Does a bad childhood make you more concerned ?

[mpbsux20]

Thats the case with me,I never did anything worthwhile when I was a kid and got shitty grades in high school.I feel I am more crippled right now as I find it real hard to find a decent job even after doing reasonably well in my graduation.Before I could even figure out what the hell was wrong with me,I had to deal with hairloss.Although the meds seem to be doing their job,I still feel a little ashamed dealing with it this way.I mean hairloss still is a taboo in many cultures and me being a loner for all my life,has just made the whole process a lot worse.

Who knows ? maybe if I had a better life as a child,I wouldn't be so obsessed about all these petty things...

 

[LooseItAll]

Yes. I have Aspergers and that is hindering me from having a social life. I've been alone my whole life, no friends, no gf, no events etc. I think if not that I would not give a sh*t about hairloss. But now it's just so unfair, I had a shitty life and on top of that I have been "blessed" with an agressive male pattern baldness. I think that is just the icing on a cake

 

[LooseItAll]

Yup not a single one. I'm like that since early childhood. Always shy and quiet. Impossible for me to sustain a convo. I get so nervous that I might say something silly and end up being percieved as a pathetic loser. In the end I am always answering with half-words + since I never actually had a life people see me as a boring person and I have nothing to talk about with mentally normal people. Yeah it sucks big balls to waste your best years and know that this is all you gonna get from life for the rest of it but I guess I got used to it.

 

[mpbsux20]

Yes. I have Aspergers and that is hindering me from having a social life. I've been alone my whole life, no friends, no gf, no events etc. I think if not that I would not give a sh*t about hairloss. But now it's just so unfair, I had a shitty life and on top of that I have been "blessed" with an agressive male pattern baldness. I think that is just the icing on a cake

I am sorry to hear that mate.Nobody deserves to be left alone and I only wish there were more genuine people in this world who can truly empathize with someone who is exposed to such turmoil.

 

[LooseItAll]

Yes I am perfectly fine except for being socially challenged. Hmmm Maybe there is I went to a shrink when I was younger but those visits did not help much. I mean like you said I know my condition and I know my limitations, following his advices just didn't work for me. When I was in high school and college (I guess thats the equivalent in UK) I even tried to actually take advantage of the "blank sheet" situation and foce myself to act differently but it turned out the same because I am just not a cool guy people want to hang out with. I don't drink alcohol, I didn't have any gf etc. I had nothing cool I could share with others. I may buy myself a day or two, maybe even a week but my true nature will show sooner or later... it always did.

Well currently I have a work-home cycle so the only people I'm interacting with are the people at work. The already percieve my as a shy and creepy dude, so I think the bridge is burnt there. By admitting to AS I could only get pity. I think if I ever decide to try again I have to start over with different people around me that do not know my background(or lack of it actually).

Well I know, I get that sort of reactions even from my own family. I know at least a few quys that are on the same boat as I am. I personally think it's easier to end up as a lonely guy than a lonely lady.



mpbsux20 thank you, but I am always doing the reality check(or at least trying). It's not them, it's me. They have no reason to embrace me. There are thousands of people that one can meet, why bother with an aspie when you can get to know of a cool, popular person? As long as most of them are not making any remarks directly or behind my back I think they are doing what they are supposed to do(provided they have good manners). The rest sits on my shoulders it's just that for an aspie the weight is just too much to bare I guess. I've had many humiliating experiences and it all remains in the mind to remember and hinder every step you're now trying to make. But again this is the past and I can't complaing about how people are treating me now as an adult.

And yeah being a NW4 at 23 does not add up to the confidence

 

[GeminiX]

Fascinating thread, I really feel for you LooseItAll. I was diagnosed (wrongly) as having Aspergers as my symptoms during school were so similar. It's actually a very common misdiagnoses for children with gender dysphoria and the social impact is in so many cases are exactly the same.

LooseItAll, apologies if you've answered this in the thread already but did you also get tested for IQ and have an unusually high figure?

 

[LooseItAll]

I honestly don't think that an aspie girl would be interested in me. A moderately pretty girls is going to get attention from normal guys, AS does not take away femine traits from a girl as it does with masculinity of a guy. So in theory she does have the door open for oportunities of leveling her miserable life on to an acceptable state.

But of course anything can happen.

I have been diagnosed as an adult, maybe if it has been done earlier I could start some sort of therapy special program to not let it get as bad as it is now. As for my IQ it's not unusually high, but above average so to say around 130. But to be honest I don't think IQ matters except maybe for a small ego boost.

 

[barcafan]

Yup not a single one. I'm like that since early childhood. Always shy and quiet. Impossible for me to sustain a convo. I get so nervous that I might say something silly and end up being percieved as a pathetic loser. In the end I am always answering with half-words + since I never actually had a life people see me as a boring person and I have nothing to talk about with mentally normal people. Yeah it sucks big balls to waste your best years and know that this is all you gonna get from life for the rest of it but I guess I got used to it.

I dont think you have aspergers, it sounds like anxiety/depression.


I thought actually having anxious feelings rules out aspergers, does it not?

 

[mpbsux20]

Even I have problems taking the relationship past the first week...I mean I dont judge people or have any kind of ego.I am a total misfit and I have no one to blame other than myself.

 

[slipy]

Yes. I have Aspergers and that is hindering me from having a social life. I've been alone my whole life, no friends, no gf, no events etc. I think if not that I would not give a sh*t about hairloss. But now it's just so unfair, I had a shitty life and on top of that I have been "blessed" with an agressive male pattern baldness. I think that is just the icing on a cake

i have male pattern baldness, colon that doesn't function, acid reflux , been underweight my whole life for some reason and i've also lived as a loner and get anxious when around people. Trust me your case isn't as hopeless as mine.

It would be hard to find a motherfucker who's unluckier than me.

 

[DoctorHouse]

Living your life as a loner is the "easy way out". No conflicts, no judgements, no confrontations, no rejections, no disappointments and you can be who you want to be. Do you want to be a loner all your life? I have been a loner on and off and its a very sad life to live. However, it is a very comfortable life. My childhood scars have definitely caused me to become a loner. I was "stabbed in the back" so many times by people who I trusted with all my heart. I have trust issues and paranoia. I think alot of you people have paranoia too that people will not accept you the way you are. Hair loss is just another trait that induces paranoia. There are a few descent people in this world that will accept you the way you are. Alot of posters on here seem to be some of those descent people.
LooseItAll, making friends you can trust is not very easy. Your paranoia that no one will like you because you an aspie guy is something you have to learn to control. I don't drink, I don't like sports, I am not an outdoors type guy, and I think I could be a pretty boring person if my paranoia gets the best of me. I believe sometimes I am a loser too since I have almost no friends and who really wants to be around a person like me who doesn't like sports or do things outdoors. Its all paranoia. Most of the people my age are already married too. At least you are at the age most people your age are still single. You think your life sucks. Well I got news for you mine does too. You know why, because I let my paranoia win out. I have BDD and it tears me apart. I can control my paranoia at times but with crappy scars from childhood, it sometimes because impossible. I know I need to see a shrink. The only thing the shrink can do for me is show me how to change my perspective on how I look at thinks. However he can not erase my scars or my past. I feel for all you guys that are going thru what you are going thru but if you can snap out of your paranoia eventually before you are 40, then you have accomplished something I only wished I had be able to do. Career wise, I never let my paranoia destroy my career path. I am successful at that and make good money so I can enjoy all my electronic gadgets and afford to buy all kinds of arsenal to save my hair which is one of my biggest paranoias. Yet in reality no one on this forum would even think I have a hair loss problem abnormal for my age.
Don't waste your life living like a loner as I have. I have never had any problems attracting women but my paranoia sets in and I don't want to be bothered with a relationship that can end in heartbreak and cheating. I have a paranoia that women always will cheat on you if they find you boring. I don't think I would be able to entertain a women 24/7.
Without rambling on anymore, LooseItAll, you have no friends simply because you really find it easier not to have any. Slipy you are in the same boat. And trust me slipy, there are many people that have it way worse than you do. And those people manage to have a family and friends. We chose to be loners because its the only way we can live a nonjudgemental rejection free life. However, is being a loner really a life you want to live. I really don't want to be a loner. I know the two of you don't want that either. Welcome to the Lonely Hearts Club, my friends.

 

[ligator]

Looseitall I understand your pain as a fellow with Aspergers and some minor hairloss.

As a child (3-7) I had a complete and total obsession with oscillating fans (The mechanism that made it move actually) and I was hard pressed to talk about anything else which made my first 2 years of grade school most difficult, I also did not welcome change to my normal routine as monty1978 pointed out and to this day I still do not like things being changed without discussion.

Of course this does not last forever once I was introduced to video games (which diverted my attention away from fans) by my older bro I found common ground with other boys in my class and from there I started to try and follow the many things guys talk about/do in order to make new friends.


While making new friends can be tough you do not want to stay a recluse there are people out there who share your interests and can handle some of the negatives that come with Asp.


PS: I don't have this sunny forecast with relationships tho.....that is def hell on earth for me.

 

[LooseItAll]

I don't think that it's all about snapping out of the paranoia at this stage. When I was a kid then yeah a therapy, special programme etc. would probably help a lot. But now it's not only about being paranoid, I just lack the social experience which results in acting weird and unnatural in situations that for normal people are just regular and they are used to them through years of practicing.

And I can't even image what would it be like to have a gf. I don't know how to kiss, hold react, nothing. That would be pretty pathetic right now to start over. Same thing applies to any aspect of social teen/adult life.

But I guess it's not the worst it could've been. My condition does not hold me back on getting a decent job, I can afford a hair transplant, am not bad looking and not overall mentally chanllenged. I can interact with people at work but only as far as it all going on the job subjects area. I immediately get shy, strange and weird when being asked about something private. I guess that as a nolifer I feel embarrassed.

 

[somone uk]

When i was at school around year 7 my best friend had aspergers
he was shy, self concious and slightly strange, i was his first friend
now he is living life to his full, he is at university, has a lot of friends and is just getting on with his life.
all i can say to people with AS is that there is only 1 way you can gather social skills is to socialise, everyone is socially fallible to some extent

going back to the original topic, i had a terrible childhood, i have been back-stabbed by several of my best friends, i was socially useless and people didn't' really like me
i was a social misfit in other words
things started change when i was about 17 i had a great bunch of friends and was living life to the full, when i was 18 my hair loss started to be noticeable and by the time i was 19 i socially regressed back to a bedroom bound social misfit
now at 21 i do realise i am living under a hat and living quite a substandard life
i know if i was a Norwood 1 i would be doing so much more with myself and not worrying so much about my hat blowing off and i know i would be doing something right now instead of posting on this forum about how much hairloss suck and how i cannot forgive my dad for passing on these genes

 

[superfrankie]

Living your life as a loner is the "easy way out". No conflicts, no judgements, no confrontations, no rejections, no disappointments and you can be who you want to be.

Spot-on!

Ive lived 6 years as an eremite, more or less (first terrible acne then hair loss) and its only after Ive managed to break that self-destructive pattern that Ive realized what you describe, why I lived that life. Why It worked for me. You vigorously mention the reason.

 

[Sebastien]

Living your life as a loner is the "easy way out". No conflicts, no judgements, no confrontations, no rejections, no disappointments and you can be who you want to be. Do you want to be a loner all your life? I have been a loner on and off and its a very sad life to live. However, it is a very comfortable life. My childhood scars have definitely caused me to become a loner. I was "stabbed in the back" so many times by people who I trusted with all my heart. I have trust issues and paranoia. I think alot of you people have paranoia too that people will not accept you the way you are. Hair loss is just another trait that induces paranoia. There are a few descent people in this world that will accept you the way you are. Alot of posters on here seem to be some of those descent people.
LooseItAll, making friends you can trust is not very easy. Your paranoia that no one will like you because you an aspie guy is something you have to learn to control. I don't drink, I don't like sports, I am not an outdoors type guy, and I think I could be a pretty boring person if my paranoia gets the best of me. I believe sometimes I am a loser too since I have almost no friends and who really wants to be around a person like me who doesn't like sports or do things outdoors. Its all paranoia. Most of the people my age are already married too. At least you are at the age most people your age are still single. You think your life sucks. Well I got news for you mine does too. You know why, because I let my paranoia win out. I have BDD and it tears me apart. I can control my paranoia at times but with crappy scars from childhood, it sometimes because impossible. I know I need to see a shrink. The only thing the shrink can do for me is show me how to change my perspective on how I look at thinks. However he can not erase my scars or my past. I feel for all you guys that are going thru what you are going thru but if you can snap out of your paranoia eventually before you are 40, then you have accomplished something I only wished I had be able to do. Career wise, I never let my paranoia destroy my career path. I am successful at that and make good money so I can enjoy all my electronic gadgets and afford to buy all kinds of arsenal to save my hair which is one of my biggest paranoias. Yet in reality no one on this forum would even think I have a hair loss problem abnormal for my age.
Don't waste your life living like a loner as I have. I have never had any problems attracting women but my paranoia sets in and I don't want to be bothered with a relationship that can end in heartbreak and cheating. I have a paranoia that women always will cheat on you if they find you boring. I don't think I would be able to entertain a women 24/7.
Without rambling on anymore, LooseItAll, you have no friends simply because you really find it easier not to have any. Slipy you are in the same boat. And trust me slipy, there are many people that have it way worse than you do. And those people manage to have a family and friends. We chose to be loners because its the only way we can live a nonjudgemental rejection free life. However, is being a loner really a life you want to live. I really don't want to be a loner. I know the two of you don't want that either. Welcome to the Lonely Hearts Club, my friends.

Mate, with that amount of self-reflection, I say its about time you let go of that paranoia. I don't mean to sound wise with my 20 years but I am in a relationship right now and was in a similar, lonely position before. However I forced myself to date a girl even though I didn't really want to and often thought, she doesn't like me, she stays with me out of obligation, I am boring, not good looking etc etc. ESPECIALLY WHEN HAIRLOSS KICKED IN MTHRFKN. But that subsided after 8-9 months and I can honestly say that I am very happy in a relationship right now. Even though I get really scared of her leaving me every once in a while, and I sometimes discuss it with her. I also force myself to go out with friends to clubs etc even though I really hate it haha, but I always end up loving the evening. Its time to stop thinking and start acting.

 

[DoctorHouse]

Sebastian, I appreciate your advice but I wish I had it twenty years ago and knew now what I knew then. However, I have decided this year is going to be different. I decided to give in and see if I can find a professional that can help me. I have been active on a dating site for the past few weeks and its amazing how many women complement me on my looks. I did ask the women how them feel about dating bald men and the age range of the room was 25 to 60's and I would say practically all the women don't really care about that. And surprising the men don't care that its happening to them either. My biggest problem is I want a very attractive looking fit women and most women my age do not fit in that category anymore. I also know that sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for. You can have a real beautiful girl that can turn out to be more trouble than she is worth and looks fade as you age. So my biggest goal is to change myself and my perception of how the world is and how women can be.

I have to realize rejection is a normal part of life and if I get rejected its because I just was not compatible with that person and nothing else. Not because there is something wrong with the way I look. Its due to the way I act. Let's face I don't want to have a girlfriend with paranoia or BDD behaviors. So I cannot expect someone to be with me unless I change my perspective on myself and the world. I have to learn to like who I see in the mirror every day before I can ever develop a relationship. My world of advice to everyone, the day you can look in the mirror and like yourself is the day you are ready for a relationship with someone who can do the same. Otherwise, the relationship may end in failure eventually.

I was going to close my chapter on this forum forever but I feel this forum never hurt me in anyway or depressed me in anyway. I found it very comforting to know there are alot of men suffering from the same problem as me. I enjoy reading different perspectives on things and experiences that people have shared. I am proud to see CCS did make some progress as well. Sometimes some of his posts do make sense in a way and he just shows that everyone has a different perspective on how the way relationships work. Some of his posts are on the right track but his perspective still needs to change as he believes certain outcomes result all the same way. What I have learned is most women recognize body language better than men and their instincts are to mate with someone who they feel will make both a good father and pass good genes to her offspring. Maybe for some the balding gene may scare them so they tend to avoid those men who bald but those are only a small majority. I am glad I am finally realizing its never to late to change but I know I still will struggle on the way as its hard to change bad habits but hopefully some day I will. I hope this year maybe some people on here can do the same.

 

[superfrankie]

I also know that sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for. You can have a real beautiful girl that can turn out to be more trouble than she is worth and looks fade as you age. So my biggest goal is to change myself and my perception of how the world is and how women can be.

Its easy to be categorical and be indulgent towards a beautiful woman`s lack of personality. Its easy to get carried away and be enchanted just by how she looks. Even though you say you want to change yourself, remember this: attraction is never a choice, you cant force yourself to like someone. But, hey, if your attraction is based on false grounds, its a good thing to try and change perspective. And you only know if youre right or wrong afterwards.

I have to realize rejection is a normal part of life and if I get rejected its because I just was not compatible with that person and nothing else. Not because there is something wrong with the way I look. Its due to the way I act.

Its extremely easy to take "the easy way out" and blame everything on your physical appearance when the problem can lie on many areas. I think its more likely that the way you act (especialy what body language you deliver) will determine you chances with a girl, than just looks.

I heard from girl just a week ago, that Im hot (Im physically fit btw), and if I dont get a girl, then its most likely down to the way I act. And deep down, I know this. And yet, its always very comfortable to blame a rejection solely on the way I look - on my NW5 hairloss.

Let's face I don't want to have a girlfriend with paranoia or BDD behaviors. So I cannot expect someone to be with me unless I change my perspective on myself and the world. I have to learn to like who I see in the mirror every day before I can ever develop a relationship.

Very true. If you dont like what you see in the mirror everyday, then you are far away from getting a healthy relationship with a girl. Your whole focus should be on learning to live with your looks. Until then, for you own best, you should be single.

I am glad I am finally realizing its never to late to change but I know I still will struggle on the way as its hard to change bad habits but hopefully some day I will. I hope this year maybe some people on here can do the same.

Good luck mate I hope you transform to what you wish for.

 

[deadlocks]

Yes, it does. :thumbdown2: