Hitting another low-point...

[Aplunk1]

Hi guys,

I don't really come to these forums as much as I once did. I used to spend countless hours on here, replying to Telogen Effluvium newest post I could. I'm just rather bored with the whole hairloss issue, and instead I've found myself escaping from this world.

Today, I admit that I only lost about 20 "noticeable" hairs... Most of which were thick... but it totally ruined my day.

I find myself becoming more and more sucked into escapable video games, like World of Warcraft (which I just bought), or spending countless hours on the computer. I don't socialize much anymore at all.

I don't want to sound like an arrogant prick, but I've always been rather successful with finding female companions. Developing friendships, on the other hand, has been VERY difficult on me the last few years. But anyway, the last few months, I've broken up with a girl I dated for ~8 months, and I've been getting female attention from a few classmates. I just ignore their calls, messages, and their questions.

I just don't want them anymore.

I don't want to leave my apartment anymore.

I feel like losing my hair is really impacting my the person that IS my future. I see myself spending so much time here on the computer, and I realize that THAT IS NOT ME. I don't even know who this guy is. I don't feel ANYTHING for me-- no pride, no confidence, no sense of accomplishment or ability.

I don't feel.

Since taking a particular anti-depressant, I've become less depressed, but I've also gained a lot of weight, lost my sex drive, and have become more privy to isolating activities. I've become lethargic. My reactions have become slow and poor.

Generally, I take a medicine that tunes out the horrors of my depression. It really knocks me into a different zone, where feelings and reaction aren't felt... I'm going to see an anti-depressant specialist in a week. He is known for admistering more anti-depressants than ANY OTHER doctor in the U.S. He has my mother taking 5 or so different anti-depressants. He's actually very knowledgeable and lectures to other doctors, but I don't see myself wanting to use these drugs.

Anyway,

I'm 21 years old. I'm losing my hair.

I've become overweight in the last few months. I weighed myself at 208 this morning, when my normal weight is at 160/165.

I don't have the will to step outside my door.

My eldest brother has lost all of his hair, being only 3 years to mine. He really dislikes himself for having hairloss, just as I do... And whenever I see him, he is CONSTANTLY checking out my hair.

I've told him repeatedly that it makes me feel self-conscious and less of a man. He concedes that he'll never do it again, but he always does.

This makes me really regret wanting to see my family... and it really makes me feel AWFUL about my hair.


I don't know what to do, guys.

I don't have much of any friends, at least not in my area.

I've broken up with a girl who has been rather unsupportive of my mental health.

I feel burned out on my life, completely unenergetic.


I don't love myself anymore.


I want to know.

Am I bottom of the barrel?

What should I do with myself?

 

[ehbradaman]

talk to a therapist. that way you can tell him all this in person and he might have a couple of good suggestions for a new lifestyle. i myself am pretty much feeling as low as you are, and the worst part about it is that i know id feel ten times better if i only had hair. but being 21 and completely bald in front is the most depressing thing ive ever had to deal with. i would do anything to go back to the days of being an nw3 even. i think im going to see a therapist and see if he offers any help. im up for anything right now.

 

[Guest]

Aplunk,

I think you actually would feel better if you stopped taking SSRIs or whatever anti depression drugs they are period. They may be helping but they're making you gain weight which only makes you feel worse about themselves.

I would do that, then I would get to the gym, and start going out more. Sitting around your apartment/house will only make you feel worse about yourself. Do you have a roommate? If not then it's even worse sitting around your domicile because you are totally alone.

As for your ex girlfriend being rather unsupportive of your mental health status, are you upset that she wasn't more supportive? I know many girls who would not give a sh*t if their guy was balding, they'd stay with him, but they MIGHT leave him if he obsesses about it too much and lets it destroy his life. I couldn't blame my girlfriend for that if that happened to me.

Girls may be attracted to you but with your current mental outlook, they will not be once they get to know you. You can fix that though, with effort.

If this sounds like a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" kinda speech, it is, because that's what I think you need. I think starting to take more anti depressant drugs will only compound the problem and make you feel more sorry for yourself. I would talk to a therapist, but refuse to add any more drugs until you've talked about your issue. Counseling is much more effective than anti depressants, I think.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[hairwegoagain]

I just don't want them anymore.

So what? No harm in that...take a break from the ladies. They're a dime a dozen. They'll be there when you start feeling like yourself.

I don't want to leave my apartment anymore.

I know you know this, but you have to make yourself. Keep going to class. Keep doing what you moved up there to do. You're on a mission, my friend.

I feel like losing my hair is really impacting my the person that IS my future. I see myself spending so much time here on the computer, and I realize that THAT IS NOT ME. I don't even know who this guy is. I don't feel ANYTHING for me-- no pride, no confidence, no sense of accomplishment or ability.

You have blinders on. I've followed your progress on this board. To think you're not accomplishing things is misguided. Look how far you've come.

I don't feel.

That is a source of concern...I would suggest seeing a new doctor to evaluate your anxiety meds.

I've also gained a lot of weight

I hear ya. I'm hovering around 200 myself. I should be around 165 with my build. Chalk it up to eating like sh*t, and enjoying a cocktail or 10 here and there.

I've broken up with a girl who has been rather unsupportive of my mental health.

Yeah, a poor match for you. As you know, I've been there too (most guys have whether they admit it or not). Kick her to the curb for good. You WILL find what you want in a girl...when you're ready to find her.

I don't love myself anymore.

This too shall pass....

What should I do with myself?

Exactly what you've been doing. It's easy to slip on the way up, but you have to keep climbing each time you lose your footing. Believe me when I say your current feelings are temporary. It sucks, but stick with things and don't accept defeat. You're gonna be fine, I know.

 

[CCS]

Make sure you don't fail your classes. Pulling your GPA up once it is down takes time, and you can't get internships easily during that time. A semester of failed classes could mean missing two years of internships before your GPA climbs back up to 3.00.

 

[LookingGood!]

PLunk,

Hang in there bud. If you are depressed and you are getting sides from the meds, your Doctor may need to tweak your meds. Many people do. Did you try counseling? IT really helps. I used it after my devastating knee opertion that hospitalized me for 3 weeks. I lost 28 lbs etc. I felt exactly like you did. I then sought some professional help and spoke to a inbiased person and it really helped. Time went by and I healed and got on w/ my life.
Like CCS said, dont let it affect your grades and future. Stay positive.

 

[Aplunk1]

ehbradaman,
thank you for the excellent suggestion. I've mulled over the thought of seeing a therapist, and I think I've made up my mind. It's time I move on with my life. I'm nervous about finding the right doctor, getting charged, and being treated, but I'm going to try anyway. Thank you.

Jayman,
thank you for your excellent advice. You've been supportive of my efforts since Day 1. I really appreciate that. I'm going to look into stopping medical treatment and take guidance under a counselor/therapist. I think that this will probably be a healthier alternative for me. If, of course, a therapist suggests that I should use something, then I'll take his or her advice for it.
I'm going to get a gym membership at a local club here. I already have a 24-hour-fitness membership, but there's not a location that's close enough for me. I'd really like to get back in shape and get a good diet.
I don't have a roommate, but instead a rather small and inexpensive apartment. It's clean, well-kept, but it's lonely.
I'm not really concerned about the break-up. I've been thinking about it over and over again for the last few months. I realize that I don't even like her that much as a person... She's just not for me, and definitely someone I don't want to be with later in life.
Your advice is great. You've been more like a friend than a fellow poster on these boards. I'm going to follow up on the counseling.

Hairwegoagain,
thank you, above all, for keeping me on the path. You've been a big brother for me from the start. I've gotten back into college; I've made strides for a better career; I've gotten myself out of bad relationships; I've stayed alive and focused enough to start succeeding. A lot of that is from your support, and I appreciate that. Thank you very much.

College,
thanks my friend. I've aced half of my classes this semester, but the others I got average... Anyway, my GPA is doing pretty well. I've changed my major... I've also signed up for some winter session courses, and my spring semester is going to be a full load. It's going to be about 2 more years-- maybe less if I work hard-- until I finish my undergrad. I'm looking forward to getting better grades next semester. My goal is to graduate with AT LEAST a 3.5.

LookingGood!
thanks man. I'm still going to see this anti-depressant specialist, although I'm going to consult with him about seeing a therapist and getting off the medications. I'm DEFINITELY going to try counseling. I'm glad the counseling experience has helped you, as I hope it will benefit me.

 

[barnabas]

Sounds kind of like my situation...I'm 23 now. I broke up very messily with my long-term girlfriend, got horribly depressed and withdrew from real life, and then my hair abruptly and very surprisingly (I'd NEVER, EVER thought about the possibility of hair loss, not once in my life, since my dad and uncles all had full heads of hair until their late 30s at least) started falling out at a rapid pace. I got a little bit better over the summer, as did my hair (I started propecia), but in the last month or so things have spiraled downwards at the fastest rate yet, both hairwise and happiness-wise. Unfortunately for me, the girlfriend breakup and subsequent depression all happened during college, and I ended up graduating with a 2.7 gpa, so now I'm basically unemployable...I've been sitting around like a lump for months trying to find jobs and failing, while all of my friends have already established new lives for themselves in other towns, ones that don't (and no longer can) include me. I also have turned into someone who doesn't want to go out in public, and have recently started playing world of warcraft (oh, the agony!). I probably should get therapy, I'm a disaster. I'm sure as hell not taking any anti-depressants though, especially not after hearing from many sources that zoloft can cause hair loss. I guess my only plans are to pray that this is just a particularly bad propecia shed and that my hair will come back in a few months, and if it does I'll hopefully be able to work up the will to do something about everything else that's gone wrong over the last year. If not....who knows. It's pathetic that my happiness is now dependent on hair, but I really don't have anything else that could possibly improve without a huge amount of work, so I need SOMETHING to give me motivation, and a success there very well might do the trick.

In conclusion, keep your grades up, and keep in touch with your college career center so you can best line up a good job, and everything else should improve with time along with it. Having goals and a plan in life is key to everything else, I think. Good luck having happiness with relationships and having a desire to socialize when you don't feel successful, and there are few better ways to feel successful than be successful. The hair is just another stupid obstacle you have to deal with, and shaving it off honestly might be the best way to snap out of it. It's like watching the slow death of a close friend - it's almost better if it would just vanish abruptly and you could get on with living after the mourning period, instead of this dragged out death march with an inevitable conclusion (well, unless hair multiplication works out).

 

[Follically Challenged]

I totally recommend hair transplants. Finance them if you can. I know how you feel, and without hair I would never be able to live a normal life. After only 4 months I have a hairline. Not a great one, but if I throw some gel in my hair I actually feel pretty good about myself. And that's just 4 months after getting a ahir transplant. I'm not bragging, please don't think that. I am just trying to encourage you to do the only thing I can see making you happy.

 

[Aplunk1]

Barnabas,
your particular story made me a bit depressed reading it. I'm sorry that you feel you came up short on your college studies, but a 2.7 isn't bad. You can always go back to school and develop another degree, with a higher scholastic aim-- and there's grad school of course.

I don't believe anything is holding you back job-wise, except yourself. I think a fresh shave, some exercise, and a diet might work wonders for you-- but that's just me.

You're right about college being important. I haven't done GREAT this semester, but okay-- given that it's my first semester back to college in a while.

Get on the big 3, and add some copper peptides. It doesn't sound like your hairloss will be that aggressive, given your limited family history.

Keep up the faith, and goodluck!

 

[Aplunk1]

Follically Challenged,
thanks for the help. How many grafts did you receive from Armani? I know that almost every Armani patient I've spoken too is very glad the procedure was done-- I haven't met any in person yet.

Do you have any photos of your work?

I'm still saving up for that rainy day that I *MIGHT* want to see Dr. Armani.

 

[Aplunk1]

LoL, you definitely got the style down, askas.

 

[Guest]

I'm tired.

Shut up Bancini.

I tried to find a picture from Google to make it even better, but alas, no dice.

 

[Nathaniel]

Aplunk,

Hairloss is like a roller coaster, if you are on treatment, you get that feeling that you are doing something, to fight this disease.....There are days were you actually feel improved, better looking...... younger

And this....just to fall in agony during some random day, you fall from a high place and realize you are balding.....Aging. It sucks the living sh*t out of you. I know how it feels. You see other guys, your same age, enjoying full heads of hair. And then you see yourself stuck on a friday night all by yourself, applying that last ml of rogaine wondering why you have to go through all this trouble just to look young.....Your age....Something that should be your right. Goddam it sucks.

But deep inside its a problem we have to resolve by oursleves APLUNK. I am actually going to counselling, and I suggest you do too bro. I was prescribed an anti-depressant, but deep down I know its an issue I have to solve on my own. I am sick, and you are also sick my friend. And this illess resides in the mind.

We have to take it out and kill it.

 

[Follically Challenged]

Aplunk, I don't have a digital camera, so I don't have any photos. I do have a before shot (courtesy of Armani) and I will take a photo in about 6 months and stick it in success stories. Right now it's only 4.5 months post op, and although I do have a hairline forming, it's nothing like it's going to be, or so I have to assume, judging by everything I've read.

Hopefully I can find a photo of me before I took Propecia which showed off my hairloss back then. I think there is only one where I didn't have my hair combed over my bald spot back then.

I don't know how your credit is, and if it sucks well I know what that's like, I've been there. What's funny is my credit got better by not paying my debts. Up in Ontario if there is no activity on a debt for 6 years then it is wiped off your credit report. I am only talking about credit because it would be a b-tch saving up for a hair transplant, and I'd like to think that any money wasted on interest payments could be made up for by the better job you could get by looking better.

 

[Aplunk1]

Aplunk,

Hairloss is like a roller coaster, if you are on treatment, you get that feeling that you are doing something, to fight this disease.....There are days were you actually feel improved, better looking...... younger

And this....just to fall in agony during some random day, you fall from a high place and realize you are balding.....Aging. It sucks the living $#iT out of you. I know how it feels. You see other guys, your same age, enjoying full heads of hair. And then you see yourself stuck on a friday night all by yourself, applying that last ml of rogaine wondering why you have to go through all this trouble just to look young.....Your age....Something that should be your right. Goddam it sucks.

But deep inside its a problem we have to resolve by oursleves APLUNK. I am actually going to counselling, and I suggest you do too bro. I was prescribed an anti-depressant, but deep down I know its an issue I have to solve on my own. I am sick, and you are also sick my friend. And this illess resides in the mind.

We have to take it out and kill it.

Wow, that sent shivers down my spine.

That's one of the best posts I've ever read.

I hope it works out for you, Nathaniel. I want to overcome this.

 

[TheGlamorous]

Hey there Aplunk. I just wanna give you a hug.

It's going to happen that people will be jealous of your "depression" because the state of your hair, which looks really, really, really good.

However, someone being "jealous" doesn't trump your problems and the bigger picture. The more I read your posts the more I get the idea that it isn't hairloss that's the full length of your worries. I see other emotional outbursts, relating to family and other such things. I'm no expert, but I think you have some sort of trust issues with people, and situations- or other issues that you went through when you grew up which make you like this.

You seem to be so concieted that unless you look perfect on the outside, whether it's your hair, or your weight, you don't want to go anywhere, do anything or be anything. I get that feeling sometimes. I am so sure that most of the people here do have pretty weak personalities on the inside, but were perhaps once "able" to appear confident because they looked "perfect" in their eyes. Good looks are largely correlated with confidence in many people, it's a fact.

What do you have to do? I don't know. I'm in the same boat myself. But my personal opinion... do something you never thought you'd do. Go crazy. I'm not going to say anything specific, as it's different for every person... so i'll just leave you with that. And now for me...


f*** THIS. I think i'm nearing the point that I don't give a f*****g sh*t about hairloss. I know it's somewhere near. I know I need to grab it. But im afraid i'll never reach out. My arms are tangled. I'm constrained, restricted, immobalised. Maybe i'm just in an ego-tastic mood tonight, but seriously, really and truly, why the f*** do I devote so much time to this crap?

I was always an exteremely happy, energetic, positive, outgoing, caring, soulful individual. Always.

Never mind that that over half the world HATES me because of my sexuality. Never mind that when growing up I had no-one in the world to talk too about why I liked the same gender. Never mind that my own family and church indirectly told me on a weekly basis that who I was, was SINFUL and DEVIOUS.

I was still happy.

Never mind that I lost my mother at a young age. Never mind my father wanted to adopt me. Never mind I have a half brother i've never met. Never mind that my Mother might actually still be alive and I've been lied too all this time.

I was still energetic.

Never mind that, in primary school, I was constantly picked on, beaten up, dragged around the courtyard by my neck, blamed for everything that went wrong at the school (flooded toilets, etc).

I was still outgoing.

But hairloss. Oh hairloss. How art thou berating me so? I know why. When I don't care about how I look on the "outside" i'm able to handle what's going on on the "inside" (ie problems mentioned above). I can't handle putting up with so much sh*t internally, and also looking like the same sh*t externally.

To be continued... I can almost bet my story here will span years.

 

[WorldofWarcraft]

IGNORE LIFE AND KEEP PLAYING WOW

 

[ShedMaster]

aplunk, have you considered that you are taking too much of the antidepressant? when I started mine a couple years ago, I immediately started a very high dosage. I felt many of the symptoms you explained. Very cloudy, foggy feeling. It worked but I was almost incapable of feeling lows! I stopped and started again 6 months ago at half the dosage and I now feel great, no anxieties, no loss of libido, no weight gain, just a general sense of well being. Perhaps this is your issue? I know many have recommended that you have counseling along with the medication, which I didn't, but that might be best for you?

 

[haleystudios]

i broke up with my girlfriend too and got depressed. she wanted to see other people. not because of my little hairloss or weight gain, its because we fought, but we had good times too. she wanted to date other people, but wanted to keep me on the side to have her cake and eat it too. GUYS, i learned that it wasnt my looks, its because of not getting along. she said that something was missing and that i didnt push her. so , looking back on it, i wished i would have shut my mouth.... cracked a little smile.... and siad," as you wish, bye"...., BUT, didnt care why, i focused on myself and read books on how to make great decisions in a relatinships and developed my spiritual being as a CHRistian, and read everything i could about having a great relatinship. SO, i decided that i wanted to become the best looking person i could be on the inside and outside, so now i am finally doing what i wanted to do that i couldnt do while i was with her (she said it was stupid), and that is do all these surgeries.
nose job, gynecomastia, lipo. body building, hair transplant with armani, cosmetic teeth, with braces, and i will be happy in myself