The psychology of wearing if you live with a partner

[Noah]

I was talking to another poster, and he lives with his girlfriend, and he assumes she must know he wears a system, but by a mutual unspoken understanding it is never mentioned between them. It's understood that he will disappear into the bathroom for his maintenance every so often. She doesn't comment on his hair or touch the top of his head where his piece sits. He is a fairly young guy with a nice realistic but luxuriant hair (with the piece on).

He is happy with this mutual understanding, and feels she is being respectful of his privacy. I think I would be happy with it too. On the limited number of occasions when I have told girlfriends, I have never been keen for my hairpiece to be a casual topic of conversation,or for her to get involved with the maintenance or look of the unit. I regard it as essentially a private personal matter.

I just wondered if others who live with partners who know about their hair situation have a similar dynamic. Or does your partner get to see you without hair, comment on your unit etc.?

 

[WaccWaccWacc]

Have no experience whatsoever on this, however, I would want my partner to not only know but myself and her to be comfortable with the fact that I wear a system, if I did indeed wore one. This entails a joke, her watching/helping me put it on etc. Otherwise I feel like its just an elephant in the room at all times. If you truly love one another, I don’t see how being open about a large cosmetic obscurity would be an issue.

 

[Smartone84]

I can't imagine living with a woman and her never having known about it. That just seems a bit strange. That being said, after the "reveal" conversation I would personally prefer it just doesn't get spoken about much at all afterwards.

Noah you mention having told previous girlfriends... i'm curious how did you go about telling them?

 

[NickyA]

I'm hopeful that in 10 or 20 years wearing a piece will be as socially acceptable as shaving your body hair or plucking your eyebrows is today for men, or makeup and eyebrow drawing is for women.

 

[BaldBearded]

I don't live with anyone full time, but everyone I have been with gets told. I already had one "accident", I don't want to repeat it.

I am older, and I came to this later in life. I don't mind telling people, I love their reactions "no way, that's not. your real hair".

 

[hair4meTomorrow]

I met my wife just as I was looking into this. When I finally got it I just turned up to our weekend away with it. She knew it was happening and that's fine.

She's never helped me with anything and she's never asked many details to be fair.

I work at home, she works far longer hours. I just had a schedule of when I'd do it and that was as easy as that. I might quickly take it off before work, let my scalp breathe all day and finish the washing at lunch time, and then put it on just after work before she gets home.

My bigger concern is ending up in the office again and having less ability to just put on a cap when it's off.

 

[deg_dilemma]

Interesting topic Noah!

I can't imagine anyone trying to live with a partner, especially daily as in married or long-term relationship, and with the partner not knowing. It was just be too awkward and stressful. And to live such a lie with your loved one... no way!

I've been married some time and my hair loss largely occurred during marriage (I blame her ). So my wife has seen my hair thin and the various attempts at hiding it such as fibres and Dermatch. I had planned for some years to go for a transplant and she accompanied me to a surgeon for a consultation, so we've always been open and close in that way.

I told her many years back that I was looking into systems and her response was that, well, why can't more guys be bothered to do it? As in, if women "have" to go around with makeup and plucking their eyebrows etc then why are guys so "lazy" in not enhancing their appearance. A very fair point and clearly one I was happy to hear. She even went on to ask why Prince William doesn't get a hairpiece!

She was very supportive when I decided to get the hair and she prefers that I have it rather than letting me slip into 'old uncle' mode.

Anyway, clearly we live together and she knows about the hair. When I first researched a system I thought I would need her help to do the weekly maintenance, but I never have needed to ask her. And I prefer not to, because the gooey mess would be off-putting to anyone.

My wife has also never seen me without my hair on - I mean, I was Norwood 5 before I got the system 2 years ago so she obviously knows how bald I am, but since I got a system she has only ever seen me with it on. And I prefer it that way tbh. I always have hair on, even during lockdown and having been at home all these months - not a day without my hair on in the past 2 years. Personally I don't feel like myself without it.

I talk about my hair often with her. She is my "go to" person for checking my hair and the hairline and for new styles etc.

So we're open about it, but she doesn't need to be involved with maintenance and doesn't ever see me without the hair. If I were to summarise, it's a non-issue between us and sometimes an interesting discussion to have.

 

[JMC]

I’ll tell you two stories...

1. I met my girlfriend about 4 years ago, several years after I had my hair transplants, but before I wanted to do SMP. I knew in order to not hide the SMP I had to tell her I’ve had hair transplants so one night after I got out the shower I said “I got to tell you something that not many people know”. She was supportive and was just like “that’s so cool”. I don’t know why I was nervous in telling her that, I guess I was embarrassed.

2. Fast forward 4 years and this past summer I was just not happy still with the thinness of my hair. She knew I wasn’t and she knew I used toppik and other hair concealers, but I had kept seeing TIkTok videos of Phil Does Hair and I knew I wanted to try it. It looked so... new age? I saw guys my age (35) and younger get hairpieces and just looked so natural. I told her that I wanted to do it without showing her the videos. She said she was scared and didn’t really want me to do it, but still supported me if I I wanted to. I showed her the videos I had been watching and it kind of changed her mind. We were actually heading for a week long 3 city USA vacation and I called a local place and booked it for the early morning of the day we were to leave. She asked me if I wanted her to go with me and I said absolutely. When she shaved my head we actually were laughing together and she was taking pics of me with the bald top. We still pull the pics up to this day and laugh about it. Once we walked out with the new hair she could not stop staring at me. In fact the whole 6 hour plane ride I kept catching her looking at me and I would ask WHY R U STARING AT ME?!? She would laugh and just say “I just can’t believe it looks so real, it’s amazing”.

She is my biggest advocate and she has done every single maintenance with me. I take the piece off and clean it and my scalp and she tapes it up and puts it on my head for me. In fact, I tried to tape it up on my own one night cause she was taking too long coming into the bathroom and when she arrived she got mad at me and said “that’s my job!”

The key is being open and honest and having fun with it. It’s ok to poke fun at yourself. It lightens the mood. If the front of my hair is coming up I will sometimes pull it back while we are in public (not where anyone else can see) to joke with her and she just laughs.

You know this thread made me just text her and tell her thank you for being my hair partner.

 

[Nostab2]

My soon to be x wife had no clue. After years I told her. I get most of my rebounds done at my mother's house. It was never an issue. Before that I had 4 long term girlfriends who also had no idea. Or knew and did not care. I was the master at keeping girls hands out of the hair. Now that I'm getting divorced and soon playing the field again. I will probably go to a more upfront approach. I'm old now (45) lol, so I guess it's a little different story.

 

[Smartone84]

My soon to be x wife had no clue. After years I told her. I get most of my rebounds done at my mother's house. It was never an issue. Before that I had 4 long term girlfriends who also had no idea. Or knew and did not care. I was the master at keeping girls hands out of the hair. Now that I'm getting divorced and soon playing the field again. I will probably go to a more upfront approach. I'm old now (45) lol, so I guess it's a little different story.

I don't wear yet, but I use a good amount of Toppik over the years. I typically would just tell girls I don't really like my hair touched. If they asked why I would just tell them that my hair is very thin and it's a pain to get it styled like it is so someone messing with it would just mess it up. None of them ever cared except for one i can remember and that was only because she really liked to run her hands through guys' hair. With a hair system though I'm not sure how I'd pull off this excuse.

 

[Nostab2]

I don't wear yet, but I use a good amount of Toppik over the years. I typically would just tell girls I don't really like my hair touched. If they asked why I would just tell them that my hair is very thin and it's a pain to get it styled like it is so someone messing with it would just mess it up. None of them ever cared except for one i can remember and that was only because she really liked to run her hands through guys' hair. With a hair system though I'm not sure how I'd pull off this excuse.

I guess I never ran into this much, running hands through hair? Is this that big of a thing? I think its pretty common behavior not to do this in general. I mean I never had the desire to do this to women.

 

[deg_dilemma]

I guess I never ran into this much, running hands through hair? Is this that big of a thing? I think its pretty common behavior not to do this in general. I mean I never had the desire to do this to women.

For me it was very common in my younger years when in the throes of passion with then girlfriends. Definitely not now in my 40s with the Mrs

I also used fibres like Toppik for around 5 or 6 years before I got the hair system. Fibres are such a pain, much worse than a system. If it rains, the fibres will wash out, or if you bump you head on something you'll have a bald path show up, or if someone touches the 'hair' they'll end up with fibre on their fingers, if you sleep over somewhere you'll ruin their pillow with fibres, if you go swimming you can't get ANY water near you head etc etc. My wife really disliked my fibres, not least because they would always cause a mess in the bathroom!

The limitations with a system are nothing when compared to fibres.

 

[Fanjeera]

Girls like to pull hair yes. That's a little disturbing, but the glues are strong enough. I just take their hand and put it somewhere else when I feel it's becoming too much. One girl asked me why I do it and I had to come up with a stupid answer that I just don't like it, have this weird mental disorder. Any other good idea what to answer in this situation? Though, mostly just letting them touch a bit or forcing the hand away is a good enough solution.

 

[Smartone84]

Girls like to pull hair yes. That's a little disturbing, but the glues are strong enough. I just take their hand and put it somewhere else when I feel it's becoming too much. One girl asked me why I do it and I had to come up with a stupid answer that I just don't like it, have this weird mental disorder. Any other good idea what to answer in this situation? Though, mostly just letting them touch a bit or forcing the hand away is a good enough solution.

I would try and have some chit chat before you even get there. Talk about the sexual stuff you like and dislike. When it comes to dislikes just say you don't like having your hair grabbed. Just not a fan. That way you don't even have to worry when it does come time to fool around.

 

[Nostab2]

For me it was very common in my younger years when in the throes of passion with then girlfriends. Definitely not now in my 40s with the Mrs

I also used fibres like Toppik for around 5 or 6 years before I got the hair system. Fibres are such a pain, much worse than a system. If it rains, the fibres will wash out, or if you bump you head on something you'll have a bald path show up, or if someone touches the 'hair' they'll end up with fibre on their fingers, if you sleep over somewhere you'll ruin their pillow with fibres, if you go swimming you can't get ANY water near you head etc etc. My wife really disliked my fibres, not least because they would always cause a mess in the bathroom!

The limitations with a system are nothing when compared to fibres.

Yeah, fibers have to be a nightmare. I have had incidental contact in the sack, but was never a big deal so far anyway.

 

[Fanjeera]

I would try and have some chit chat before you even get there. Talk about the sexual stuff you like and dislike. When it comes to dislikes just say you don't like having your hair grabbed. Just not a fan. That way you don't even have to worry when it does come time to fool around.

It always somehow spontaneously happens before we even get comfortable about talking what we like in bed unfortunately. Can't imagine bringing this up somehow. These talks happen afterwards.