Facts that help you cope with being bald
- Thread starter Norwood
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With a little confidence, he can score an Adriana Lima.
JD, I checked your posts and it seems that your hair loss is very minimal with some one saying your an NW1, others saying they don't even notice your hair loss. If your hair loss is that minimal, no woman is going to flip out over it. No woman is going to flip out if you have very slight temple recession or slight thinning. They probably wouldn't even notice. But if you are an NW5 or so, you are going to look bald and you can be sure that women will take notice of it and it will in turn adversely affect your chances with women.
Sure, inner qualities can become important but outer looks will always trump everything, especially in today's society which is more image conscious than ever. In order for that initial attraction to occur, a woman needs to be attracted to your outer looks. Then as the relationship progresses, she will usually warm up to your inner qualities. And no healthy relationship will progress if a woman is attracted to your intelligence or demeanor, but is not attracted you physically. And lots of us take great pride in our outer looks and physical appearance, and do not feel comfortable or confident approaching women when we feel like our looks are eroding.
As I always say, it's always the people with the most minimal hair loss who come on here and preach about the important of things like personality, intelligence, and confidence; and say how hair loss is not a big deal. They have the luxury of being naive. But I guarantee if they were an NW5, they'd be singing a completely different tune.
Sure, inner qualities can become important but outer looks will always trump everything, especially in today's society which is more image conscious than ever. In order for that initial attraction to occur, a woman needs to be attracted to your outer looks. Then as the relationship progresses, she will usually warm up to your inner qualities. And no healthy relationship will progress if a woman is attracted to your intelligence or demeanor, but is not attracted you physically. And lots of us take great pride in our outer looks and physical appearance, and do not feel comfortable or confident approaching women when we feel like our looks are eroding.
As I always say, it's always the people with the most minimal hair loss who come on here and preach about the important of things like personality, intelligence, and confidence; and say how hair loss is not a big deal. They have the luxury of being naive. But I guarantee if they were an NW5, they'd be singing a completely different tune.
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Im not even going to say which is more important but one things for sure- only complete dumbasses believe its 100% one or the other.
How to cope baldness.
Be happy,don't expect too much and be positive.
Be awesome,stay awesome.
My niece is 7 months old,she keeps on smiling the moment she looked at me.
I loved it.
I always hope to find a girl who will accept me beyond my hairloss and my apparent low activeness because I am not handsome to many because I don't look like I am 29.
Be happy,don't expect too much and be positive.
Be awesome,stay awesome.
My niece is 7 months old,she keeps on smiling the moment she looked at me.
I loved it.
I always hope to find a girl who will accept me beyond my hairloss and my apparent low activeness because I am not handsome to many because I don't look like I am 29.
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I've seen confidence and positivity make women laugh.
I've seen looks make women wet and down to f-ck.
The two are unrelated.
I've seen too many shy and awkward good-looking guys getting laid without much effort.
And too many confident and positive average-looking guys getting massively rejected despite huge efforts.
But as I always, whatever helps you sleep at night h.l..
And you've never seen the ugly/average guy making a woman laugh AND getting down to ****? Of course you have, you just hate to admit it. That's why it's not 100% one or the other, you have definitely seen at least 1 example of it, so even if it's 0.00001% of cases, you're a dumbass for believing it's 100% looks based, because you contradict yourself.
Looks are obviously very important, maybe 80% of of attraction, based on first impression from a 5minute conversation. Then even 10mins in, that percentage goes down gradually. You base your opinions on stupidly basic principles, for example when I say first impression from a guy, you think of either the guy being a 9/10 full-head with muscles, or a 2/10 pudgy NW4, your mind can't cope with anything complicated.
Sure, sometimes the girl won't give a **** 10mins into boring conversation with a super hot guy, she'll just want to bang him and will smile and nod along to anything. But these guys are rare, this situation is rare, and for the vast majority of situations, the guy might sort of attract the female, and then he, or even she, has some work to do. The initial attraction will be 80% aesthetic, 20% personality, if conversation is dry and stale, the personality percentage quickly takes over looks, and in a negative sense.
These are all factors in reality, outside your little mind, where things get complicated. All you see in your world are ugly dudes making chicks laugh and getting nowhere, or hot dudes taking women home- which by the way, unless you verify penetration it means nothing right?!
"I've seen looks make women wet and down to f-ck."
Just going by your own logic this means nothing Fred, because as you say, unless you've seen these guys have sex with them, or heard them having sex, you can't say you've seen this a lot, and don't give me 1 or 2 examples when you heard moaning through a wall. You basically ****ed yourself from using your own normally ****ty anecdotal evidence because you can't say if anyone's having sex unless you see it, that wouldn't be fair on the ugly guys you assume aren't ****ing.
Whatever helps me sleep at night? I know what you're doing yet again here Fred, to me before and to others you write this crap about how our opinions is based on "hope that we'll make it" when you know you're just trying to stir and make people defensive. It's really saying something when someone's too stupid to troll decently.
But anyway just to clarify, if someone would say that initial attraction is 80% personality based, I'd say they're being very hopeful (assuming they aren't attractive) or maybe deluded, but I wouldn't be disrespectful enough to their opinion to call them dumbasses. Even though I think it's 80% looks based, I'd still say someone who believes it's 95% looks based is being a bit extreme, but not dumbasses. The rare breed are those that believe it's 100% one or the other, for that thought process you need to be half cracked.
marco75
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I agree with this, looks are very important but it's like having a good CV it will get you in the door and might help during the interview but you also have to perform at the interview. If you screw up (i.e. act like an a**h** or say weird **** etc) then it's over. If your CV is weak you might still get the interview and you can score with a great interview. Sure some women with low self esteem will sleep with a hot guy even if he is an ahole but most won't.
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Do you not have a backspace button? Post of the year.
Not ****ing up or saying stupid **** is one thing, but even being shy can be enough for many women to just not have any interest. And Fred you can keep harping on about you or hot guys who are introverted/embarrassingly shy towards women and still getting laid, but for like a 4-7/10 guy, who a girl actually gives a chance to talk to and see what he's about, and all he does is mumble, go red, and stare at the floor, his chance is over. Instead of this, the exact same guy cracks jokes, controls the conversation, even simple things like makes eye contact, what are his chances? Nothings sealed the deal but, chances are a hell of a lot better.
But hey none of this matters right, some hot guy out there somewhere can still **** women even if he's practically autistic, so all other variables about personality are considered null and void.
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OK so personality has 0% bearing on anything unless your personality is one that contains social anxiety.
The plot thickens! What next?
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You just edited that from a simple "Yep." I mean if you're going to agree with complete contradictions at least be consistent about it.
And what you edited it with above is completely useless.
So apart from social anxiety, what other crucial personality aspects come into play when personality is completely meaningless?
Yeah notice how the question makes no sense.
And what you edited it with above is completely useless.
So apart from social anxiety, what other crucial personality aspects come into play when personality is completely meaningless?
Yeah notice how the question makes no sense.
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I initially thought "**** it I give up" then went back to Impact forum, then I thought "**** it as if he just replied with Yep screw this I'm going back in" and there it was.
Still same principle Fred, nothing making sense here. At least when you wrote "Yep" you just gave up and admitted the bull**** argument.
Personality is of 0% importance unless there is a disorder with your personality, then it matters. That's the same as saying looks are of 0% importance unless you have progeria, negatives and positives are both factors in the importance of determining an occurrence.
Still same principle Fred, nothing making sense here. At least when you wrote "Yep" you just gave up and admitted the bull**** argument.
Personality is of 0% importance unless there is a disorder with your personality, then it matters. That's the same as saying looks are of 0% importance unless you have progeria, negatives and positives are both factors in the importance of determining an occurrence.
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I'm going to butt in with a RANT.
Fred is arguing that the physical appearance accounts for 95-100% of whether or not women find that man attractive, and even which women.
It sounds like a really ****ty thing, I'm not sure it actually is ****ty but it sounds like it. With that said, it also sounds accurate and is consistent with many of my experiences and observations.
We know that in our case as men, we are on average very turned on by attractive women, which for most men means slim, tall, nice skin and hair, etc. To the extent we say we value personality, we don't mean that we want a large, sophisticated, and kind-hearted brain within a fat, smelly cow. What's usually meant, if we're honest, is a good personality and mind within a body above the standards of whatever man is thinking, where we all have different expectations.
Why is it so inconceivable to people that women might be the same as men?
I'll talk about my most recent with a woman far above my level looks-wise. This was a woman who had written on her online dating profile that looks don't matter to her, that looks and money have "nothing" to do with romantic companionship, she said that what matters to her in a man are intelligence and ethics. We went out for three and a half hours to dinner and drinks, we left the bar because we wanted to be polite to the wait staff as we were the last clients left. We were talking the whole time, talking positively, she did 60% of the talking and I id 40%, approximately it's been a while so I'm not sure. We laughed at each other's jokes and mentioned our dreams. I can tell you about her childhood and what kind of movies she likes, as she can for me. We had similar values. And yes I paid for dinner and was showered and didn't pick my nose.
She told me she wasn't interested in a second date. She said that she "doesn't feel a romantic connection." According to h.l. it's because I wasn't funny enough, or not smart enough, or the conversation was boring, or something. That doesn't fit the pattern of this experience or previous experiences with other women. More likely she wanted someone taller, fitter, and whiter, even if she's not consciously aware of it.
But hey don't think about my story. Think about your own lives. Think about the men who have been with the most women. What do they have in common? Are they all 5'7, overweight, and with great personalities? No? Why not?
There's a huge internet boom of people offering bogus advice to men out there. The advice to men, often from people like h.l., typically gives men the following ingredients with which to meet more women:
- Use proper grammar;
- Have interests;
- Don't live with your parents;
- Be a good listener;
- Be confident;
- Be nice;
- Don't be angry if she goes two weeks without answering your message, she might just be busy;
Honestly, total croc of ****. I think it actively undermines the lives of a lot of men that this is given out as advice. What goes on here is that some women reject hundreds of men in their lives, or even thousands, and they remember the most egregious cases they rejected. They talk about those cases. But that's not most men. Most men they rejected merely because they were an inadequate match. They don't talk as much about those because "he was only 5'11" doesn't make as exciting a story to tell as "he sent me 400 text messages, he called me names, and he smells like fish". The later is rarer, more horrifying, and thus talked about more. But for most men, nearly all men, not behaving that way is useless advice since we're already not behaving that way.
Advice about hygiene, health, fitness, grooming, and even surgery would be a lot more constructive if it were more mainstream. That's what actually might make a difference. For whatever reason, it's not discussed as much. But it's better advice.
Fred is arguing that the physical appearance accounts for 95-100% of whether or not women find that man attractive, and even which women.
It sounds like a really ****ty thing, I'm not sure it actually is ****ty but it sounds like it. With that said, it also sounds accurate and is consistent with many of my experiences and observations.
We know that in our case as men, we are on average very turned on by attractive women, which for most men means slim, tall, nice skin and hair, etc. To the extent we say we value personality, we don't mean that we want a large, sophisticated, and kind-hearted brain within a fat, smelly cow. What's usually meant, if we're honest, is a good personality and mind within a body above the standards of whatever man is thinking, where we all have different expectations.
Why is it so inconceivable to people that women might be the same as men?
I'll talk about my most recent with a woman far above my level looks-wise. This was a woman who had written on her online dating profile that looks don't matter to her, that looks and money have "nothing" to do with romantic companionship, she said that what matters to her in a man are intelligence and ethics. We went out for three and a half hours to dinner and drinks, we left the bar because we wanted to be polite to the wait staff as we were the last clients left. We were talking the whole time, talking positively, she did 60% of the talking and I id 40%, approximately it's been a while so I'm not sure. We laughed at each other's jokes and mentioned our dreams. I can tell you about her childhood and what kind of movies she likes, as she can for me. We had similar values. And yes I paid for dinner and was showered and didn't pick my nose.
She told me she wasn't interested in a second date. She said that she "doesn't feel a romantic connection." According to h.l. it's because I wasn't funny enough, or not smart enough, or the conversation was boring, or something. That doesn't fit the pattern of this experience or previous experiences with other women. More likely she wanted someone taller, fitter, and whiter, even if she's not consciously aware of it.
But hey don't think about my story. Think about your own lives. Think about the men who have been with the most women. What do they have in common? Are they all 5'7, overweight, and with great personalities? No? Why not?
There's a huge internet boom of people offering bogus advice to men out there. The advice to men, often from people like h.l., typically gives men the following ingredients with which to meet more women:
- Use proper grammar;
- Have interests;
- Don't live with your parents;
- Be a good listener;
- Be confident;
- Be nice;
- Don't be angry if she goes two weeks without answering your message, she might just be busy;
Honestly, total croc of ****. I think it actively undermines the lives of a lot of men that this is given out as advice. What goes on here is that some women reject hundreds of men in their lives, or even thousands, and they remember the most egregious cases they rejected. They talk about those cases. But that's not most men. Most men they rejected merely because they were an inadequate match. They don't talk as much about those because "he was only 5'11" doesn't make as exciting a story to tell as "he sent me 400 text messages, he called me names, and he smells like fish". The later is rarer, more horrifying, and thus talked about more. But for most men, nearly all men, not behaving that way is useless advice since we're already not behaving that way.
Advice about hygiene, health, fitness, grooming, and even surgery would be a lot more constructive if it were more mainstream. That's what actually might make a difference. For whatever reason, it's not discussed as much. But it's better advice.
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I don't have time to read or reply properly but ****, all I say is that personality is somewhat of a factor, definitely a low factor in initial attraction, and I get accused of giving bull**** advice about being nice to your momma and how it will get you chicks.
Only on this place. Screw that.
Only on this place. Screw that.
shookwun
Senior Member
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H.i is completely delusional
realy hit it head on with having compatible conversations, laughing, and being realy receptive towards one another. Everything feels on point then out of no where you get a text "your a realy nice guy and all, but I don't think im interested in dating at the moment, or ready for someone for that matter'. YEAH RIGHT.
Dumb ****s still have their profiles up on Tindr, and POF.
What she is really trying to say is they dont want to have a relationship with you.
realy hit it head on with having compatible conversations, laughing, and being realy receptive towards one another. Everything feels on point then out of no where you get a text "your a realy nice guy and all, but I don't think im interested in dating at the moment, or ready for someone for that matter'. YEAH RIGHT.
Dumb ****s still have their profiles up on Tindr, and POF.
What she is really trying to say is they dont want to have a relationship with you.
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h.l.
Is it really worth debating if "looks" account for 90, 95, 99, or 100% of male attractiveness to men?
The general guidelines will remain the same.
But if your point is that personality accounts for 5% rather than 0%, I want to say that I agree. I think there's a small fudge factor for personality. But it's so small that general advice will not be affected. And it's not worth perseverating over.
Is it really worth debating if "looks" account for 90, 95, 99, or 100% of male attractiveness to men?
The general guidelines will remain the same.
But if your point is that personality accounts for 5% rather than 0%, I want to say that I agree. I think there's a small fudge factor for personality. But it's so small that general advice will not be affected. And it's not worth perseverating over.
Yeah, you're absolutely right. Even if you have decent looks and are in the door, it can still go horribly wrong.
As for guys that are so physically handsome that women will drop at their feet, I haven't seen this before, so I'll have to rely on others that have. It's so rare to bump into these guys as they represent a tiny fraction of the male population. Most men will come in that 4/7 bracket you mention.
marco75
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One aspect of personality that is important for guys is based on the fact that men usually have to approach and put themselves out there with the possibly of rejection. The better looking you are the more signs a woman will give which makes the odds better but if you don't have the balls or are oblivious to women hinting at you then it can cost you potential dates.
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Excellent post. As a man who has been on a lot of dates (55 first dates in total), I can confirm everything you've just said.
A woman rejecting is often not even about you. In the sense that there was nothing you could to even have a chance. It was about her.
It's always about them. How many times have I experienced what I thought was the perfect date: the girl laughing all the time, basically having a great time.
Even after a make-out session, or worse, after having sex, the girl will tell you by text the week later: "Sorry, I don't want to see anyone at the moment, it was nice meeting you."
And of course, two weeks later, you see her on the street holding hands with another guy. She just found someone with whom she was more compatible, and yes, I believe that compatibility is almost 100% physical and genetic.
That's how it works. The girls who were all over me, they were like that for no particular reason, sometimes I had 0 thing in common with the girl. That didn't change how she felt about me.
And I had girls with whom I had like everything in common, I remember dating this Mexican girl and she was so surprised that I had Mexican artists on my iPod, she was a musician like me, we both liked the same movies, etc.
Yet, from her, what did I get? She just faded away and used some BS excuse: "I'm 28 and you're 24, the age gap is just too wide!"
Because yes, it cannot be underlined enough, it's all looks. We're talking about mating here, not platonic friendships.
And I agree with David, if you want to improve your chances with women, focus on improving your outward appearance.
Fred at this stage I'm really just thinking you're useless socially and don't realise it. You may have had all these things in common with a girl and normally things like that is enough, but maybe you aren't quick witted etc. and she wanted nothing to do with you.
Completely delusional? For saying looks are very important? I've said stuff against you before ol' shooks and this is the first time you've said anything against me, and it only comes AFTER 2 other posters do so first. Brave!
This is like Fred with some brains.
You're right it is pointless debating that, but it's kind of fun seeing Fred mumble his way out of his original arguments.
I said on the last page that I respect an opinion stating looks are of 95% importance to attraction, even if I think that's a bit much, I can understand it. I also think it's reasonable to say you don't believe in any advice, I still disagree though.
As someone put recently (I can't remember if it was in this thread or another) a guy who's chatted up 1000 girls is surely going to do better than a guy who's chatted up 10, and from that I think the experienced guy, even if they both look the same, he'll still stand a better chance. I'm not sure if there's "general advice" to be learned from that but he'll be more comfortable, witty, charming, know what to expect and how to fix it.
I do agree with Fred from another thread that there's a peak we all hit with chatting up women, we reach a stage where we know we're comfortable enough in conversating, joking and expressing ourselves, that no PUA technique will teach us anything further. However I'd be surprised if Fred has reached that stage to be honest, apparently still mumbling his way into panties.
OK so I think a LOT of guys can learn from general advice, I've known plenty of friends who are great and funny with women when they know them, but make a horrific first impression, and therefore they got nowhere, good looking or not, physically compatible or otherwise - meaning I've known girls who fancy a guy, and are put off by his first impression. And I don't think it's enough, as Fred has said before, to simply be able to talk on a basic level, even if she likes you. Sometimes it is, but mainly, you need to be a bit more engaging than basic chat.
But what general advice? God, these PUA videos I see on here are so ridiculous and useless, I really just mean basic advice. Guys who are paying for PUA conferences probably fail to string sentences together with women, and guys are trying to teach them how to get threesomes etc.
We basically agree except I think there's a bit of leeway on general advice, and some can help.