Contemplating Giving Up The System, Need Advice

[Jake Marsden]

I'm a 36 y/o who's been wearing about a 6" diameter lace system on my crown for the past year. It's been completely undetectable, has survived hours-long sweaty workouts, diving into pools, etc. I love the way I look. No one suspects anything, not even my own family (and my now wife... at least she hasn't mentioned it) because I started wearing after growing my hair out after having it buzzed for a long time. I used concealer to help hide the bald spot until the sides were long enough for a decent blend. So in the end everyone just assumes I grew it out.

Now the front part of my hair is getting pretty diffuse and I need to make a decision as to whether I want to replace all the way up to my hairline, which is going to be a lot more risky.

I'm scared about my wife finding out and being upset about me not being honest with her up front about it when I first met her. But when is it ever a good time to reveal to a girl that you're wearing??

So, it's been a year and no one has suspected, and I have full confidence that the shop I go to will do a phenomenal job if I decide to include the hairline. The decision has got me thinking about the long term viability of this. Yes I've pulled it off for a year, but what about the next 50 years? Over the course of that time, my wife is bound to find out eventually. During sex she grabbed the back of my head and I noticed her finger run along the edge of the system. For a moment her hand paused as if to investigate, but I quickly switched positions before she went any further and all was good.

I am seriously considering ditching the system and buzzing again before it's too late for me to go back. I feel if I wait some years longer, the hair loss will be too advanced to go back without it being obvious. So, I'm really on the fence about it and I'm wondering if anyone had similar thoughts about long term wearing and how you dealt with them. What turned out to be a fun and successful experiment, has now made me feel like I painted myself into a corner.

 

[BaldBearded]

Personally, I believe in full disclosure and tell even potential sex partners that I wear a hair system. But that's just me.

At some point, even if you didn't need a more potentially discoverable system, how can you hide trips to the salon, or charges on your credit card, from a spouse?

And what if you ever needed to be hospitalized, or in an accident, and the system was damaged, or needed to be removed? If it were me, as the spouse, I would be pretty upset.

Let's say you go ahead and buzz it all, you will now have an obvious bald spot where the topper was...

I would say go ahead and have a conversation with your wife. It's possible she knows... and just does not feel comfortable talking to you about it. Then, you can decide to either go for a larger unit or buzz it all down.

Good luck,

Steve

 

[deg_dilemma]

This is ridiculous. How can you marry someone and not be completely upfront about something that is so clearly a big factor in your life and in your appearance.

How would you feel if she had no hair and had been hiding the same fact from you?

You say she's felt the lace - well then she knows something is up. Heck, she probably knows you're wearing a piece. The best thing would be to have an honest open chat with her and ask for her opinion. Don't be apologetic as that'll put her on the defensive. Just explain things and involve her by asking her what she thinks and whether you should keep wearing or shave it all off. At least then she will feel a part of the decision rather than a victim of the lie.

I have a feeling she will say that she knew anyway and would be happy for you to keep wearing.

Good luck - hope it turns out OK.

 

[Noah]

Hi Jake

Your story is a good testimony to how undetectable crown pieces are. I don't broadcast the fact that I wear a system, and I have had relationships for a few weeks or even a couple of months where I have kept stumm about it. But a wife or longterm partner is different. You owe it to them to be honest, and you'll feel better about it too.

Honestly, you are getting this out of proportion. Wearing a hairpiece - particularly a crown piece - is a trivial harmless little foible. It's not like you have 3 other wives, or you used to be in the SS. You didn't like having a bald crown, so you bought a little patch of artificial hair as a cover-up; big deal. I am certain your wife's reaction will be (a) you are very handsome without the system, you don't need it, I love you anyway; but (b) if you feel you are more comfortable wearing one, you go for it, let me help you put it on straight.

I have told 2 former girlfriends about my hairpiece, which is a full-top-of-head unit. They were long term relationships, and I felt it was right they should know. Both of them were very supportive. If you read the media you might get the impression that women are going to be rejecting of anything to do with male hair replacement, but that has not been my experience. That is a leftover cliche from the "guy gets toupee blown off by fan" school of 1950's comedy. Women are no stranger to a bit of innocent cosmetic artifice; in fact they are the experts. They are very familiar and at ease with hair extensions too. Women are actually appreciative of the fact that you have taken the effort to make yourself look better for them - they want to be seen walking down the street with a goodlooking guy. In both the cases where I disclosed my situation I sensed it actually enhanced the relationship. They felt that they had a part of me that no one else had, as in fact they did.

You have to be sensitive and think carefully about how you put the situation across to them in a palatable way. Each situation is different. In your case I think I would say to your wife - I have something to tell you. I was getting a bit sensitive about my thinning hair, so i have been trying out this new hair patching system for a few months to see if anyone would notice. No one seems to have. I'm thinking of making it permanent now. What do you think? Make it seem like it was an experiment rather than a deception.

It sounds to me from your post as if you really like having a full head of hair, and you have confidence in your salon to do a good job on a full piece. If that is what you want, then I think you should go for it, and not end up shaving because of some misconceived sense of embarrassment.

As for the far distant future, who knows, perhaps cloning will finally be an option. At any time when you feel the hairpiece has outlived its usefulness you can always throw it away and shave your head. You don't have to disclose to the general public that you were wearing.

Noah

 

[notsohairymon]

Hi Jake

Your story is a good testimony to how undetectable crown pieces are. I don't broadcast the fact that I wear a system, and I have had relationships for a few weeks or even a couple of months where I have kept stumm about it. But a wife or longterm partner is different. You owe it to them to be honest, and you'll feel better about it too.

Honestly, you are getting this out of proportion. Wearing a hairpiece - particularly a crown piece - is a trivial harmless little foible. It's not like you have 3 other wives, or you used to be in the SS. You didn't like having a bald crown, so you bought a little patch of artificial hair as a cover-up; big deal. I am certain your wife's reaction will be (a) you are very handsome without the system, you don't need it, I love you anyway; but (b) if you feel you are more comfortable wearing one, you go for it, let me help you put it on straight.

I have told 2 former girlfriends about my hairpiece, which is a full-top-of-head unit. They were long term relationships, and I felt it was right they should know. Both of them were very supportive. If you read the media you might get the impression that women are going to be rejecting of anything to do with male hair replacement, but that has not been my experience. That is a leftover cliche from the "guy gets toupee blown off by fan" school of 1950's comedy. Women are no stranger to a bit of innocent cosmetic artifice; in fact they are the experts. They are very familiar and at ease with hair extensions too. Women are actually appreciative of the fact that you have taken the effort to make yourself look better for them - they want to be seen walking down the street with a goodlooking guy. In both the cases where I disclosed my situation I sensed it actually enhanced the relationship. They felt that they had a part of me that no one else had, as in fact they did.

You have to be sensitive and think carefully about how you put the situation across to them in a palatable way. Each situation is different. In your case I think I would say to your wife - I have something to tell you. I was getting a bit sensitive about my thinning hair, so i have been trying out this new hair patching system for a few months to see if anyone would notice. No one seems to have. I'm thinking of making it permanent now. What do you think? Make it seem like it was an experiment rather than a deception.

It sounds to me from your post as if you really like having a full head of hair, and you have confidence in your salon to do a good job on a full piece. If that is what you want, then I think you should go for it, and not end up shaving because of some misconceived sense of embarrassment.

As for the far distant future, who knows, perhaps cloning will finally be an option. At any time when you feel the hairpiece has outlived its usefulness you can always throw it away and shave your head. You don't have to disclose to the general public that you were wearing.

Noah

I also want to note that the older you get, the more "forgiving" they will be, as women get older they (usually) do far more to themselves to "look good" than we do and when they get to that point they are a little more understanding about men doing so.....and for most guys from what I can see hair is about the only thing we go nuts about from a "declining looks" perspective.

But if when you are like 50 and you're going out with a 25 year old.....well to be honest, 9 times out of 10 that only happens if the guy has a ton of money.....