Well, first and foremost, thanks everyone for listening to my venting session...I haven't been able to do this with anyone, and right now I could really use it.
Before I get into my current loss, I'd like to share a little backstory of me, I guess.
When I was a child, my parents grew my hair out. It was so long, people would often mistake me for a little girl, lol. My parents had a warped sense of raising kids. My parents would blow money on expensive cars and house renovations, but dress my 2 siblings and me in goodwill clothes and old shoes. When I was 8 my mom got the bright idea to cut my hair. I hated it. She said I had to start becoming a man. Nobody will hire a guy with long hair. Even worse, she would cut it in a glorious bowl cut with wierd designs and sh*t on the side. All this to save 10 bucks to go to a stylist. To make matters worse, my face was kinda goofy as a kid. Consequently, I was bullied constantly. Even what most would consider the "good kids" would poke fun at me. I would hide in the library all the time as a result. No girls would take interest in me as well (duh). When I was 15 I started listening to rock and metal and started rebelling. At 16, I went to a slylist and got my hair cut into a swept, somewhat shorter gothish haircut. I took really good care of it, styling it and straightening it every day. When I first got it cut that way, my mom was furious. She told me if I didn't let her cut my hair, I wouldn't be allowed in the house. I slept in my car at different local parks for three days before she let me back. It wasn't like I was a lazy kid either, I worked alot at a hardware store in highschool, prepping to pay for college in a few years. Funny enough, my 60 some year old military vet monster of a boss thought it looked wicked
I bought a few decent sets of clothes myself as well and around 18, my face sorta "grew in." I started actually getting complements, and even getting flirted with. Unfortunately, I was too stupid to realize I was getting flirted with and not made fun of. It probably didnt help that my few friends were aware of this, but didnt tell me! When I was 19, I got into my first relationship with sort of an emo party girl with alot of issues. She would get drunk every weekend, and I'd take care of her when she got sick. I had that relationship for two months before being cheated on with a drug-dealing steletor fuckboy. I should've expected it, I rarely drink and don't do drugs, but it didn't keep it from tanking my confidence all over again. She did also mention my gut at some point during our relationship (I was 20lbs overweight as well) so when we broke up I went on an insane diet. Id take diet pills, lift and run an hour a day, and eat strictly 700 calories a day for 3 months. I later came to my senses and started training sanely.
Now to the hair loss part. My hair started thinning all over on my 20th birthday. ALOT of hair. For awhile I thought I had telogen effuvium. But its been a year and a half now, and the crown is starting to thin as well as the front receding. In this time, I've turned from the guy with the really cool hair and being soo close to being who I always wanted to be, to being that guy who wears a hat all the time and has gross hair. From my family history, I was even more blindsided. Literally every man on my fathers side has a full head of hair at every age. My moms side has a few men whos hair started receding in their mid 30s, but no full balding.
I just feel defeated. I had about two years which were the best of my life. I didnt think appearance mattered much to how one was treated by others until I actually looked decent. Now I feel like I'm slipping back into that hole. It's not enough when I can't look or act my age. I feel like my identity has been stripped I now look at future treatements frantically everyday hoping the cure will come, and everyday I am disappointed. Everyday I find myself more secluded from the world and I dont know how to get back.
Looking back at how much I typed, I didnt realize just how much was there. Sorry if I somehow broke a rule or something, I just really needed to vent my story before I exploded. Feel free to share your story or advice.
Thank you for your time.
Before I get into my current loss, I'd like to share a little backstory of me, I guess.
When I was a child, my parents grew my hair out. It was so long, people would often mistake me for a little girl, lol. My parents had a warped sense of raising kids. My parents would blow money on expensive cars and house renovations, but dress my 2 siblings and me in goodwill clothes and old shoes. When I was 8 my mom got the bright idea to cut my hair. I hated it. She said I had to start becoming a man. Nobody will hire a guy with long hair. Even worse, she would cut it in a glorious bowl cut with wierd designs and sh*t on the side. All this to save 10 bucks to go to a stylist. To make matters worse, my face was kinda goofy as a kid. Consequently, I was bullied constantly. Even what most would consider the "good kids" would poke fun at me. I would hide in the library all the time as a result. No girls would take interest in me as well (duh). When I was 15 I started listening to rock and metal and started rebelling. At 16, I went to a slylist and got my hair cut into a swept, somewhat shorter gothish haircut. I took really good care of it, styling it and straightening it every day. When I first got it cut that way, my mom was furious. She told me if I didn't let her cut my hair, I wouldn't be allowed in the house. I slept in my car at different local parks for three days before she let me back. It wasn't like I was a lazy kid either, I worked alot at a hardware store in highschool, prepping to pay for college in a few years. Funny enough, my 60 some year old military vet monster of a boss thought it looked wicked
I bought a few decent sets of clothes myself as well and around 18, my face sorta "grew in." I started actually getting complements, and even getting flirted with. Unfortunately, I was too stupid to realize I was getting flirted with and not made fun of. It probably didnt help that my few friends were aware of this, but didnt tell me! When I was 19, I got into my first relationship with sort of an emo party girl with alot of issues. She would get drunk every weekend, and I'd take care of her when she got sick. I had that relationship for two months before being cheated on with a drug-dealing steletor fuckboy. I should've expected it, I rarely drink and don't do drugs, but it didn't keep it from tanking my confidence all over again. She did also mention my gut at some point during our relationship (I was 20lbs overweight as well) so when we broke up I went on an insane diet. Id take diet pills, lift and run an hour a day, and eat strictly 700 calories a day for 3 months. I later came to my senses and started training sanely.Now to the hair loss part. My hair started thinning all over on my 20th birthday. ALOT of hair. For awhile I thought I had telogen effuvium. But its been a year and a half now, and the crown is starting to thin as well as the front receding. In this time, I've turned from the guy with the really cool hair and being soo close to being who I always wanted to be, to being that guy who wears a hat all the time and has gross hair. From my family history, I was even more blindsided. Literally every man on my fathers side has a full head of hair at every age. My moms side has a few men whos hair started receding in their mid 30s, but no full balding.
I just feel defeated. I had about two years which were the best of my life. I didnt think appearance mattered much to how one was treated by others until I actually looked decent. Now I feel like I'm slipping back into that hole. It's not enough when I can't look or act my age. I feel like my identity has been stripped I now look at future treatements frantically everyday hoping the cure will come, and everyday I am disappointed. Everyday I find myself more secluded from the world and I dont know how to get back.
Looking back at how much I typed, I didnt realize just how much was there. Sorry if I somehow broke a rule or something, I just really needed to vent my story before I exploded. Feel free to share your story or advice.
Thank you for your time.
