Dumped for hairloss?

[fred]

Just wanted to share. I just got dumped 3 days ago for no apparent reason after a year and half relationship.
Recently, I would say middle August my thinning (I turn 24 next week) became "noticeable", albeit very slightly (fuzzy temples and messy top). My girlfriend, i mean my ex, was unaware of my thinning the entire relationship, since it was unnoticeable until 3 weeks ago, but last week as we were back from cinema, she stared at my hair and said "hey you cut your hair or what?". I didn't really paid attention but I always thought she would accept me as I am the day she'll know as she seemed very in love and the relationship was very serious (1 year and 1/2).
Few days later, she send me a sms drily saying that she just doesn't feel anything for me anymore (nothing, I mean nothing prepared me for that as the last day we spend was a pretty ordinary one, hugging, "I love you" and "I'll miss you" etc...). I am pretty sure my hairloss has something to do with it as it somehow began to affect my apparence. The scary part is that she was the opposite of your average superficial b**ch and was very in love with me (she kept on telling me it would be for life), second that my self-esteem, and my esteem in women in general have been deeply damaged since she is the last girl I thought to be capable of that. Sorry to tell you that, from my experience, hairloss can kill "true" love.

 

[gonna_win]

Sorry to hear about your breakup man, but maybe it's for the best. You are probably better off without someone who would judge you like that anyway. If she didn't do it then, maybe she would have done it 5 years into marriage.......... my 2 cents

 

[elguapo]

I'm guessing she met another guy or something. I doubt it has to do with your hair.

gonna_win, are you gonna_change_your_avatar? I do believe I had dibs on it! =)

Good luck bro. Sorry about the breakup.

 

[mvpsoft]

I have been married for 25 years, so I'm probably not the best person to judge, but I have to agree with the other poster that either she dumped you for some other reason which has nothing to do with hair loss, or if she did dump you because of your hair (or lack thereof), she is just the opposite of what you thought she is, i.e, she really is a superficial, insecure woman.

My wife was against me even starting on minoxidil and propecia because, she said, "I love you the way you are." But I think I had a good retort, "And that's the point, to stay the way I am now by using this stuff."

I do think that sometimes guys read to much into this hair loss thing when it comes to women. I have been amazed since I have started to read this forum how many guys apparently are obsessed with how they think their hair affects their relationship. I don't mean to pick on you, fred, just a place to hang this observation. It seems to me that the obsession that some guys have is a bigger turnoff to women then the actual hair loss itself is.

Sorry to hear about your breakup though, fred. That's not a very nice way to be told about it either, in an email or pm. I wonder if she didn't meet someone else? Those things usually build for a while, even if they aren't noticeable.

 

[Guest]

Don't get down m8, I just finished with my girlfriend but it was a mutual thing.

Women are very strange sometimes and we will never work them out. This girl I was seeing was so mixed up it was unreal. She did not know what the f*** she wanted. I know it hurts right now, I was hurting two weeks ago and it was very painful. But you will get over it and you will move on. My ex girlfriend did no mind that I was losing my hair at all, she liked older men. We finished because of other complicated things. Things like she snored like f*** and I never got any sleep during the night.

So don't get down about it. There are girls out there that don't mind men who lose their hair. You will know when you find that girl.

Chin up!!

 

[Petchsky]

I too can relate. My girl dumped me while i was depressed about my thinning hair, so that was a like a double whammy.. i thought it may have been hairloss related, she didn't fancy me anymore etc But, i found out later it was another guy in the end. :cry:

Best thing you can do is talk to her about why? and secondly think right, next time that b**ch sees me my hair is going to be looking Don! by which time you won't give two shits about her anymore anyway and probably have a new girlfriend.

 

[viperfish]

First of all I feel for you man! It is a very tough thing to go through. But..................you can't blaim this on your hairloss. In fact I bet it had nothing to do with it at all, like the other posters said she propbably found someone else (her bad). You now know that it was not meant to be! Your better off with out her and the best part is that you can concentrate on yourself a little harder and now your single, which can be a great time. Go out and get laid tonight and forget about the girl. But beware don't start thinking that hairloss was what caused the breakup. You don't want to turn into the likes of many other guys on this board who think their life is over or that they will never find a girl and blah, blah. Don't let that happen to yourself. Don't get sucked into the whole thing that your life is over because of hairloss.

 

[viperfish]

As an added note; I'm suffering from hairloss and last night I hooked up all the way with an 18 year old hottie and I'm 25 and going bald. It is all about confidence, without it your screwed, and you will never get screwed either. I guarantee that some idiot will come on here and try to tell you you lost your girl because of hairloss. Don't listen!!!

 

[silkeysmooth]

Yeah, this is NOT hairloss related. Only a purely phyiscal relationship can be ended by a guy with a little thinning.

And, she at least owes you a reason for the breakup. After a year and a half? the least she owes you is an explanation, in person, not this e-mail bull sh!t.

But, if you feel its easier to simply do away with all things related to her, then thats cool. Im just saying that you would be entitled to ask her.

 

[Green Soap]

Let me just say, keep your chin up, don't let this shake your stride. I can say first hand that something better always comes along.

You had one girl, you can get another one. Just keep smiling, don't let em' see ya sweat it.

Just do what you need to do to get over it (best thing to get over a girl is another girl. LOL. Or get a REALLY REALLY FUN new hobby. Try something you've always been dying to try. Point is, have fun now).

You may be tempted by thoughts of revenge, etc. How you're going to make her see you with another girl and all that daydream fantasy stuff. That stuff just makes you bitter and rather GUNNER like.

Just get over it as fast as you can, be strong, keep your chin up, follow your dreams, and eventually the right one will find YOU.

 

[baldsucks]

I was also dumped

We went to Disneyland (me and my ex). We were looking at some photographs of us at the park a few days later after the trip. She pulled one out that showed a top view of my head and she started laughing hysterically and she says "Oh my f...cking god, damn you are hella f...cking BALD!!!!!". I, naturally, was very embarrassed and I felt about one inch tall. Shortly after that (a week or two), she dumped me for the same b.s. that your ex gave you. I then tried to hook up with other women and had zero luck. I even had a few of tell me "Sorry, I don't talk to ugly bald guys". It is my understanding from articles I've read and documentaries I watched, that approx. 98 % of all women think that bald men are a turn-off and are "un-datable". Being confident and looking good (besides the hair) is a good way to be. However, be aware that because of your hair loss you will get rejected by a lot of women. Also, the more noticeable your hairloss gets the more rejection you will probably suffer. Don't set yourself for a fall as I have and became very depressed. Deal with your hair problems head-on. Take a systematic approach and come up with a plan as I have and carry it out. Just GO FOR IT! Don't be embarrassed to try things (propecia & Rogaine , transplant surgery). Be careful with surgery though, (I did three or four years worth of research on transplants before I had transplant surgery). Don't just jump into a transplant - because there is alot of rip-off Dr.s that will mess your hair up worse than it is now. There is also a ton of mis-information about transplants - BE AWARE!!! I have found this a very good website to get good information. You will have to live with results of a transplant your whole life. Or, you could shave it all off and go for the "Mr Clean" look, but typically you probably won't be anymore appealing to women that way unless you are a buffed body-builder with a tan (shaved head with a ton of muscles look). Don't sell yourself short in life - you only live once. The confidence is important, but I think almost all women are into men that they are sexually attracted to physically. Like other primates, human males have to attract the females interest - then the women always have the final say in the decision to have or not have sex or not. Don't kid yourself - sex is important to almost all women nowdays - especially in relationships. Since my transplant, young hot chicks are now flirting and smiling at me who never even knew I existed before. And, once in awhile, now, I even hook-up with one. My self-confidence has not changed at all (before or after my surgery). I am still the same old me - just with better looking hair now. I am slowly starting to get back into the dating scene.

Hope this input helps you. Good Luck!

 

[silkeysmooth]

Ok, i find it hard to believe that ANY woman would say "sorry i dont date bald, ugly guys." Unless you were coming on to them strong, basically harassing them, and they wanted to to leave them alone and pulled out all the stops, i cant see anyone saying that.

Youre just encouraging these guys' paranoia. Certainly, hair plays a factor in physical attraction, but it doesnt decide everything. I think alot of the users on this site are not even an NW3, which means that their hairloss, though maybe noticeable under scruitiny, will hardly make a difference in starting a relationship. Unless of course if affects their confidence.

What happened baldsucks, did you start crying in a corner screaming "YOure just jealous that youre not on the Norwood scale!! No Norwood for you!"
NO, you girlfriend didnt dump you because of your hairloss. If this is true, then im sorry, but it sounds ridiculous.

 

[baldsucks]

Not trying to encourage paranoia

Silkeysmooth, did you read everything I said in the article? I'm only positively trying to encourage the guy (fred) in a positive manner and move on and conquer his hair loss issue as it shouldn't be an issue at all. But it (hair loss)must be addressed even if nothing is done about it at all right? Fred was concerned enough about his hair loss to post on this web-site. We all have hair loss issues on this web site. I was a Norwood 5 by the way - not anymore - not off the scale like you say I am. And no I wasn't crying in a corner or what ever you said. This little story I talked about was with my ex-wife who I was married to for 7 years. I am merely trying to describe my experience which was similar to Fred's and how I dealt with it and moved on. Some of the stuff I have read about (women being turned-off by bald men is probably incorrect (in case you don't read Playboy magazine check out the centerfold of the July 2004 issue and what her turn-offs are : ".... Oh, and bald guys" , she states. The people who are not even Norwood 3's should not be concerned about hair loss. That is true. However, people who don't deal with their hair loss before it gets out of control usually regret it later in life - and by that time doing something about it is very costly and the results are quetionable. Only the really superficial chicks have said to me "Sorry, I don't date ugly bald guys" to me. But, I wander how many more down to earth girls are thinking it and just not saying it? I absolutely do not come on strong to women at all. I am probably the most easy-going down-to-earth guy that you'd ever meet. I don't hit on them or use pick-up lines or any of that garbage. I approach them in a confident manner. For your info (silkysmooth) I don't really appear to have hardly any hair loss at all now from the front as I have long hair (shoulder length) and I can part it down the middle. My hair in front almost touches my eyes

 

[silkeysmooth]

IM happy that your hair is in better shape, and i never said that people shouldnt get treated. But, the way your post sounded, it was almost encouraging guys to be more concerned with their hair.

Anyway, you never said it was your ex-wife. And your ex-wife left you because of the same old BS? I hope you dont mean hairloss.

Yeah, women that are in PLayboy represent at its fullest that shallow mentality, but do you really think any of us are ever going to have a chance with such high-society sl*ts?

Women will take into account hairloss when making a decision, but like I said, most guys here are younger, maybe NW2-3, which means that even if they simply maintain with the current medications, they should be ok. Of course, some women nitpick everything, and for them, theres nothing we can do that will change their minds.

Im not trying at all to discourage medications, just letting this guy fred know that a little thinning will not ruin a real relationship.

 

[baldsucks]

You are right

You are right and I am right.

 

[baldsucks]

I don't think it's just high society sl*ts

I hardly doubt that high society sl*ts are the only women that are turned off by balding men though. Dudes with a Norwood 2 or 3 are dealing with their hairloss issue whichever way suits them best (medications, nothing, or transplants) which is what I recommended to Fred BEFORE his hairloss becomes too much of an issue!

 

[silkeysmooth]

Yeah, i agree if it bothers him he should do something about it, but i think an hair transplant if hes only an Norwood 3 is not a good idea.

But yeah, some women who arent that hot but who think they are, can be just as shallow as playboy models.
But theyre going to find something wrong with everybody. A little recession wont kill your chances with MOST women, but there are a select few who think the world owes them something, and that something just has to be the best looking guy in the world.

You can pretty much tell, though, just by talking to a girl for a few minutes, if she is one of these shallow types. They aren't hard to spot.
Some will eventually figure it out, but most won't. Its kind of pathetic, but thats the way it is.

 

[fred]

Thank you very much for your replies and big thanks for your advices.
True, the fact that hairloss caused the breakup is just a guess, but at least my attitude dealing with hairloss has a lot do with it, not hairloss itself.
I just found weird that she just loved me like mad 3 days before our breakup and the day after she made comments about my hair she broke up for no apparent reason.
When I tried to get her back she stressed that there was no other guy at all (I personally doubt she met another guy as she has very few male friends and she is no party animal and she lives in a remote place with few social interaction) but that "it's been a few days that I just don't feel anything anymore for you". Anyway, it's my overall attitude toward hairloss that probably affected the relationship.
As you probably all know, as male pattern baldness sufferers we have a hard time projecting ourselves in the future. Since hairloss has been an issue to me, I have much less ambition. To me, within 2 years I'll be an introverted bald loser anyway whatever I do. I think I acted like the relationship with her was doomed (due to male pattern baldness) and she felt it. I was more passive. So, hairloss itself probably wasn't the cause, but my attitude with it was.
Thank you for your advices...

 

[elguapo]

Yeah, you need to change if she said "it's been a few days that I just doesn't feel anything anymore for you". That means you are boring her to some degree. I think I did/do the same for girls. And I think you hit the nail on the head, saying that it has to do with your attitude about hair loss and being down about it, etc. So the answer to all of us is to make a conscious effort to be positive, interesting, exciting, and have a good attitude/outlook on life. I say conscious because it is hard to just do this naturally when something is bothering you. It's almost as if we have to "act" now. But I think this is our answer. Not an easy task, but something to do to avoid getting the same reaction from the next girl you meet. That's how I look at my own situation, anyway.

So whatever you do, retract that statement about becoming an introvert on the future, get back on the horse and get out there! Sorry for all the cliches, but seriously! It's what we gots ta do!!

Later.

 

[viperfish]

The comments that baldsucks made are why he never gets laid. :lol: Just like I said earlier don't listen to this sh*t. It is not helpful and will make you feel worse about the situation. Sorry baldsucks, but if you think this way you will never get anywhere with any women. Yeah maybe thinning- balding makes you slightly more unattractive, but it sure as hell will not stop you from getting a girl or laid for that matter.