I'm a 27 year old male, and have been pulling my hair out since the sixth grade. Nowadays I have a beard, and pull at that constantly. If left alone, I'd have a full beard, but my constant picking keeps it patchy. When it gets too patchy, I clean shave, make some excuse like "i felt like it", then regrow, and as soon as the hair is long enough to curl I can't keep my hand out of it.
I remember specifically having longish mushroom cut hair in the sixth grade, and I'd always run my fingers through and play with it. I've always also picked my nose, bit my nails, or picking anything that can be picked, but that's mostly maintenance rather than problematic compulsion.
I remember finding individual hairs that were wavy, varying in thickness. They felt interesting to run my fingers along. So I'd find them and pull them out from the top of my head. The hairdresser my mother took me to noticed, and my mother took me to a dermatologist, who gave me some cream. I was a very spacey kid, and I probably didn't notice when I was doing it, or who I was doing it in front of. I'd pull the wavy wiry hairs out and run them between my lips to feel that waviness. My brother thought I was flossing my teeth with the hair.
Later, in seventh grade, I specifically remember someone telling me I'm always touching my face. I never realized it consciously until I saw a yearbook photo of myself with my hand on my cheek, obviously unconsciously.
After the dermatologist and my mother's prodding I got out of plucking from my head, but once I had pubic hair the behaviour transferred to there. I'd leave plucked hairs lying around everywhere. My parents never addressed the behaviour, only the hairs lying around, saying it's gross. But being a spacey kid nothing really registered, and I kept on going.
By around 18 I was set on growing facial hair and began a goatee. Before long the face-touching behaviour had me playing with it constantly, and soon I was plucking out "curlies."
I keep telling myself to stop but it keeps happening. I'm always half-consciously looking for the waviest curliest wiriest hair I can find. I try to stop myself in stages, try to slowly condition my way out. I tell myself "it's okay to play, just don't pluck" but it happens anyway. If I'm spaced out by myself, I'll pull out hair and run it through my lips again and keep scratching away at the beard searching for more, until I snap out of it, tell myself to stop, put my hands away, then it all slowly happens again.
I need it to stop. I don't know what to do. For the time being I'm doing ok with it. My beard doesn't yet appear too patchy, but focus takes effort, and I can only last so long before it happens again. I was divorced at 25, and can only imagine what my ex must think. I'm in a new relationship and already she's commenting on how much I'm always playing with my beard.
Simply shaving only dodges the problem. I'd just keep plucking my head hair or whatever else. I've even plucked chest hair after showers spacing out before dressing.
I'm a full time student and have access to therapists at school, but don't know how to go about seeking treatment. I certainly don't have money to pay any specialist doctors. I don't know what to do.
I remember specifically having longish mushroom cut hair in the sixth grade, and I'd always run my fingers through and play with it. I've always also picked my nose, bit my nails, or picking anything that can be picked, but that's mostly maintenance rather than problematic compulsion.
I remember finding individual hairs that were wavy, varying in thickness. They felt interesting to run my fingers along. So I'd find them and pull them out from the top of my head. The hairdresser my mother took me to noticed, and my mother took me to a dermatologist, who gave me some cream. I was a very spacey kid, and I probably didn't notice when I was doing it, or who I was doing it in front of. I'd pull the wavy wiry hairs out and run them between my lips to feel that waviness. My brother thought I was flossing my teeth with the hair.
Later, in seventh grade, I specifically remember someone telling me I'm always touching my face. I never realized it consciously until I saw a yearbook photo of myself with my hand on my cheek, obviously unconsciously.
After the dermatologist and my mother's prodding I got out of plucking from my head, but once I had pubic hair the behaviour transferred to there. I'd leave plucked hairs lying around everywhere. My parents never addressed the behaviour, only the hairs lying around, saying it's gross. But being a spacey kid nothing really registered, and I kept on going.
By around 18 I was set on growing facial hair and began a goatee. Before long the face-touching behaviour had me playing with it constantly, and soon I was plucking out "curlies."
I keep telling myself to stop but it keeps happening. I'm always half-consciously looking for the waviest curliest wiriest hair I can find. I try to stop myself in stages, try to slowly condition my way out. I tell myself "it's okay to play, just don't pluck" but it happens anyway. If I'm spaced out by myself, I'll pull out hair and run it through my lips again and keep scratching away at the beard searching for more, until I snap out of it, tell myself to stop, put my hands away, then it all slowly happens again.
I need it to stop. I don't know what to do. For the time being I'm doing ok with it. My beard doesn't yet appear too patchy, but focus takes effort, and I can only last so long before it happens again. I was divorced at 25, and can only imagine what my ex must think. I'm in a new relationship and already she's commenting on how much I'm always playing with my beard.
Simply shaving only dodges the problem. I'd just keep plucking my head hair or whatever else. I've even plucked chest hair after showers spacing out before dressing.
I'm a full time student and have access to therapists at school, but don't know how to go about seeking treatment. I certainly don't have money to pay any specialist doctors. I don't know what to do.