38-year-old, non-balding, non-troll, but sick and tired of the prejudice...

77NJ

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Please, before anyone here thinks otherwise, let me just introduce myself as someone who truly sympathizes with those who are dealing with hair loss. I am certainly not intending to be a "troll" on here, so I just wanted to put that out there, right off the bat.

Two of my best friends in this life have struggled with hair loss. My best friend growing up started seriously losing his hair in the 7th grade, he was only about 13 years old, if you can imagine that. I remember vividly, he had to go to a fancy hairdresser to get a haircut designed to try to make his hair look more dense, and this was when he was only 13. What a tough time he went through. Knowing what I know now, I wish I had been more supportive back then. I never, ever made fun of him or even made light of it - but at the same time, I didn't have the capacity of maturity back then to truly sympathize.

My very good friend nowadays has also struggled with hair loss. He is in his mid 40s now, but his hair loss has really taken a toll on his confidence and his overall outlook on life. I love the guy, he is such a great guy to hang out with and a wonderful friend, and I just wish he never had to deal with this in life.

Anyway, so far in my life (and who knows what the future holds), I have not had to deal with hair loss. This is not something I take for granted, I can tell you that. I know how difficult the struggle can be, and I have seen the toll it takes, believe me.

So, what compelled me to join here, I am sure you are wondering?

In short, I've seen so much prejudice against balding men, that I am just flat-out pissed off about it, and I feel like venting and "calling out" some of the women out there.

Lately, as I approach 40, there has been a very noticeable change in the way I am treated by women my age. I get *a lot* more attention, many more compliments than in years past, and this is coming from a guy who *literally* got close to zero attention from women in my younger days, in my teens, throughout my 20s, and into my earlier 30s.

I have gotten the "compliment" several times in the last year or two from women: "you are aging well." "I think you have actually gotten better looking as you got older."

Believe it or not, this ****ing outrages me!

Yeah, you know why they are saying that? Because - and *only* because - I am not losing my hair!

And I'm also thinking: so exactly where the **** were you back when I really eeded you? Back when you ignored me completely? I'm married with children now, and I need your "compliments" like I need a hole in the head at this stage... so thanks for nothing!

I haven't gotten better looking. I am certainly no more handsome or anything like that. I am the same, and if anything, I just look older and more weathered and used up.

It is just the simple fact that others in my age group look "worse" to them, due to various degrees of hair loss that many men my age are dealing with.

Anyway, again, I am not trolling here, not bragging, by any means! I just get ****ing outraged that many women out there aren't even in touch with their own prejudices enough to realize what they are doing, or what their own motivations even are...
 

whatevr

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And the same way that you keeping your hair into your 40s puts you at a higher social standing compared to the average male, so does losing one's hair in your late teens put one at the bottom of the pile in an age group where the majority have great hair.

Anyone who says otherwise is a prick, so your honesty is appreciated here.
 

uncomfortable man

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Im 41 and have been nw5 since 22. And I first must note how rare it is that a fullhead can sympathise with our situation so much so that you not only recognize the injustice, but are angered by it. Very affriming and reasuring to hear this refreshing stance!

If anything, going bald has opened my eyes to just how shallow people really are... after all the pc bull**** thats spewn baldness reveals the truth of human nature. So its good to know that there are people out there who are unaffected by the social stigma and actually consider bald people real human beings with working feelings and emotions... remarkable!
 

77NJ

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Thanks!

A lot of my anger about it comes from the fact that I have never been a particularly handsome guy, and women have always totally ignored me. I've always kept in good shape, but my face is not handsome, my skin is pale and freckled in places. And now it is *hair*, of all things, that changes anything, now that I'm almost 40?! As if I am just going to somehow forget the way I was treated the first 36 or so years of my life?

Here is what I think: above all other things, what women want in a man is to be able to "brag about" him to other women. When you're "ugly" or bald, you're of no value to a woman, since they want a guy they can show off in their woman-vs-woman competition in life...
 

SayifDoit

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What a ****ing life living until 38 and still a complete full head of hair, honestly every time I look at my hair, I can only hope that somehow it will just stop receding. Nothing would make me happier if it stopped. Then I wouldn't have to look in the mirror everyday. The next 5 years my hair will become a thin mess,
 

EvilLocks

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I would give up everything I own to reach 38 with a full head of hair.
 

77NJ

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My hair is not "good" hair whatsoever, trust me. Which is what makes it even more obvious that simply falling in the "not balding" category is all that really matters to women - it doesn't even matter if you hair doesn't look good to them, as long as it is there. This fact even shows how shallow everything really is with women: check the box next to "not balding," and that is the metric. I've honestly got some unattractive hair. It is coarse and wavy and reddish brown, looks like crap - which I think actually proves our points even more so.
 

77NJ

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I absolutely agree! It is all about ticking a box. The "not balding" box. As much of a basket case as I am to look at, I am living proof of this as I approach 40. I always felt this was so, but now I am actually seeing it with my own eyes, through my own experience. The shallowness just blows me away - it is outrageous.
 

Swoop

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That's what I've been saying here too. Some members insists on the aesthetic impact of balding. Sure baldness makes you look less attractive than if you had kept your hair.

But it's not the most important issue that balding or baldness brings. If a woman doesn't find a bald man attractive, she will not say: "hey he's ugly". What do you think she's going to say?

That's right, "hey, he's bald!" That's what matters to her here, we all know there are plenty of bald men who remain attractive to women (I like to think I was one of them).

What I mean is that it wasn't game over for me with the ladies when I was bald. I was tall, I had a good head shape, and features that went well with the bald look.

Girls still found me attractive, but they later mentioned my baldness as the reason they couldn't be with me. It's all about ticking a box, uncomfortable explained this a few years ago too.

Someone posted a picture of an attractive bald man (no, that's not an oxymoron :p) and an average guy with hair. The guy with hair wins, every time. Why? Because he's not bald.

And it's not about being attractive, it's important, but looking normal is even more important.

Beauty hardly matters if you don't even look normal. Well, the girl is going to reject you later, when her female friends will have asked her how she can be going out with a bald loser.

I remember the article about Adele's bodyguard. A lot of girls in the comments were just saying "Attractive? Impossible, girls, can't you see he's bald?!"

I used this to my advantage with my FUE. I shave my head and I make people believe I have hair, so women now tick the box by default. While still asking me while I don't grow it out sometimes.

Well it plays both a role. It's also the degree of balding and what age though. Look the kid who is NW3 at the age of 18 is far more severe than the NW3 guy at 38 years old. Why? Well obviously because the prevalence of balding is way higher at a older age than it is at a young age.

Both will have to deal with the fact that going bald makes an impact on your aesthetics (in almost every human being). However the young kid will also have to deal that at such a young age such a degree of balding is not prevalent at all. So because of that he won't be considered "normal". So the impact for the kid will be way higher.
 

John McClane

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Thanks!

Here is what I think: above all other things, what women want in a man is to be able to "brag about" him to other women.

This is very true.
I never had problems with girls, but after I started to follow the advice of a friend of mine saying to the girls I approached in clubs and bars that I was a model the time from the approach itself to the bed has been shortened immensely.
Why? Because they could brag with their friends about they had sex with a model after, like if this put them in a higher position.
And this is not related only to looks, but also on other aspects that contribute to create a man's value, like social position and money.
Women simply likes valuable men.
Obviously I'm talking about sex attraction, with love is a whole other story.

Regarding baldness, I must admit I never thought it could be so mentally devastating, but now that I'm experiencing it even if indirectly through my girlfriend I can see it (for a girl is 10 times worse though).
However, I think this is most a psychological problem, especially for a young guy.
Being bald makes you less attractive, but less attractive doesn't mean ugly. Hair loss sucks, but many men lose their hair soon or later.
The most important part is how you react.
It's normal to be sad and angry initially, but you must not lose the perception of your life.
You can still have an happy life working and improving what you can control.
I have plenty of friends who are bald and all of them live a normal life: they have a job, a girlfriend, they go out, attend social events etc.
I never asked them about their baldness, but I think none of them is happy to be bald and would like to have his hair back, but almost everyone has regrets.

About the OP and the compliments for aging well, for sure having hair is a good bonus because hair loss is the most common sign of aging in men, but sometimes is not so imperative.
I watched a movie with Jason Statham from 1998 a couple of days ago, and the guy was pretty much the same of today except for his hair (but it was already semi-bald), for me he has aged well.



Or this guy.

filipp%20nigro--320x213.jpg



How old is he in your opinion?

As you can see, there are always exceptions.
 

Funkymonk1

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I've always said that women are just as shallow as men, the difference is that women like to pretend that they're not. It makes me cringe when girls say things like "I prefer a guy who can make me laugh to a good looking guy." Yeah right!
Also, girls also seem to be attracted to arrogant, cocky guys which is something else they deny.
 

Rudiger

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"Realists" on here - "women are so full of **** pretending they only care about personality- at least be honest!"

So then when women like guys because of obvious reasons like having hair and good facial features. "Realists" response? "how dare b****s be so superficial!"

Facing up to reality is the fact that women are superficial, so are guys, why's everyone getting so angry about it? They can like guys with hair if they want, they can appreciate a guy with a full head of hair who is nearly 40, if you boil down what OP's angry about there's actually nothing there.

What do people expect for women not to be hypocrites? Do you want women openly admitting "I preferably really like hot guys with hot bodies but will settle for however realistically close I can get to that" yeah because guys are smart enough to look that insensitive as well!

Look what OP is saying here, he's pissed off that women are so superficial now when he can't **** them because of being tied down, and he missed out on the days when he could've ****ed them and given into the same superficial urges that he and everyone else has. So why are they such b****s for simply being human?

*I'll point out that OP claims this is only partly the reason he's pissed off, the main one being that he's pissed off women are so superficial for not liking bald guys. I mean I don't really buy it, I think the frustration is like 90% of what he missed out on when he was young and before marriage and children, the sympathy towards the baldness cause is a tiny part of the anger here.
 

kmm179

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I vote the OP takes one for the baldites by contracting a bunch of STDs and sleeping with these bald hating women.
 

Dench57

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Facing up to reality is the fact that women are superficial, so are guys, why's everyone getting so angry about it?

You must be new around here.
 

Funkymonk1

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They're attracted to these guys because they're good-looking and can get away with being cocky and arrogant.

In some cases this is true but I've also seen some guys who are nothing to look at but act like they are gods gift to women and consequently the girls are all googly eyed around them. It seems you can be ugly and a dick and still get the girls (but if you're bald you've got no chance ;-))!
 

Rudiger

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Yeah, don't we all like those extrovert assholes? They're pretty fun to hang out with.

That doesn't mean we are having sex with them. They don't f-ck any of these googly-eyed girls.

I call that a false positive. "Wow, that guy has plenty of girls laughing around him, he must be banging them all!"

No, not really. That kind of guy often doesn't get any. While the quiet guy in the background often leaves with the prize.

This is very rarely true, only if the extrovert is a total idiot, or he's really uncomfortable with intimacy/one-on-one chat, or if he has problems in the bedroom.

But really, extroverts that are smart enough socially won't have the intimacy issue, if he's comfortable enough to be the centre of attention in a group situation he'll at the very least be able to fake it in a one-on-one chat. At least for a one night stand anyway- there's plenty of extroverts who can't hold any meaningful relationship because outside of being able to make people laugh, they're as deep as a puddle. But that's a different topic.

The main thing though is that those extroverts instantly create options in every social situation, whereas the quiet guy does not. A handsome quiet guy (let's say a realistic, 7 or 8 out of 10 guy) may be fancied instantly by half of females, but if he's not out there making himself known, they won't come to him. His options are limited, and when the chance to actually walk away with the prize comes, there could be any problem with the female getting in the way (she doesn't put out easy, has a boyfriend, etc.), and quiet guy goes back in his shell.

The extrovert? A problem with one female happens- I'll just try one of the other 6 that have been laughing at my jokes all night.

I know this from my mood swings constantly putting me on both ends of the spectrum, and my past years of social anxiety can creep up on me on a night out and make me feel like I don't want to be there, whereas if for whatever reason I'm in a merry mood and being somewhat extroverted and outgoing, the options present themselves without even having to try.
 

BrianH

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I think it's hilarious how extrovert assholes was brought up - amd it is assumed they get all the attention. How do I know? I was the guy who was going out of his way to be center of attention, plus I was good looking with a very athletic build so life was too easy .. Girls would come up to me at bars I didn't know, at work, hell even guys would and compliment my good looks. Now why I am I saying that... Because I started losing my hair at the age of 24 which is when I graduated college, and I have been In life slump sense. I rarely go out, am single, 28, and avoid people that I know from growing up so they don't see my balding. The introvert / extrovert is so dam true I lived it, I would tell people my strength was in my hair like biblical Sampson lol. Confidence went out the window now hello introvert life in the shadows. while I'm on the subject does anyone know a top hair transplant ? If my hairline goes any farther back I'll look like Peyton manning (head shape)
 

big_head

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Thanks for understanding, man. Most men in your position wouldn't. The worst part of your story is about the opportunistic harpies who zero in on any guy that looks good and young for their age bracket. Why? Women want to "feel young" and show off the guy they can get. Especially if he's married.

Do us all a favor and drop some passive aggressive remarks about them looking their age. Make it very vague like "You've definitely matured well!". That **** gets in their head for weeks.
 

Joan

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Thanks for understanding, man. Most men in your position wouldn't. The worst part of your story is about the opportunistic harpies who zero in on any guy that looks good and young for their age bracket. Why? Women want to "feel young" and show off the guy they can get. Especially if he's married.

Do us all a favor and drop some passive aggressive remarks about them looking their age. Make it very vague like "You've definitely matured well!". That **** gets in their head for weeks.

If you really want to ruin a woman's day, call her ma'am instead of miss. I hate that, but it'd be even worse for younger women.
 
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