why do people tell us how we *should* feel?

[kingdomforhair]

It's well recognized that each person has a different way of coping with loss or pain. So why is there such an attempt at dictating what the *proper* response to hair loss is?

I've been across many hair loss forums and I've been often told, very bluntly, that my feelings about hair loss are the "wrong" feelings.
"you should be feeling this way"
" it's not healthy to think like that"

"dude you shouldn't worry about hair loss women don't care"

or as my blithe brother recently said "just cheer up man!" like that gesture is going to do anything, like my mental state is wrong and I should just "snap out of it".

What if I don't like the way I look?

It's not like you can choose what your sentiments are about hair loss, some people may not care at all when they lose their hair, other people care VERY much and I am one of them.

For this reason I think forums like this should be about expressing your own views, not trying to change the views of others, which doesn't work. Either you like the way you look, or you don't. Either other people like the way you look, for example girlfriends, friends, the general population, or they don't. You can't extrapolate and say because you or someone you know is unaffected by hair loss that all men should feel the same. It's insulting to argue this.

It's been a horrific experience, FOR ME, losing my hair so young. My beliefs are colored by this pain, your experiences may be different, I respect that. But don't try and tell me I am exaggerating or delusional for feeling angry, depressed or cynical about this world. My brain is different to yours. Each brain is different. I hate the way I look and there's nothing that can be said to change that. The only cure for my suffering is getting my hair back, which I am in the process of doing, with some success. My cure will be a hair transplant not a psychologist.

 

[lostlife]

Kingdom I don't know why people say these things . I agree with you as it effects people in different ways and all are negative .I sure would like to see it happen to them and then ask them how they feel about it when they can't even look at themselves in a mirror . Women are the worst at these comments it saddens me very much

 

[hellouser]

"dude you shouldn't worry about hair loss women don't care"

What fvcking moron said that? LOL, of course they care.. there's a reason why damn near all women look at bald and especially balding men in DISGUST.

 

[I.D WALKER]

It looks like you are initiating a well thought out plan of action that will hopefully quell or nullify much of your despair. I wish you super success and a speedy recovery. Please keep us updated.

 

[DannyBoyy]

What fvcking moron said that? LOL, of course they care.. there's a reason why damn near all women look at bald and especially balding men in DISGUST.

You know that many women to say this? or some women dissed you once now you going on a hate rampage?...just asking.

 

[hellouser]

You know that many women to say this? or some women dissed you once now you going on a hate rampage?...just asking.

Don't be in denial, none of us would be stressing over our hair if it weren't to impress the opposite sex.

 

[DannyBoyy]

Don't be in denial, none of us would be stressing over our hair if it weren't to impress the opposite sex.

You didnt answer my questions...anyway i be the first to tell you i never stressed over my hair for the opposite sex i must be a "rare" one or in denial you choose.

 

[BrightonBaldy]

You didnt answer my questions...anyway i be the first to tell you i never stressed over my hair for the opposite sex i must be a "rare" one or in denial you choose.

certainly denial.lol

i see the boy who claims to bot give a **** about hairloss is still hanging about a baldness support forum, way to not care danny

 

[DannyBoyy]

certainly denial.lol

i see the boy who claims to bot give a **** about hairloss is still hanging about a baldness support forum, way to not care danny

Oh i care dont get me wrong i care way to much just not for the reasons you think...believe as you will its understandable to think so but i promise when i had hair i didnt care for it...if you was there when i was treated the way i was with my longish hair you would understand...and 1.000 posts or 7.000 posts what ever...i could go to a million its just a forum dude a forum what takes no more then a few minutes to post...but if you want to make yourself feel better thinking im in denial AFTER i said i wasnt...what ever helps you sleep at night understandable you cant seem to get to the point of not caring so you have to put doubt in others...shame really.



Think about a cured patient when they make a book about their illness to help others or maybe go to a group about it to talk about it to help others going through it...he/she is still talking about their illness etc long after its gone all to help others...just think about that...just think...now replace that patient with me and the book,group with these forums...think about it.

 

[hellouser]

Oh i care dont get me wrong i care way to much just not for the reasons you think...

So what ARE the reasons for your stress over baldness? If not women, then what?

 

[DannyBoyy]

So what ARE the reasons for your stress over baldness? If not women, then what?

My stress when i was 16/18 was that i be bullied for it or took the mick or what ever way you want to put it...cause thats what kids are like as you know i was already bullied for other reasons so it was just a matter of time...thankfully it was the end of school so i got away with it...i never cared for losing the hair yeah i dreaded the horseshoe but i thought i could always shave it...i just had enough i didnt want anymore heat kinda like when i was bullied for other things some of the things they bullied me for though wasnt actually bad but when you have people bullying you nearly every day...it took its toll.

 

[I.D WALKER]

No one likes being on the receiving end of a bully type. This truth could be used metaphorically with our own hair loss struggle if it were not for the ugly fact that this is one bully that refuses to back down.uke:

 

[hellouser]

My stress when i was 16/18 was that i be bullied for it or took the mick or what ever way you want to put it...cause thats what kids are like as you know i was already bullied for other reasons so it was just a matter of time...thankfully it was the end of school so i got away with it...i never cared for losing the hair yeah i dreaded the horseshoe but i thought i could always shave it...i just had enough i didnt want anymore heat kinda like when i was bullied for other things some of the things they bullied me for though wasnt actually bad but when you have people bullying you nearly every day...it took its toll.

I can relate;

I'm an immigrant in Canada with a messed up unpronounceable name. I moved from city to city and was always an outcast, the teasing with me started on day one in school as pretty much all teachers screwed up reading my name and called me an animal name instead, instantly having every kid in the classroom laugh at you from the get go. Nice debut, right? Things escalated for me i grade 8 and 9, my last year of elementary and first year of high school, both in a new city. I was made fun of, had little friends. I hated everything about the city and school I was in. It destroyed my confidence and self esteem. That was 14 years ago. It's hard to shake off the notion that youre somehow inferior. Baldness is just another blow to me. Right now, its my #1 problem. I have tinnitus as well but would easily trade it for hair.

So, while I know what it feels like to be bullied... that part of my life is over now. I need to focus on getting on with life, which means finding someone who's going to accept this face with this receding hairline thats crippled my facial features. Confidence doesn't get you anywhere if first impressions have you as a write off.

 

[VeprSuper]

Isn't tinnitus a blast? I have it too.

 

[hellouser]

Isn't tinnitus a blast? I have it too.

It varies, but mine sounds almost exactly like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HIfqyHbKgY

I hear it all the time in quiet situations. It's never stopped in the last 2 years. If there's ambient noise (fridge, fan, air conditioner, etc) I don't hear it anymore due to habituation. The worst is at night when I'm trying to fall asleep.

 

[DannyBoyy]

I can relate;

I'm an immigrant in Canada with a messed up unpronounceable name. I moved from city to city and was always an outcast, the teasing with me started on day one in school as pretty much all teachers screwed up reading my name and called me an animal name instead, instantly having every kid in the classroom laugh at you from the get go. Nice debut, right? Things escalated for me i grade 8 and 9, my last year of elementary and first year of high school, both in a new city. I was made fun of, had little friends. I hated everything about the city and school I was in. It destroyed my confidence and self esteem. That was 14 years ago. It's hard to shake off the notion that youre somehow inferior. Baldness is just another blow to me. Right now, its my #1 problem. I have tinnitus as well but would easily trade it for hair.

So, while I know what it feels like to be bullied... that part of my life is over now. I need to focus on getting on with life, which means finding someone who's going to accept this face with this receding hairline thats crippled my facial features. Confidence doesn't get you anywhere if first impressions have you as a write off.

See this is why i dont care people dont have to believe me i understand that im here surely i care? why would i be here if i didnt care? etc etc but why worry now when my look has always been "hated" you know?...the crap what happened to me also was some time ago but its that time what made me care even more then i already did...i knew what it felt to feel down or left out etc etc why im here i want to help...cause the last thing i want to see is people feeling as helpless as i did...obviously im not any miracle curer i just say this and that and you are better...dont work like that obviously but i try maybe i fail trying but im trying thats why im here some say its denial about my hair its not its me caring to much think what you will...i said many times i want everyone to find peace here yeah i argue yeah i may seem like im being a dick but deep down i dont mean any harm i just want to help or at least try even if noone here thinks i am or im just talking out my ***...and yes i also know this bit of the forum is to rant let it out i understand that im not saying dont do it but again im just trying to help.

- - - Updated - - -

It varies, but mine sounds almost exactly like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HIfqyHbKgY

I hear it all the time in quiet situations. It's never stopped in the last 2 years. If there's ambient noise (fridge, fan, air conditioner, etc) I don't hear it anymore due to habituation. The worst is at night when I'm trying to fall asleep.

And your condition i think i have its very mild so i can easily ignore it even when asleep so its like its not there i can hear it now as we speak soon as you mentioned it...but when im watching something bascially just busy i dont hear it so when i forget about it its like its gone even in quiet situations.

 

[hellouser]

And your condition i think i have its very mild so i can easily ignore it even when asleep so its like its not there i can hear it now as we speak soon as you mentioned it...but when im watching something bascially just busy i dont hear it so when i forget about it its like its gone even in quiet situations.

Yup, you've definitely got a mild case of tinnitus. Just avoid loud noise especially if it will be for extended periods of time (concerts, construction sites, etc). There's no cure for this either, and since its an invisible condition, most people won't think to know theres anything wrong with you, but you know the sound is in your head.

Avoid cigarettes and especially coffee as it heightens your awareness and will make tinnitus seem louder.

Certain vitamins/supplements *can* sometimes help a little bit; zinc, vitamin b6, b12 but the one that most tinnitus sufferers say helps is niacin. Just be sure to expect a flush if you take a high dose (typically anything beyond 50mg). I gave some to my mom without knowing about the flush (she has tinnitus as well) and she freaked out. A flush is where your skin, face, ears, legs, etc all feel as if theyre burning up. Its temporary though.

The only viable treatment that may be effective and that is on the horizon is by a company called Microtransponder;

http://www.microtransponder.com/

 

[DannyBoyy]

Yup, you've definitely got a mild case of tinnitus. Just avoid loud noise especially if it will be for extended periods of time (concerts, construction sites, etc). There's no cure for this either, and since its an invisible condition, most people won't think to know theres anything wrong with you, but you know the sound is in your head.

Avoid cigarettes and especially coffee as it heightens your awareness and will make tinnitus seem louder.

Certain vitamins/supplements *can* sometimes help a little bit; zinc, vitamin b6, b12 but the one that most tinnitus sufferers say helps is niacin. Just be sure to expect a flush if you take a high dose (typically anything beyond 50mg). I gave some to my mom without knowing about the flush (she has tinnitus as well) and she freaked out. A flush is where your skin, face, ears, legs, etc all feel as if theyre burning up. Its temporary though.

The only viable treatment that may be effective and that is on the horizon is by a company called Microtransponder;

http://www.microtransponder.com/

Ah i see im just glad its very mild i first started to hear it when i was still at school weirdly enough sometime after a science lesson about ears...i havent really thought about telling anyone cause it dont really bother me and i read up about it and figured it was what you said...like you said theres not really a cure and its not harmful unless its really loud which it isnt...can it cause like deafness in the ear? like trouble hearing people?

 

[hellouser]

Ah i see im just glad its very mild i first started to hear it when i was still at school weirdly enough sometime after a science lesson about ears...i havent really thought about telling anyone cause it dont really bother me and i read up about it and figured it was what you said...like you said theres not really a cure and its not harmful unless its really loud which it isnt...can it cause like deafness in the ear? like trouble hearing people?

Its not physically harmful at all. It won't cause deafness either. Trouble hearing though, is possible if it gets exceptionally loud which is why I mentioned to reduce the amount of exposure you get to loud noise. If you do this, it SHOULD stay at the volume its at now.

However, it is MENTALLY harmful. William Shatner has tinnitus and contemplate suicide years ago when he first got it after an accidental special effects blast was set off on set at a Star Trek filming. Leonard Nimoy was near the blast too and he got tinnitus that day as well. I think 80% of all returning soldiers from war develop tinnitus (gun shots, bombs, etc). Tinnitus can have a devastating impact on your mental state. Be thankful your case is mild, as is mine.

 

[DannyBoyy]

Its not physically harmful at all. It won't cause deafness either. Trouble hearing though, is possible if it gets exceptionally loud which is why I mentioned to reduce the amount of exposure you get to loud noise. If you do this, it SHOULD stay at the volume its at now.

However, it is MENTALLY harmful. William Shatner has tinnitus and contemplate suicide years ago when he first got it after an accidental special effects blast was set off on set at a Star Trek filming. Leonard Nimoy was near the blast too and he got tinnitus that day as well. I think 80% of all returning soldiers from war develop tinnitus (gun shots, bombs, etc). Tinnitus can have a devastating impact on your mental state. Be thankful your case is mild, as is mine.

Yeah i know thats why i said its not harmful unless the noise is loud cause i figured it be "harmful" if the noise is loud cause a loud noise 24.7? enough to send anyone mad...but my deafness is probably just blocked up wax cause the sound dont make it hard to hear people cause like i said its mild.