A balding guy asking "Have you had an hair transplant"?

[virtuality]

I was with a few friends this evening and one of them asked me if I had an hair transplant... His hair is worse than mine and he's 10 years younger than me.

The thing is, I really didn't understand what he meant with his question. Was it a compliment implying that my hair is looking good, or was it an acknowledgement of my balding?? Or was he just teasing me???

I asked him what he meant with that question, but he didn't give me a reply and he just changed the subject...

I don't know if I should have a 1-to-1 conversation with him to give him some moral support or just let it slip???

PS: I haven't had an hair transplant.

 

[Ori83]

mm... up a pic virtuality...(something tells me your more the bdd :gay: type then a real hair loss sufferer.... )

 

[beaner]

Are you on treatments? Maybe he's noticed an improvement in your hair and is wondering what you did.

 

[virtuality]

mm... up a pic virtuality...(something tells me your more the bdd :gay: type then a real hair loss sufferer.... )

I wish...TBH, being NW3 for my age is kinda normal. I'm 34. The guy in question is 26yo.

Are you on treatments? Maybe he's noticed an improvement in your hair and is wondering what you did.

Not really.. I've been using various anti hairloss shampoos and nizoral for 4- 5 years...

 

[virtuality]

We talked about it this evening and apparently he has been considering having an hair transplant. Just to describe the situation to you, his hair looks like Jude Law's hair in his most recent pics. The only difference is, Jude Law is 40 and my friend is 25-26yo.

I basically told him that there is nothing wrong with his overall appearance at the moment and that he should hold it off for a few years. He agreed that there is nothing wrong with his overall appearance YET.

He also said that his gf doesn't support the idea neither and that she likes him as he is at the moment.

I presume he's not gonna have an hair transplant for the time being but he's seriously considering it. He said it's more about his public image because he wants to referee in the higher football leagues where the image counts more. I gave him Collina and Webb as examples of top refs being bald.

I also told him about minoxidil, propecia, and the possibility of the future use of stem cells as a treatment. He didn't like the idea of being a hostage to minoxidil and propecia for life, so he's not interested in those treatments.

I didn't know what else I should tell him...

 

[virtuality]

His gf is in a different country, they don't see each other that often, so he doesn't have to disappear from her sight...

The thing is, I don't think she'd dump him. They sort of complement each other, and they are both aware of it. She's overweight due to some medical condition she had in the past, but otherwise very successful. The guy is very athletic, he plays sports and wants to become a ref (soccer referee for the Americans), but mentally he's all over the place. There is no way she could get another athletic guy if she dumps him, and there is no way this guy could get another successful woman.

 

[virtuality]

Dude, I don't mean to offend you in any way. Let's just say that I agree to disagree with you...

The thing is, you are always negative about those things. As the wedding vows go "till death do us apart", some people really stay together for life and they support each other through thick and thin. Just because you had a bad experience that doesn't mean everyone is the same.

On the other hand, some MEN and women do run away at the sight of the smallest trouble... It goes both ways.

 

[Man in Space]

We talked about it this evening and apparently he has been considering having an hair transplant. Just to describe the situation to you, his hair looks like Jude Law's hair in his most recent pics. The only difference is, Jude Law is 40 and my friend is 25-26yo.

I basically told him that there is nothing wrong with his overall appearance at the moment and that he should hold it off for a few years. He agreed that there is nothing wrong with his overall appearance YET.

He also said that his gf doesn't support the idea neither and that she likes him as he is at the moment.

I presume he's not gonna have an hair transplant for the time being but he's seriously considering it. He said it's more about his public image because he wants to referee in the higher football leagues where the image counts more. I gave him Collina and Webb as examples of top refs being bald.

I also told him about minoxidil, propecia, and the possibility of the future use of stem cells as a treatment. He didn't like the idea of being a hostage to minoxidil and propecia for life, so he's not interested in those treatments.

I didn't know what else I should tell him...

I think you did all you could, you took his enquiry much better than i would. My stock in trade response to any enquiry into my hair such as 'are you receding?' or 'your starting to go up there' is in no uncertain terms 'f*** off' so in that respect I think you were very supportive and understading!. Besides what you told him theres nothing else he can do, so he now has to figure where he wants to go with it.

I think regards women its pot luck, I once had a girlfriend who left pretty quick when she discovered I was receding, but then, I was a psychological mess and I did physically deteriorate, I went from being tanned, cut with a full head of stylish hair to putting on 28lbs of fat, I became a recluse, ate a poor diet, and was now pale with uncontrollable hair, its fair to say that I had ceased to be as physically attractive as I was when I met her and also I had become a nightmare to be around with mood swings and depression. As she was very beautiful and in the prime of life, it was understandable when the party was over!. Some girls would have stuck with me and helped me get through, she didnt, and i cant blame her for that. However Ive since recovered and been with other girls who were also attractive and on the most part never even noticed my hair loss, and when some did they could care less and things eventually ended for non hair related reasons! I say your buddy needs to have a think and work out what route he is going down but generally so long as he keeps his sh*t together in life, then whatever he decides to do with his hair he will be fine.

 

[virtuality]

But, he is in the "20-something" age range, and from what I recall, most women tend to be quite superficial during those years. Marriage is not something that typically lasts for more than a few years for most couples who wed during that period of their lives. Here in the US, I know its something like an 80% divorce rate.

I've been guilty of it myself as well. In my 20s I had 3 long term relationships with very good girls but I always knew that I was gonna sooner or later walk away and I did. I never married, but splitting after 6 years of a relationship in my book is almost the same as a divorce. At least it felt like a very messy divorce.

I'm not sure if there is a romantic in me, but I always believed that I would meet someone and stay with her through thick and thin and I'd expect her to do the same for me. TBH, the women I was with, they were very supportive in my darkest hour and I don't think they would've left me if it wasn't for the way I behaved.

I have faith in women, and I don't think a 30+yo woman would dump her partner unless there is something seriously wrong with the relationship.

 

[CaptainForehead]

Man in space, why were you a psychological mess?

 

[Man in Space]

CF, l had lot of trouble in my family circumstances coupled with an unfortunate series of events with the development of my career. For whatever reasons, watching my hairline disappearing was only compounding the sense of helplessness!

 

[s.a.f]

I've been guilty of it myself as well. In my 20s I had 3 long term relationships with very good girls but I always knew that I was gonna sooner or later walk away and I did. I never married, but splitting after 6 years of a relationship in my book is almost the same as a divorce. At least it felt like a very messy divorce.

I'm not sure if there is a romantic in me, but I always believed that I would meet someone and stay with her through thick and thin and I'd expect her to do the same for me. TBH, the women I was with, they were very supportive in my darkest hour and I don't think they would've left me if it wasn't for the way I behaved.

I have faith in women, and I don't think a 30+yo woman would dump her partner unless there is something seriously wrong with the relationship.

Guys we've all been brought up on the notion that we 'should' settle down, get married and have kids. My question is:
'Says who'?
This is just societies stereotypical plan, why should we believe that every person is the same and wants the same path in life? The world is a different place now than for our parents/grandparents generation.
I know for a fact that I have no desire to be living every day for the rest of my life with any 1 woman. It would drive me mad and who wants to eat the same meal everynight for the rest of their lives (if you know what I mean).
I love my freedom too much, and I dont want to gamble investing everything in something that judging by current statistics is sooner or later going to fail.

There is no 'The one' out there waiting for you.

 

[virtuality]

I used to think the same way as you do, but something in me has changed.

I don't want to sound as if I'm depressed and I have no life, but I'm mentally tired and I do want to settle down and have a best friend. Until then, I'm all open to the idea of having one night stands and the rest, but I don't have the energy to make an effort to get one night stands.

Getting into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship is very easy, there are a few girls interested in me, one of them texts me every single day and she's got above the average looks but she's too stupid for me. If she had half a brain, I'd be with her.

Also, most women are different than men, they have a biological clock and they all want to settle down and have kids with the right person, so it's very natural to want to settle down.

I have read your previous posts on the subject, I might have even replied to a few of them. I'm not sure where I stand on the social conditioning vs nature argument. The fact is, as it stands, with most of our behaviour, it's impossible to know how much of it is social conditioning or natural. We can't put a group of babies in isolation and observe their development, it just wouldn't be ethical.

On other hand, I do concede that most of our behaviour is learnt behaviour, and I believe it's part of our natural selection or evolution. We are social animals, we live in packs (aka society) and the good of the pack is also for the good of the individual. We also HAVE TO look after our offspring. If we didn't have that nurturing environment for the newborns , we would be going backwards in the evolution chain.

Have you read "Freakonomics"? The author attributes the drop in the US crime rate to the abortion law changes that resulted in less unwanted kids on the streets. I'm not saying "less unwanted kids" is the only reason why the crime rate went down, but the theory kinda makes sense. I'm just trying to emphasise my point here, kids (the humankind) need a stable environment. Unfortunately for men, it's usually women that enforce that nature's instinct, ie they have the final say in who they have sex with.

I'm gonna contradict with myself now, most of the societies in the World are still patriarchal societies and it's not the woman that chooses her future partner, it's the man that chooses who he marries. I believe that in the societies that are more liberal it's more likely that the woman will make the choice.

 

[uncomfortable man]

You should have told your friend that with any hair transplant comes a propecia regimen.