Is this cheating?

[HughJass]

If you had a first date organized with someone, then the day before it you get a non pre-meditated handjob from somebody else?


hypothetically speaking of course :whistle:




guilt chip going into overdrive here.....



OK so it's obviously not cheating in the conventional sense but it's something bad isn't it?

 

[HughJass]

at least I'm adding content to the forum......

 

[Boomer01]

If you've never gone out with the person yet, then you have free rein. :innocent:

 

[virtuality]

I sort of have been there, not exactly the day before but emotionally it's very similar.

I was flirting with someone, but nothing happened and I gave up on the idea, around the same time I had the chance to sleep with someone else and I did for a couple of weeks. Somehow, I ended up going out with the girl I was flirting with and she never forgave me for sleeping with the other girl. My excuse was that we weren't together and I didn't think we were gonna be together, but she wouldn't accept my excuses...

IMO, as long as you don't tell the girl you are gonna see, you should be OK. Just don't let it happen again :whistle: If you ask any girl, she'd say that's blatant cheating. TBH, even most men would probably consider it cheating if the girl they were gonna date had a thing with someone else the night before.

I personally wouldn't like to be on the receiving end :dunno:

 

[HughJass]

Yeah good point if she did it i wouldnt like that. I dont like me now.



And now i can't get to sleep. Idiot.

 

[Cassin]

No. Its not cheating until you two have discussed being serious with each other.

Even if you go onto 20 dates its not cheating until you both know its serious and have discussed being exclusive.

 

[HughJass]

Thanks i think i should be able to get to sleep now

 

[EasyEd]

Christ, no! If this is cheating, consider me Don Draper.

 

[Thom]

If you've never gone out with the person yet, then you have free rein. :innocent:

Hey fellow Okie!

 

[Ori83]

why does Aussie sound like CCS all of a sudden ?! :dunno:

 

[HughJass]

If you've never gone out with the person yet, then you have free rein. :innocent:

No. Its not cheating until you two have discussed being serious with each other.

Even if you go onto 20 dates its not cheating until you both know its serious and have discussed being exclusive.

Christ, no! If this is cheating, consider me Don Draper.

My favorite posts. Though I can't help but feel dating rules might be different in America....

 

[Cassin]

That's likely. But in what culture does it make sense to fully commit yourself to someone you don't know or aren't in love with?

 

[virtuality]

That's likely. But in what culture does it make sense to fully commit yourself to someone you don't know or aren't in love with?

How would you feel if you arranged a date with a girl, and she has sex the night before she sees you???

If my whole intention was to have some fun, I wouldn't mind. But if I thought she was worth dating, ie if I had some feelings towards her, then I would mind.

Agreeing to a date is sort of a commitment. It's a commitment in a sense that two parties agree to give each other a chance. Not all dates have to end up in a committed relationship, but some people have feelings towards the other person even before the date.

While we are on subject... I'm seeing three different girls next week :whistle: two of them are sort of my friends and the third one I've never met before. I'm not going on dates with them, but I know that they want to date me, I think I'm just playing them along.. Would that be considered cheating??

 

[Cassin]

That's likely. But in what culture does it make sense to fully commit yourself to someone you don't know or aren't in love with?

How would you feel if you arranged a date with a girl, and she has sex the night before she sees you???

I wouldn't care. Why would I? It's none of my business. I don't see sex as some evil act that needs to be morally justified under conditions. I would probably find such honesty refreshing from her. People feel such shame about sex and its horrible. A basic human need should be enjoyed.

I don't think we should see our partners as possessions whose past needs to be worried about. It's a worthless obsession that won't help anything. All that matters is what happens when you commit to each other.

 

[Man in Space]

i used to see different girls at the same time regularly so i used to suscribe to the cassin logic. Then one time i started seeing this girl, really casual just someone i met at a bar, we had sex on the first night and we met up a few times for more of the same, then she asked if she could meet me on the thursday but i was busy so we arranged to meet on friday where we had sex again and it was apparent we had something a bit deeper going on. Anyway we wound up in a relationship and went out for over a year. I found out toward the end that on that thursday night, when she couldnt meet with me, she met up with another guy and had sex with him. So i had sex with her on less than 24 hours after she had been taking it from someone else.

Now by the cassin logic thats perfectly sound, which to be fair, i still agree, it is, we werent committed to each other yet, but i would be a fool if i said it didnt really sting when i found out later on. My memories of meeting her and having what i felt was a real connection from the very first moment were somewhat sullied by this fellows errant c*ck in the proceedings!

Since then my principle has been to take it one at a time just in case something develops, not out of any real moralistic view as your not really doing anything wrong when you rationalise it, just keeping things simple tends to make life easier and keeps things pure!

 

[virtuality]

-I don't see sex as some evil act that needs to be morally justified under conditions.

I agree.

-People feel such shame about sex and its horrible. A basic human need should be enjoyed.

I agree again.

-I don't think we should see our partners as possessions whose past needs to be worried about. It's a worthless obsession that won't help anything.

Agreed again.

- All that matters is what happens when you commit to each other.

and agreed again...

We are on the same page, it's just that we have slightly different limits. All I'm saying is, if someone agrees on a date with me, as we don't know in advance where the date might lead to, I'd expect that person to at least give it a chance after agreeing on a date.

I don't care what she's done in her life prior to agreeing a date with me. But once the date has been agreed on, then there is a degree of commitment there. It might sound like being possessive to you, but I see that as mutual respect or mutual trust and it has nothing to do with being possessive.

As with hooking up, there are unspoken words there, the two parties don't know if the partnership is a temporary one based on sex or based on real connection. So, it's more acceptable to be with someone else...

I think the American way of dating is a bit different. What I see as hooking up, you call dating. For me dating is one level up from hooking up, ie dating is more like asking someone out. I wouldn't ask someone out if I didn't have some prior feelings towards her.

Maybe we are talking about the same thing but we use different words.

 

[virtuality]

The following quote is from Wikipedia... I'm not British, but as a European I subscribe to the British version of English, because culturally it's more similar to what I'm used to.

In Britain, the term dating is similar to the American sense of the tentative exploratory part of a relationship. If two people are going out together, it may mean they're dating but that their relationship has advanced to a relatively long-standing and sexual boyfriend-girlfriend relationship although they're not cohabitating. The term hanging out may describe two people who are dating but it may also describe a casual friendship. Britons are familiar with the term dating but the rituals surrounding courtship are somewhat different from North America.

 

[Cassin]

Yeah I dunno. Those terms seem to mean less as you get older.

All I'm saying is until a discussion is had defining expectations nobody owes anybody anything. Communication makes and breaks relations at every point.

 

[virtuality]

Yeah I dunno. Those terms seem to mean less as you get older.

All I'm saying is until a discussion is had defining expectations nobody owes anybody anything. Communication makes and breaks relations at every point.

I agree yet again....

For me, if I ask someone out, that's the spoken bond. It's part of the communication... It basically says "I like you, and I want to go out with you".

If I just wanted to hook up with someone, I'd ask them out for a drink, a coffee, a movie, etc and hope that we somehow end up together. There's a clear distinction between the two.

A hook up or hanging out may later turn into a serious relationship, but as with the original subject of the thread, if I'm just hanging out with someone I shouldn't really have any expectations.

I guess it's a cultural thing, we have a different understanding of "dating".

 

[Cassin]

Now keep in mind...there is a line to what I am saying it being "none of my business." Its a line that can't be easily defined. It is different for everyone and that's ok. I was dating this one girl who I was somewhat into with what I knew about her. She wanted to discuss sexual pasts which I was against but she pressed me. I was ok with everything she told me until she mentioned she had a threesome with two other guys. I was out after that. I didn't judge her or get mad at her but I was out on that. hah....just couldn't handle it. A bit hypocritical considering everyone I have discussed in this thread but there is a line with everyone.