

It's important to live the life you have, not to mourn the one you don't.

Peace out folks,
Boondock

 

[Vox]

Welcome back Boondock, I remember you like it was yesterday.

You give some very sound and well-thought advices, most if not everyone here should read them.

Be well.

 

[s.a.f]

One of the best posts ever :bravo:

What happend with the hairpeice?

 

[Nene]

I knew you couldn't resist coming back!

 

[Boondock(2)]

Tell us about the Hair piece experience, where did you get it? What happened with it? I really want to know!

Well, when I quit the boards last year I was still a bit of a mess for a few months. My plan then was to get a hair system; I'd done a lot of research, and I was quite determined it would work. I didn't really have any other solutions left open to me.

There were probably three events that turned me off the idea.

First, the initial supplier I used totally screwed things up. I ordered a stock piece from him to try out. These are supposed to arrive in a week, but it took nearly 3 months to arrive, and then was still totally off the specs. I wasnt so angry at the poor service as I was concerned about security of supply. I thought to myself: if I was in a pinch and needed a piece fast, and this happened, what the hell would I do?

The second was when I'd got all my orders (from various suppliers). It doesn't properly hit you until you actually get the rug in the envelope, but when I opened it I instantly knew it didn't feel right. The colours weren't quite right, hair texture was way, way off what my hair is. All of them looked very 'off'.

I should clarify that I never actually took them to the salon to get cut in and walk around with. But I knew from the moment I'd actually received the things, trimmed them down a bit and slapped them on my head to see how they looked, that this wasn't for me. I wasn't "that guy". I think it takes a certain type of psychology to deal with the hair system approach, and sadly I don't have that. I realized that I would constantly be walking around paranoid that everyone knew I was wearing - and that, probably, some of them would.

The third was when I succeeded in getting this job. Over 200 people apply for each position here, and it's a very, very client-facing job. As a result, I genuinely thought that my hair loss would be a huge issue - bear in mind that I was competing against other 21-23 year-olds.

It turned out it wasn't at all. Nobody cared, really. I got plenty of offers, against plenty of people with NW1s, and realized that most of the recruiters - many of whom are losing hair themselves - really don't give that much of a sh*t.

Unlike many people here, I was concerned about hair loss not only from the standpoint of getting girls, but from a career standpoint also. I was just starting out in getting a career, and I genuinely (and now, I think, stupidly) thought that hair loss might keep me in a dull low-pay job below what I was capable of. That scared me quite a lot, but it was mostly in my head in this case.

But besides, the job requires a lot of travel abroad and is very unpredictable, and it makes the piece even harder to pull off. Do you walk through airport security with a bag load of industrial chemicals and hope they never stop you? If your piece screws up and you're stuck in Nigeria for 3 months, can you get a new one ordered out there quickly enough? It just added too much insecurity for my liking.

 

[Boondock(2)]

Also, my current hair loss philosophy for anyone who cares!

I used to waver between two extremes:

1. On the one hand, the view that this is a terrible disorder that has hit my life hard, is totally unfair, is a very big deal, and should be fought at all costs.

2. On the other hand that I should just deal with it, get on with my life, man up, it's not a big deal, yada yada yada.

I now basically fall in a middle road between these.

I think hair loss's worth fighting, but that you should fight it and think about it as little as possible.

Get on the boards, research a regimen, start taking it, then get out.

The problem comes when you obsess on it. This can happen when you, among other things, start trying to find some 'perfect' regimen that hasn't been discovered yet. You see this usually when people can't use propecia and then head onto Immortal Hair, PubMed, or wherever, in the search of some random alternative.

It doesn't exist. There are alternatives to finasteride (eucapil and RU being two of them), but once you've researched them it's time to stop tracking your results daily and just to sit back and see what happens. Some people compare RU suppliers by the day like traders focusing on the stock market. And, like traders looking at the stock market, a single day doesn't really tell you what's going on. (The exception is hair transplants, where very, very thorough research and tracking is essential.)

Anyhow, the trick is to fight this, but to NOT focus on it. As I mentioned, it's a mental issue at least as much as it's a physical one. We all know this, really.

You can't stop focusing on it by trying not to focus on it, nor by trying to "reason" your way out of this. You just have to distract yourself by focusing on other things.

That's why it's so important not to spend too much time on here, and to get more active with your hobbies, friends, other parts of your life etc. You will care a lot less about things when you do this.

 

[Boondock(2)]

Hey finasteride,

It's certainly an exciting treatment. I'm going to see how things play out for the next few months for me, but I might well be in for a future order.

I like your treatment guide, btw. This is precisely the kind of thing that can save a lot of people from obsessing over this. Without this stuff, it's often a bit of a marathon to find the right info!

 

[Boondock(2)]

Oh I quit finasteride a long time ago, after a couple of runs with it. It didn't work with me side-effect-wise. Perhaps the sides were psychosomatic or something I scared myself into, but in any case their effect was real!

I'm now on eucapil and minoxidil, slowing things down a little.

My hair loss goals are not all that ambitious. If I can stem the tide a little for a few years, then eventually hair transplant myself into a NW3 or somesuch, I'd be fairly happy. Depending on where I'm at in life in a few years, I may just not bother with it.

Of course, there's also HM, but I consider this to be the Barack Obama of hair loss treatments.

 

[Nashville Hairline]

Good to hear you're in a better place!
I agree with taking a break from the Impact forum now and again, I think as much as its a good place to vent negative experiences there is sometimes an element that its enabling some guys to stay in a rut.

 

[DoctorHouse]

Hey Boon, I think one reason why most posters like to return and update is simply because this forum has some meaning in your life that you can never forget. And its only natural to come back and try to advise others not to make the same mistakes you did.
I am not surprised at all that you were selected over so many applicants and landed a great job. I used to read your posts and you are very articulate in the way you express yourself. That gift stands out like a NW4 in a room full of NW1s. Most employers care more about what comes out of your mouth than whats on the top on your head. And believe it or not most of society does too. Glad your life is turning around for the better. You always had the "gift" all along but you never had the confidence in knowing it would help you go far in life. In life the more articulate you can express yourself in a positive way, the more positive people you will attract. Basically, most men pick up hot women simply by being articulate in the way they use body language and speak.
You always had the confidence deep inside and now its nice to know you have let it show. You are very lucky to be so young because most women around your age don't have alot of baggage. Dating for me has been real challenge because alot of women out there around my age and even younger have alot of baggage. Enjoy your youth as much as you can because once its gone, you will have many regrets if you did not live your life as well as you wanted to. I have alot of those regrets now but I still try to do the best I can. Glad to see your have risen from that "dark place". :bravo:

 

[Boondock(2)]

Good to hear from you House. I, too, have always enjoyed your posts and sense of sanity on this board. (Not that I didn't enjoy the more insane posters too, of course!)

I'm sure you will find what you're looking for in time. Many older women do have baggage, but not all.

 

[Boondock(2)]

Just a quick update.

I do now actually have a proper girlfriend as well, the first time I've got anywhere since hitting NW2.5.

Hair loss is still an issue for me but life is far, far better than I thought possible a year ago.

Keep up the fight, guys: the challenge isn't just holding the line against the hair loss, but putting in the extra effort to make sure you get the life you want despite this affliction. I believe it's a battle that can be won.

 

[Belmondo]

Excellent post, Boondock(2)!