What Do You Want/how Do You Define Success/a Good Life? How Does Hairloss Stop You Achieving It?

cocohot

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Two questions in the title.
 

Afro_Vacancy

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I have two goals:

- Raise a family;
- Impactful career in astronomy;

Hair loss makes it harder to raise a family first of all it makes me unattractive and gives me anxiety, second it's a sink of time and a cognitive tax to research and apply hair loss treatments. As a cognitive tax it may also be impacting me professionally.
 

cocohot

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I have two goals:

- Raise a family;
- Impactful career in astronomy;

Hair loss makes it harder to raise a family first of all it makes me unattractive and gives me anxiety, second it's a sink of time and a cognitive tax to research and apply hair loss treatments. As a cognitive tax it may also be impacting me professionally.

Travel to India or whatever country your immigrant ancestors are from and make it there. Your problem is you are bottom of the list for white women.
 

Afro_Vacancy

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Travel to India or whatever country your immigrant ancestors are from and make it there. Your problem is you are bottom of the list for white women.

Cannot make it in Morocco and Tunisia.

Maybe Israel.
 

buckthorn

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Two questions in the title.

to be completely humble, have entirely dissolved the ego and have learned to live a productive, sustainable life in the forest around family and friends.
 

KO21

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In short, I want to be healthy and happy. Being happy is pretty much my definition of success.

Hairloss prevents me from having a healthy mind as it is and has been plagued by my balding for a while now. Which in turn prevents me from being happy.

I can't do anything anymore without having my hair / being able to wear a hat on my mind.
 

I.D WALKER

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Cure Androgenetic Alopecia, then we'll talk.

If that doesn't pan out I may look into Sufi whirling.
 

Exodus2011

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The novel is about two lovers who go on the run for a crime they committed by mistake. And it followers the runaway lovers and those who try to stop them.

I'm also working on a collection of fairy tales written for adults with a dark and gothic theme.
are they gonna be her past bald suitors who failed and are jealous? :)

sounds interesting, and i love fairy tales, dark edgy versions are great. pan's labyrinth is kinda like that and thats one of my most closely held top films of all time. other than your lean towards blue pillism i feel we could really get along lol.
 

Notcoolanymore

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I'm also working on a collection of fairy tales written for adults with a dark and gothic theme.

Let us know when you get those published. It has been a while since I've read a good adult book.
 
D

DBW

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I only really have one life goal and that's to be happy. From experience, the two things that make me happiest are being in good health (this includes an acceptable level of attractiveness, not least because unattractiveness is often associated with wider health issues - there is strong evidence, for example, that those who go bald young are more likely than those who don't to develop prostate and heart problems) and succeeding both socially and romantically. Money doesn't do it for me, I'd want enough to be comfortable, to live in a half-decent neighbourhood with a low crime rate, but I don't need to be driving a Lamborghini - a second hand Porsche would do just fine! ;) I'd like a job I don't hate which has just enough prestige so that most people won't think badly of me for doing it. But yeah, it's the social and romantic stuff that's really important. To be liked by most people, to be invited out to things and then genuinely enjoy them once there, to share 'banter', to laugh and get along with people, to feel freakin' 'present' in a social interaction, not just passively on the outside looking in. Romantically, it's pretty much the same. Ideally, I'd like to meet a girl, fall in love and have us spend the rest of our lives together, though I'm not naïve enough to believe that this is really all that attainable a fantasy even *shock horror* for fullheads ;) Most relationships don't last the test of time and even in those that do, the 'spark' tends to wane. Given this, I may well be happier just bouncing from one 2-3 year engagement to another, hanging around 'till the love starts to go and then buggering off in search of it elsewhere.

Hairloss' relation to the above is complicated. In all honesty, the social stuff has been something I've struggled with since forever. I have pretty bad social anxiety, OCD tendencies as well as a form of mild Asperger's, all of which made it difficult to really connect with people even with a full head of hair. That said, those problems, with a lot of effort, could have been partially worked around or at least mitigated. Hairloss can't***, and of course, it also made my anxiety a whole lot worse, to the extent that I now have difficulty leaving my bedroom. This, in turn, starts to impact, not only my social life, but also my job prospects, I question the point in even trying - what's the point in working my arse off for a good degree? I'm still going to be miserable whatever my salary. A £100K a year income isn't magically going to make people like me or I like them - I'm still going to be lonely and disfigured. Health/positive body image and a good social and romantic life are prerequisites to my happiness, they're the foundation upon which everything else is built and without them the rest is just meaningless. Hairloss all but obliterates my chances romantically, I'm not saying I can't get a girlfriend, in all honesty I probably still could (even with my other problems, including a full-blown disfigurement). The problem is that it would require literally unfeasible volumes of effort, countless rejections and humiliation, all for a girl I most likely would not be attracted to. That's a problem. I've been in relationships where there wasn't much attraction before and they were terrible, worse than being single in fact. Furthermore, even if, by some miracle, I did actually succeed in locking down a girl of real quality, the pressure and stress of trying to keep her (as a significantly less attractive partner) would be unbearable. Relationships just can't function with those kinds of aesthetic asymmetries, she'd always be thinking that she could do better, worrying that she was settling, whilst I'd constantly be expecting her to breakup with me - they'd be no sense of security.

I want to be quite clear here though, I don't blame women for this - if I was a girl, I wouldn't be interested in me either. I also want to explain the ***'s in the above paragraph. Those asterisks are there because contrary to what some people on this forum would have you believe, there ARE things a person can do to fight hairloss, and I'm not just talking about medication. Prosthetic solutions like concealers and hair pieces really do have some merits. I wore a piece for a few months last Winter and whilst it certainly wasn't a panacea, It was better than being bald. The only reason I stopped wearing it is because I became disfigured via some undocumented side effects of a medication I was taking, to the extent that even with a full head of hair I would still be undateable. Wearing a piece has, as David would put it, a significant 'cognitive tax'; I saw no point incurring it for little to no pay off. But for guys for whom hairloss is their only aesthetic stymie, I'd encourage them to give it a go :)

To sum up then, hairloss has definitely hampered my life quality, but my disfigurement has ultimately proved more damaging. Hairloss has solutions, albeit only quasi- ones. Sadly, my disfigurement has none :(
 
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CopeForLife

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I failed to not to be born as inferior male.

Success is a 6'0+, NW1 and average or better face. I failed in everything of this.

Everything else is based on things above – so pointless to discuss it.
 
D

DBW

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I have two goals:

- Raise a family;
- Impactful career in astronomy;

Hair loss makes it harder to raise a family first of all it makes me unattractive and gives me anxiety, second it's a sink of time and a cognitive tax to research and apply hair loss treatments. As a cognitive tax it may also be impacting me professionally.

The astronomy's certainly a noble goal; you're obviously a bright guy and I'm sure you'll have no problem achieving it, best of luck :) I've gotta say though, I'm not sure I understand the family one, indeed, as an antinatalist, it's something I fundamentally disagree with. I'd be interested to hear the motivations behind it. How would you justify your decision to procreate to one of your future children, for example? I'm not attacking you or anything, I'm just genuinely curious as to your reasoning.
 

Afro_Vacancy

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The astronomy's certainly a noble goal; you're obviously a bright guy and I'm sure you'll have no problem achieving it, best of luck :) I've gotta say though, I'm not sure I understand the family one, indeed, as an antinatalist, it's something I fundamentally disagree with. I'd be interested to hear the motivations behind it. How would you justify your decision to procreate to one of your future children, for example? I'm not attacking you or anything, I'm just genuinely curious as to your reasoning.

I like kids, that's all really.
 
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