Being A Self Aware Ugly Male Is Hell On Earth

[Mike Tyson]

Note first off that balding doesn't necessarily make you ugly, but it's almost a universal rule that being able to grow hair on your temples makes you more attractive than not being able to do that.

It's hell on earth because it's like you're constantly being gaslit by the people you trust and value most in life. It would put me at peace of mind, personally, if someone that I cared about and who cared about me would just come out and say "yeah, you're not particularly attractive". It makes me feel like a loon because every experience I've ever had in real life with women has been overwhelmingly negative, and things that other men do are viewed as positive when they do them but when I do the same thing it's ignored or repulses women. To have that experience of knowing something is different about you compared to other men is heartbreaking in itself, but to then be told by your parents or family members that you're actually good looking creates two problems, first it makes you question your own sanity, second it makes you start questioning your behavior as well as your looks (what if they are right, maybe it's just my personality/the way I act around others?).

I personally had tons of friends in school, the guys liked me, thought I was funny, always wanted to be around me. They used to tell me I should do stand up comedy, whenever a guy in the group was feeling sad or looked down people would come to me to cheer them up because they said I could make anyone laugh. The purpose here isn't to brag, it's to simply point out that people who are properly socialized are capable of making accurate self evaluations. I can, however, tell you I'm not good looking. I'm just not, I've seen myself in videos, I've seen pictures of myself next to other people, I see myself in the mirror in the gym standing next to other men (who actually get attention from females) and I don't look like them, I don't look attractive and I quite literally don't attract women, I'm not attractive. This self evaluation doesn't come from some mental pathology, it comes from the life I've lived and the results I've gotten. The men who get attention don't have particularly high social status or something, they're just normal young guys like me, but they're good looking. It's that simple.

To be told that it's not your looks (or if it is your looks, it's always something you can change like your haircut or your t shirt), but that it's personality/temperament is really messing with me, especially to hear that from people I care about. And it's not that they directly say "it's your personality", rather they say that women don't particularly care about looks, they care about "confidence" or "being funny". That implies I'm not either of those things. Well I am a funny person, people have told me that my entire life, I have no reason to doubt unsolicited compliments from others (especially when it's always the same compliment and I'm not sad or looking down when they say it). But nobody has ever called me cute or hot, so what reason would I have to believe I am? Why should I change my personality, my demeanor, who I fundamentally am when others have liked that about me? I don't want to be some caricature of a confident man, I just want to be me, and others like me when I'm me. Women, however, don't like what I look like, and no amount of lying will change that fact.

 

[cantara]

I feel you. It‘s pretty frustrating knowing you are (and are also seen by others as) smart, funny, sociable, educated, classy, but noticing it won‘t really take you far when it come to romantically attracting girls. It‘s not that those qualities alone are enough for me to find a girl attractive, so I won‘t blame them for that. But what really tends to anger me is hear people say that it‘s those qualities that girls focus on. It‘s so ridiculous.
It‘s as if I were to say if an 8 who makes a half-witted comment that the comment made me feel attracted to her, „look how profound I am!“, while not giving really witty girls the time of the day romantically.

I know a really ugly guy wo behaves like an idiot. I used to dislike him for his behaviour. But to be fair, I think he only started to act in a really antisocial way so he could protect himself by being able to put not being liked by girls (or anyone) on his behaviour rather than his looks.

 

[shookwun]

uhm, it's no different then how men like YOURSELF view other women.

objectifying them on there beauty alone. So they are not allowed to do the same?


When you go out, the only concern you have is picking up a hot chick. Great, and there concern is being picked up by a equally cute guy. Is that a alot to ask for?


All you need to be an attractive guy is nice hair, teeth and pretty eyes

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Best way to know for sure is to ask.

I'd happily see your picture and give you feedback via pm.

I've done it a bunch of times and I'm always honest.

 

[uncomfortable man]

The insanity inducing situation you describe sums up the bald mans psychological plight. Actively being lied to out of an obligation to be polite, but fake politeness even in the face of the obvious truth...ultimately doing more dammage.

 

[IdealForehead]

Note first off that balding doesn't necessarily make you ugly, but it's almost a universal rule that being able to grow hair on your temples makes you more attractive than not being able to do that.

It's hell on earth because it's like you're constantly being gaslit by the people you trust and value most in life. It would put me at peace of mind, personally, if someone that I cared about and who cared about me would just come out and say "yeah, you're not particularly attractive". It makes me feel like a loon because every experience I've ever had in real life with women has been overwhelmingly negative, and things that other men do are viewed as positive when they do them but when I do the same thing it's ignored or repulses women. To have that experience of knowing something is different about you compared to other men is heartbreaking in itself, but to then be told by your parents or family members that you're actually good looking creates two problems, first it makes you question your own sanity, second it makes you start questioning your behavior as well as your looks (what if they are right, maybe it's just my personality/the way I act around others?).

I personally had tons of friends in school, the guys liked me, thought I was funny, always wanted to be around me. They used to tell me I should do stand up comedy, whenever a guy in the group was feeling sad or looked down people would come to me to cheer them up because they said I could make anyone laugh. The purpose here isn't to brag, it's to simply point out that people who are properly socialized are capable of making accurate self evaluations. I can, however, tell you I'm not good looking. I'm just not, I've seen myself in videos, I've seen pictures of myself next to other people, I see myself in the mirror in the gym standing next to other men (who actually get attention from females) and I don't look like them, I don't look attractive and I quite literally don't attract women, I'm not attractive. This self evaluation doesn't come from some mental pathology, it comes from the life I've lived and the results I've gotten. The men who get attention don't have particularly high social status or something, they're just normal young guys like me, but they're good looking. It's that simple.

To be told that it's not your looks (or if it is your looks, it's always something you can change like your haircut or your t shirt), but that it's personality/temperament is really messing with me, especially to hear that from people I care about. And it's not that they directly say "it's your personality", rather they say that women don't particularly care about looks, they care about "confidence" or "being funny". That implies I'm not either of those things. Well I am a funny person, people have told me that my entire life, I have no reason to doubt unsolicited compliments from others (especially when it's always the same compliment and I'm not sad or looking down when they say it). But nobody has ever called me cute or hot, so what reason would I have to believe I am? Why should I change my personality, my demeanor, who I fundamentally am when others have liked that about me? I don't want to be some caricature of a confident man, I just want to be me, and others like me when I'm me. Women, however, don't like what I look like, and no amount of lying will change that fact.

Well you thought about stopping your balding then?

Ever thought about surgery to become better looking?

 

[Feelsbadman]

I didn't read your entire post but i know that being ugly sucks.

However, i think if you work really hard you can be at least average looking.

Good fashion, haircut, low body fat, eat well (clear skin) etc. Unless you have a deformed face you cannot be ugly (Imo).

 

[IdealForehead]

I didn't read your entire post but i know that being ugly sucks.

However, i think if you work really hard you can be at least average looking.

Good fashion, haircut, low body fat, eat well (clear skin) etc. Unless you have a deformed face you cannot be ugly (Imo).

Most common deformities are fixable if you try hard enough. There's just risks.

 

[Mike Tyson]

Well you thought about stopping your balding then?

Ever thought about surgery to become better looking?

My balding started at 17 and froze at the strangest norwood 2/3 I've ever seen (I'd try and find a lookalike but to this day I've never found one), my temple peaks are completely gone. I take finasteride to maintain it but I'm not certain I even need it at the moment. I have a giant, wide forehead, my upper third is the widest part of my face. I'd likely need to get maxillary impaction to fix my gummy smile, and even then the effects of a downward grown maxilla show all over the rest of my face. There's no support underneath my eyes, I have scleral show underneath my pupils with a relaxed facial position. I have chubby cheeks that don't go away even while I'm at low bodyfat.

Put simply my face is a mess, and you can tell it's a mess without using all this gay terminology. Any surgeries needed to fix it (hair transplant being the one exception) are extremely intrusive and are procedures typically only given to those that have actual health needs, not aesthetic problems. Even if I was to get them, it's not guaranteed that I'll look any better, and doing this would interfere with other areas of my life. I'm considering a hair transplant but I'm still young and knowing that every male on my mothers side has a norwood 7 (one of them had it at age 26) makes it seem like a bad idea. Another problem with getting a hair transplant is that you basically need to ghost everyone you know in real life for a decent amount of time (unless I randomly start wearing a hat everywhere, but even that's risky) and I really don't have a month where I can just go missing between school and work and social obligations. With a jaw surgery you'd have a decent excuse, but everyone knows that transferring hair from the back of your head to the front isn't solving a health problem.

 

[Mike Tyson]

I didn't read your entire post but i know that being ugly sucks.

However, i think if you work really hard you can be at least average looking.

Good fashion, haircut, low body fat, eat well (clear skin) etc. Unless you have a deformed face you cannot be ugly (Imo).

I'll agree that most people are pretty decent looking when they're young, in their prime, and have all their health indicators in check (no acne, no high bodyfat, no deformities). I just think having a receding hairline at 20 is a pretty big minus in that department. I've also got some other issues I discussed above.

 

[IdealForehead]

My balding started at 17 and froze at the strangest norwood 2/3 I've ever seen (I'd try and find a lookalike but to this day I've never found one), my temple peaks are completely gone. I take finasteride to maintain it but I'm not certain I even need it at the moment. I have a giant, wide forehead, my upper third is the widest part of my face. I'd likely need to get maxillary impaction to fix my gummy smile, and even then the effects of a downward grown maxilla show all over the rest of my face. There's no support underneath my eyes, I have scleral show underneath my pupils with a relaxed facial position. I have chubby cheeks that don't go away even while I'm at low bodyfat.

Put simply my face is a mess, and you can tell it's a mess without using all this gay terminology. Any surgeries needed to fix it (hair transplant being the one exception) are extremely intrusive and are procedures typically only given to those that have actual health needs, not aesthetic problems. Even if I was to get them, it's not guaranteed that I'll look any better, and doing this would interfere with other areas of my life. I'm considering a hair transplant but I'm still young and knowing that every male on my mothers side has a norwood 7 (one of them had it at age 26) makes it seem like a bad idea. Another problem with getting a hair transplant is that you basically need to ghost everyone you know in real life for a decent amount of time (unless I randomly start wearing a hat everywhere, but even that's risky) and I really don't have a month where I can just go missing between school and work and social obligations. With a jaw surgery you'd have a decent excuse, but everyone knows that transferring hair from the back of your head to the front isn't solving a health problem.

Well to give you perspective I've had jaw surgery (bsso, Lf1, genio). I did it over a summer when i was in university.

I just had a forehead reduction for which i needed to inflate a balloon i'm my scalp to 500 ml. I covered it by wearing toques and a fedora to work for months.

I plan on getting more jaw surgery in a few months once i'm done healing.

You don't have to accept things the way they are. And if you're someone who knows you wont be happy with the way things are, then you may as well try to change it.

It's not easy going through surgery. But neither is it easy to live with a face that cripples you. You have to decide which is more distastful.

I hate surgery. Its incredibly stressful even when everything goes well. And it doesnt always. But i hate being ugly more.

 

[Roberto_72]

Well to give you perspective I've had jaw surgery (bsso, Lf1, genio). I did it over a summer when i was in university.

I just had a forehead reduction for which i needed to inflate a balloon i'm my scalp to 500 ml. I covered it by wearing toques and a fedora to work for months.

I plan on getting more jaw surgery in a few months once i'm done healing.

You don't have to accept things the way they are. And if you're someone who knows you wont be happy with the way things are, then you may as well try to change it.

It's not easy going through surgery. But neither is it easy to live with a face that cripples you. You have to decide which is more distastful.

I hate surgery. Its incredibly stressful even when everything goes well. And it doesnt always. But i hate being ugly more.

Unfortunately I don't think it is so simple.
You cannot reach beauty via surgery, in 2018.
In 2118? Maybe. Not now.

You don't go to a surgeon and ask to make your eyes larger and more distant because you have small, too close eyes.

You can't fix a non-symmetrical smile.

Unless, of course, you don't want to cover your defects with exaggerated procedures, and you may end up like this.

His long list of surgery includes:

• £8,000 on Botox and fillers
• £30,000 on nose jobs
• £3,000 on liposuction to his jaw

Then again, look at hair transplants: only a portion of balding people are good candidates, based on:
- aggressiveness of disease
- age
- donor area

Hair loss in 2018? Not fixable yet if you are unlucky. We have to face the beast for what it is. I appreciate your positivity but I think you are sugar-coating the monster.

 

[IdealForehead]

Unfortunately I don't think it is so simple.
You cannot reach beauty via surgery, in 2018.
In 2118? Maybe. Not now.

You don't go to a surgeon and ask to make your eyes larger and more distant because you have small, too close eyes.

You can't fix a non-symmetrical smile.

Unless, of course, you don't want to cover your defects with exaggerated procedures, and you may end up like this.

View attachment 85059

His long list of surgery includes:

• £8,000 on Botox and fillers
• £30,000 on nose jobs
• £3,000 on liposuction to his jaw

Then again, look at hair transplants: only a portion of balding people are good candidates, based on:
- aggressiveness of disease
- age
- donor area

Hair loss in 2018? Not fixable yet if you are unlucky. We have to face the beast for what it is. I appreciate your positivity but I think you are sugar-coating the monster.

It depends on what you are trying to fix. Removing 5 cm from the horribly monstrous forehead i was born with has blatantly and obviously made me far better looking to everyone i know that has seen the outcome so far. The scar still has to finish healing but already this has been a slam dunk. Even if i end up with a bad scar and have to wear my hair down, which likely won't be the case, it will still have been life changing.

My prior jaw surgery only corrected my jaws 50% but even that also made a dramatic positive outcome for my face to the extent that one of my friends in university believed i had done it purely for cosmetic reasons and could not be convinced otherwise (i did it to fix my bite).

Before all surgery i am certain i was 1-2/10. Now i think i look pretty average. If i get my revision jaw work done without catastrophe and with good outcome i can easily be a 6.

There is a difference between getting soft tissue procedures like fillers and fixing major obvious structural abnormalities with a face.

Also i would never sugar coat surgery. It's a horrible process to go through every step of the way. Like i said, i just find being ugly even more horrible.

 

[doyle11]

It depends on what you are trying to fix. Removing 5 cm from the horribly monstrous forehead i was born with has blatantly and obviously made me far better looking to everyone i know that has seen the outcome so far. The scar still has to finish healing but already this has been a slam dunk. Even if i end up with a bad scar and have to wear my hair down, which likely won't be the case, it will still have been life changing.

My prior jaw surgery only corrected my jaws 50% but even that also made a dramatic positive outcome for my face to the extent that one of my friends in university believed i had done it purely for cosmetic reasons and could not be convinced otherwise (i did it to fix my bite).

Before all surgery i am certain i was 1-2/10. Now i think i look pretty average. If i get my revision jaw work done without catastrophe and with good outcome i can easily be a 6.

There is a difference between getting soft tissue procedures like fillers and fixing major obvious structural abnormalities with a face.

Also i would never sugar coat surgery. It's a horrible process to go through every step of the way. Like i said, i just find being ugly even more horrible.

A 1-2/10?

These are extremely rare and usually resigned to people that have actual deformities or burns. 1/10s (and 10/10s) you will actually stop to do a double take because they are so unbelievably hideous/attractive.

At worst Shane McGowan was a 2 and he's pretty ugly but not sure if he's double take ugly.

Bit dubious that someone as self aware as you are was that ugly.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Unfortunately I don't think it is so simple.
You cannot reach beauty via surgery, in 2018.
In 2118? Maybe. Not now.

You don't go to a surgeon and ask to make your eyes larger and more distant because you have small, too close eyes.

You can't fix a non-symmetrical smile.

Unless, of course, you don't want to cover your defects with exaggerated procedures, and you may end up like this.

View attachment 85059

His long list of surgery includes:

• £8,000 on Botox and fillers
• £30,000 on nose jobs
• £3,000 on liposuction to his jaw

Then again, look at hair transplants: only a portion of balding people are good candidates, based on:
- aggressiveness of disease
- age
- donor area

Hair loss in 2018? Not fixable yet if you are unlucky. We have to face the beast for what it is. I appreciate your positivity but I think you are sugar-coating the monster.

Koreans be in 2218.

 

[cantara]

View attachment 85082

View attachment 85083


Koreans be in 2218.

Damn, she turned into a cutie - and I'm not even normally into Asians.

 

[doyle11]

View attachment 85082

View attachment 85083


Koreans be in 2218.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Damn, she turned into a cutie - and I'm not even normally into Asians.

You'd be screwed in my country.

The women in Vietnam tend to be very pretty and have bodies like 15 year old western females if you are into that.

I only avoid them because they are ultra high maintence and I don't trust them.

 

[disfiguredyoungman]

Yeah look, your looks might have taken a plunge and I acknowledge that. But if you are like me and focusing on that instead of improving what is under your control, you might indeed suffer from a pathology and to some extent overstate your problems. I repeat that is not to say, that they are imaginative, but your attitude is self-destructive not helping one bit to improve your life.
I know you hate to hear that, but there are plenty of baldies with women, some with good looking women as well and not all of them have a 110% testosterone jaw line. Fact is, many people in here ruin what little chances they have.

If everything fails, jump over your f*****g shadow and wear a hair system. They look good and pride is not a good reason to ruin your f*****g life.

 

[Funkymonk1]

uhm, it's no different then how men like YOURSELF view other women.

objectifying them on there beauty alone. So they are not allowed to do the same?


When you go out, the only concern you have is picking up a hot chick. Great, and there concern is being picked up by a equally cute guy. Is that a alot to ask for?


All you need to be an attractive guy is nice hair, teeth and pretty eyes

This sounds a bit blunt but ther's some truth here.
OP I'll tell you one thing women definitely don't like; They don't like guys who give off an air of desperation about wanting to get with hot chicks all the time and they don't like guys who objectify them for there looks alone. If you are giving off any of these signals (even subconsciously) then it's not helping you. Even a good looking guy could spoil his chances with some girls with this mind-set.