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Peoples Shame Of Discussing Baldness

Discussion in 'The Impact of Hair Loss' started by buckthorn, Jul 6, 2016.

  1. buckthorn

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    I have visited facebook almost every day for like seven years now. Not once have I ever heard a mention of hair loss. Never. once. I am 34 and the majority of my friends suffer some degree of Androgenetic Alopecia. If you even mention it in a joking form, you are almost immediately attacked, by women.

    My own father has about a hundred strands left on top. He keeps it like two inches and is always fixing it before pictures. I mention my own insecurity and the typical responses are a result, "you're fine, stop worrying". blah blah blah

    Why is it, on every form of social media, almost any topic is game, yet this one? Make up, weight loss, skin health, etc.. Never once, baldness. Has any one else encountered this.

    Man, wouldn't this just be a little easier if we were able to ACTUALLY discuss it openly?
     
  2. Roberto_72

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    There is of course psychology involved here.
    There must be something about hair that makes it particularly embarrassing when someone "loses it". Just the verb makes you think. "Lose it". Not "hair going away": you lose it. Hey, I did not lose anything: were it for me, I would call every strand of hair by name before going to bed if it convinced it to stay!
    Now something comes to my mind.
    I read that hair and nails are sexually intriguing to many because they are connected to one of the first phases of sexual development. Their texture and odor can subconsciously trigger a person's libido.

    Maybe it is difficult to discuss hair loss because people know spontaneously that by "losing hair" you are losing a part of your sexuality and it will hardly return for you?
     
  3. pjhair

    pjhair Senior Member My Regimen

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    Society has always treated baldness as a joke when it comes to men. I think part of the reason is that they are not aware of the mental trauma it can cause. Also, they believe because most men sooner or later do go bald, it's a natural process. Another reason may be is that society believes that an individual is in control of his/her own mental state.So if he/she is depressed about something, he/she has power to get out of it. People don't realize that we are completely helpless in controlling our mental states. If hair loss is bothering us deeply, it is beyond our power to not care about it and be happy bald. There are individuals who do it. But there are individuals who don't get cancer no matter what kind of lifestyle they live while others who have genetic predilection to get cancer end up getting it despite living a very healthy life style. Similarly, just because someone has power to reach a specific mental state(staying calm in face of baldness), it doesn't mean everyone does. Free will doesn't exist.
     
  4. Afro_Vacancy

    Afro_Vacancy Senior Member My Regimen

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    What I can recall seeing, over several years:

    - A woman posting a picture of her baby, other woman says "he has more hair than his dad !!!";
    - One man posted an article about a study showing bald men are better looking, I never looked into it;

    I did post about baldness on other forums, in their off-topic "health and fitness" threads. Men are reluctant to take propecia because they are aware of the potential side effects.

    In general men's aesthetic health is taboo. I see no discussion of men's fashion, acne, grooming, etc. It's not cool. I can post about threading eyebrows here, I would never post it on facebook.

    Men are supposed to be effortlessly beautiful and talented. It's uncool to try. It's similar to how in school a lot of guys claimed they did not study, they would stay "I got so wasted this weekend!!!" and then get 100 on the exams ... they were lying and trying to demonstrate effortless intelligence.
     
  5. Roberto_72

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    And yet this is a weird post-industrial turn of events.
    In pre/industrial Europe, wealthy men wore expensive wigs to look good. Barristers in the UK still retain that habit.

    Not to mention older cultures: in ancient Egypt, men used nail polish to look more glamorous; back then, however, bisexuality was more common.

    It seems to me that the idea that men must look "naturally" handsome is somehow linked to the more modern distribution of labor (be it capitalist or communist). Probably a man deprived of his capacity to improve his looks is also more tame and available to work longer hours? Just thinking out loud. But I think we all agree that there is no sensible reason why in the past men publicly spent and cared for their looks and now it is taboo.
     
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  6. buckthorn

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    You all have very good points. Makes me wonder if this stigma is involved in the gay community. Perhaps it is one of those societal traits linked only to masculinity. I am sure women more openly discuss hair loss with their girlfriends, perhaps even on social media, if it happens to them. My friends and I are very open with discussing almost anything. We are far from the more conservative types that keep everything to themselves... and yet, still, it is something awkward to talk about. Maybe it's because we all instinctively know what a touchy topic it is? If one of us is completely bald, it's not unusual for that person to crack a joke about it. If one of us is in the process of losing hair, it makes it so much more difficult.

    The idea that men have developed this stereotype of having to deal with everything internally is true and it's true for almost anything men go through. Women talk about weight all the time on social media, while for men it's pretty rare. Skin, nails, hair, teeth and almost everything else linked to a man's physical appearance seems off the table, except for building muscle. Another masculine trait that is easily openly discussed, along with fast cars, hunting and remodeling houses... etc...
     
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  7. Afro_Vacancy

    Afro_Vacancy Senior Member My Regimen

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    To be honest, when discussing fitness on facebook I'm far more comfortable with discussing losing fat than building muscle. I believe that the latter will be perceived as a vain waste of time and a pathetic alternative to just having more confidence. If I did write about strength gains I would do so very carefully, I would discuss only hormones and injury prevention.

    However when discussing things privately with people I have no problem mentioning the aesthetic aspects, or asking for clothing advice, et cetera. I talk to my friends like I do to people here, but I do not talk that way on FB. I'm extremely careful there ... and I'm someone who probably has a social awareness deficit.

    I've lost a lot of weight (as mentioned above), and I will need to buy an entire wardrobe soon. I might ask for advice here or to other friends privately. I will not post it as a global facebook question, I believe it will make me look vain. Worse, some blowhard might respond "Just go to salvation army, it's cheap, looks don't matter anyway just be confident in your own skin." and get 25 likes.

    It's different with women. Particularly beautiful women, they can post the most mundane news or comments and be celebrated for it. Something on the order of:
    "Normally, in the mornings, I first brush my teeth and then floss, but this morning I wanted to experiment, I flossed first and then brushed my teeth" -
    26 comments, 135 likes

    As a man you are not supposed to suffer, be weak, need help, or require putting in an effort.

    One thing that's acceptable for man to show on facebook is dominance of a sport, like if you broke your best time on the 10K jog or you biked a new trail. But probably not acceptable is to say that you've hit a plateau, or that you're struggling and are considering quitting. If you tried to go up a mountain and only made it halfway up -- suffer alone.

    Another example, I bought an electrical razer that I use to nip my nose hairs once a month. It is easy, cheap, and works great. I could do a lot of people favours by posting about it and encouraging people to use it: but I won't. Because it would also let everyone know that I raze my nose hairs once a month, which would make me look bad. Meanwhile, I recall a female friend of mine getting tons of love, support, and advice a while back when she posted about how she was tired about needing to pay money to shave her legs and arms. She wasn't trying to help people, she was asking for help/support, which is totally fine for women to do publicly and she got it. Everybody encouraged her to stop shaving her legs, arms, etc and told her she was beautiful either way.
     
  8. WhitePolarBear

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    My ex does what you said. Every day she posts about breaking a new biking or running record, how she cycled 150 km today (not even making that number up, she even posts her iPhone's screenshots to prove it), she's been doing that sh*t since we broke up. Cycling 150 km a day, running 50 km a day, every f-ing day, and of course a hundred likes every time.

    Apparently I'm the only one who sees she has a problem. Doing so much sports is neither normal, nor healthy.

    But of course no one is going to point it out, because it's Facebook, it's mandatory to be encouraging and positive, especially when it's a girl posting.

    She's had that problem before, became anorexic and so ill that her father took her bike an forbid her to do any sports. And of course, her father was one of the first to like her post about the 150 km. I just don't get it at this point, Facebook basically forces people to act stupid it seems.
     
  9. Dench57

    Dench57 Senior Member My Regimen

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    [​IMG]
     
  10. Afro_Vacancy

    Afro_Vacancy Senior Member My Regimen

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    It may be a problem for women, that people just lavish praise on them regardless of what they're doing. It's a social norm, to never criticise women (though it does happen in different contexts). At least, if I behave like a dumbass, I trust that people will tell me so, and tell me so explicitly and in a constructive manner. You can argue that this is a benefit of being a man.

    I don't know exactly at which point exercise becomes too much exercise. My best educated guess is that too much cycling/running is more likely to lead to injury, as it's a very repetitive and monotonous activity. These injuries are called "overuse injuries". There's also a culture among runners and cyclists to do their exercise regime 5,6,7 days a week, something you don't see with mountain climbers or swimmers for example, who don't do the same exact mountain climb at the same exact speed every single time. Even weightlifters who go to the gym every single day will do a different body part every day, so they are giving their bodies rest.

    Unless you're taking steroids, your body will need 3-7 days of rest and recovery after serious exercise.

    That is aside from the fact that several hours of exercise a day is unsustainable long-term if you plan on having other priorities in your life.
     
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  11. Afro_Vacancy

    Afro_Vacancy Senior Member My Regimen

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    I think Fred is exaggerating ... 50 km of running and 150 km of biking works out to ~11 hours a day of cardio.
     
  12. xetudor

    xetudor Established Member

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    This is a really really good question. I don't have any idea why that is. I've seen people talk about anything, even for the smallest problems I've seen people, men and women give all kinds of advice, ranging from voodoo bullshit to real science but absolutely nothing about hair loss. Maybe because deep down inside, people know it's a huge deal and there is nothing easy you can do about it, I have no idea.
     
  13. WhitePolarBear

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    I'm not exagerating, I took these numbers from her app's screenshots.

    Unless she's faking them of course, but I don't think so.
     
  14. Afro_Vacancy

    Afro_Vacancy Senior Member My Regimen

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    A marathon is ~42 km, the fastest woman in the world does that in 2:15, so 159 minutes for 50 km running.
    An olympic level athletic women will do 40 km cycling in ~70 minutes, so ~260 minutes for 150 km cycling.

    7 hours a day total, if she maintains the pace an olympic woman does over much shorter distances. Probably 10-12 hours if your ex is in fantastic shape and did it once or a few times. She's not doing it everyday.

    She might be training for an ironman triathlon, which is a 3.86 km swim, followed by a 180.25 km bike ride, followed by a 42.2 km run.
     
  15. WhitePolarBear

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    Her Facebook friends are actually joking about this in the comments: "Training for the triathlon?!"

    As I've said, she actually wants to go professional.

    I feel so bad for having held her back... Her dreams!
     
  16. blackg

    blackg Senior Member

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    David, I will volunteer to shave this woman's legs for her.
    I will also bring my own Gillette triple blades and shaving cream, of course.

    Just get back to me with an appropriate time and place.
    Though, you will have to pay my airfare to Canberra.
    (if she also resides there)

    I'll make a weekend of it.
    Just PM me the final details.
    Thanks mate.
     
    #16 blackg, Jul 7, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2016
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  17. I.D WALKER

    I.D WALKER Senior Member

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    It doesn't sound like much ever "held her back" Fred. :D
     
  18. I.D WALKER

    I.D WALKER Senior Member

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    Ahem..David about that nose trimmer?
     
  19. Afro_Vacancy

    Afro_Vacancy Senior Member My Regimen

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  20. I.D WALKER

    I.D WALKER Senior Member

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