Very few friends

[O'rly?]

I'm 22, obviously losing my hair. I'm thinning all over since I was 18. My hairloss really effected my education because I was ashamed of the way I looked, so I rarely went into college and failed my exams, I dropped out of college and started working. Because of this I never made any friends in college.

Now that I am 22 I have accepted my hairloss that it doesnt really bother me, but I am aware of it in certain situations.

My problem is I have very few friends, excluding my family I have 2 friends, which are friends I made in high school. I lost touch with the rest of my high school friends, tbh we're different people now so its all for the best.

My 2 friends are people I only really hang out with because I have no other options, say if I want to go to a concert, drinking or on a holiday they are the only people I can ask to go, if they dont want to go I cant do it.

I have never had any female friends, not counting the few girlfriends I had in the distant past. I work in a male dominated industry, and most of the guys I work with are 20 years older than me and married with kids. So its hard for me to meet women or even make male friends.

I really don't know what I am asking, maybe its just to get this off my chest.

 

[zackmcqueen]

You perhaps need to look into some social activities organised in your local area...find some that you like the sound of and that match your interests, but also if you want to meet women, find some that women are likely to take ie evening literature classes, yoga, dance, cookery....Such activities are a gamble though, because they will make you look either independent, sensitive,interesting, and like a man with a healthy body and mind...... or gay. It really depends how you conduct yourself. But if you find yourself in a room full of women during these activities basic maths tells you that at least your chances of sex are better than if you were in a room full of men. It can be fun and interesting talking to strangers online, and I have found this forum and many others to be very interesting and I like to read what people have written here, but its fairly unlikely that youl meet many people online who youll ever go away with, go to concerts with, or have sex with...

 

[O'rly?]

I havent got invited to a party or anything like that since high school. LOL

I know I am still young but I cant really see this changing.

 

[O'rly?]

Zack, thanks for the advice. But I really cant think of any activites I want to take up. In those kind of classes, sure you might meet new people but its very rare that that friendship extends outside the class, and tbh a lot of people might find it strange and somewhat awkward with some guy desperately trying to establish some kind of friendship, when all they want to do is get on with the class that they paid to do.

BTW is that you in the picture? If so, you look pretty good.

 

[dietcola]

where are you working? consider working in a restaurant like applebees or some crap, front of house of back doesn't matter, working in 2 restaurants i made more friends that i could ever need. and EVERYONE is friends with EVERYONE, unless you're some creepy weirdo you'll make friends by the handful i promise!

 

[sphlanx2006]

I know I am still young but I cant really see this changing.

Basically this is the most common symptom of any form of depression. I was reading that what seperates depression from any other emotional state, is that it makes you feel that nothing can change. I have been through some depression caused to me due to infectius monoclueosis, and all i could think of is that the crappy situation i was in(though i wasnt) is never gonna change, since i could do nothing to change it.

As other people said, try some local social activities, even hitting the gym could get you some friends. Dont let this take you down, you are still too young.

 

[Guest]

Hey Orly,

just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I am 24 years old but I have exactly ZERO friends to go out with. I am completely alone and isolated. I have started hitting the gym by now but how do communicate with other people while you are working out? My whole situation appears hopeless. Like you I see no way out of misery.

Damn, I had all these problems even before I noticed that I am balding and now with hairloss in my mind 24/7 everything seems so much worse......

 

[s.a.f]

Taug get yourself a part time job. One that involves working with other young people. You could be a barman they get to know dozens of people.

 

[Guest]

Thx s.a.f.,


yes I thought about a part time job as well. During my "military" service I used to work as barman and after some time I performed really well. But since then I have become much more sensitive. I don´t know I somehow feel that I am not strong enough for the outside world, yet.

 

[sphlanx2006]

yes I thought about a part time job as well. During my "military" service I used to work as barman and after some time I performed really well. But since then I have become much more sensitive. I don´t know I somehow feel that I am not strong enough for the outside world, yet.

Each day, you will just be less and less strong. You got to do something now, otherwise you might just spend the rest of your life like that.

 

[ginald]

gentlemen please,


there is absolutely nothing wrong with you at all.

what has happened is that both taug and orly have failed to reach the required degree of social conditioning in order to settle comfortably into this thing we call society.

instinctively man is a hunter and a fighter and any other person outside the immediate family is a threat....someone to be treated as an enemy.

in order to make friends we have to drop this natural self defence/preservation mechanism.

to do this you have to learn to trust other human beings.....always a risky business.

is it worth the risk, gentlemen?

the reason it appears difficult to do , is that you are doing something unnatural because "in the wild", this sort of trusting behaviour would threaten your survival.