Can't ever just be OK.

[Emptiness]

Delete.

 

[DoctorHouse]

I have depression, anxiety, etc which stem back to before I ever thought about hair issues. Since about 24ish I developed BDD, first about hair, obviously. Then slowly over time it became about my face too. I always had a few appearance issues when younger but not to a BDD level.

I started 0.25mg of finasteride 7 months ago, and since then I tend to focus less on my hair and on my face. I still worry about my hair but now instead of constantly I might go 1 to 2 months and not focus as much on it.

Now I focus more and more on if my chin and jawline are strong enough, or do my lips close normally, is my nose OK, do I have a good smile? How do I look from the front vs this angle and that angle? This picture vs this picture? I even try to judge if my shoulders are broad enough. Basically just how attractive am I, or am I an ugly dude. It is actually starting to drive me crazy because I really don't know what's what. I remember reading a comment from, I think @DoctorHouse, saying to someone that BDD typically becomes a cycle and it just jumps from one thing to another, and if you do "solve" one issue then another ones will just take the place.

This is certainly true so far. I'm not over the hair issue but now with the gaps of focusing on it I focus on all these other issues. It's probably just those old passing thoughts from when I was younger coming back. I honestly don't want to even go places anymore because I don't know if I'm that ugly or not. I started working out 2 weeks ago and already gained like 13 pounds and for about a couple days felt pretty good, by my standards. I was really trying to beat my depression. Now I almost want to quit because, what's the point if I'm dog ugly, to put it straight forward.

I'm sure all this is just manifestations of years of depression, whether I look horrible or not. I feel my life is over and has been for a while, and I can never beat this no matter what. I feel too old to do anything now anyway (27) and I really don't want to be out there if I look horrendous too.

I know many might say who cares just don't worry about it but I literally can not help it. This, plus my regular depression are always there. And l'm sure this was born from depression. I don't know anymore. And I can tell that I am becoming more ok with dying and being done with years of depression.

I feel your struggle. But you can overcome it. Don't fall into the trap of social media. You live in a narcissistic generation where taking photos of yourself is norm. I can tell you one thing that helps, don't focus on yourself and try to avoid the mirror unless you need to brush your teeth or do certain necessary grooming protocols that involve a mirror. And just remember it's what comes out of your mouth that counts. If you are negative, you will only attract misery. If you project positivity you will attract admiration.

 

[Hephaistos1002]

Dude you are not the only one in this sh*t. Do you have someone to talk to?

 

[DoctorHouse]

@DoctorHouse I am not negative even though I am negative, if that makes sense. I mean at my core I am a person of hope. However, obviously depression makes people somewhat negative, but mainly about myself. I am not angered filled like many and (almost) always see hope in other people.

I do try to avoid mirrors and pictures of myself. If I do take them, I try to process them as fast as possible and move on.

I know what you mean. But be careful with this forum as you can fall into the trap of being attracted to those who are miserable and drink their "kool-aid". I am glad you at least are aware of your problem and doing something about it. If ever you need to talk about dealing with BDD you can PM me.

 

[Catagen]

Are you the guy with waist length hair?

 

[Siisid]

wow. the quote about bdd obsessing over one thing then switching to another once uve solved it is so relatable its crazy

I have depression, anxiety, etc which stem back to before I ever thought about hair issues. Since about 24ish I developed BDD, first about hair, obviously. Then slowly over time it became about my face too. I always had a few appearance issues when younger but not to a BDD level.

I started 0.25mg of finasteride 7 months ago, and since then I tend to focus less on my hair and on my face. I still worry about my hair but now instead of constantly I might go 1 to 2 months and not focus as much on it.

Now I focus more and more on if my chin and jawline are strong enough, or do my lips close normally, is my nose OK, do I have a good smile? How do I look from the front vs this angle and that angle? This picture vs this picture? I even try to judge if my shoulders are broad enough. Basically just how attractive am I, or am I an ugly dude. It is actually starting to drive me crazy because I really don't know what's what. I remember reading a comment from, I think @DoctorHouse, saying to someone that BDD typically becomes a cycle and it just jumps from one thing to another, and if you do "solve" one issue then another ones will just take the place.

This is certainly true so far. I'm not over the hair issue but now with the gaps of focusing on it I focus on all these other issues. It's probably just those old passing thoughts from when I was younger coming back. I honestly don't want to even go places anymore because I don't know if I'm that ugly or not. I started working out 2 weeks ago and already gained like 13 pounds and for about a couple days felt pretty good, by my standards. I was really trying to beat my depression. Now I almost want to quit because, what's the point if I'm dog ugly, to put it straight forward.

I'm sure all this is just manifestations of years of depression, whether I look horrible or not. I feel my life is over and has been for a while, and I can never beat this no matter what. I feel too old to do anything now anyway (27) and I really don't want to be out there if I look horrendous too.

I know many might say who cares just don't worry about it but I literally can not help it. This, plus my regular depression are always there. And l'm sure this was born from depression. I don't know anymore. And I can tell that I am becoming more ok with dying and being done with years of depression.