The Anxiety of Wearing Hair - How Did You Cope (or Conquer)

Smartone84

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I don't wear yet but as a bit of an anxious guy in general I know it's almost a guarantee that I'll have some issues to start.

I'm just curious how all you wearers were when you first started out.

How did you handle going to your first big social gathering? Work? The beach? Etc

And ultimately if you did so, how did you conquer any wearing anxiety you may have had.

Thanks.
 

nicoandgello

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Are you worring about opinion of people that already know you? I dont wear myself but, if you already have OK relationship with them, then I think it should be fine really. If you worry about it being visibe to others, don't. Systems usually look better than good transplants.
 

PaulMac

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My theory is that unless you respect someone, you shouldn't respect their opinion of you as the same you would a friend.

Wearing my system was difficult sometimes. I could tell some people knew and some even asked or reacted to it. Through all these experiences I'd get some bad dreams, but ultimately could always tell myself that my real friends were all supportive of it, because they were. Real friends just want you to be happy and if it did look really bad they would tell you... but you know it doesn't look really bad!
 

Fanjeera

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Went to a psychologist and talked with friends and family and hairdressers, found one skilled hairdresser who I've told to do exactly what's required, come to forums daily to be with the few people who are also in this same rare situation. Got a perfect hair system as well. The best of them all I would say still is good quality of the hair system itself and the bond.
 

jimlad

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It was a case of balance for me. I'd done concealers and crafty combovers. It was a total obsession and I wasn't feeling great about myself. Mostly, I felt crap for spending so much time and energy on something that still looked rubbish. So whenever I feel anxiety around my system (which is very rare, I must say) I remind myself that I'm better off for it.

There are some absolute truths that you must hold onto if you're worried:

1) People aren't as observant as you think - they tend to take things at face value
2) A good hair system gives you a really solid look, but be discerning - a bad one looks terrible
3) You don't need to blow anyone away with your looks - getting a system should result in you looking and feeling better than you did before; anything else is a bonus.
4) It's completely reversible
5) This forum is an incredible source of knowledge and support - no need to walk alone on this one :)
 

TexanGuy

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It was a case of balance for me. I'd done concealers and crafty combovers. It was a total obsession and I wasn't feeling great about myself. Mostly, I felt crap for spending so much time and energy on something that still looked rubbish. So whenever I feel anxiety around my system (which is very rare, I must say) I remind myself that I'm better off for it.

There are some absolute truths that you must hold onto if you're worried:

1) People aren't as observant as you think - they tend to take things at face value
2) A good hair system gives you a really solid look, but be discerning - a bad one looks terrible
3) You don't need to blow anyone away with your looks - getting a system should result in you looking and feeling better than you did before; anything else is a bonus.
4) It's completely reversible
5) This forum is an incredible source of knowledge and support - no need to walk alone on this one :)
True, I'm not wearing a hair system yet and sometimes in the hours after a shower my hair looks pretty good but then a bit later it starts looking thin and flat up top so it helps remind me why I want to get a hair system seeing other people with nice hair and parts or pullbacks that I wouldn't dare try. Will definitely feel nice when I get one and I'm not caring much about wind blowing my hair around
 

jimlad

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True, I'm not wearing a hair system yet and sometimes in the hours after a shower my hair looks pretty good but then a bit later it starts looking thin and flat up top so it helps remind me why I want to get a hair system seeing other people with nice hair and parts or pullbacks that I wouldn't dare try. Will definitely feel nice when I get one and I'm not caring much about wind blowing my hair around
If you are definitely planning on getting a system, I fully recommend not waiting until the last minute. Replacing a semi-full head of hair will draw very few questions from people close to you. I was amazed at how seamless my transition was. There are times when I think that it could just be that everyone DOES know, but they aren't saying anything, but the comments I get about my hair from genuinely kind, considerate people are not the sort of comments you'd make to someone wearing a wig (in fact, if you know someone wears a wig, the general approach is not to mention it at all!).
 

evasive

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If you are anxious about hair loss before getting a hair system, then in my experience, the anxiety does not go away.
When you start balding, there's thoughts of "What if people see my bald spots? What if others know my hair is thinning?" I need to conceal it!
So we use hair fibers. Then there's thoughts of "What if it rains?" "What if the hair fibers come off on the pillow when I sleep over at a girls place?" "What if she knows I'm going into the bathroom to put hair fibers in?"
So we get a hair system. "What if she knows I'm wearing?" "What if my hairline comes up after sweating on this hike?" "What if she touches my hair?" "What if my friends roast me about my hair?"
OR we get MSP. "What if people think my hair is tattooed?" "What if she touches my head and cant feel any stubble?"
OR we get a hair transplant "What if my bio hair keeps falling out? "What if people can see the scarring?" "What will she think if I told her I got a hair transplant?"

You see how the insecurity morphs into whatever direction you take?
Yes, if you wear for awhile, you can eventually get sort of comfortable with it. But in my experience, there's still a low-level of anxiety there if you haven't dealt with the underlying insecurity.

I think a big solution is exposure therapy. Shaving your head and exposing it to the world. Then once you are comfortable with that 100%, you GROW out your hair and look like a balding man. You voluntarily expose yourself to your insecurities. And you get comfortable with that 100%. If people call you out, SO BE IT. You own it. You tell them "Yes I am balding" "Yes it appears I was meant to be bald ;)" Then you become invincible. From that point on, you can move in any direction you like because you faced up to your biggest insecurity. (You will probably just keep a shaved head at that point IMO)
 

smoka123

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Don´t have any problem. I was wearing a cap every day, even at work. Nobody knows bout my hair.
I think I was much more surprised than they were
 

Jbalding

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I had a pretty full head of hair I kept long to cover my nw2.5. So the key is to transition when you still have quite a bit of hair left. Obviously being bald and showing up to work the next day with a full head of hair will be an easy tell. I went and got a system, was quite in shock and paranoid. A week later I loved it. It looked so real and I really couldnt tell it was a hair piece even though I knew it was. I told nobody, not even my family. My family thought I was using meds and thats why my hair looked so good now. That, and I went from longish hair and got it cut with a system. I thought my family would catch on, but they didnt. I was convinced in my own head that they knew and were just avoiding it so I told them - 6 months after. They all truly had no idea. My brother, who I live with, had no clue. My own parents, had no clue. After telling them, they all got close up to it and inspected it and were still in shock it wasnt mine. I’m 25 so age does help with people suspecting, but the key is to get a good haircut and keep it natural looking. Too many “youtubers” with huge pompadours and sh*t that just look absurd. You’re trying to replicate the hair you used to have, not elvis because you can now.
 

Jbalding

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If you are definitely planning on getting a system, I fully recommend not waiting until the last minute. Replacing a semi-full head of hair will draw very few questions from people close to you. I was amazed at how seamless my transition was. There are times when I think that it could just be that everyone DOES know, but they aren't saying anything, but the comments I get about my hair from genuinely kind, considerate people are not the sort of comments you'd make to someone wearing a wig (in fact, if you know someone wears a wig, the general approach is not to mention it at all!).
I had the same feelings in the beginning, thinking some people did know, but it turned out not to be true. I would go out with friends and they had no idea, get complimented on my looks and (hair), and after a drink and a look in the mirror my anxiety about it would evaporate, there would just be no way anybody could tell unless they had a magnifying glass and were looking for it.
 

Smartone84

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I went and got a system, was quite in shock and paranoid. A week later I loved it. It looked so real and I really couldnt tell it was a hair piece even though I knew it was. I told nobody, not even my family.
Curious what kind of system?
 

TexanGuy

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If you are definitely planning on getting a system, I fully recommend not waiting until the last minute. Replacing a semi-full head of hair will draw very few questions from people close to you. I was amazed at how seamless my transition was. There are times when I think that it could just be that everyone DOES know, but they aren't saying anything, but the comments I get about my hair from genuinely kind, considerate people are not the sort of comments you'd make to someone wearing a wig (in fact, if you know someone wears a wig, the general approach is not to mention it at all!).
Yeah I am going too, right now I'm just still considering which company to go with especially for longer hair which some companies don't offer, and still finding new companies as possibilities. Some aren't even an option due to the state of things right now and they aren't even doing custom orders, Hollywoodlace I heard is good but they don't show much of their work or the pictures they do show are too professionally done and I can't find many people posting pictures so I'm unsure about them, Lordhair seems to have a pretty thick hairline sometimes, Oneheadhair seems good but they don't even let you see options for customization unless you make a purchase, Lavivid is surprisingly cheap which makes me question and I've seen some very thick hairlines, and Northwestlace isn't doing custom orders right now.
 

SD1984

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Lordhair seems to have a pretty thick hairline sometimes
I agree on Lordhair. I wouldn't order from them unless it was a custom order with lighter density. Though I know a select few stock units have lighter density such as the swiss lace "Air" model. Needless to say, it's been out of stock for an eternity.
 

jimlad

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I've used Lord Hair before and had no problems - their systems seem to be good quality. I know there are a couple of here recently who have had issues, but I think that may be an issue in the industry at the moment what with all the changes and the quick turnarounds.

Often a 'bad' system is actually just a result of having a bad stylist. If you go to the right person, they'll know how to get your hairline right.
 

Jbalding

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Curious what kind of system?
French lace. Which isn't even the most undetectable lace. Swiss would be the highest level of undetectability you could get but.. I still can't even see anything with french on. You do have to make sure the knots are bleached though.
 

Smartone84

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French lace. Which isn't even the most undetectable lace. Swiss would be the highest level of undetectability you could get but.. I still can't even see anything with french on. You do have to make sure the knots are bleached though.
What company?
 

cottonReville

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It was a case of balance for me. I'd done concealers and crafty combovers. It was a total obsession and I wasn't feeling great about myself. Mostly, I felt crap for spending so much time and energy on something that still looked rubbish. So whenever I feel anxiety around my system (which is very rare, I must say) I remind myself that I'm better off for it.

There are some absolute truths that you must hold onto if you're worried:

1) People aren't as observant as you think - they tend to take things at face value
2) A good hair system gives you a really solid look, but be discerning - a bad one looks terrible
3) You don't need to blow anyone away with your looks - getting a system should result in you looking and feeling better than you did before; anything else is a bonus.
4) It's completely reversible
5) This forum is an incredible source of knowledge and support - no need to walk alone on this one :)
In response to number 1, I agree most people aren't observant at all. They're too stupid/overwhelmed, but once you get passed that population, everything gets noticed, especially in cultures/groups where people don't pretend like looks don't matter.

I actually had a dream I was living w roomates & had to covertly deal my hairpiece in fear that they would ruin it.

It was a nightmare. I couldn't imagine hiding the fact from anyone I was close to. It's too big a charade.
 

Jbalding

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In response to number 1, I agree most people aren't observant at all. They're too stupid/overwhelmed, but once you get passed that population, everything gets noticed, especially in cultures/groups where people don't pretend like looks don't matter.

I actually had a dream I was living w roomates & had to covertly deal my hairpiece in fear that they would ruin it.

It was a nightmare. I couldn't imagine hiding the fact from anyone I was close to. It's too big a charade.
I did from my brother (my room mate). For 6 months, I could’ve gone on forever concealing it but you’re right - whats the point? It looks so good that I don’t even care if my close family knows. He thought I was joking when I told him.
 

jimlad

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I think I always assumed I'd end up telling people, but to me it seems like an odd thing to do now. When I'm out I don't think about it, and nobody asks about it, so it seems strange to suddenly say 'oh by the way...'

It's a total non-starter to me. Doesn't feel like a charade at all. I don't feel like I'm lying to people. I genuinely think if someone came out and asked I'd just tell them. But they never do...
 
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