From Denial to Acceptance: Confidence Restored

anothermelbournelad

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Hi everyone

Long time reader, first time poster. I wanted to share with you my hair loss experience and to give credit to the many contributors to this forum whose advice I heeded.

I am 32 year old professional. The first I realised I was losing my hair was when I was 21, when my then housemate remarked that my hair looked thin when it was wet. By 23, my hair loss was quite noticeable, and I was getting an increasing number of comments about it from family, friends and work colleagues. I was devastated.

Not knowing the options then available to me, I scoured the Yellow Pages for solutions.

First stop, a trip to a well-known hair replacement clinic, heavily promoted by a tv campaign using high-profile sportsmen. The high-pressure, hard-sell tactics used by the salesman were discouraging. I was advised that I'd be completely bald within 2 years and that my only option was to sign up to a hair replacement program. This was the first time I appreciated what "hair replacement" actually involved. I said to the salesman, "so what you're proposing to do is to glue a wig to my head that needs to be reglued every month?". The salesman said that that was an overly simplistic description and that the unit was very sophisticated.

Next stop, a local clinic that offered laser treatment. I paid $2000 for 6 months of treatment, during which time my hair loss worsened. When the 6 months ended and I was asked to sign a new contract, I bailed.

I then started using Toppik. The initial results - when I still had a lot of hair - were very impressive and I started getting plenty of compliments about how good my hair was looking. I was hooked. 7 years down the track, my hair loss had worsened, but I was still psychologically dependent on Toppik. By that time, what had started as occasional use for social events had become a daily habit. My daily routine involved applying Toppik as soon as I'd showered, combing, hair-spraying and styling my hair until I had achieved a desirable look, and checking my hair and re-applying Toppik several times a day. But I was getting less effect for a lot more effort. My use of Toppik started having an adverse effect on my lifestyle: avoiding rain, swimming pools and the beach, baulking whenever people touched my hair, watching people stare at my hair and knowing that they were silently wondering what was going on. Then a couple of my friends told me that the gig was up, and they urged me to stop using whatever it was I was putting in my hair. I was mortified.

A few years earlier, I had started investigating the hair transplant option. I went to a clinic that offered information seminars attended by past patients. The results were, frankly, a mixed bag. Some patients achieved impressive results, other guys' results were mediocre. One thing they all had in common was that they sported very distinctive strip scars. I did a lot of research and read a lot of horror stories. I started noticing a lot of guys with older style hair transplants that were not aesthetically acceptable. More worringly, I noticed a lot of guys who had had procedures but were evidently so unhappy with the result that they had determined to shave their head notwithstanding the visible donor scars.

So what did I do?

The options, as I saw them, were to embrace the reality of my situation and sport a close-cropped hairstyle that is fashionable these days, or to continue to hide the problem with powders, glued-on hairpieces or high-risk surgical procedures. A no-brainer, if you ask me.

After careful deliberation and many deep breaths, I came home from work one day, scrubbed all the Toppik out of my hair, went to the hairdressers and asked for a gauge 1 all-over buzz cut. I felt so liberated. I went to work next day, apprehensive about the reaction I'd get from my colleagues to my new look. I got some gentle ribbing as well as quite a few complements. After a few days, the subject of my new hair cut was never raised again. And the best bit: no more stares, time-consuming Toppik-application routines, trawling through hair-loss websites, avoiding contact with water.

Don't get me wrong, I would prefer to have a full head of hair. But I have come to accept that I lost the genetic lottery. I feel so much more confident about my appearance. When I look at recent photos of myself I see a self-assured guy with a close-cropped haircut, not the bald man desperately in denial about his hair loss that I see in older photos. Nowadays, I see other guys about town with bad hair transplants, concealers, rugs or combovers and I shake my head in pity.
 
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Thats awesome man.... If ur happy with it then thats all that counts.
When the day does come that the lotions and medications just aint working anymore, I dont think I will stress too much about it and ill just be getting a buzz cut like you. My aim is to just get through my 20's with a head of hair.... after that ill hopefully have a serious relationship and maybe kids, so I dont think it will actually matter whether im bald or not, cos its not as if im gonna be out flirting with girls :p

But anyway, good for you...
 

anothermelbournelad

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Thanks for the support. I should add that I tried all the lotions as well, and while they arrested the hair loss, there was no significant improvement. I got married 2 years ago, and my wife assured me that she would prefer me with a buzz-cut than with a head full of shake-on hair and constant hang-ups about my appearance. The depression and paranoia I once suffered have now largely gone. I think it's easier to accept you're going bald in your early 30s than in your early 20s. And I'm in good company; a fair few of my friends and work colleagues around my age or younger than me are balding too.
 

metalheaddude

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anothermelbournelad said:
I think it's easier to accept you're going bald in your early 30s than in your early 20s. .

Thats true for sure. The closer I get to 30 the less upset I get about my hair because I feel being 30 and having less hair is just more accepted than being early/mid twenties and thinning hair.
 

IBM

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metalheaddude said:
anothermelbournelad said:
I think it's easier to accept you're going bald in your early 30s than in your early 20s. .

Thats true for sure. The closer I get to 30 the less upset I get about my hair because I feel being 30 and having less hair is just more accepted than being early/mid twenties and thinning hair.

how old are you metalhead dude?
 

Eaglehead

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Hi anothermelbournelad! Your story is very identical to mine, although I'm 2 years younger with a hair transplant. I was young and desperated with no where to go. I took the wife's advice and went with a hair transplant. I came to realised 1500 grafts weren't enough and all my natural hair have fallen off. What left are the transplanted hair, a nice scar in the back of my head and a monthly hair transplant bill.

I'm a Toppik user myself. It is a torture feeling and I'm getting tired of it. I'm about to give in and accept the fact that I'm bald and move on. What you have done takes alot of courage. Do you have any pictures of before and after?

My story can be found here: viewtopic.php?f=28&t=45488
 

Knendell

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I too am 30 and am trying to gather the balls to do the #1. I know I have a huge head and I will look worse but I know I will feel liberated to just let it all out there. The problem is I feel I would be too embarrassed to see older friends I haven't seen in years and go into a deep depression. I just don't know what to do. I am single. never married and have no kids. I can see it being much easier if you have the support of your significant other and have children that just don't care about such things. I am basically starting to live life at 30 and feel I have run out of time. I have a lot of fake confidence when it comes to women but I want some peace of mind from this. I congratulate you on the wise move you made.
 

metalheaddude

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gsxr60097 said:
I too am 30 and am trying to gather the balls to do the #1. I know I have a huge head and I will look worse but I know I will feel liberated to just let it all out there. The problem is I feel I would be too embarrassed to see older friends I haven't seen in years and go into a deep depression. I just don't know what to do. I am single. never married and have no kids. I can see it being much easier if you have the support of your significant other and have children that just don't care about such things. I am basically starting to live life at 30 and feel I have run out of time. I have a lot of fake confidence when it comes to women but I want some peace of mind from this. I congratulate you on the wise move you made.

Exactly how I feel. I feel i missed out on a lot when I still had hair because I was to shy, now im just starting to live and get my life together im struck down with noticebly thinning hairline, its so damaging to your confidence :(
 

anothermelbournelad

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Guys, I know how you feel. Even though I'm married now, in the lead-up to the marriage, I was anxious about whether my wife would want to marry a guy who was going bald. Bottom line: I bet most women prefer a confident man not ashamed of his genetic hair loss than a socially-awkward, self-conscious bald guy trying to hide the obvious who has become a hostage to hats, a hairpiece, concealer, hair transplant surgery, etc.

My advice: you have absolutely nothing to lose by getting a #1. If you don't like the look, it'll grow back. I have held onto my left-over Toppik containers the last 6 months, but I'm about to throw them out. I'm not going back.

Good luck.
 

Odelay

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Guess I'm jaded by the whole thing. Started losing my hair at 20, been shaving it since I was 22-23, so I don't have a great deal of sympathy for those that are just starting to deal with DHT at 30. Great story, but it's been told so many times that it's lost its edge at this point. It's great that you've realized that people don't give a sh*t if you shave your head or not, but in the words of John McClain in Die Hard "Welcome to the party pal."

:jackit:
 

Olorin

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YOU WIN THE INTERNET ODELAY!

I'm glad that you're so over this. What are you doing here again?

:)
 

anothermelbournelad

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Odelay, my post wasn't a plea for sympathy. It was an avenue for me to tell "my" story, as the name of the category implies. I don't know why the fact it took me the better part of a decade to come to terms with my hair loss makes my story any less valid than someone in, say, your situation. The value judgment is not appreciated. I'm sorry that you've heard it all before and that my post was tiresome for you.
 

Felk

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Odelay said:
Guess I'm jaded by the whole thing. Started losing my hair at 20, been shaving it since I was 22-23, so I don't have a great deal of sympathy for those that are just starting to deal with DHT at 30. Great story, but it's been told so many times that it's lost its edge at this point. It's great that you've realized that people don't give a s*** if you shave your head or not, but in the words of John McClain in Die Hard "Welcome to the party pal."

:jackit:

You sir, are an idiot. A forum like this always in need of hearing the story he told. If you're so far gone in self pity that you respond to such a post negatively because he had more "hair years" than you, you really need to hear the message, not reject it.

Oh and if you read his post properly, you'll see he started losing his hair much earlier than 30.

Cheers for the post Melbourner :pint:
 

powersam

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Felk said:
You sir, are an idiot. A forum like this always in need of hearing the story he told. If you're so far gone in self pity that you respond to such a post negatively because he had more "hair years" than you, you really need to hear the message, not reject it.

Oh and if you read his post properly, you'll see he started losing his hair much earlier than 30.

Cheers for the post Melbourner :pint:

yeah cheers and all, and my most sincere condolences on living in melbourne.
 

Felk

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powersam said:
yeah cheers and all, and my most sincere condolences on living in melbourne.

Oi is that just anti-melbourne rivalry there, or are you genuinely not a fan? I think Melbourne is probably the coolest city in Australia - the city itself, the music scene and the night life go off. I live in Sydney and think it has absolute sweet spots, but it just annoys me how hard it is getting between them and how the entire metropolis doesn't really function as a whole at all.

That being said the weather, the beaches, the outdoors in melbourne are rubbish in comparison. I can't believe how many melbourners come up to sydney and are surprised, having been told down there that we get the sh*t weather. Anti-sydney propaganda must be rife down there...
 
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