I Don't Know What To Think, And It's Making Me Miserable

[couldbebetter]

I've been using Minoxodil for a year now, and I have no idea if it's helped. I suppose I should have taken pictures. I'm a diffuse thinner and somewhere around NW2

My hair has definitely changed. A year ago it was noticeably paler on top - light brown contrasted with the dark brown hair on the sides. Now it's the same colour, and each strand is somewhat thicker than I remember. The hairs - even the shitty little ones - are thicker and darker.

However, I don't know if it's thicker or thinner overall than it was a year ago. It's definitely healthier, but that only goes so far. I sometimes think that my hairline - on one side at least - has made a bit of a comeback. The past few days I've been having really bad hair days - my scalp practically glows pink in direct sunlight, and the hair on top looks dry and brittle. Sometimes I'll feel okay, and then I'll look at my hair from another angle and it'll look weird. Just a few days ago I was feeling really positive and thought I looked good. I don't know if I've suddenly lost a ton of hair, or if I'm doing something different or what, but it's driving me mad - I'm feeling pretty miserable.

It doesn't help that my scalp feels sore, and it's gone all red/pink. That happens sometimes, it usually just lasts for a couple of days so I'm hoping it'll pass soon.

Do you guys sometimes go mad and shine a light on your head to see your scalp? Like I know that it's unlikely that I'd ever be subjected to that sort of direct light, and even the hair on the sides can look pretty thin when I do that - but I can't help it. I feel amazing when my hair looks good even under that light, but as soon as I see a thin patch I feel miserable.

I don't even know if I'm losing more or less hair. I used to rip out a lot of hair when combing - it'd get pretty tangled and was generally unpleasant. I recently got it cut short, and I've found that the amount of hair I'm losing has reduced dramatically. I guess a lot of my hair loss was due to combing? I don't find my pillow covered in hairs, after all.

I don't really have a question. I don't want to start finasteride or anything like that, and I don't want to stop Minoxodil because it might be helping. Even so, I don't know if it's helping enough to justify even getting it. I don't know what to do, or think, or feel. I've been really good for months but now I'm telling myself I'm disgusting again, and spiralling ever deeper into the pit of self-loathing that I spent so long clawing my way out of. I look at pictures of other guys my age - early-mid 20s - and I see a bunch of them have varying degrees of hair loss. That makes me feel better, like I'm not such a freak, but I still hate seeing myself in the mirror.

 

[PappinAce]

I don't really have a question. I don't want to start finasteride or anything like that, and I don't want to stop Minoxodil because it might be helping. Even so, I don't know if it's helping enough to justify even getting it. I don't know what to do, or think, or feel. I've been really good for months but now I'm telling myself I'm disgusting again, and spiralling ever deeper into the pit of self-loathing that I spent so long clawing my way out of. I look at pictures of other guys my age - early-mid 20s - and I see a bunch of them have varying degrees of hair loss. That makes me feel better, like I'm not such a freak, but I still hate seeing myself in the mirror.

I know it's a very difficult thing to deal with, but you're doing it right. You probably feel like you can never live the life you want without your hair, right? You feel like a shell of your former self, and the things you used to find meaningful no longer have that much meaning?

Keep reminding yourself that hair loss in your 20s is more normal than you think. The 30 year old NW1s are the LUCKY ones, not the norm. Nobody said you would be lucky.

Do you guys sometimes go mad and shine a light on your head to see your scalp? Like I know that it's unlikely that I'd ever be subjected to that sort of direct light, and even the hair on the sides can look pretty thin when I do that - but I can't help it. I feel amazing when my hair looks good even under that light, but as soon as I see a thin patch I feel miserable.

I used to take pictures of my scalp under natural light nearly every day. It was consuming me and I felt like sh*t. Ever since I stopped obsessing I feel a lot better. Trust me.

 

[couldbebetter]

I know it's a very difficult thing to deal with, but you're doing it right. You probably feel like you can never live the life you want without your hair, right? You feel like a shell of your former self, and the things you used to find meaningful no longer have that much meaning?

Keep reminding yourself that hair loss in your 20s is more normal than you think. The 30 year old NW1s are the LUCKY ones, not the norm. Nobody said you would be lucky.



I used to take pictures of my scalp under natural light nearly every day. It was consuming me and I felt like sh*t. Ever since I stopped obsessing I feel a lot better. Trust me.

I feel like if I had my hair, I'd be happy. I've always been a miserable person and I've got a few health issues. Crumbling away on the inside is one thing, but feeling like people can see me deteriorate makes it worse.

When I'm on a good streak, like I'll go a few days with good hair, I don't obsess over it. When I have a bad day, though, I know it's going to be followed by days or even weeks of obsessing over it. I've gotten better. I used to spend hours just freaking out. I wore a beanie every day for over a year. I got my hair cut short-ish a few months back and broke that streak by not wearing it for a single day - which was massive progress for me. More recently I got it cut even shorter, and haven't worn my beanie since then. I've wanted to, but it doesn't look very go with short hair, so I force myself to not wear it. Under normal lighting my hair looks... okay? In direct sunlight it usually looks pretty bad, but it doesn't take all that much to make it look almost as bad on the sides. I'm stuck in a loop of "it's not that bad because X" and "it's worse than I think because Y."

My brother is several years older than I am, and has lost his hair at roughly the same rate. Sucks that I got to lose mine at a younger age than him, but hey. He, as far as I know, isn't doing anything to combat his hair loss. I can see his hair is a bit thinner than mine, and it's super pale and wispy. A few months into using minoxodil I saw my hair at the root was becoming much darker and healthier - it's just a shame that it doesn't seem to have progressed much beyond that. I have a bunch of thinner, shorter hairs along my hairline that I'm willing to grow into full hairs. There's a lot of them, and they're all the same length, and they've been there for months, but I guess they get to a certain length and then just drop out.

Thanks for your words. Whenever I go to the barbers I ask about young guys with hair loss, and they tell me they see plenty. Hell, half of them aren't much older than I am and they're balding themselves. Even so, I can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow defective. For all the other guys who are losing their hair, that's just a thing that happens. It's normal, it's natural, and it doesn't look too bad on them. For me, though, it's conformation that I'm some sort of goblin - some subhuman creature that doesn't have the genetic fortitude of everybody else. I know it's stupid, but my brain won't let me think anything else.

Get on finasteride if you want to keep your hair. Minoxidil doesn't work for some people.

Well, I don't know if it's working or not. It's doing something, that's for certain, but I can't decide if it's enough. Maybe finasteride would help, but I have financial and medical concerns that would preclude me from getting it.