Severely Depressed. Left Temple Receeded Badly, Hairline Takes A Hit Too.

loner67

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Hello everyone, I've been a reader here for some time on and off. Since the start of 2018, I've been very dissatisfied with my hair, to the point that I developed OCD and began taking photos everyday as I became paranoid about hair loss. I'll try to be short. Well actually, I can't, sorry. I hope you'll have the patience to read this.
- Around the age 17 to 18 my temples started to receede/mature further, but they were never really full.
- I let my hair grow in 2016(I was 20, now 23) and after one year I began tying it very tight in order to not get any unwanted wild hairs show around.
- I believe this is when I started to notice that my left temple was receeding. In fact, it was receeding for some time along with a small portion of my hairline on the left side, but I guess I wasn't paying attention. One of my theories is that I stressed my hair too much. During this period I was shedding a lot of hairs, my pillow was full of long hairs. There was long hairs everywhere on the floor.
- I cut my hair short in August 2017, and was content for some months. However, when I got myself another haircut before Christmas eve, I became paranoid about my left temple again. It felt as if it was receeding further.
- 2018 meant the beggining of my problems. I was constantly worried about my hair.
- in April 2018 I went through a shed(if you can call it that) again. I used to shed hairs in the shower and my hair wasn't even long anymore. When I was styling my hair I used to get like 20 hairs if I wanted to, without pulling them hard. I also had dandruff, I've always had dandruff if I recall it well, but nothing serious. Only used commercial shampoos like Head&Shoulders and after that I've read about ingredients like SLS that they might hard the hair.
- On 12th of July I bought Proscar after not being able to find Finasteride at the moment(pharmaceutist said that I have to order it).
- Maybe it was a mitake taking a full pill(which I wasn't aware of the first time) a day which was maybe too much of a dose. I didn't buy anything else after I finished the 28 pills.

- In the middle of July I bought Minoxidil for Beard(while I was taking Proscar) if it's worth mentioning. Used it for 6 months, saw results around the 2nd month, Stopped after I finished the last bottle as I had some small problems(was paranoid that it messed up with my heart a bit, also got unwanted hair growth. The heart palpitations stopped after like two-three weeks I think). I'm also wondering if it might have caused some of my hairs to become dependent on it since it has absorsed systematically? I also applied it as high as the sideburns for the beard, and now I noticed that I get those minoxidil like hairs that keep on falling from my sideburns.
- Since November, my scalp condition has gotten worse, to the point where it's unbearable. The dandruff has never been so bad, it's everywhere and oily-like. I get a bad itching sensation mainly on the left side where it was receeded, along with the front hairline and the middle. Besides this, I sometimes get the feeling of shivers as I can literally feel the hairs on the top of my head. Also shivers down the skin.
- Sometimes my scalp feels swollen in certain areas in the top, and it hurts when touching.
- I get a smell of wet dog if I run my fingers deep in my scalp, sort of. Very unpleasent.
- My scalp is also in pain, my hair "hurts" when I pull it or move it, only in certain parts.
- Since the summer, I have used many different shampoos(some in the hope to stop the hair shedding, others in hope of treating my dandruff, which was never this serious!). I used Alpecin, Parusan, Ketodar(ketoconazole), Revalid. Unfortunately, Nizoral is not for sale here but I'll try to buy it online(Nizoral was my #1 target anyways).
- I thought about shaving my head completely in hopes of getting rid of the dandruff and itching but I doubt it will go away without any treatment. Besides, I don't want to go bald right before the warm season is coming(should've done it in November)because my hair grows very slow and also, I might not be able to track anything that receedes.
 

loner67

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Some additional information about me:
- I'm a type 1 diabetic(if it matters), not in the best shape right now(I'm skinny to the point that I look sick) and I don't feel too well. Blood sugars weren't that great.
- Diagnosed with severe depression, it has haunted my for about 3 years but now it got worse. I was already worried about other things in my life and now the hair is another worry.
- I can't be in peace with everything, including my disease. It has been 11 years and I still haven't accepted it. I will most likely not accept baldness too.
- I don't have a social circle at the moment which can only do me more harm
- Lately I'm already believing that I might go bald and I'll have no chance of finding anyone to like me phyisically(as I always see the worst before there's anything good, in every case) but at the same time I'm denying it. Well, I was in denial for a long time but now I know that I need to act.
- I've been addicted to masturbation since 14(sometimes I would do it 5-6 times a day to the point that my penis is sore or hurts, also had little to no sperm left). I'm still not recovered, but lately I went easier.
- Feeling anxious and suicidal almost every day, not taking anything for it. I'm currently not employed or in college as my overall health(physical and mental) are not good.
- In 2018, I've been abusing alcohol for about 6 months, I used to drink alone quite often to the point where I would feel sick. Not anymore.
- I used to smoke in the same period, not anymore.
- I might be defficient in something
- Been losing nights for years, lack of sleep to the point that I can't focus anymore.
- Had blood tests last year in April for some stuff, also including Testosterone. Can post back if needed.

I started proscar again, but I'm in doubts. I'm paranoid all the time before starting anything. I'm scared about the side effects. The last time, when I took a full pill a day, I didn't really have any side effects, but now I'm on 9th day, and the first week my penis was literally dead(not that my erection was the best, I was actually struggling a lot, but I guess it's due to overdoing it, also due to the cold I had recently).
I'm also not sure if I want to commit to minoxidil, if possible ever... Because I'm already commited to taking insulin quite often and it's already something stressfull for me. If anything, I thought about using foam and applying on temples and hairline, but I'm scared of using it on the top due to the thoght of making some healthy hairs become dependent(if I have any healthy hairs left). I've thinking about using oils/vitamins but I know that most of them don't do magic and might only lose me time.
 

loner67

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Now, related to my hairline. I became insecure about my left temple as it continued to receed during 2018 while the right one was left normal(something due to the position of my hairline on the right side I could pull off a NW0-1 look to the right side). Lately, I noticed that my right temple receeded too, but nothing serious.
However, the problem on my left side got worse when it went upwards, to the hairline, also a bit to the front hairline. In the meantime, I noticed that I lost some density at top.
I'm now struggling to cover my left side as I have to pull hair from the middle sometimes and I'm also stressed that I might lose those hairs because I keep forcing them to stay in certain ways.
I know it's not possible to get everything back, but the first step would be to maintain, but also... I would like to know if there is any chance to recover some of these miniaturizing hairs. If I could fill my left side as little as I could for now it would help me calm down.

October 1st, 2018
https://i.imgur.com/5BwLTMd.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/G99yYwG.jpg
October 4th, 2018
https://i.imgur.com/nERe2IL.jpg wet hair
https://i.imgur.com/h1pHIzM.jpg hairline
https://i.imgur.com/5LwilMe.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/RmBoLLN.jpg - top view, showing density
https://i.imgur.com/GjbCEAk.jpg - hair tied, showing hairline recession, miniaturized hair.
Middle of November
https://i.imgur.com/bTcqHnQ.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/vr10I9C.jpg
December 21st - showing miniturization
https://i.imgur.com/WtMRn13.jpg
December 22nd - front
https://i.imgur.com/7xDDkd0.jpg
December 25th
https://i.imgur.com/6zOubR6.jpg
December 31st - hairline
https://i.imgur.com/XbJWaem.jpg
January 10th
https://i.imgur.com/AwBzD3F.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/bR2qLDe.jpg - wet hair
Pics made in the last 4 days
https://i.imgur.com/odsnPAe.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/1ZOOAqU.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/mR12p1v.jpg
 

Hairs45

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you still have some good thick hair.

Take Finasateride, it will help you keep your hair. You will also stop worrying about hair loss and that will help you with the depression, anxiety and worrying. This medication will also help you with in stopping your masturbation addiction.
 

Ikarus

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Masturbating 5 to 6 times a day...? I don't understand how people do that, it's like trying to milk a dead cow... With how your hair is currently, you could definitely get your hairline back to an NW0 using Spironolactone.
 
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