the big 3: why i'm screwed

[jonsie150]

1. i'm thinning in my early 20's
2. i have acne. was horrendous in my teens. accutane did a lot to save me. it's under control now, but i still have scars and an occasional outbreak
3. i'm short. and i don't mean 5'9 short. i mean short

basically, i feel like one big recessive gene. i mean, really, couldn't i have gotten a pass on ONE of those things? i hate thinking how i'm screwed just by a wave of a hand. i mean, if i'd been conceived a split second later or earlier, my genetic makeup could have been vastly different. i could have been a respectable 5'8. or i could have had smooth skin like everyone does on my mother's side. but nooo. and its a veritable "no" too. i mean, people in my family acne, but it was me who had it the worst. also, i'm shorter than every male in my family. AND i'm balding sooner than anyone else (my dad didn't start until his mid 30's). what gives?

of course, there are things I cherish. i have my mind (but hey, all this has done for me is turn me into a cynical, unemployed snob). and i'm not that bad looking a guy. but, hell, to fully make up for my big 3 i'd have to be the reincarnation of cary freaking grant.

and girls. jesus. i don't even know where to start. like i know this girl who just gave birth to a baby boy. the dad (they're not married) is a felon and had spent a chunk of his life in jail. she says: i'm not gonna let him into this baby's life. the guy had even beaten her in the past. then, guess what, just last week the dad is back in the apartment. the girl says he deserves another chance. and this other girl, she's seeing a guy who'd been a user. the guy acts like a complete elitist. once, when he came to a party completely smashed (on chemicals other than alcohol), he came from behind and put his hand on my crotch.

point is, it seems like everything is easy to overlook....except some choice physical traits, like *ahem* one's height. i've never beaten anyone, i've never been arrested, i've always been conscientious of other people's feelings, etc etc. and it's not because i'm looking to get into someone's pants, but because i simply WANT to be nice to people. but, wow, this entire year is just one humiliating anecdote for me. like i ask this one girl to visit a new showcase at a museum. she says: i can't this weekend, i'll let you know when i'm free. then she doesn't call back for 3 months. and then i find out, through a mutual friend, she'd visited the gallery just last week! and it wasn't like i'd asked her out to a date. it was just: hey, let's hang out.

anyway. this is just me being a whiny brat. and i really don't mean to come off as some self-absorbed misogynist (cause i'm not [at least i don't think i am]). and yes, i think a big part of my predicament is that i need a boost of self-confidence and yada yada yada. its just that i'm seeing a bit more scalp in the mirror tonight, and it's put me in a sour mood. plus i have bronchitis. and i have a big exam looming overhead. crap.

 

[toocoolforhair]

You should be happy that your acne is under control, I think that ruins a man's looks much more than baldness. As for your hair, if it is thinning try cutting it really short. Thinning hair looks great with a grade 1/2 buzzcut and it will also stop you obsessing over it.

The height is a problem with taller women, so try going for shorter women. I have known a lot of short guys and they always had girls. The key to their success was going for girls of a similar height and then being very upbeat/friendly.

You say that you're unemployed, but you also say you have an exam coming up. I think it's harsh to say you're unemployed if you're a student. I'm someone who's really unemployed. I finished university two months ago and I must have been rejected for nearly a hundred jobs since then. It seems like I graduated at the worst possible time in the last 30 years.

 

[Happy as Larry]

Ah I can totally relate to the feeling of being just a walking parody of inferior genetics. I'm receding and thinning at the the age of 22, I still have mild acne (which was pretty severe till I started on anti biotics afew months ago). I have a big crooked nose which people comment on, I'm uber-skinny, and have a big dent in my chest (pectus excavatum). Yes, it is a rather extensive list...I'm just trying to vent my woes and let you know there are others like you...And it's really tough. A constant nagging sense of inferiority would drag anyone down eventually.

What height are you btw? Alot of women, atleast they say, are just looking for a guy taller then them, so there should always be a fair proportion of women shorter than you. It actually irritates me when women make demands like a guy's got to be over 5'10", or 6' to date them. Again, like you, not trying to be a misogynist, I don't think most women are like this. Infact, men are probably more shallow. In my short lifespan, I've seen countless examples of gorgeous girls holding hands with short/ ugly/ fat/ balding/ bespectacled men, but I've never ONCE seen a conventionally hot guy date an ugly woman...

 

[jonsie150]

What height are you btw? Alot of women, atleast they say, are just looking for a guy taller then them, so there should always be a fair proportion of women shorter than you. It actually irritates me when women make demands like a guy's got to be over 5'10", or 6' to date them. Again, like you, not trying to be a misogynist, I don't think most women are like this. Infact, men are probably more shallow. In my short lifespan, I've seen countless examples of gorgeous girls holding hands with short/ ugly/ fat/ balding/ bespectacled men, but I've never ONCE seen a conventionally hot guy date an ugly woman...

I'm a little under 5'5. Yes, the supposed "average height" for women is listed at something like 5'4-5'5 I think. And I've always told myself that women just want someone who's taller than them. But, in my experience, it seems as some of them have no limit on the amount of height on their spouse. I mean, I've checked out dating sites out of curiosity, and I see women who are 5'1-5'3 saying they'd only date guys well into the 6 feet range. You'd think that there'd be a sort of sweet spot for height, like a girl wouldn't want anyone too tall, or else it would make certain things awkward and difficult.

Interesting anecdote: a friend of mine said he had a conversation with a girl regarding height in a mate. And this girl was very short. He asked if height was a big factor, and her response was that, yes, because she had this unconscious desire to pass down the tall genes to her hypothetical son/daughter. It sounds ridiculous; to think about having kids when you're on the dating level, but I can kinda see her point.

Again, I don't want to sound like a fatalist. I mean the world doesn't work in such neat order, and it makes no sense to talk in these generalizations. But goddamnit, I'd rather not be bald and short

 

[s.a.f]

What women want and what they end up settling for are 2 different things. A woman is 10x as desperate after 30 as she is at 20.

 

[FlashDance]

What women want and what they end up settling for are 2 different things. A woman is 10x as desperate after 30 as she is at 20.

lol...so wait until women are REALLY desperate...then you have hope of landing a chick...

 

[s.a.f]

Yes but get a few guys together and they'd probably claim that they would'nt f*** anything less than a perfect 10.

 

[Smooth]

What women want and what they end up settling for are 2 different things. A woman is 10x as desperate after 30 as she is at 20.

I'd LOVE to pose an argument i cant :dunno: ....this is true, so if your young and horny go for it...(+they are better in bed so.. :hump: )

 

[Leon S Habsburg]

What women want and what they end up settling for are 2 different things. A woman is 10x as desperate after 30 as she is at 20.

I can attest to this! Since i've hit my 30s I have more interest from women than in my 20s when I had hair, although I was stressing about losing it and was far to self concious to capitalise on the opportunities I did get, but I make up for lost time

Women in 30s normally also come out of bad relationships.

 

[Tiger's Bald Spot]

I understand where you are coming from, but I think you have a great attitude about everything. Honestly, the acne thing shouldn't continue to be a concern for you. The balding thing, while tough to deal with now, will continue to be less of a problem as you get into your late 20s and 30s. And I don't think height matters for sh*t in this day. I'm sure you know of lots of successful and happy men who are 5'6" and under. Hell, Bill Clinton's labor secretary was UNDER 5'0" and look how successful he is.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Reich

I have to wonder why you're hanging out with the crowds you're hanging out with (drug dealers, etc?). If you're going to school and trying to make something of yourself, why hang out with people like that? Also, those are the type of people that really aren't the best at looking beyond superficial things.

 

[jonsie150]

I have to wonder why you're hanging out with the crowds you're hanging out with (drug dealers, etc?). If you're going to school and trying to make something of yourself, why hang out with people like that? Also, those are the type of people that really aren't the best at looking beyond superficial things.

Those were two extreme examples. The crowd I hang out with is certainly not represented by the two or three bad apples I know.

And thanks for the encouragement, really.

 

[BoilerRoom]

Life sucks. Trust me, I know. But once things start working out for you, and they will, you'll enjoy and appreciate it even more.

Height is not something to get hung up about. I know a lot of short guys who do very well with girls. The one thing they have in common is that they all wear well-fitting, slim but not tight clothes that elongate the body. In ill-fitting clothes, even a 5-11 guy can look frumpy. Body proportions can go a lot way. Lean builds can look taller than even very muscular, squarish guys (ie. the guido build).

I've had some acne issues and, aside from prescriptions, the thing that helped me the most was salicylic acid body/face wash. Use it anytime you start getting oily.