Celibacy

[Aplunk1]

So, I'm seriously considering going celibate for a year. I've been considering this for some time.

To be completely honest, I'm really sick to the heart about my last relationship. I'm pretty unhappy hearing about an ex-girlfriend and the new guy she's with. I realize that I pour too much of my emotional resources into caring about sex and sexual intimacy.

I want to reassert my own self worth in other endeavors. Going celibate might boost my self-confidence. What do you guys think? (CCS, I'm pretty nervous about what you have to say.)

I think Wikipedia puts it succinctly:

• Religious beliefs – Clerical celibacy, sannyasa.
  To focus energies on other matters, like one's career or social issues, sublimation.
  To cultivate a relationship according to an ideal of chastity.
  A distaste or lack of appetite for sex – asexuality or antisexualism.
  An inability to form a sexual relationship – involuntary celibacy.
  Perceived benefit of alteration of physiological factors, hormonal changes.
  As an attempt to gain a sense of self and independence from others.
  Poor health: medical celibacy.
  Avoiding risk of venereal disease.
  Avoiding being emotionally hurt.
  As a means of birth control.
  Avoiding prosecution for homosexual relations under sodomy laws.
  Punishment
  Erectile dysfunction

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celibacy

P.S. It's not the Proscar.

 

[Cassin]

One day you'll be over the girl. It will happen and it will have nothing to do with being celibate.

 

[The Gardener]

But... Aplunk?... What about us??!?

 

[Aplunk1]

Cassin, at this point, my depression is getting worse. I caught myself buying a pack of cigarettes for the first time in years. I can't sleep. I miss her. And it gets worse...

Gardener, that was a one-time thing. What about my future?

 

[s.a.f]

Get straight back on that horse man!

Seriously though, like Cassin said it wont achieve anything. You're feeling hurt now, but you've just got to take it until that fire burns itself out. And then wait for the next one to come along.
Celibacy is unnatural and you'll just be giving yourself something else to fight against. It wont do your self esteem any good at all.

 

[HughJass]

For most people, relationships are just a band aid for lonelyness. It's much easier to dull the pain of disatisfaction which comes with not being happy on your own by hooking up with someone, rather than focusing on the inner life (excuse that vaguary). The only problem is that this quick fix only lasts a little while before the cracks start showing (then you get married thinking that will fix it, or move to a new relationship), then of course you start externalizing your dissatisfaction with life (by blaming the relationship for your unhappiness), not realizing that it's not really about her.


But in the meantime you should be out and about hittin' it every chance possible. Put on a brave face (even if you have to fake it) and lure the next project into the beaver trap. unk:

 

[Cassin]

Cassin, at this point, my depression is getting worse. I caught myself buying a pack of cigarettes for the first time in years. I can't sleep. I miss her. And it gets worse...

I understand. Trust me. I really do. But how is abstaining from sex and not moving on to someone else going to help? All it will do is prolong the fact that she is the last person.

I had a girl that broke up with me out of nowhere...ruined me for like half a year. Complete waste of time on my part even thinking about her.I had the chance to take her back many times over since then and I never did.

 

[Aplunk1]

I admit that it's not for everyone.

But getting on the rebound really wouldn't do anything for me. I am compelled to take my mind off everything. I can't. I'm plugged in this circle routine.

 

[Cassin]

I admit that it's not for everyone.

But getting on the rebound really wouldn't do anything for me. I am compelled to take my mind off everything. I can't. I'm plugged in this circle routine.

Brotha nobody is telling you to get on the rebound. Just don't treat other women as if you're not single.

 

[HughJass]

Celibacy alone won't fix the problem


Because The problem is thinking (about the past or the future) Its the cause of all misery.The solution is to live without thinking (about the past or the future). This requires some training but the benefits are enormous- imagine never being bothered by anything like this again...


Eating junk food and lying in bed is good too but obviously there are limits on that one. Same with going whoring.

 

[Nene]

I admit that it's not for everyone.

But getting on the rebound really wouldn't do anything for me. I am compelled to take my mind off everything. I can't. I'm plugged in this circle routine.

Brotha nobody is telling you to get on the rebound. Just don't treat other women as if you're not single.

:agree:

 

[Ori83]

Celibacy is not a bad word, taking some time off from dating after breaking up with someone you love is a good idea as long as it wont last for more then a few months, and certainly a year of celibacy doesnt sound like a great idea at all, just until you get your mind back on track, i wish the best for the op, i've been to this road myself.

 

[squeegee]

For most people, relationships are just a band aid for lonelyness. It's much easier to dull the pain of disatisfaction which comes with not being happy on your own by hooking up with someone, rather than focusing on the inner life (excuse that vaguary). The only problem is that this quick fix only lasts a little while before the cracks start showing (then you get married thinking that will fix it, or move to a new relationship), then of course you start externalizing your dissatisfaction with life (by blaming the relationship for your unhappiness), not realizing that it's not really about her.


But in the meantime you should be out and about hittin' it every chance possible. Put on a brave face (even if you have to fake it) and lure the next project into the beaver trap. unk:

:agree: unk:

 

[CCS]

For most people, relationships are just a band aid for lonelyness. It's much easier to dull the pain of disatisfaction which comes with not being happy on your own by hooking up with someone, rather than focusing on the inner life (excuse that vaguary). The only problem is that this quick fix only lasts a little while before the cracks start showing (then you get married thinking that will fix it, or move to a new relationship), then of course you start externalizing your dissatisfaction with life (by blaming the relationship for your unhappiness), not realizing that it's not really about her.


But in the meantime you should be out and about hittin' it every chance possible. Put on a brave face (even if you have to fake it) and lure the next project into the beaver trap. unk:

:agree: unk:

I agree. People look for relationships thinking the other person will solve their problems. They should instead solve their problems themself. Then maybe they would be able to attract better mates.

Often they save their money when single, and are miserable since they don't spend it on fun. Then they spend it fast when they get a girlfriend. They have fun because they are spending it on fun stuff, and they associate this fun with the girlfriend, and think they need her. Well, had they just spent it on themselves and been with friends of similar interests, it would have cost them half as much. They could have been happy twice as long. And they could have gone where they wanted to go instead of compromising with a partner.


I'm realizing there is no one person who wants to do what I want to do all the time. Few people have everything in common with me. Different internet forums and in person clubs are the best way to always have people to do what I want with.

 

[s.a.f]

CCS has learned much in his time away I think!! :hump:

 

[ShedMaster]

Ya know what, CCS is very smart and I appreciate his unique and spot on responses. No I do not have a man crush either. I have a man crush on Beckim.

 

[Bekim]

Ya know what, CCS is very smart and I appreciate his unique and spot on responses. No I do not have a man crush either. I have a man crush on Beckim.

maybes two mannys Fins


Bekim

 

[Bald Dave]

Hi Aplunk, I know how you're feeling man. I've been there myself but like Cassin, SAF and others have already mentioned you need to get back on your horse. Just go with your friends and do the things you enjoy doing. Be selfish and think of yourself and when you do meet another girl then this last girlfriend won't even enter your mind. I know its a cliche but time is a great healer :hump: