Depression..

[Hope4hairRedux]

I know we get a lot of these depression threads but hey..I really need an outlet.

My life is going nowhere. Im at university - so in a sense I guess I am in a good position. But Im unhappy. I dont feel that I have ever had to work hard for anything in my life. My parents pretty much provided it for me. I dont think I got into university because I was amazingly intelligent - just that I grew up in favourable circurmstances which meant it would be easier for me to do so.

Since Ive been at university, I am really starting to lose my sense of self almost. Its hard to describe. I just feel increasingly detached from the world around me. Im not motivated to do anything. Im practically this slob living of my parents money. This is the honest truth, and its just the way it is.

Its almost as if my 'soul' is depressed. Im not sure if I am 'depressed' as such. But I feel that a better phrase would be; I have lost enthusiasm in my life. Im not longer interested in chasing girls. Not really bothered about having sex. There is nothing right now that really excites me. I think I have become a really boring person recently as well. Well, not overnight - but being at university has really dulled me. Perhaps this is just what happens when we become adults. I dont know.

Anyway..I wonder how much of this relates to my hair loss. One of my housemates is receeding and thinning, and althouggh he has a while until it will become immiedattly obvoius - I can tell that he is depressed. Im not sure how far my current situation is related to my hair loss. But I know a big part is. I just dont feel attractive to girls anymore. I never really try and flirt or talk to them anymore. Its like I feel disgusting to them, as if they would never want to talk to me.

And I think I have become a lot more reserved as Ive lost confidence in myself. I sometimes think that ive 'got over' hair loss, but really, I know its always deep down inside me, causing me suffering. There is nothing I can do about it. Im slowly being consumed. People used to place a lot of attention on my looks - I used to be a pretty boy. I even once had a crack at modelling. Now days that all seems like a distant dream. Its hard to beleive. I knew girls used to be all over me. It was obvoius. Now its like no one notices at all. I feel like I have nothing to me now. Now I dont have my looks, Ive lost a big sense of what and who I am.

And whilst I still have most of my hair - the thought of being completely bald stil terrifies me. The sad thing about hair loss, is that I beleive it is justifiably something that effects us for life. Just in the same way if someone is disfiguered etc. Its not like they can just 'accept' it and move on. Its there for life. They will never be as attractive as they could have been. What I also hate is that literally most older bald guys I see look like sh*t. They are all fat ugly pigs. Granted, the UK is particilarly bad, and I have seen other countries were bald people look ok as they get regular sun and are in decent shape. But for me, everytime I see a bald person on the street, a big fat elepant type, who obvoiusly hates his disgusting hideous life, where even a wh*** would reject him - that type of sh*t makes me want to end it all sometimes. The cruelty of it all.

Im really sorry for the length of all this. I just feel that I needed to get it out of me. Thanks for reading if you have got this far. Perhaps you will be able to emphasize with your own experience.

 

[Mens Rea]

WTF

C'mon man you clearly just need a new mindset. Easier said than done but you'b be surprised how far you can come in a really short period of time with just a little injection of effort and activity.

Ive got thin hair - im 24. Im on the big 3 and im holding out hope that propecia really helps me maintain.

If not it'll suck no doubt but why do you correlate yourself or your future self with what you describe to be these "fat ugly pigs"?

Even if you go completely bald you can still look as good as possible. Thats still in your control. You have to concentrate on the positive.

Im avoiding doing too many weights etc in case it adversely affects my hair but see when it get so the point where i shave my head, i'll hit the weights had and try get as much color as possible. Adjust to the look, not wollow in self pity.

Not to mention theres plenty of fat depressed slobs, some have hair some dont. It's not as if male pattern baldness is the epitomy of unhappiness amongst mankind

 

[jonsie150]

the best way to deal with this is to take it little by little. you have to make yourself feel useful. so little things like tidying up the dorm room. or go shopping for groceries. or organizing your desk drawer. ANYTHING that lets you accomplish a minor little task. i know it seems ridiculous, but once you've built up a collection of tasks that youve accomplished, you'll feel more motivated. the WORST thing to do in your situation is sit around in the room. and as much as i appreciate the help i get from these boards, i have to say that it's not healthy to be reading this site all day.

i know its easier said than done, but you have to go out and do something. anything

 

[Nene]

Hey man. I know how you feel, I've been dealing with depression and hair loss for years now. I know there is nothing I can say that can make you feel better, but I do have advice. You should go see a psychologist or psychiatrist. Some of the things you say make it sound like you have a serious depression problem, and guess what? You can't just wish or pray depression away. You can't just end it with a more positive attitude. Sometimes it's like a disease that needs to be treated just like any other disease. That might mean some medication or maybe just some cognitive behavioral therapy. I know going to see a doctor might seem pointless, but you should give it a shot. I used to see a psychiatrist and although I was still down at times, it helped me a lot. Now that I have no job and thus no insurance, I haven't been able to go and I have fallen into one of the deepest depressions of my life, I fine myself wishing for death all the time. Isn't medical care free in the UK? Take advantage. Good luck.

 

[WorldofWarcraft]

There was this soldier who came back with over 98% burns on his body. He was very disfigured. For four years, he didn't let this get him down. He still threw tons of parties. When people would look at him he would just be like "yeah I look like a freak don't I?" And joke it off. He couldn't even feed himself. He died four years later due to an infection from surgery.

This is a true story. I hope it gives some of you guys the strength to live.

p.s. A woman on a true crime tv show said her first impression of this killer was that he was very fat and bald when she met him but she said he had such a great personality and mader her laugh that she fell in love with him instananisously.

Maybe you should try to hone in a great personality. You can be bald and fat and look bad but if your personality is great, you have it made easily. I've seen it happen so many times before.

People love laughing and being around fun and interesting people. If you are this person, people will natrually flock to you. Doesn't matter how you look. Chicks will put out. Trust me it is true.

 

[Smooth]

Im going throw the same thing, the tings that keep me going tho is the knowing that things will get better once i get out of collage and start working on my life all around, right now all i do is work and study so eitherway i cant chase girls! and as i mention on my early post, i started to hate girls! so im doing fine right now.... untill ill get horny again ><!! arghhh men are so weak!!

 

[treeshrew]

i'm going to play devil's advocate and just say some people are born ugly, or without a good personality, and are destined to be lonely. that's just life for some people. it sucks, it's not fair. it could be worse.

 

[Boondock]

Guess what? You're not going to improve your life and get out of this depressed state unless you actually do things to get out of it.

If you're concerned about your hair:

1. Get on the big 3 or find another treatment that works for you.

2. Save up for a hair transplant or even a hair system, if that's your tipple (you could aim to have a hair transplant a couple of years after uni, for example, by which time you might not have reached even a NW4.)

3. Compensate in other areas. Work out. Develop your personality. Get a better style, better clothes, or whatever.

4. If you believe your looks have been dented by a particular percentage, make a resolution to approach as many extra girls as you would to make up for this. If you genuinely think you're 50% less attractive, approach twice as many girls.


If you're concerned about wasting your time and your parents money at university:

1. Work hard, get the best grades in your cohort.

2. Develop your extracurriculars, aim to be president of a particular society or captain of a particular sports team.

3. Get some good internships in an area that interests you.

4. Pick a line of work that you're interested in, and work as hard as you can to get there. If you want to be an investment banker, get on all the university's business and investment societies, go to employer talks, get on internship programmes.


If you're generally depressed and you don't know why:

1. Get more exercise. In particular if you're not exercising at least 4-5 hours a week, you need to increase your activity.

2. Improve your sleep routines. Believe it or not, studenty habits such as oversleeping can worsen depression.

3. Improve your diet. Again, a student habit is to eat poorly. This can lead to depression in some. Consider supplementing if you need to. A lot of people in northern climates could do with more Vit D for example, and a lack of sun exposure actually leads to a specific depression diagnosis (called Seasonal Affective Disorder) at this time of year.

4. Do stuff that makes you laugh. Watch comedy. Stop reading these forums.

5. Make a conscious effort to eliminate extreme negativity from your thinking. As science is increasingly realizing, if you change your thinking you change the actual neural connections in your brain. Rewire yourself into someone a bit less negative.

.....

This is all just off the top of my head. For God's sake, though. You're a student and your at university. Get out there and make the most of it. You will never have this time again. When all is said and done, the problem is not that you're losing your hair or that you're depressed, but that you didn't make the most of your time, didn't make the friends or girlfriends you should have, and didn't get the grades you were capable of or the job you deserved.

Get off the forums and get out there!

 

[barcafan]

you're being humbled by your hairloss.

And you're probably depressed due to your affluent lifestyle.

 

[Hope4hairRedux]

Thanks for all the feedback everyone, I really appreciatte it.

First off - just want to say that Im not always depressed. I do have the tools to deal with it - its just that sometimes it can hit me heavily. Perhaps deep down I am depressed, but im not so sure, it comes and goes. I feel like I kind of 'get out' of those negative thought patterns - I think I have some basic tools to do that with, 1 I think just being aware that I am caught in a self-hating and negative mindset, you can slowly transform it and change your mood around. I find a good tool is writing your thoughts down, by doing that its like you actually give these thoughts a space outside your mind, as if you are flushing them out. Winston Churchill apparently used to write to get out of his depression to - I would suggest it to anyone, really helps to look at your life in perspective and objectivly.

I have on and off days. I paint a bleak picture of things sometimes, but in all, things are ok. I have a good set of friends at uni and outside of uni, some girls that are interested. decent prospects. Objectvely speaking, things are good.

I dont know. I just get depressed most when I see these older bald guys who have completely let themselves go. Fat guys with terrible skin, people that just have a depressing vibe to them. Being attractive is a big part of our lives - especially at age 20. Now I realise the transient nature of life. We will never keep our looks forever. Now I just want to aim to look moderate. Stay in good shape, be healthy, take care of other areas. I just have this nagging feeling that my fate will be like those older guys who quite frankly look like semi quasimodo half humans. Real Ogres. As I stressed before - the fundemental factor here is one's health. hair loss is f****r, but once you start to lose other areas, things really wont be looking good for you. Im not saying hair loss automatically makes you ugly - but just from observation in the UK - where we get poor sunlight most of the year, and generally have quite bad diets, older bald guys tend to look like sh*t.

I really want to go and live somewhere in the world that has decent constant sunshine. Its good for health. Companies are scaring us to think that we should fear sunlight - of course excessive sunbathing is stupid - but getting moderate daily sunlight is very good for health. I always find that in places in Europe where they get more sun, ie Italy/France, people there look ten times healthier.

I feel that its easy for me to say now that its all ok - I have lost a decent amount of hair on the sides - but still, I havnt started noticably thinning yet, and I still have most of my hair, its just I have large recession on the sides. I kind of feel that as it goes on, its going to be harder and harder to accept it. Its one thing to brush it aside now, but Ive got a while to go hair loss wise.

 

[Hope4hairRedux]

I guess I should just be grateful for what I have now. hair loss is humbling me. And in a way, it is good. Because you do become stronger at the end of the day. You start to realise the transient nature of things - you ideally/eventually become less attached to your looks/less focused on the external, and you feel more grateful for what you have - instead of wanting perfection.

Its crazy really - most of us feel we need to look perfect. Its a dogma that is drummed into us in the western world, something we feel we need to pursue to fit in and feel happy. Its drummed into us subtly and constantly, so its hard to just accept ourselves for who we are now. I think realising that whole image and ideal of perfection is BS is a good thing, and hair loss makes us realise how ridiculous it is. The more you think about it, the more disgusting the whole idea of conspicuis consumerism etc becomes.

I cant help but admire and envy guys who have a perfect almost naturally perfect look. Thick NW1 hair etc. They dont know how lucky they are. Its like some people dont even have to try to aim for that 'perfect' idolised look, they are simply born with good genes in that sense.

 

[superfrankie]

Hope4HairRedux:

It was as if I was the one who wrote what have said. The lack of motivation in every aspect of my life. Ive lost my passion in what I love in life. All because of this baldness thing. I just have a hard time getting up in the morning nowadays. Im in a terrible depressive situation. Call it depression. Because that is what it is for sure.

What is killing me the most is that I can be in a period where I feel okey but eventually reality comes back. It only takes something little as looking in the mirror or seeing a guy on the street with a gorgeous girl and a NW0. It reminds me of what I could have had - but not now. This roller coaster ride. These ups and downs are really killing me and to be realistic I know I will never find inner peace withing myself when I dont care anymore about hair loss. its impossible since you get reminded of it all the time. You feel helpless and you dont know where to go. It may be patethic for some that a tiny problem like hair loss can cause so much suffering when there are tons of more serious situations (like cancer, leukemia, AIDS etc) but they should just shut up. They dont know how it makes you feel to lose you hair. F%&k those!

It easy for a friend of mine with a NW0 who gets chicks to tell me "get over it" or "it really isnt a big deal" well my friend...so you tell me its not a big deal if you lost your hair and you saw the attention from girls decrease with 99%? And that is not in my head. That is the bitter and cruel reality.

 

[sonero9]

Sports are motivation triggers.

 

[disfiguredyoungman]

Sports are motivation triggers.

This thread is ten years old, nigga!

 

[Cowboys fan]

Start eating healthier food and work out hard in the gym. It won't solve all your problem s . But it will make them easier toive with. Oh and study hard to

 

[karatekid]

This thread is ten years old, nigga!

I wonder how much a person needs to be bored in order to travel this far in the forum threads...

 

[LastSamurai]

Ah, one of my old threads. I was Hope4hair before Fred the Belgian got me banned

I have come on leaps and bounds since then, thankfully. As a 30 year old male, I care less now. I accept things more than I did back in my early twenties when I was still highly self-conscious. I'm also very grateful to still have most of my hair past 30, it could definitely be worse.