My guess is, because you're on this site and because your thinking automatically went where it did.... You will react exactly the same way that swingline did. Probably worse.
I feel you totally. Finding motivation to face another day, another week, heck, even another year doing the same old lonely sh*t is very hard.
Alcohol helps.
It just seems as though it was written by a guy heavily concerned about developing his own "island" of hair at the forelock.
I've never hear 14-15 year olds mention an island at the front of a middle aged man's head.